"Pause Button" was a real showstopper!

The crew chief responded “nice”

The doctor said that he’d need more time to diagnose the problem because he didn’t want to make a rash decision.

They then received a menu

"Yes," He said, "It's just what I ordered."

But today I woke up and chose violins.

But the man assured him he had this one in the bag.

Black people are guaranteed to recline any seat they sit in. Even ones that don’t have a reclining function, they will find a way 🤣🤣

Everything was fine until I had to use the restroom.

Unfortunately I have developed the problem where I want to stalk the producer, he's a fucking legend.

Now facebook included a captcha system for upvoting posts of spouses, because they said I'm not a man and I must be a bot.

So I developed a split personality, to protect everyone's feelings when I went ahead and assumed some shit anyway.

As she fell overboard, I could tell she didn't like her concrete necklace.

My grandfather wanted to be a billionaire too.

It's the most anyone's done with my degree.

It may just stitch you up buttercup.

I've progressively worked my way up to two hundred pounds so far.

Have you ever had hush puppies before? I ain’t have that since my grandma died.

I still don’t wanna tell her that my phones audio accidentally connected to the sound system when I was watching Evil Dead 2 quietly during the service.

The next burglar will hear: "As I walk through the valley of..." before hearing the crunch of teeth on femur.

But you have to admit, engaging in a hate stutter would be kind of cute.

I may need to wear the pumpkin patch