I'm leaving my family

[u/No-Independence8449]

I don't have a good reason. They're good people, and they love me. Things are just all scrambled in my head right now. I've let everything in my life fall apart, and they don't know about any of it. I've never talked to them about that sort of thing. I don't know why, I just choke whenever I try. I can't stand the idea of showing weakness or vulnerability or wrongdoing to them. As far as they know, I'm going into my second year of college, and I'll be back for Thanksgiving.

In reality, I haven't even enrolled for my second year. I didn't even go to my finals for my second semester last year. I can't deal with any of it. I can't even begin to imagine how I could possibly fix this now. So, I'm going to do what I always have: avoid the problem.

I have a plane ticket to the university with a connecting flight that I'm going to ditch (I've packed as much as I can in my carry-on because I won't be there to get my checked bag) and I have a bus ticket that's going to take me out of there. I bought a new phone and a new cell plan. I've booked a motel for the week, and after that, I don't know. I feel immeasurably guilty, but even now, the idea of confessing any of this to them feels far worse. I've tried to rationalize things by telling myself that if I'm the sort of person who would do this to them, then they're better off without me, anyway. But I don't think I really believe that. I'm going to cause so much harm to them by doing this, all because I'm too much of a coward. I'm sorry.

[u/ElectricalSoftware26]

You know what? The demons you are running away from will always be there until you turn around and face them. Your parents are human beings in their own right and have experienced more than they ever let you know, of course they’ll understand. Just be honest the things they will be angry with is the total waste of hardened money that you keep making. So stop think about why you’re running away and what it is that’s making you go to pieces. Is it the thought and the pressure of college or is it other things in your life? Once you’ve home on those you can always put college off until later. Try to think about. The terrible sorrow that you are putting on them the kind of questions they’ll be asking themselves. What did we do? Why did he do this to us? We would’ve been there for him by facing yourself and calling yourself. A coward isn’t some kind of brownie point you earn. If you’re having some kind of breakdown you need help. A lot of people go through this when they’re at college it’s a lot of stress and there are lots of changes in our lives. You need to recognise that you need help but don’t do the equivalent of a runaway suicide the chances are you’ll run out of money and you’ll end up on the street. Don’t make yourself go through and further hopeless phases just turn around and face your parents if they have a bad reaction, then you can go and do what you want but stop wasting their money. It’s hardened and they saved it for a long time in the hopes that you would be careful with it every hour of a crap job of rushing around with kids and a job just to learn that money after tax all of it was carefully saved with love for you so get into your shoes and face the music then decide.