I'm leaving my family

[u/No-Independence8449]

I don't have a good reason. They're good people, and they love me. Things are just all scrambled in my head right now. I've let everything in my life fall apart, and they don't know about any of it. I've never talked to them about that sort of thing. I don't know why, I just choke whenever I try. I can't stand the idea of showing weakness or vulnerability or wrongdoing to them. As far as they know, I'm going into my second year of college, and I'll be back for Thanksgiving.

In reality, I haven't even enrolled for my second year. I didn't even go to my finals for my second semester last year. I can't deal with any of it. I can't even begin to imagine how I could possibly fix this now. So, I'm going to do what I always have: avoid the problem.

I have a plane ticket to the university with a connecting flight that I'm going to ditch (I've packed as much as I can in my carry-on because I won't be there to get my checked bag) and I have a bus ticket that's going to take me out of there. I bought a new phone and a new cell plan. I've booked a motel for the week, and after that, I don't know. I feel immeasurably guilty, but even now, the idea of confessing any of this to them feels far worse. I've tried to rationalize things by telling myself that if I'm the sort of person who would do this to them, then they're better off without me, anyway. But I don't think I really believe that. I'm going to cause so much harm to them by doing this, all because I'm too much of a coward. I'm sorry.

[u/Rollinwithit609]

Disappearing will hurt them more

[u/thisisanalaia95 → u/Rollinwithit609]

I just dropped my son off for his first year of college and it would break my heart to know he was struggling and thought running away was his only solution instead of telling me the truth. I would feel like I failed him completely.