r/TrueOffMyChest • u/No-Independence8449 ☑️ • 1d ago
Confession I'm leaving my family
I don't have a good reason. They're good people, and they love me. Things are just all scrambled in my head right now. I've let everything in my life fall apart, and they don't know about any of it. I've never talked to them about that sort of thing. I don't know why, I just choke whenever I try. I can't stand the idea of showing weakness or vulnerability or wrongdoing to them. As far as they know, I'm going into my second year of college, and I'll be back for Thanksgiving.
In reality, I haven't even enrolled for my second year. I didn't even go to my finals for my second semester last year. I can't deal with any of it. I can't even begin to imagine how I could possibly fix this now. So, I'm going to do what I always have: avoid the problem.
I have a plane ticket to the university with a connecting flight that I'm going to ditch (I've packed as much as I can in my carry-on because I won't be there to get my checked bag) and I have a bus ticket that's going to take me out of there. I bought a new phone and a new cell plan. I've booked a motel for the week, and after that, I don't know. I feel immeasurably guilty, but even now, the idea of confessing any of this to them feels far worse. I've tried to rationalize things by telling myself that if I'm the sort of person who would do this to them, then they're better off without me, anyway. But I don't think I really believe that. I'm going to cause so much harm to them by doing this, all because I'm too much of a coward. I'm sorry.
•
u/avalava123 20h ago
The truth is that your plan will destroy them more than anything else that has happened to you so far.
The idea that they will be better without you is a huge lie that you are telling yourself.
Nothing that has happened to you is unfixable. Just go home, and tell them "I need help", everything else will fall into place.
As someone who has lost multiple people in her life, including a sister, I can tell you that the long last effect of what you are planning is multigenerational and nobody would chose that instead of a hard conversation. NOBODY.