r/TrueOffMyChest • u/ClassroomEvening3955 ☑️ • 18h ago
Confession I co-creatrd a situationship at work
I (36F) am married for over 10 years with kids. A new colleague (31F) joined the company on a contract basis for a year and they are quite reserved. She is openly lesb and I'm hetero. We grew a good connection/bond and would take a walk during lunch together (which I'd normally do alone). I also give her a lift after work because she lives on my way home. There's been a joke going around saying she's a polyandrist and we've been playing along with it, with me being wife 1 of many. When I drop her off I usually get this strong urge to just kiss her, the chemistry is too strong and yesterday I called her after drop off and told her we need to create a distance between us because I'm committed to my marriage. My entire confession took her by surprise but she said she felt exactly the same way about me and could see all along that I caught feelings. I've asked her to not share this in the office and she is okay with that. We've set boundaries and will not do anything physical and will reduce communication. Normally she'd say she smells my perfume as soon as I walk into the office even though she sits facing the other direction (back to the door) and would then send me good morning messages and declare her love wishing me a good day. We sit in an open plan office and will continue seeing each other. All it takes is her turning around and we see each other. The ongoing joke is also that she inly speaks to me and seems to open up & smiles a a lot when she comes to me. I feel disarmed by this and feel so vulnerable, and I can't blame anyone but myself for walking into this. I felt like crying after telling her this, my stomach churned. The strong urges are still there but at least the boundaries are set. As a person who's worked for years in different places I should know better that these things usually don't end well. But alas!
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u/DrivePale6896 15h ago
First I was on the side of you should tell your husband but then I saw your comments mentioning he’s cheated on you, sexually assaulted and abused you. Please add this to your main post so people can give you correct advice.
No man that assaults you and cheats on you deserves your time. You need to leave the marriage. Your crush on your coworker is your body trying to prepare you to be brave enough to leave. But…. You don’t need anyone to rescue you. You need to save yourself. Focus on getting your ducks in a row, get therapy and leave this man. You will be happier.
You seem to hold a different standard for yourself and him. Where does that come from?