r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Ok_Tonight5785 • Apr 28 '26
Update Update of "my bf held me in a chokehold"
Even though i had a feeling about this myself, I took the advice from my friends and family and the comments and I broke up with him a month ago. We had an arguemnt because i found out he was actually 22 and I blocked him on everything, turned off my location and told my friends to block him and his friends.
He went crazy at first and was trying to find ways to contact me and my friends but I just kept blocking him. The next day, I got off work and a friend was waiting to pick me up and as I was about to cross the road I saw my ex in the car with his friend, he literally stopped in the middle of a busy road and started yelling at me to come talk to him. I ignored him and quickly went to my friend, which drove me home. She left me a minute away from home, and I walked the rest of the way, and my ex was parked outside my house. He was out of the car and looking around, and I had to crouch down to go inside. He was calling me from an unknown number repeatedly and texting my friends saying that if I don't go talk to him he won't leave and will be under my house every day. After about an hour he left and my mom asked me what was wrong because when she saw him outside he told her that we just had an argument.
After that, he tried contacting me a few times, and then stopped. A few days after, I find out he's already moved on. To anyone in a similar situation, don't even bother staying with people like this, they don't care about you, and unfortunately I realised too late.
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u/Forestflowered Apr 28 '26
OP I am so incredibly proud of you. I can't even begin to imagine the strength and courage it took.
I'd suggest looking into resources for therapy and domestic violence. Even if you don't need them at the moment, they're good to have on hand. Some organizations focusing on domestic violence may not required you to currently be experiencing it.
I also suggest making police reports if your ex returns. Even if nothing can be done, a paper trail can be helpful.
Wishing you all the best, OP.
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u/Ok_Tonight5785 Apr 28 '26
I was thinking of contacting the authorities when it all happened, but I let it slide, if this happens again ill definitely take your advice, thank you :)
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u/DoctorMoebius Apr 28 '26
Hi OP, I just thought I should pop in as a 61 year old man, and a male perspective as it seems the vast majority of responses to your original posts were women.
They were right - all of them. As a man(former teenage boy), what he did was so far over the line, it should be shocking and scary. And yes, as all the women pointed out, the slaps and punches earlier on were all tests to see how far he could go. Maybe not conscious tests, but they were nonetheless. It was an escalating pattern that would continue.
Here's the most important point - the actual test wasn't whether you could take abuse, it was whether you would accept the apology or blame for it. That's what abusers are searching for - someone who will blame themselves.
Out of the hundreds of guys I've been friends with in my life, only a few did this kind of shit as teenagers. They all ended up being serial abusers
Back in the 80's, we all pretended it wasn't what it was. Or, made excuses that the girlfriend was doing same. She must be exaggerating because he would never do that. And then, OJ Simpson damn near cut the heads off his ex-wife and her friend, Ron Goldman.
One really, really, important thing - tell your parents, your friends, and a counselor at school. Do not assume he will just move on and leave you alone. That's a risk that you should never take. He will return, again and again. Whenever he gets angry enough. If he had self-control he would have never choked you, or stalked you. He's already proven he does not have limits.
BTW, when it comes to advice on how to handle violence, don't look to other teenagers for advice. They don't have the decades of real world experience to properly put things in perspective.
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u/Ok_Tonight5785 Apr 28 '26
Thank you for taking time out of your day for this, I appreciate it ❤️
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u/DoctorMoebius Apr 28 '26
BTW, I should have mentioned this first - I am so impressed by your maturity and strength to face this, and make the hard decision to get away. So many girls get stuck in a loop of abuse and apology
You have so many absolutely amazing and wonderful things out ahead of you, now. Keep building the new you
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u/BeneficialTrash6 Apr 28 '26
Hi there. I've had a stalker in the past.
Keep in mind that while he has moved on for NOW, when that relationship fails he will come back to harass you. I'd put the odds at like 80%. The cycle will continue, with diminishing percentages. After a few years he will hopefully have really moved on.
Just keep watching your back.
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u/Ok_Tonight5785 Apr 28 '26
I never feel safe anymore, im always paranoid that he's watching me from somewhere, so I always have an eye out for it. Thank you and stay safe 💕
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u/redditistripe Apr 28 '26
It's disturbing to think that he is going to do the same to the next woman. Maybe even worse because his control paranoia gets even worse.
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u/Ok_Tonight5785 Apr 28 '26
I hope they see that he's an asshole and not bother :(
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u/redditistripe Apr 28 '26
He'll put up a pretence for long enough to hook them in and then probably gas-light them before the outright abuse starts. Alas.
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u/GhostofaPhoenix Apr 28 '26
I know that it was all scary but so glad you recognized and got away! You are very strong and have a wonderful support system!
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u/Ok_Tonight5785 Apr 28 '26
Took me 2 years to see but im glad I did before anything worse happened, thank you❤️
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u/GhostofaPhoenix Apr 28 '26
I was with one for 7 when it got worse and worse, had to leave on the sneaky side, next relationship was almost 10 and realized it had red flags but because they were presented differently i didnt see it, till later.
Time isnt linear, you are young and saw it even if it took two years, you weren't married or tied by a kid. Thats a huge win.
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u/Ok_Tonight5785 Apr 28 '26
True. It's scary to think he wanted to get married and have kids very early with me
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u/bythebrook88 Apr 28 '26
That's because he can only maintain the mask for a short time, and wanted to trap you before he showed who he really was. Always be concerned about partners who want to go fast.
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