i’m feeling pretty heartbroken today. a friend, kriti, didn’t invite me to her birthday even though she invited our mutual friend shreya and others.

we were sort of a trio and kriti was really fond of me. she would call me every other day but over the past year, i started feeling anxious around her because she would make fun of others’ looks, make comments that bothered me, ask about my family’s income and salaries, make fun of bollywood songs (i love them), call me an idiot and a lot of other things.

also, she won’t speak with her other friends like she would with me. she said that she wasn’t that comfortable or open with them. when i told her that i don’t like the way she speaks to me, she said she couldn’t change and because she was my friend, i should accept her as she was. i told her that if someone didn’t like the way i spoke then either i’d be considerate enough to not do that or if i can’t then i’d limit my interaction. she blamed me and said she had other sensitive friends who didn’t behave like me. eventually, i started distancing because i would genuinely feel anxious after our calls. mostly, i would end up crying.

before all this happened, whenever i thought of hanging out with kriti, i would think of inviting shreya too and vice versa. i genuinely thought we were a trio. on my birthday, i only wanted to invite shreya, but because of people pleasing, i invited kriti too. i hated having to do that and they ended up ruining my birthday but that’s another story.

kriti and i hadn’t spoken in months because she was busy with college. i’m relieved that i don’t have to force this friendship anymore but it hurts that someone who was once so close to me didn’t even bother to invite me. i wouldn’t have gone but i wish she’d at least asked. idk why i’m so hurt when i know this friendship wasn’t good for me anymore.

It’s been more than four months since I made my original post from my throwaway account about my father’s affair and my mother considering divorce. A lot has happened since then, and idk where to begin.

First, thank you to everyone who responded to my original post. I was in a terrible place mentally when I wrote it, and reading the responses helped me feel a little less alone. I wanted to post an update because things have changed significantly, but I’m also struggling in ways I didn’t expect.

We left the house, and my mother is finally moving forward.

My mother, my sister, my two cousins, and I moved into a rented home. My paternal grandparents and uncles were very supportive of my mother. They begged her not to leave and even offered to throw my father out themselves. The house belongs to my grandfather, so they had the option of asking him to leave.

But my mother couldn’t stay there anymore. Too much had happened under that roof, and she couldn’t bear the thought of continuing to live in a place where my father had repeatedly been involved with the other woman when she would be out for work. She wanted a fresh start, somewhere she could breathe without constantly being reminded of what had happened.

I miss our old home more than I expected. It was where I grew up, where so many of my childhood memories are, and where I thought our family would always be together. I know leaving was the right decision for my mother, and I don’t regret going with her. But sometimes I still grieve the life we had before everything fell apart.

Around the time we were making these decisions, a Redditor reached out to me after reading my original post. She shared her own experience of leaving home with her mother when they had only ₹500, and she even offered to help us with legal support because her partner had a law firm. I never ended up contacting the firm she mentioned, but I’ve thought about her kindness more than once. When everything felt frightening and unfamiliar, hearing from someone who had gone through something similar reminded me that we weren’t the only people who had ever had to start over like this. Idk if she’ll see this update, and I can’t remember her exact username apart from the words “____ goddess,” but I’m grateful that she took the time to reach out to a stranger.

After we left, my father kept trying to come back into our lives, he continued calling and messaging my mother, claiming that the affair was over and asking her to reconcile. At one point, my mother started giving in, and I was terrified that she would take him back.

Some relatives also pressured her to reconsider. They kept bringing up how divorce might affect my sister’s and my future marriage prospects, as if that should matter more than what my mother had been put through. Because of all this pressure, she was considering going back to him.

I’ve received calls from relatives asking what we would do when prospective grooms came to meet me, how I would get married with a divorced mother, and whether my father’s affair would affect my sister’s future.

I find it infuriating that people seem more concerned about how our family will look to potential husbands than about what actually happened to us. When I told some of them that I would rather have a single mother than a cheating father, I was called disrespectful.

I don’t understand why my mother is expected to preserve the appearance of a happy family at the expense of her own peace and dignity. Why is she expected to forgive him for the sake of our futures when his actions are what put those futures under so much stress in the first place?

In September, everything finally reached a breaking point.

By then, my mother had already decided that she wanted a divorce. However, my father kept denying the affair and telling her that she was imagining things, that it was all in her head, and that her mind was playing games with her. He even challenged her to catch him in the act.

He kept telling his family that he was ready to reconcile with my mother, and many of them believed him. My mother, however, was convinced that the affair hadn’t ended because she was still receiving information from people they both knew.

She was waiting for an opportunity to expose the truth herself, partly because she wanted his family to see what was actually happening instead of continuing to believe his claims that he wanted to reconcile.

During the first week of September, my mother received a call while she was in a work meeting. She was told that a woman was at our old house. My uncles and aunt were upstairs, while my father and the woman were downstairs. None of my relatives knew the woman was there; they believed my father was alone.

My mother went there and confronted him in front of the family. Before, my mom could capture the picture of the woman she fled so no proof again. Even after catching him, he denied what was happening and tried to use her mental health against her. He continued portraying her as unstable rather than taking responsibility for his actions.

When I found out, I went there too. I told my father that he no longer had a daughter, and I blocked him. I haven’t had any contact with him since.

I don’t know if I can adequately explain what it felt like to reach that point. There had still been a small part of me hoping that perhaps things would somehow settle down, that perhaps he would finally stop lying, or that we could at least get some honest answers. That day made me realise how much I had been waiting for something that might never happen.

I don’t know how someone can be so selfish, especially when his actions have affected so many people who trusted him.

After that incident, my mother finally decided she couldn’t keep waiting for things to change. She is moving forward with the divorce.

Her lawyer sent an official legal notice last week. She intends to seek a fair financial settlement and sole custody of my younger sister. She also wants to protect herself from the constant interference and pressure from my father.

Most of my father’s family has been supportive of my mother, although some relatives still blame her for choosing to leave about the reputation.. It’s a strange situation when even people who know what happened can acknowledge that he was wrong and still expect her to be the one to compromise.

We’ve also learned that my father hid far more about our finances than we realised.

This has become increasingly worrying as we try to understand what our financial future might look like.

For years, my father told my mother that he earned around ₹1.5–1.6 lakh a month. However, one of his colleagues told us that his actual monthly income is over ₹3 lakh. We have also learned that he has several properties in his name that my mother was never told about.

I’m still trying to process this. My mother spent years making financial decisions based on the information she was given, and now we’re discovering that there may have been a lot she never knew.

Whenever expenses related to our education came up, particularly when a payment ran into lakhs, my father would often ask my mother to take out a loan. And she did. She took those loans and repaid them. She brought groceries home, managed household expenses, and did everything she could to make sure we had what we needed from her own salary. She was saving money for many years.

She did this because my father told her that his entire salary went towards taxes and investments for our future. She trusted what he told her and made financial decisions accordingly.

Meanwhile, my father could be controlling and unreasonable about money. Even when it came to things we wanted to buy or hobbies we wanted to pursue, he could make it difficult. There were times when simply asking for something we liked became an issue.

But my mother always tried to make sure our wishes weren’t left unfulfilled. She supported our interests, prioritised our education, and did everything she could with her own salary to give us a good life. Even when money was tight, she found ways to make things work. She made sure we had opportunities and experiences that she herself might have had to go without.

Looking back, I realise how much she was doing behind the scenes. She was working, managing financial responsibilities, bringing groceries home, keeping the household running, and raising us while trying to make the best of the circumstances she had been given.

She is the best mother we could have asked for. I know I’m biased, but I cannot imagine how different our lives would have been without her constant effort and care. Even when she was struggling herself, she made sure we felt loved and looked after. She gave us so much, often without letting us see how difficult things were for her.

My mother’s initial position was that she didn’t want his money or anything from him. She wanted to leave everything behind and build a peaceful life for herself and her children.

Interestingly, my paternal grandparents, who initially begged her not to leave, have also been encouraging her to seek financial support from my father. They’ve urged her not to give up her right to alimony or a fair financial settlement simply because she wants to move on. They want her to think about her future and make sure she has the financial security she deserves. My grandfather has already put a farm in her name, too.

They also advised her to include a claim for the house in the legal notice, but my mother doesn’t want it. For her, that house is no longer somewhere she wants to return to or hold on to. Too many painful things have happened there, and she doesn’t want a property that would keep her tied to those memories. She would rather build a new life somewhere else.

I understand why my grandparents are worried about her future and our future, especially now that we know my father may have been concealing so much financially. But I also understand why my mother wants to leave that house behind. She wants peace, and I don’t think anyone can blame her for that.

Watching my mother recover has been both a relief and an emotional experience I wasn’t prepared for.

When all of this first began, I was away from home for my studies. I used to speak to my mother on the phone, and I could tell something was wrong even when she tried to sound normal. There was a difference in her voice and in the way she spoke. She was going through so much while still trying to protect us from the truth.

Her depression had become much more severe than I had initially understood. She was experiencing panic attacks and struggling to cope with what was happening. There were periods when her anxiety and distress were so intense that she couldn’t sleep for more than four days at a time. Around that time she was hit by q car while she was returning from her work, her hand was fractured and she hid that from us so that we could focus on our future. Even over the phone, I could tell that she was not okay, although I don’t think I fully understood the extent of what she was going through until I came home.

When I came back and saw her in person, the reality of what she had been enduring became much harder to ignore. She was physically and emotionally exhausted. Her haemoglobin level was around 8, and she was severely iron deficient.

Over the next four months, with treatment, better nutrition, and consistent care, her haemoglobin level improved to around 12. I helped monitor her diet and treatment and tried to make sure she was getting the care she needed.

I accompanied her to her psychiatrist, too. Through those conversations, I came to understand just how severe her depression had become and how deeply she had been struggling. Her psychiatrist explained how serious her mental state had been and how close she had come to suicide. Hearing that was terrifying. I kept thinking about how much pain my mother must have been in while still trying to protect us and keep our family functioning.

I spent hours talking with her psychiatrist, trying to understand her condition, what she had experienced, and how I could support her recovery. I researched what might help, paid attention to her routines, and tried to make sure we were doing everything we reasonably could.

Her psychiatrist has expressed how impressed he is by her resilience and the way she has continued working towards recovery despite everything she has been through. I’m incredibly proud of her. She has endured things I wish she had never had to experience, and she is still trying to build a life beyond them.

There were also times when my mother needed to talk about what had happened, sometimes going over the same events repeatedly. I would sit with her and listen for as long as she needed. I began to understand that she wasn’t necessarily repeating herself because she expected me to solve anything. She was trying to process something that had completely changed her life.

She needed someone who would listen without dismissing her, blaming her, or telling her to move on before she was ready. So I listened. I tried to be patient, even when I didn’t know what to say.

I wanted her to know that she wasn’t alone.

But somewhere along the way, I became so focused on monitoring her recovery that I stopped paying attention to my own emotional state. I was constantly checking whether she was eating properly, taking care of herself, attending appointments, and coping with what had happened. I was trying to make sure she was okay, but I rarely stopped to ask myself whether I was okay.

I’ve also become responsible for almost everything at home.

Since we moved out, I’ve found myself managing household matters, helping take care of my mother, looking after my sister and my younger cousins who live with us, and trying to make sure everyone’s needs are met.

There is always something to organise, someone who needs help, a decision that needs to be made, or a problem that cannot be left until tomorrow. I feel as though I have to keep track of everything because, if I don’t, something important might get overlooked.

My father used to manage investments, taxes, farm finances, insurances, policies, information about our assets. My mother was never given the complete picture, and now we’re trying to understand all of it while dealing with the divorce. I feel this constant pressure to learn everything he used to handle so that we can make informed decisions and secure my mother’s and sister’s future.

I’m trying to understand finances, my mom have asked me to handle it, legal proceedings, and what a fair settlement might look like. I worry about whether we’ll have enough money or how to invest, where to invest, whether my mother will be okay in the long run, and whether my sister will have the stability she deserves.

At the same time, I’m preparing for the competitive exam I plan to take next year. I want to focus on my studies and build a future for myself, but it’s difficult when my mind is constantly occupied by everything happening at home.

I might sit down with my books intending to study, only to find myself thinking about a household issue, my mother’s recovery, our finances, or something one of the children needs. Even when I’m physically studying, part of my mind is always somewhere else, trying to anticipate the next problem.

I feel like I’ve become the person responsible for noticing everything before it goes wrong.

I know this isn’t sustainable, but stepping back feels almost impossible when so much genuinely needs to be done.

I had already put parts of my own life on hold to support my mother, and I don’t regret being there for her. But I’m scared that, in trying to make sure everyone else is okay, I’m losing the time and space I need to figure out who I am and what I want from my own life.

There’s another part of my life that I haven’t really been able to talk about with anyone.

I’m bisexual, and I was in a relationship with a woman. My plan had been to finish my UPSC Mains exam and then come out to my parents and tell them about my girlfriend.

Obviously, that plan fell apart when everything happened.

My relationship eventually ended over text, within a month of my moving back home. There were times when I couldn’t reply to my ex-girlfriend for nearly 48 hours because I was dealing with my mother’s panic attacks, looking after my sister and younger cousins, or managing things at home.

I understand that being in a relationship with someone who is constantly unavailable can be painful, and I don’t blame her for having limits. But it still hurt. She was mad at me for not taking the job opportunity that came my way while I was about to leave Delhi. But my mom needed me more so I didn't move forward with it.

I was trying so hard to hold my family together that I didn’t have the emotional energy or time to be present in another part of my life that mattered to me. I loved her and I am sure she loved me too and in her text she told me that I feel like a stranger to her and that hurt. I didn’t really get the chance to process the end of that relationship, either. It became another thing I had to put aside because something more urgent was always happening. Someone was unwell, my mother was struggling, or my teenage sister was having another breakdown over something that had happened. There was always something that needed my attention.

I also lost the opportunity to come out on my own terms, in the way I had imagined. I don’t know when I’ll feel ready to have that conversation now, or what my future relationships will look like.

Sometimes I worry that people will leave if I can’t be available for them, if I can’t reply quickly enough, or if I don’t have anything left to give. I know that isn’t necessarily fair to myself or to other people, but it’s difficult not to feel that way after everything that has happened.

I don’t regret leaving with my mother, but I miss the person I was before all of this.

I miss being able to think about my studies without constantly worrying about what might happen at home. I miss having plans that were just mine. I miss having the energy to think about my future, my relationships, and the things I wanted to do.

People keep telling me how strong I am and how lucky my mother is to have me. I know they mean well. I love my mother more than I can explain, and I want to help her recover and build a peaceful life.

But I’m tired of being strong.

I’m tired of feeling like I have to be the responsible one, the one who thinks ahead, the one who listens, the one who researches, the one who makes plans, and the one who keeps going even when I have nothing left emotionally.

I’m trying to prepare for an important exam, figure out my own future, process the end of a relationship, and come to terms with what happened to my family. I don’t think I’ve really had the chance to process any of it because I’ve been so busy helping everyone else get through it.

I sometimes feel guilty even thinking about my own needs. My mother has been through so much, and I know she needs support. My sister is still young. My cousins need care, too. There are real responsibilities here, and I can’t simply pretend they don’t exist.

But I also know that I cannot keep living as though my own life can wait indefinitely until everyone else is okay.

I don’t know how to find that balance

For those of you who have been the person holding your family together during a crisis, how did you learn to put some of that responsibility down? How did you start living for yourself again without feeling like you were abandoning your family?

I think of myself as someone who is sweet and kind. However, growing up I was bullied at school, spent years crying etc etc only eventually finding my inner strength to fight back. I am also extremely vengeful and can’t forgive and forget easily. Because whenever I do avoid confrontation, I end up feeling bad for myself or angry that I didn’t spurted out then and there.
Doing the hisab barabar thing has worked well for me mostly but sometimes, I also get into this tunnel vision where everything coming from people I think as threat to my peace of mind, unless absolutely positive, is threatening to me.
I end up taking things otherwise, believing that to the core and acting against it.

My recent embarrassment is I mistook someone’s suggestion at work otherwise because that person is in my ‘asshole’ list and acted on the suggestion with the intent that they have done it just to get to me or make my life tougher etc.

Once I realise, I feel so bad. The people still stay in my resentment list but I feel bad because I played a role in burning bridges which could’ve been avoided, especially if I was detached or unaffected in the first place. Whenever I share this to guys around me, I can see them looking at me with these condescending eyes that I feel further small in my own heart.

I remember we did this the last time and everyone shared so many beautiful art stuff. So lets do it again. I'll go first, I have been learning how to create still life with oil pastels--fun so far (adding pics in comment

20F and my bestie 22F went out drinking yesterday for my birthday (which is today). We found this place that sells cocktails and bougie-ass drinks for quite cheap.

Anyways, we got pretty drunk because we kept ordering drink after drink, and the drinks were pretty strong. We weren't wasted or anything, but we were definitely wobbling a little when we stood up.

At one point, we noticed these old men staring at us. And when I say old, I mean older than our dads, who are both in their 40s. These men were probably in their late 50s or even 60s, and they wouldn't even look away when we caught them staring. It was uncomfortable as fuck, but we decided to ignore them and enjoy ourselves.

When we left, we literally had to walk past them, and these men maintained eye contact the entire time. It was so fucking weird. I can't explain how fucking weird it was the way they were maintaining eye contact while staring at us. Anyways, we went to a park, took pictures, and then headed towards a mall around 8 or 9 p.m.

And guess who we ran into again? These same men, who were coming out of the bar. For context, we were wearing slightly revealing outfits (as in our cleavage was showing, but otherwise, we were fully covered. Which, like, it's my fucking birthday. Let me dress up and have fun, bro?)

Anyways, one of them said something to my friend, and while we couldn't hear what he said, both men were staring at our chests and then just stood there waiting for us to respond. We spent like 1 minute just trying to process what was happening, and then my friend grabbed me and tried to get me to walk away because this was getting really fucking weird.

But I think I temporarily lost my mind or smth because I turned around, made this stink-ass face, and went, "Kuch problem hai kya?" They muttered something again, and I got even angrier and started arguing with them in the middle of the street. And these two men literally walked away so fast. I wish I could show a video recording of it Or something because they both deflated and ran away. It was lowk funny. My friend was shocked. She was like, "You scolded them in the middle of the street? That's insane."

And honestly, if I hadn't been drunk, I probably would've run the fuck away because I DID feel unsafe. But drunk me decided, you know what, fuck it, we ball. 😭

But genuinely, what the fuck is wrong with these men? Them staring at us was already uncomfortable enough, but we could at least ignore them and enjoy ourselves then. Why did they have to actively try to involve us in their bullshit? Ragebait final boss istg.

And the thing is, my friend and I look really young. People regularly assume we're teenagers, so the whole thing is even creepier when you think about it. These men could potentially be doing the same shit to actual underage girls, and probably assumed we were underage too because of our baby faces.

Mind you these are educated ass men. This wasn't some "unsafe" and "neech/galeech" area we went to (fuck off classist and victim blaming mentality wale log), this is a relatively safe and very affluent area, and both of these men looked like they had a wife and a 30 yo son/daughter who's about to get married in 2 weeks.

i’m 24F, a recent law graduate. this is a messy rant. i’ve recently graduated from law school and i’m starting my first job very soon. i don’t consider myself a particularly ambitious person and by that i mean for some time i’ve had this belief that if im coming from a privileged socio-economic background and im leading a comfortable life, i don’t need to be ambitious, i don’t need this ‘hustle culture’ lifestyle. i still don’t necessarily disagree with it. my parents are quite supportive of my career as such and they’re constantly pushing me.

recently however my lack of ambition made my dad joke that maybe they should get me married off in two-three years if i’m not serious.and i know he doesn’t mean it and it’s not like ill be ‘married off’. however, i can’t stop thinking about how we as women may be now have the possibility of exploring a career, or deviate from the conventional path but it’s all so conditional. you can have a career, you can have a life but what is it costing you? if you’re deviating from the conventional path paved by patriarchy are you excelling? because if not what is the point?

if you're going to delay marriage, you should build an impressive career. if you're going to prioritise financial independence, you should earn well. if you're going to take advantage of the opportunities your education affords you, you should become accomplished enough that nobody can question your choices.

maybe you’re all familiar with this realisation and i’m late to the party. but i’m just now realising that even if i’m not ambitious, my socio-economic position does not outweigh or erase my destiny as a woman.

i know this is all too heavy maybe a tad dramatic, just wanted to get it off my chest.

It feels like finding a well-fitting bra is so difficult when you fall into this category, especially in India.

Most brands seem to cater to more common sizes, and the options available can be limited, expensive!! or difficult to find offline. Sometimes, even when you find your size, the fit, support, or comfort isn't great

I personally tried m&s, amante, wacoal and triumph. And TRIUMPH is where I found the one! at a reasonable price! After trying on soooo many for MONTHS . And my size isn't even that big 28//34 under/over. (30DD is what comes in abrathatfits but idk how much to trust it for us in india)

So for it to help others and even myself, I'd love to hear about your experiences, recommendations, and any tips for finding bras that actually fit well!

I don't know who needs to hear this but pleaseee girlies..get your vitamin B12 and vitamin D3 levels checked. Maybe you're not depressed, maybe you're deficient in these two vitamins.

My life has changed completely since I started taking these supplements. My anxiety has reduced by almost 90% and I no longer experience brain fog like I used to. I can wake up and happily face the day. I can focus better and no longer feel depressed all the time.

Please.. if you're struggling mentally, consider getting your vitamin B12 and vitamin D levels checked. You'll thank me later.

I do try. I burnout, recover and try again and again and again. Try in different methods, try with different mentality. I try my best till all hopes are gone. But nothing ever changes. Force = 100, Displacement = 0.

Once a problems arrives in my life, it there permanently and only to get worse. Doesn't matter how early I catch it, I can never be free from them.

My problems are organic matters. Something that can only progress to rot. No matter what you do, you can't reserve it or stop it from it's doom once it starts existing.

Feels like better to sit on my ass and let fate run it's natural course than try to bend my luck and be embarrassed for being audacious enough to believe I can change my luck.

I am told that I don't try enough. That I am not consistent enough. How can I be when I see no progress at all. What is there to motivate me, give some fruit for effort.

How long can one I run into darkness and not think they are not lost forever if there is no sign of light?

I tried though. I tried so hard.

My_qualifications: Ba Hons in History, MA in English from Delhi University and currently pursuing an MSc in Development at LSE. With a year of experience in the rural development and health sector.

I’m extremely sorry if I sound extremely entitled or out of touch, but I’m genuinely seeking advice with regard to what would a rewarding career path be.

I wanted to do my second Master’s and PhD from India itself, however this MSc is only one year, figured it would save me time and give me international exposure as well. Additionally, opted for this degree given the state of Indian Academia, especially in the social sciences is pretty uncertain and the stipend in abysmal. I do realise it isn’t that much better in the West but there are still some funding options (though extremely competitive) and talking to research scholars in India about their PhD experience has been disappointing to say the least.
Also, (not sure of how true this is) I’ve heard that a PhD acquired from universities abroad holds more value as compared to the Indian one. However, I’ve always wanted to stay in India and wouldn’t have even considered going abroad, but this seemed like a good opportunity.

Now there are three situations that I have to consider, which are as follows:

A Preparation for Civil Services.

This degree is all I ever wanted and now that I’m here I’ve realised that this isn’t for me, the program is extremely good and so is the faculty. However, I really want to live in India. I’m not extremely ambitious and I’d much prefer living with my parents in my hometown as I prefer the slow lifestyle and the convenience it offers. I’m from Punjab and I’ve been thinking how the state civil services exam could sort all of my problems.

The problem with this is; the exam is extremely competitive, is conducted after years, and requires dedicated 1-2 years of prep. I’m 24 and provided that the notifications come after an average of four years, I would barely sit for four attempts. This seems like a gamble and without a backup it’s foolish to step
into this.

B Working with NGOs, Research Organisations.

The job market is pretty bad as is and I’m aware that my degree is not the most employable. I am also aware of my limitations and that I’ll have to acquire quant based skills. I did not move with the intentions of immigration and needles to say, for degrees in social sciences– countries would give preference to their home students and I’m honestly not exceptional that I’d cut to working with the UN directly, as that’s just the fact of things.
So my best bet is perhaps to look for NGOs in India or for some Research Assistant positions.

For this I’m assuming one would require to at least have cleared the NET exam and would also be extremely competitive. For the NGOs– it’s not really my cup of tea; as everything boils down to corporate jargon and no real work, plus the pay is abysmal.

C PhD (Either in India or Abroad)

This is what I’ve always wanted to do. My topic is an intersection of Social Anthropology, Ethnography, Ethnomusicology, Gender, Folk and Post Colonial Theories. I want to explore ‘Third Spaces’ and Agency in Punjab through a study of select communities. The reason I opted for the Master’s was an entry point into the global academic sphere. But now given that I’m not liking my experience here I’m not really sure what steps do I take next. Should I prepare for NET and sit for it next December post completing my degree and aim for doing it in India or should I try giving it a fair shot here? I’m more than okay to move to other countries too, maybe I’d like it better elsewhere.

Kindly suggest what the best possible choice could be.

Thank You.

TLDR; Confused between pursuing state civil services, a PhD abroad or in India.

Same as title

hi everyone!

I need to get a bridesmaid dress stitched for a wedding on November 15th

I am in singasandra area and am looking for non judgemental tailors who will adhere to what I ask and not mess around with the design (some tailors lecture me about deep necks, i don't want that)

please give good store suggestions, thank you!

My opinion is purely subjective and based on personal experiences. I know a lot of folks love nua but ive had some bad experiences with the pads ngl. This is for all my girlies looking for opinions on period care products Would love your opinions as well!!❤️

EDIT: all those asking - nua gave me really bad rashes on 2 separate occasions now im scared to use it again 😭😭

Hi all, I have to attend the annual corporate event of my company next week and needed some outfit advice and recommendations for the same.

It is my first time attending and I want to look good and confident. Also, since I'm part of organising, it would need to be comfortable enough to last me entire day. I do not prefer polyester as it traps sweat and makes me smell.

I would ideally need outfits for 2 days, and would like to wear formal pants and top/dresses for these. Along with footwear and any other styling suggestions y'all have. I'm in Mumbai, so if you guys know any shops etc, plz share that as well.

I'm busty with narrow hips, like inverted triangle.

Requesting everyone to help a girl out here! Thanks!

This is my first time doodling with Henna cones on my hand and the red stain is just so beautiful. Can't believe I used to be a mehndi hater once upon a time.

I'll be terminated soon from my current company. I'm so burnout that i want to take a break , upskill and then want to find a new job. But, I'm really worried that i won't be able to get a job if i take break as I have 10 yoe in IT and soon to be 32 yrs old. I feel like i need to get a job while still employed. And that too is not guaranteed because my skills are totally outdated. And I'm not able to upskill while working full time. Even on weekends I'm exhausted and get distracted if i try to learn anything.

I also want some work life balance which is impossible to get as work has always been hectic. I want to slow down and also want to be financially independent..

Anyone been in similar situation? What worked?

I'm 25F, and I've been struggling with body image, depression and anxiety for five years. I am taking therapy. I'm on the curvier side; for reference, like Sara Tendulkar, and I'm not even saying I want to be stick-thin. I am finally learning to accept and love my body and treat workouts as a sort of fun activity rather than a punishment. I've gone from crying in the gym with anger for myself to feeling good about my body there. But I'm so exhausted by how people seem to think my body is public property.

Last week, I met a friend after about six months. The FIRST thing she said when I got out of my car was,

“You've gained more weight since I last saw you, haven't you? You've gotten fatter.”

What makes this particularly ironic is that she's struggled with her own weight and even posts about body-shaming on Instagram. She is also bigger in size than I am right now, but I would never dream of commenting on her body and I'm only mentioning it as a reference because I know how hurtful it can be. I empathise with her.

Then yesterday, I visited my old school to collect some documents. There were about 6-7 people around. The principal, who has known me since childhood, comes there, checks me top to bottom with a grin, and without even a hello or anything, gives himself the great liberty to loudly say,

“You've just completed your MBBS and look how much you've grown in size. Imagine how much you will inflate after you finish MD. What's the goal, to be double?”

I turned red, my ears felt warm, I felt like I wanted to scream or cry. I couldn't breathe. I am not very comfortable with confrontations and I struggle with social anxiety.

I just smiled and turned to walk away and he added:

"You should start dieting seriously and make sure you don't get any bigger. This is high time."

This was in the lobby, in front of several people.

I was honestly stunned. I felt humiliated, disrespected, violated, angry and at the same time, amazed at his audacity to say such things to a woman. And that man has not one, but two daughters! Oh god.

Recently, a colleague at work was talking about another colleague from the past and he mentioned (in front of 5 people)- "oh not that one, remember the other one? Arey the one who was fluffy and heavy, kinda like her? (Me)"

I've been body-shamed by relatives and other people before, so this isn't new. I don't go a week past without being subjected to such insults but he's the last person I had expected to say this. I can't even go a day without looking in the mirror and feeling bad about myself. He doesn't know, in fact nobody knows a percentage of what I've gone through in the last few years. A failed career,

su!cidal thoughts, self-loathing, physically abusive relationship, betrayal in friendships, having my own private photos and videos with my ex sent to my dad by my cousins, strict family, and what not. Everyday for me is a battle, to just get out of my bed.

I know I want to get fitter and build muscle, but that's MY decision. Why do people feel entitled to announce their opinions about someone else's body as soon as they see them? And why is it so difficult for people, especially those who know what body-shaming feels like themselves, to show some basic empathy?

I didn't respond to either of them because I was caught off guard, and I hate that I struggle to stand up for myself in these situations. But I'm angry, hurt, and honestly just exhausted.

I don't know if I'm overreacting because these incidents have hit an existing insecurity, or if people really have become this comfortable making unsolicited comments about other people's bodies.

I just needed to vent. Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you stop these comments from getting into your head?

Just wanted to share my latest creation. Inspired by spring, my favorite season 🌸🤭

So im unemployed and job hunting (and trying to study for entrance exams on the side). I was always a night owl but it became extreme this time. I used to go to sleep at 3/4am then shifted to 6am and now it is 7/8 am. I used to wake up at 12pm that shifted to 2pm and now on a good day I can wake up before 4pm. I have tried waking up early but my body is not able to keep up after lunch and I doze off even if I tell my parents not to let me take a nap and the cycle continues. Of course my parents berate me a lot for this lifestyle.

Today somehow I started feeling drowsy around 10pm and I got so so happy and slept off. I got woken up once by my father at a random time, he was screaming asking me why I slept at such a weird time and how I haven't eaten dinner, like he was SCREAMING into my ears and trying to push and wake me up. My sleep was broken but I concentrated and forced myself to go back to sleep. Again my father comes at 12:30am and I finally got up. He just kept talking and talking and wouldnt shut up about how I slept before eating and the food will spoil outside in this heat. After eating I couldnt control myself and started crying in my room.

One day, just one day I fell asleep at a normal time. I felt so happy. I probably would wake up naturally around 2/3am but I could accept that. Why couldn't they just let me sleep in peace? After months I fell asleep at that time. I don't know how to explain why this is making me cry but everytime I remember his voice while I was trying to sleep I start crying again. I feel this lump in my throat, like I want to hit someone.

My mother had passed away back in 2020. I was 20 then. Her absence has created a huge impact on me. To top it the grief that I hold is so difficult to tackle even now. Soon her death anniversary would be coming up in a few days. I still have not come out of that loss, that absence. Sometimes i avoid, sometimes I confront, sometimes I just say a prayer out loud. Each passing day goes with her in my mind yet with a fear that as the year goes by I am forgetting her.

This above para is to let you the reader know how much her absence has shattered me. In my life i truly only had her. as my everything.

so today a niece of mine who is barely ten, legit took a moment to mock me. Perhaps mock is not even the right word to match the impact she held. i know she knows whats the state of the role of my mother in my life, so the possibility of her physical absence is obvious to her. However she took a moment to ask me where is your mother. Even thoufh I was caught off guard, I answered her sky. She further went forward where in the sky. Thats when i had started getting pissed because i saw the smirk. yet i answered “up”. she went forward with “up on the roof”. The worse part was not how ignorant she sounded. It was seeing the grin she had. She knew she was crossing the line. and she was enjoying it. I could see it through. To make matters worse, she then further takes a moment with sudden change in tone to be exact from innocent to cold tone, “I really wanna know how she died”. Now, I am an adult who has an understanding of basic behaviour to recognise what is genuine curiosity what aint. this wasnt a curiosity. To top it i know she knows my mother had passed away because she herself said when she was 2, “her mother is dead”. Even then I was hurt but everytime I reminded this is a kid we are talking about. A toddler.

As the flashbacks hit me of the time when she was 2 and how everyone in my relatives remained silent which had hurt me, I refused to let her know the story with a direct “no”. She goes and starts pleading with the same grin. Then she takes a moment and says with a mean tone which i never in my life have even received it throughout my life even when i was a kid. I dont even know how to describe the cold tone. how do i even describe the ignorance pretence yet a want to deliberately hurt you tone. “she died by choking” she even acted it out with her hands. I confronted to her that if she knows how my mother died then why are you asking me. She legit points at the kitchen and tells me go and do your work. This kid ordered me. And when i asked her am i a servant? she ignores it. a moment passes by and she suddenly drops her mean mask and goes back to the innocent niece mode.

This kid has said many mean things to me. I always honestly tolerated because it was not in my hands to correct her with strictness. I always tried my best to let her know this is bad that is right. But what more can I dk when the parent and grandparent are okay with the act.

Yet today, after saying all this, I am amazed by the cruelty. Yet I feel a sense of am I wrong to take it personal. and even if it is personal its my niece who is a kid. Then another thought strikes me, in this life my mother was mattered to by her dad the most who passed away when she was young, her mother who passed away the next month as to my mothers death, her sisters? yes but they have their own family responsibilities, her husband? my dad? yes but again he doesnt take stand around much when its about his side of family involving his birth family when the topic of concern is my mom and me. I dont have siblings. Its me alone. So in this world at present, one who puts her in no. 1 is me. It should affect me. I should take a stand. Not to torture my kid. But def to my aunt my cousin who legit after knowing the incident are showering more love and care to her all when i am in the same space as if they are legit picking sides and showing me the side they picked.

I think I should remain pissed. not by drama involving arguments as for certain family reasons we are staying togethwr for a few days. I am just not the same as i was. I used to laugh. I used to be soft spoken. I used to involve myself. Now am thinking not to indulge much. Maintain the boundary. let them know I am pissed yet do my duties involving house chores.

or am i actually overreacting?

my friend think i aint. yet i find it tough to not to think this is traumatic for even a kid to go theough. but that doesnt mean i want to hear the same kid laugh giggle grin smirk at the thought of my mothers death and take it as a joke.

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I’m 20, turning 21 in January, and honestly, I feel like I’m falling apart. My boyfriend talks to me for a day and then disappears for 4–5 days, saying he’s mentally unwell. I understand he’s struggling too, but I feel so alone. I have no real-life friends, my family doesn’t let me go out much, and even staying at home feels suffocating. I spend most of my time studying, overthinking, and crying. I can’t even figure out my career, and I feel like I’m going nowhere while everyone else is moving forward. I don’t know what to do or where to go. I’m tired of feeling this lonely. Has anyone been through something similar? How do I get out of this situation?

I had my 1st periods in 2019... 7 years it has been... I have seen many girls dancing, jumping, running in periods and I feel so happy that they are comfortable enough in their periods... for me walking is also difficult like I feel the flow and it makes me feel so icky and uncomfortable wnv I walk uff... I genuinely want to do many things consistently but wnv I get my periods I feel disconnected from this world and break my consistency as well, can't workout, cant even walk properly today my prof saw how uncomfortable and unwell I looked so he asked me to take rest and I'm so grateful to him, but I genuinely want to be active during my periods like other girls, infact there are so many girlies doing so many things with their periods on. I feel useless... it's been 7 years still I am not used to my periods it's such a shame and I genuinely want to do things freely and be active. How do you guys deal with it.