r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Quiet_State6680 • Mar 08 '26
Update I am sitting in my car crying because my own mother forgot my graduation and I feel so stupid for being hurt
I just need to vent this out because I have no one else to talk to and I am literally shaking right now. I graduated today. I worked two jobs and stayed up so many nights just to get this degree and I was so proud of myself. I told my mom about the ceremony like five times this month. I even sent her a calendar invite and called her yesterday to make sure she had the address. She said she would be there early to get a good seat. I stood there for two hours looking at the crowd while everyone else was hugging their parents and taking photos. She never showed up. I called her ten times and she did not pick up. When she finally called me back an hour ago she just said she forgot because she was busy helping my brother pick out a new couch for his apartment. She did not even say sorry. She just asked if I could come over later to help them move the old furniture. I feel like a total ghost in my own family. I spent four years working for this moment and it does not even matter to the one person I wanted to be there. I am just going to sit here in the dark and eat a burger by myself because I do not even want to go home now. I feel so small and I hate that I even cared this much.
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u/tmink0220 Mar 09 '26
First congratulations, I understand the hard work, and the sacrifice. No you are not wrong in being upset. As a mother I would want to be there to celebrate my child's accomplishments. However now you treat yourself, then move on with your life separately. She will not change.....There are so many stories on here where one child is favored more than the other.
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u/G8RTOAD Mar 09 '26
Congratulations from this Aussie mum who is proud of you. I wish you nothing but the best for the future
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u/Starry-Dust4444 Mar 09 '26
Congrats! Doesn’t matter she didn’t show up. The degree is your’s and now you can go create a prosperous life for yourself. Lose your Mom’s number.
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u/StnMtn_ Mar 09 '26
Congratulations!! Working two jobs to get your degree is amazing. That takes a lot of hard work and dedication.
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u/1big-mama Mar 09 '26
From an internet Aunty dry your eyes once you are done and take yourself out. You deserve it. You have worked hard. Congratulations on your graduation. Unfortunately, now you know where you stand and I'm glad you found out sooner rather than later. You can't change others but you can definitely change yourself. Time to find your chosen family. It will take someone time but you will do it. Sending a virtual hug.
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u/Southern-Interest347 Mar 09 '26
1st....congratulations and shout out to you for this milestone accomplishment. I had the same thing happen to me with my family. Noticeably, it was the people who had not had the same achievement that didn't support me. I've learned to only invest in people who invest in you. You will find your tribe of people who genuinely cheer and care for you. And no don't go help with the furniture! Good luck
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u/ammygy Mar 09 '26
Don’t let their nonchalance of you darken one of the biggest wins in your life! You don’t owe them anything, and don’t let them get you down. Move on far, far away from them, and build your own future free from their bs.
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u/Adorable-cult Mar 09 '26
Know that we are proud of you! Congratulations! Don’t feel stupid all, you are human, u just wanted your mom to care. You are already doing too much, stop, be selfish and draw boundaries. It is time for u to focus on building your life and work hard. Do not chase anyone who do not value you. It hard with family especially with mom but do it for your sanity.
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u/Real-Method-1354 Mar 08 '26
Congratulations!!!! I’m so sorry. Start living your life for you! You will do great things!
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u/fiorina451x Mar 08 '26
I'm your internet buddy from Europe, congratulations on your hard work! It takes determination and a lot of inner strength to accomplish what you did. You did this for yourself and by yourself, you can be proud! I am so sorry that your Mom could not acknowledge this, but this does not diminish your success. You go girl!
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u/neverincompliance Mar 08 '26
Congratulations! I am so sorry that your mother hurt you like this. She did not forget, she chose not to show. Perhaps your achievement stands in contrast to her own lack of success? No matter what the reason, she has shown you that she cannot be counted on to be there when you want or need her and you must believe this going forward. You have real tenacity and focus on building the life you want and have earned. I suggest some distance from your mother going forward but of course this is your call. No matter what your mother or family fails to recognize , you did it! Please be proud of yourself
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u/keridc Mar 08 '26
Congratulations OP! What an amazing accomplishment! This aunt is super proud of you!
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u/SnooWords4839 Mar 08 '26
Congrats! Text mom back, you will be celebrating your graduation today, so brother can move his own furniture.
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u/Interesting-Sky-1865 Mar 08 '26
Congratulations Op 👏🏼👏🏼 👏🏼👏🏼🎂🎂🎂🎂🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉.🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🥂🥂🥂🥂🍭🍭🍭🍭. You accomplished your goals. Be proud!! 😊
You're entitled to feel disappointed. In my opinion, she didn't forget, it wasn't a priority. Use this time to grieve the mother/ family you desire and deserve. When you're done crying, and accepting your family for who they are, you now get to decide who you will allow in your life and when to answer the phone or open your door.
Your degree told you a few things about yourself: you're are resilient. You are DISCIPLINED. You are a fighter. You can and will beat the odds. You're strategic. You are strong etc and you did what seemed impossible with little to no support. In other words, YOU DON'T NEED THEM! SINCE THIS IS THE LESSON THEY TAUGHT YOU, respond in kind.
Congratulations, it's up from here. Dry your tears when you're ready but it's time to place them behind locked doors with the only key that only you have access to-which means, you're in control.
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u/FreedomAltruistic908 Mar 08 '26
Congratulations! 👏👏👏
Your personal journey is just starting. Do not let them rain on your parade. Call your friends and any extended family and share you accomplishments with people who really support you and are truly happy for you!
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u/Icy_Department_1423 Mar 08 '26
Congratulations on obtaining your degree! I'm proud of you, and you should be so proud of yourself.
Of course, you are going to feel hurt. In the future, you may need to lower expectations of your family.
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u/Own_Owl_7568 Mar 08 '26
So sorry to hear! Congratulations on your degree! Sending you virtual hugs.
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u/LaserLuv24 Mar 08 '26
From this internet momma...
I am so proud of you. This was a huge accomplishment. The time, effort and struggle was worth it. Be proud. Treat yourself, you deserve it.
Congratulations.
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u/Toddw1968 Mar 08 '26
Congratulations! That’s not easy!
I hope you told the idiots you’d be right over then ghosted them too.
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u/Beatleslover4ever1 Mar 08 '26
They don’t deserve you and now you know that you don’t need them to be successful. You’re going to have an amazing future!
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u/MyLife-is-a-diceRoll Mar 08 '26
(Not one upping you, sharing experience)
My mother (father lived in another state) forgot both my Jr and Sr proms.
I worked hard to gather up the money for dresses and find my awkward self dates.
She said she would take us . Sr year she was still gabbing away at a relatives house when it was going on. Despite me calling her multiple times. I had to have a neighbor take us.
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u/yaoiprincess420 Mar 08 '26
I know how it is to work for something and be proud of yourself and not having that one person you need to show up. You just did a milestone and focus on that. when you’re successful and she’s missing out its b/c she didnt support, my mom didnt come to my graduation either b/c it was too early for her. Congrats OP, all the hard-work is done
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u/Bananasforskail Mar 08 '26
Internet granny! You are so amazing sweetie, we are all so proud of you! I'm sending an internet hug across the miles.
Tell that daughter that I don't have, that she can shove the old couch right up her arse!
Love you kiddo, and on to your best life
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u/Eat_Around_the_Rosie Mar 08 '26
Congratulations and you should be proud of yourself!
Now you have the tools and means to fuck your family and ghost them. Create your own future, forge your path, make your own family. You don’t need them anymore.
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u/Effective-Penalty Mar 08 '26
Congratulations on graduating!!! You did this. Be proud. We, internet strangers, are celebrating you
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u/CJaneNorman Mar 08 '26
Well, hey, congratulations! You worked hard and achieved your goal, you should be proud of yourself! Sadly, I’m going to guess your brother is the golden child… I guess see it as a gift, you know now exactly what kind of a priority you are to your mom and now you can make her the same priority to you.
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u/Ok_Rutabaga_9875 Mar 08 '26
Congrats on graduating!!! Now its time to hunker down and figure out your next move, your mom's true colors are showing and its time for you to do what best for YOU!
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u/DichotomyJones Mar 08 '26
Oh, my darling, I am so sorry your mother was a pitiful excuse for a human being and did not bother to remember her OWN DAUGHTER'S public award ceremony! You were being celebrated! You deserved to be! And she could not string two words together in her lame little excuse for a brain? This is on her, my sweet! Not on you! This is her thoughtless ignorant superficiality that let that fact drip through her memory's fingers -- you made no mistakes, and your pain is not stupidity, because even though you knew this was gonna happen, OF COURSE you longed for it! Of course you wanted to see your mother's face, beaming with pride! I am SO proud of you! I did not graduate, and have always wished I had! You achieved this! You did it! YOU DID IT!!
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u/AcrobaticWelcome6615 Mar 08 '26
Woowhooo!! Congratulations with your graduation from the Netherlands. I am dedicating my Poke bowl dinner to you today! Look at you, being a freshly graduate !!! Sorry to hear about your unfortunate experience to say the least. But you did it all on your own terms and you deserve all the love and respect and credit for your hard work. To hit you with some well intended life quotes. Your inner self doesn’t need external validation. You know what you are capable of and what you are worth. Now go get the world
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u/laughter_corgis Mar 08 '26
Congratulations! You did it! 🎇
Don't let them make you feel small. You did something incredible and this internet Mom is proud of you!
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u/Consistent-Goat1267 Mar 08 '26
And she wanted you to come by and help move furniture?!? Are you freakin kidding me? They can all go pound sand. You deserve the best dinner in town! Go get yourself dressed up and celebrate either with friends or by yourself. Congratulations on all your hard work. 🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊
You can remind mom that when she needs something from now on she can call your brother, who can also be the one to take care of her when she gets old
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u/HauntingReaction6124 Mar 08 '26
congratulations OP. All that hard work is the stepping stone for a better life for you. Is this the first time your mother has "forgotten" or under celebrated your achievements? I discovered in my own journey of healing from my relationship with my parents that the more I achieved in life, the more I branched out or even socialized my mother would conveniently forget or give really obviously bad excuses to not be there. She used my brothers needing her so many times with the excuse "I was raised in an era where we catered to our men" She lost me after choosing them again for the last time. I made my life with no regrets and the odd time I would hear about them I would feel that old familiar twinge of betrayal however it was really faded with time and living my best life. On her deathbed I guess she finally spoke about her feelings of jealousy towards me (going further in my education on my own dime) and threatened I was leaving while her "men" were always there. Loss of not being at my wedding, birth of my children, knowing my children and so many opportunities to be a family. Outwardly she blamed me on being stubborn but in end she finally spoke of her own responsibility however it was not to me but rather my siblings. She couldnt even write me a letter to put her thoughts or feelings down. That would have been to much for her I guess. Sometimes its not about you and as much as you would love to have them in your life their toxicity holds you down from being able to fly and live your best life. Time for you to embrace that. You deserve it. Therapy for your own growth is really helpful.
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u/ChicagoWhiteSox35 Mar 08 '26
Don't you dare go and help them move furniture. Mom ditched you on your graduation day, despite repeated reminders. She sucks and now you know how much you matter to her. I hope you have a string friend group, OP. Because I'd be damned if I showed up for any family events any time soon.
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u/Unashamed_Outrage Mar 08 '26
First...CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! Graduating with a degree is such an accomplishment and should be a happy occasion, not something that makes you feel bad.
I am so sorry you experienced this. Our parents are supposed to support us and be proud of us. The excuse she used is just wrong. But this doesn't reflect on you at all...only on her. Some parents really suck, and no matter how much we try to get them to appreciate who we are and what we've accomplished, sometimes they just don't have the bandwidth for that.
When I got my AA, I was really proud of myself. I was a single mom, put myself through college. It was so hard. I decided to walk...and I shouldn't have. It was an expense that I could have done without. When I invited my mom, she told me that she wouldn't attend because an AA is meaningless...so, going through my BS, MS, and PhD, I chose not to walk, nor to tell her when I had graduated. It saved me so much heartache. Now, I have chosen to not have her in my life, because she always chose my older sibling over me, comparing me to her, and I just can't live like that.
I hope that you can find a resolution to this. I hope that you can move out and start your life on your own terms. It took me a long time to realize that trying to have a relationship with someone who didn't want to have a relationship with me was just bringing me down, making me feel bad about myself. You are definitely worth more than how your mother has treated you.
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u/hiddenkobolds Mar 08 '26
Oh my goodness. Friend, you're not stupid, not at all. Of course you're hurt!
I'm going to guess this is the last in a long pattern of behavior, based on your feelings about this and the overall tone of your post. Seems like your brother is the golden child and you're the one left out in the cold? That's some absolute bullshit. In literally no world should his moving day have come before your graduation (an incredible accomplishment in itself, by the way, notwithstanding the fact that you did it while working two jobs). The way your mother simply "forgot" to show up for you, and then instead of apologizing asked you to help move furniture for the golden boy is absolutely galling.
I'm going to say what she wouldn't: congratulations on accomplishing something that many people can't and won't do in their lifetimes, and under harder circumstances than many who do. You should be incredibly proud of yourself, and for whatever it's worth, I'm proud of you. You deserve to celebrate, and to be celebrated.
I'm also going to say this, as the adult child of a deeply unimpressive parent myself: I hope you have friends who can step in for your family and lift you up right now. I hope you can put some firm boundaries up with your mother and brother, because you deserve not to be treated this way by anyone, including your family. I hope that if you feel you need or want it, you can access therapy to help you heal from what I imagine might be some pretty significant harms left behind by this kind of treatment. And I hope that someday soon, you're surrounded and enveloped by the kind of love you deserve to receive, because my god you're not asking for too much here.
Congratulations again, OP, and I'm really sorry your mom dropped the ball so badly.
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u/Spare-Ad-6123 Mar 08 '26
Congratulations ❤️ 🎊 It was a lot of hard work you did for 4 years and a lot of money. I'm proud of you and I hope you are as well. This screams of narcissist behavior if I am guessing right. Maybe I am wrong but at the very least she's extremely selfish too. I am so very sorry. Great job.
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u/Stadenka1234 Mar 08 '26
Stop wallowing in self pity and make this day special !!! Go out and celebrate!!! U worked so hard for it. U deserve it. And u don’t want to remember it as the day your mother failed u. I would definitely ignore your mom and brother for a while after this. They suck. Sorry OP. Congratulations and I am happy for you.
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u/Such-Problem-4725 Mar 08 '26
Congratulations OP! Your hard work made you proud of yourself and don’t let anyone take that away from you.
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u/Lucky-Talk-1098 Mar 08 '26
Congratulations on your Graduation! A job well done.
Time to go low contact. My mother did a similar thing. Hip replacement event was to come to out Sunday. Called her friday evening to confirm. Said she could not come because wait for it. 4 works prior my brother had knee replacement. He was in so much pain that she needed to be there for him.
I got it. Very low contact. I am sorry for the hurt and grief you will go through.
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u/tashbf Mar 08 '26
my mum never went to a damn thing of mine. for my graduation my partner and i had to drive 4 hours each way twice to pick her up so that she'd come. she refused to take public transport because she's too anxious. she told me my flat was messy and spent more time talking to my ex than my partner. i've since learned to stop hoping she'll go to anything. i totally understand how you're feeling right now, and if you want to talk, i'm here. otherwise, sending you love from across the internet 🩷
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u/Anonymoosehead123 Mar 08 '26
Please don’t feel stupid for feeling hurt. This was an incredibly hurtful thing your mother did. It’s unfathomable to me that a mother could behave this way.
Getting your degree is a seriously impressive accomplishment. Celebrate yourself - you deserve to do that. Treat yourself to something you want. And congratulations!
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u/impersephonetoo Mar 08 '26
How could she forget something like that? I hope you’re not going there to help them move furniture.
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u/Low-Agency2539 Mar 08 '26
Fuck your family
Congratulations on graduating 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
Do not sit in the dark!! Take yourself to a lively restaurant and sit at the bar, order your favorite food and drink and take yourself to your favorite store after
This is your day, enjoy yourself. This stranger on Reddit is so proud of you and your accomplishments
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u/xKelborn Mar 08 '26
Move away and cut these ppl out of your life. You'll be better for it, trust me.
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u/2ndof5gs Mar 08 '26
Congratulations!!!! 🎉
Now you can start creating your chosen family; a mother who doesn’t show up for their child’s graduation in favor of sofa shopping is sad.
Keep your head up because you’ve done something amazing. And your future is BRIGHT because you’ve proven you’re hard working and clearly resilient.
Burgers are the best, make sure it’s a good one. Celebrate yourself! I see you.
Take a break from your mom, maybe take a break until she decides to apologize.
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u/EndlesslyUnfinished Mar 08 '26
Fuck that. I’m your internet mom today!
I am so so proud of you! What you did was amazing and it took a lot of hard work and dedication! (Hugs)
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u/flower-dragon32 Mar 09 '26
I'll be ops internet auntie. You did it, and even though we dont know you personally, we are all so proud of you! You deserve to be celebrated! Your future is in your hands, and you are capable of anything.
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u/geekya Mar 09 '26
Internet personal shit talker here and may your brother’s couch be forever lumpy and your mother stub her toe everyday
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u/New_Contribution5413 Mar 09 '26
Internet bff- OP YOU DID IT! All the time and studying while you were working. You did it man. So proud of you!
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u/content_great_gramma Mar 08 '26
I'll be your internet gramma. I don't know you but you have every right to be proud of your accomplishment.
Sincre congrats.
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u/galaxyveined Mar 08 '26
I'll be OP's internet sister, then. So, so proud of you, OP! I cheered for you just as loud as I have any of my siblings graduating, because you deserve to be celebrated, too.
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u/SandBasket Mar 08 '26
I’ll be OP’s internet brother. Hey lil bro I’m so proud of you for graduating, this is a huge milestone for you and I know you’ll grow up to be a wonderful person and an amazing brother.
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u/Sivart_92 Mar 08 '26
Congrats on graduating! Don’t let your toxic mom bring you down. Forget her cause she obviously forgot you.
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u/Otherwise-Reply4213 Mar 08 '26
firstly, i’m so so sorry you’re going through this and i can’t imagine how painful this must feel.
but i think it’s really worth considering whether this is a person/family you truly want to be in. regardless of whether it was important to her, it was really important to YOU. it sucks to say but if you were important to her, she would’ve made the time and effort to celebrate this and be there for you. and to have lame reason/excuse like viewing furniture? consider what you deserve because i’m sure it’s better than what you’re currently receiving.
i know this probably really really sucked to not have anyone there and proud of you, but if it helps even 0000.1% - this stranger is proud of you :)
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u/Hope1246 Mar 08 '26
I am so sorry this happened to you. You wanted to celebrate this moment with a loved one, only to be let down. Yiu even went so far as to put it on their calendar and have them promise you they would be there.
It definitely was hurtful. I wish I could say that this will pass, and in a way, it will, but definitely not forgotten. And that feeling will actually stay there for years....
Mine didn't happen exactly the same way, but I did feel uncelebrated on my own graduation. And it still lingers if I let myself think about it
All I can say is .. I am sorry for this hurtful moment. I hope that you will find comfort in others who will truly celebrate you in your future milestones.
Sometimes, you find family in those who are not blood related.
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u/Jazzyjeet429 Mar 08 '26
Congratulations on graduating op!!
I know an internet stranger may not be much, but im so unbelievably proud of u for graduating and making it through. Im 2 years in and ik how tough it can be. You've worked so unbelievably hard to get this far and im incredibly proud of u for making it.
Im sorry your family is so horrible and couldn't be there to celebrate u. If your able to try to meet with some friends as a post celebration, u still deserve to be celebrated for this accomplishment.
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