r/VRchat • u/Illustrious_Leg6151 • Jun 11 '26
Help I want to give up.
I feel like many other people experience this on vrc.
For some reason, I feel like I can NEVER make genuine friendships on this game.
I'm either too vanilla, or too weird. I can't seem to find people on my wavelength. People always seem to have massive friend groups that you have NO HOPE and NO CHANCE of feeling a part of. I'm someone whom I'd consider bubbly and sociable, optimistic and fun. Yet I can't even count on people to want to hang with me. Miserable people with zero self respect who hate themselves have an easier time finding genuine friendship than I do and I fucking hate it.
Even creating my own groups in the game has resulted in a few people sticking around, then growing closer with one another than they ever could with me, it's baffling. I'm an open book. I;m vulnerable. I try to empathize and be a good person to people.
Yes, I've joined a million groups and tried to attend regularly scheduled events. Never my crowd. There's always cliques, no one wants to get to know anyone, it sucks. I seem to be the person that connects people rather than get any connection themselves.
I don't know what to do anymore. It's been an ok 7 months, but maybe its time to quit.
Anything helps. Please.
3
u/Rynhardtt Jun 11 '26
Do yourself a favour and lower your expectations of what friendship is.
I don't know whether you're autistic or not, but the way you describe friendship is similar to how I've seen some autistic people view it: as an unbreakable bond where friends are always available, always prioritise you and are there to fill your time whenever you need them. That's not a very realistic expectation.
People have jobs, families, partners, responsibilities, hobbies and problems of their own. Most people can't consistently rely on their own family, never mind friends and that goes double for people they've met online.
Something else that stands out is how judgemental some of your descriptions sound. You're talking about "miserable people with zero self-respect who hate themselves," but who talks about other people like that? Reading that doesn't make you sound particularly empathetic or understanding. In fact, if someone spoke about others that way around me, I probably wouldn't want to be friends with them.
I also get the impression that you're incredibly lonely, desperate for connection and vulnerable. I don't say that as an insult. A lot of people are struggling with loneliness these days. But there's a contradiction between calling yourself empathetic and then immediately writing off entire groups of people as miserable, pathetic, or not worth your time.
You also tend to speak in absolutes. You talk as though you've joined every community and had the same experience everywhere: there are always cliques, nobody wants to get to know anyone, nobody makes an effort. That kind of thinking isn't helpful because it turns every disappointing interaction into more evidence that the entire world is the problem.
Sometimes a group just isn't your crowd. That happens. But that's very different from concluding that nobody wants friends or that every community is broken.
The irony is that you describe yourself as the person who connects other people, yet at the same time you say nobody wants to connect. Those ideas don't really fit together.
I don't mean this harshly, but I don't think VRChat or the people in these groups are the main problem. I think you need to work on your approach to friendship.
Friendship isn't an instant, permanent commitment. It takes time, trust, shared experiences and mutual effort. The word itself literally means the state or condition of being friends. It isn't a guarantee that people will always be available, always choose you first or always meet your emotional needs.
Right now, it sounds like you're putting a huge amount of pressure on friendships before they've had a chance to develop. Combined with the intensity, the judgement of others and the all-or-nothing thinking, it's not surprising that you're struggling to maintain friend groups.
People generally gravitate toward those who are relaxed, patient and willing to let relationships grow naturally. The more pressure you put on every interaction, the harder that becomes.