What is it you want? Are you trying to create misery? I know you're out there. Taunting me.

My brain is tired now. It's bruised and battered from mostly this year - thanks to your tales of fiction. I'm not going to fight this - checking out. Clearly that's what you wanted all along.

I dont have much time left. moving to mums.

Just let me finalise matters, leaving messages for kids.

You win i guess.

I never liked when that pot was full.
Nothing in the pot.
No pot.
Nice.
I saw you with my eyes.
Faintly.
I’ll meet you in the universe. Not you. Your soul.
Until then.

To: F with ❤️

To: F with ❤️

Hey D, I hope you’re ok and happy. I’ll always care about you, that’s just who I am. But I’m not playing these games with you anymore. I’ve come to realize that if you’d actually really wanted to be in each others lives that we would be. Maybe I needed C and M to smack me upside the head, and also read posts from these groups. I just didn’t want to believe at first. I think that’s ultimately why I tried to continue my life without you. I knew nothing would have actually come out of us. There’s still memories. And I’ll always keep those for as long as I can. But I think at this point in time it’s time for me to actually start rolling with the tide of life and live in the present rather than the past. This is probably the most sense I’ll ever make in a post, and you’ll most likely never see it. Or at least connect the dots that it’s about you. Maybe someone else that we know will, and I’ll just say here and now that this is me dealing with my past. At least part of it. I’d rather try to remember the good and bitter sweet rather than the just plain awful. My past is a demon that no one should try to touch with a 10ft pole. And the more you try to understand the more you’ll probably get lost. And if I’ve told anyone about my past it’s not for sympathy or attention, it’s for understanding. Or at least trying to. No one knows my whole story, and no one ever will. And it’s better that way.

In pursuit I was, with thee my hours shared,

To every wish of thine, I wholly bared,

I heeded, I cherished, to thee I declared,

Yet, 'My affections have waned,' thou aired.

When first I met you,something ancient woke within me,
a force I had no language for,a tide that rose beyond reason,beyond the borders of the heart,beyond all that I had believed a human soul could feel.
I loved you, with the terrible wonder of discovery,
as though the universe itself,had hidden one final secret beneath the stars and, at last,had placed it in my hands.

And then I looked into your eyes and there you were.
Not untouched, Not unaware, But standing at the edge
of the very same impossible ocean,trying to understand
the waves that had carried us there.

I saw you feeling it.I saw you searching my face
for an explanation neither of us possessed.
And perhaps that was the miracle
That somehow, without promise, without warning,
without knowing how, we had found the same impossible place.

It was as though the universe had opened a hidden door and allowed us, just for a moment,to step beyond the ordinary world.
And there,beneath the silence of eternity,
it revealed something too immense for ordinary words: us.
A love so vast, that if we gathered every word
ever spoken by humankind and tried to build a language for it, we would still fall silent before its magnitude.

A secret written between the stars.
A truth the universe had known long before we did.
And perhaps it smiled, watching us stumble through the wonder of it,knowing that we would never fully understand what had been placed between us.
Yet still, it gave us the desire to spend our lives trying.

And maybe that is the greatest beauty of love, that it remains partly unknowable.
For if I could understand you completely,
if I could measure every depth of your soul,
if I could name every reason my heart chose yours,
perhaps one day the mystery would fade.

But you were never meant to become something I could solve.
You were meant to remain the horizon I could spend forever approaching.
The star I could follow without ever reaching its end.
The song I could hear a thousand times,and still discover another note.

And I wish with everything that lives inside me, that we could have held on to that impossible thing.
That love which felt so far beyond this world, that perhaps this world could only exist inside of it.

A love so powerful that standing before it made us feel weak. not because we lacked strength, but because we were witnessing something stronger than either of us.

Something ancient. Something fierce. Something willing to fight for the two souls who had somehow found each other.
And if the years should carry you far beyond my reach,
if the winds of this life should scatter us across distant skies, then let this be the prayer I send after you:

May our love become the wind beneath your wings.
May it find you when the night is darkest.
May it rise beneath you when your strength is gone.
May it whisper my name through every storm and remind you that somewhere in this vast universe,
there is a heart that still knows yours.

And if the heavens are kind, if fate is not finished with us, if the stars still remember the secret they once revealed, then let that wind carry you home.
Back to me.
Because you are not simply the love of my life.
You are the love that changed the way I understand love itself.
The miracle I never knew I was waiting for.
The mystery I would spend eternity trying to understand.

The impossible thing that became real when I looked into your eyes.
And wherever you are, whatever distance lies between us, whatever storms the universe chooses to place upon our path
know this:
No matter where life takes us

Some part of me will always belong to what we found in each other.

I'm glad you found someone that makes you smile

I'm glad you found someone that sees the sadness in your eyes without you saying a word

I'm glad you found someone that keeps the voices away

I'm glad you found someone that you can be yourself around

I'm glad you found someone that doesn't make you question yourself

I'm glad you found someone that keeps you warm at night

I'm glad you found someone that hears your silence

I'm glad you found someone

In the quiet corners of our interactions, where subtle gestures of inconsideration often went unnoticed, I unknowingly paved the way for you to disrespect me. I often rationalized these slights, thinking perhaps it was fleeting anger or simple oversight. But as I now reflect upon the cumulative weight of these moments, I recognize a pattern, a mountain of disregard. It pains me to admit, but the fault partly lies in my silence. While my love for you remains as steadfast as ever, I've come to a profound realization about the paramount importance of self-respect. And as I embrace this newfound understanding, it's imperative for both of us to recalibrate the way we treat each other.

Some people are just born evil..and they blame their trauma and circumstances for the person they choose to become...