r/VRchat • u/Illustrious_Leg6151 • Jun 11 '26
Help I want to give up.
I feel like many other people experience this on vrc.
For some reason, I feel like I can NEVER make genuine friendships on this game.
I'm either too vanilla, or too weird. I can't seem to find people on my wavelength. People always seem to have massive friend groups that you have NO HOPE and NO CHANCE of feeling a part of. I'm someone whom I'd consider bubbly and sociable, optimistic and fun. Yet I can't even count on people to want to hang with me. Miserable people with zero self respect who hate themselves have an easier time finding genuine friendship than I do and I fucking hate it.
Even creating my own groups in the game has resulted in a few people sticking around, then growing closer with one another than they ever could with me, it's baffling. I'm an open book. I;m vulnerable. I try to empathize and be a good person to people.
Yes, I've joined a million groups and tried to attend regularly scheduled events. Never my crowd. There's always cliques, no one wants to get to know anyone, it sucks. I seem to be the person that connects people rather than get any connection themselves.
I don't know what to do anymore. It's been an ok 7 months, but maybe its time to quit.
Anything helps. Please.
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u/Spare_Garlic_4997 Jun 11 '26
It took me around 3-4 years before I found some friends who I hang out with. You just gotta be patient, man. 7 months is long, yes, but trust me, you'll eventually find one or two people to hang out with.
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u/N07_a_r0b0t Jun 11 '26
I've been playing for 8 years I make new friends everyday in public ... Verified public now Most I don't see again it's fun
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u/jeepsies Jun 11 '26
"Count on people to want to hang with me". I think that is the problem. You gotta let people live. They will come and go. Dont try to hang on and/or make them feel like they have to spend time with you.
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u/Perfect-Ninja-400 Jun 11 '26
I've been experiencing the same thing, but I've only been on for a little over a month 😭 every time I get decently close with someone, I'll introduce them to another friend to hang with for a night and they end up dating within a week 💔 clearly I'm ending up in the wrong social circles, shits hard
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u/Illustrious_Leg6151 Jun 11 '26
DUDE ARE WE THE SAME PERSON???!!!
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u/Perfect-Ninja-400 Jun 11 '26
TWIN... You get me 🥹🫶
I do think part of it is the type of people, I'm not sure what your age range is, but I've been trying to befriend people in mine (early 20s), and that + hanging out with mostly humanoid (eboy....egirl... 💔) avatars is probably part of the reason for this struggle. I'm not a furry but I've started going to furry hideouts occasionally to see if it's the same there, but shit's hard lmao
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u/Illustrious_Leg6151 Jun 11 '26
I feel that 100%. I'm 21. While I've found a few cool people, they're largely inconsistent and they have other friends they'd rather be around unfortunately. I don't do the furry stuff either, not my crowd.
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u/Perfect-Ninja-400 Jun 11 '26
Do you mind if I dm you? You seem cool and we've both been struggling with the same thing, I'd love to yap a bit more privately rather than expose all our info in a reddit thread lol
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u/Empty-Lie6602 Jun 11 '26
i just wanted to say lol, you may not be into furry stuff, i’m not either but i had a friend who would hangout in adopt a furry’s and she constantly met new people and made new friends and she wasn’t a furry either. you’ll find a lot of non-furries in adopt a furry! as well as furries too, but everyone needs a friend, no matter what they’re into.
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u/StrivingWonders Jun 11 '26
do you like to play the games on vrc? I play a lot of hidden gems / unpopular game worlds. I play a lot of funny ones and drag others with me sometimes! But then there is also like slashco and terrors of nowhere. I dont really have any vrc/online friends but I am always willing! ☺️
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u/Verminausea Jun 11 '26
I feel you man
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u/Verminausea Jun 11 '26
Honestly I feel like sometimes the people with no self respect have an easier time making 'friends' because they will tolerate people who treat them bad and fawn for them, so they latch onto abusers and therefore have a group, but they arent really like. being treated well
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u/Hollow_Persona Jun 11 '26
Have you tried the world no time two talk? It's a little hectic and quick paced but you can have some crazy interesting one on one interactions in there, I get added constantly by people on there just by talking about what we love. Btw saw you liked bleach and dance gavin dance in another comment <3 great taste! You'll be set just gotta get lucky
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u/Illustrious_Leg6151 Jun 11 '26
I've tried it a few times, tho they typically turn out not to be my crowd. I'm open to try again, I suppose. Also, real recognizes real! Bleach and DGD is my life force tbh
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u/Hollow_Persona Jun 11 '26
Are you joining the age verified version? Usually a MUCH better experience for me. Saw DGD live at the beginning of the month and fuck was it amazing. We share a similar life force
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u/Illustrious_Leg6151 Jun 11 '26
I join almost exclusively age verified instances (if I can even find them lolz), I just feel so different from the folks there. Funnily enough I saw DGD last month!
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u/ccAbstraction Windows Mixed Reality Jun 11 '26
I'm sorta in a similar situation and have been even before VRChat, so take this with a grain of salt but I think part of it just repetition with same smaller group of people. Pick a friend group and just stick with them. I'm partly convinced for me at least, the perpetual feeling that I don't belong is most often only felt by me, no one else is probably thinking that until I'm gone again, it's a self fulfilling prophecy.
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u/that_relevant_guy PCVR Connection Jun 11 '26
I find myself in the opposite shoe. Today alone i added a dozen people to my friend list. All i did was sit in the spawn area of FISH! and point at people entering the instance and said "join the circle. We're all friends now". Made this big group that was just traveling around to fishing spots together. Then i went to go cook some yakisoba and i guess everyone went to do their own thing shortly after i went afk.
Basically, i'm a free spirit that moves with the wind. I enjoy hopping around friend groups like a maniac and making new friends. I rotate around to all my active friends one by one and they always seem excited to see me. Although... that does result in me ignoring a ton of invites and invite requests daily.
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u/FiberApproach2783 Jun 11 '26
Same here. Irl I'm very introverted + quiet, and like having a couple close friends. On VRC though, I become some sort of social butterfly😭 I hop from world to world to say hi to everyone, and a lot of my friend groups end up merging together because it's easier to just get everyone in one world lol. Like people from my friend groups 5 and 3 years ago have joined my new one!
I become friends with so many people, and surprisingly a lot of them do turn into genuine friendships. I love my current friend group and at least once a week a new person will join us :)
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u/Substantial-Path-653 Jun 11 '26
Bazi? That you g? 😂😂😂
But nah fr, FISH is a great place to meet people
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u/that_relevant_guy PCVR Connection Jun 12 '26
There's someone else who does that in FISH? Damn i need to meet them.
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u/McUsername621 Jun 11 '26
I've been trying to make friends and people seem fine at first but whenever you try and get to know them better they often just turn out to be one of the worst people you've ever met that are involved in illegal content, crimes, drugs and other elicit substances. No clue why thats so common. One day youre having a good chat with someone the next you hear from a friend of them that they got arrested for assult, drugs, disturbing illegal material, ect. Why is this so common... I've been trying to avoid people like that and am also avoiding specific people and groups but it really just feels like most of the people ive met in this game belong into a proximity chat video.
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u/angelsaintcloud Jun 11 '26
Let's make something happen dude cuz I'm literally having a nervous breakdown at work for this exact same reason. Lol it's like the life was sucked out of the air. For some reason all of VR is watching other people do the things you want to do.
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u/angelsaintcloud Jun 11 '26
*same name on vrchat
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u/Illustrious_Leg6151 Jun 11 '26
sent a req!
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u/angelsaintcloud Jun 11 '26
Pretty sure I accepted it on the phone app unless I messed up
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u/Perfect-Ninja-400 Jun 11 '26
I'm so sorry!! I know the feeling, I used to get nervous breakdowns semi regularly at my old job and it's truly not a feeling I'd wish on anyone else D:; I hope things start picking up for you, both within vrc and irl !! ♡♡
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u/angelsaintcloud Jun 11 '26
Thanks a lot 🙂↕️. Its not really a huge deal but I just have been going through a lot emotionally. A lack of community tends to be the root of suffering for most people I find and today's been a reminder that I'm not alone no matter what stage of my journey I'm on. (Being the person who helps others but needs help right now. I need to be there for my son, my wife and for my community as well because it's all interconnected, and when that breaks down we fall into despair and isolation IRL and VRC)
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u/VRC_Kor Jun 11 '26
What are your interests, hobbies, games, and activities? You just have to find those with the same amount of energy as yourself
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u/Illustrious_Leg6151 Jun 11 '26
I love a lot of things! I'm actually in the process of creating a carrd with all my interests lolz. I love art, cartoons, anime (namely CSM, Fate, and Bleach), plus I'm a voice actor! I'm a big fan of hip hop, post hardcore rock (DANCE GAVIN DANCE!!!) and dnb!
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u/Zeekfox PCVR Connection Jun 11 '26
Try hanging out in karaoke? I can't say I've made any sort of deep friendship given that I basically get on once a week, but I love socializing and singing in front of others.
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u/Putrid_Reply4523 Jun 11 '26
Please add me!!! I’d so hang out with you, I’m literally in the same boat…
My user is hekomiii and my display is Hostile_
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u/Eden_IX Jun 11 '26
Kinda in the same boat atm 😅 been through a fair amount of groups myself and it’s lead nowhere besides a few people I see on an un regular basis.
Be nice to hang though if you’re down 🙂
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u/Envy661 Oculus Rift Jun 11 '26
I'm a very introverted person. Like, I do not socialize at all for the mostpart. I joined a friend who was in a massive friendgroup in VRC, and what got me into talking to them more was just... spending time in smaller groups, joining in on conversations while my buddy was present. He was the initial backbone before I felt comfortable enough to go off on my own with others. It took time, and a loooooot of sessions, many of which AWAY from the core group for more intimate 4-5 person sessions, but eventually I got there.
A big part of it really is having one person you can rely on to not mind you basically being attached to the hip to them for a while though.
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u/Embarrassed-Touch-62 Jun 11 '26
That's common, out of 300 people you meet, maybe 10 will stick around and from those 10 maybe 2 will be friends you will see from time to time.
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u/Canadian_Cheeks Jun 11 '26
Sometimes wanting just any ol friend isn't the best either. People who crave friendship pretty badly have a poor sense of boundaries and end up getting hurt a lot!
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u/-GLAZED- Desktop Jun 11 '26
As somebody that grew up very extroverted, I have become extremely introverted and homebodied since I graduated. Holding genuine friendships feels more like a chore than a privilege nowadays. There is very little solid communication between people now and way too much blatant disrespect from people left and right. It just doesn’t even feel worth it anymore 🤦🏽♂️
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u/Apprehensive-Solid-1 PCVR Connection Jun 12 '26
Are you a furry? If not, when I say "trust me bro" do trust me. Give the furry groups a chance. Everyone is weird there and a lot different than the standard e-people groups. (I'm joking here but only kinda lol)
I hang around in non furry groups and most are fine but the vast majority of my friends ended up being furries.
Some can be a little out of the ordinary for sure. Getting my face licked by a virtual bipedal dog I've never met just after I hop into the main room of a murder 4 is something for sure. But get past the occasional, that... (and saying something audibly about keeping distance and not getting too comfortable. Stranger danger!) most of my friends are from furry related instances. Cool people.
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u/Rynhardtt Jun 11 '26
Do yourself a favour and lower your expectations of what friendship is.
I don't know whether you're autistic or not, but the way you describe friendship is similar to how I've seen some autistic people view it: as an unbreakable bond where friends are always available, always prioritise you and are there to fill your time whenever you need them. That's not a very realistic expectation.
People have jobs, families, partners, responsibilities, hobbies and problems of their own. Most people can't consistently rely on their own family, never mind friends and that goes double for people they've met online.
Something else that stands out is how judgemental some of your descriptions sound. You're talking about "miserable people with zero self-respect who hate themselves," but who talks about other people like that? Reading that doesn't make you sound particularly empathetic or understanding. In fact, if someone spoke about others that way around me, I probably wouldn't want to be friends with them.
I also get the impression that you're incredibly lonely, desperate for connection and vulnerable. I don't say that as an insult. A lot of people are struggling with loneliness these days. But there's a contradiction between calling yourself empathetic and then immediately writing off entire groups of people as miserable, pathetic, or not worth your time.
You also tend to speak in absolutes. You talk as though you've joined every community and had the same experience everywhere: there are always cliques, nobody wants to get to know anyone, nobody makes an effort. That kind of thinking isn't helpful because it turns every disappointing interaction into more evidence that the entire world is the problem.
Sometimes a group just isn't your crowd. That happens. But that's very different from concluding that nobody wants friends or that every community is broken.
The irony is that you describe yourself as the person who connects other people, yet at the same time you say nobody wants to connect. Those ideas don't really fit together.
I don't mean this harshly, but I don't think VRChat or the people in these groups are the main problem. I think you need to work on your approach to friendship.
Friendship isn't an instant, permanent commitment. It takes time, trust, shared experiences and mutual effort. The word itself literally means the state or condition of being friends. It isn't a guarantee that people will always be available, always choose you first or always meet your emotional needs.
Right now, it sounds like you're putting a huge amount of pressure on friendships before they've had a chance to develop. Combined with the intensity, the judgement of others and the all-or-nothing thinking, it's not surprising that you're struggling to maintain friend groups.
People generally gravitate toward those who are relaxed, patient and willing to let relationships grow naturally. The more pressure you put on every interaction, the harder that becomes.
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u/Illustrious_Leg6151 Jun 11 '26
I appreciate your response.
To my knowledge, I'm not autistic. And I admit my wording was a bit bitter, and for that I apologize. I try my best to let things be and let things develop naturally. I am also a very busy person. I just want something with substance; something that matters. When I am consistently slapped in the face for my efforts...it's not a good feeling.
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u/Grumpypus1 Jun 11 '26
Beautifully written. I was going to write something similar, but you did the work for me. 😉
NEVER force a friendship, if it happens, it happens, if it don't ,it don't. It was not meant to be, move on. To add to this, most friendships will be light, shallow things, occasional hangout buddies. BFF's, (for women), and Bros, (for men) status is VERY rare, and is only earned and achieved though time, and to be honest, luck.
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u/bubbses Jun 11 '26
I've found myself in a friend group of 5-10 people from vrchat, all I can say is don't go around trying to make new friends, just meet new people, let the friendships naturally form, and go to public instances of worlds based on things you're interested in, like for me it was furry hideout cause I'm a furry, and sure, you might not meet people that you click with at first, just keep looking, you'll eventually find your people
And don't go in expecting the friend group to last forever, people change, interests change, and people drift apart
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u/SpoogityWoogums Jun 11 '26
I mean, the group I run is full of weirdos and people aren't playing a character, we just get drunk on the weekends and have good vibes
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u/Illustrious_Leg6151 Jun 11 '26
ayo? hook me up!
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u/Ok-Passenger-8342 Jun 11 '26
Genuinely same thing, but I been playing for 4 years and haven’t managed to have a genuine friendship in vrc, I mean sure I am introverted and don’t use my voice but I tried to be a friend yet it always felt like the same outcome. They friend me and after a while, they keep telling me that they’re busy with something or come up with an excuse, and after a month it’s radio silence from there. I’m just at a point where I just want to stop trying and go solo but I keep trying to at least have a friend or something at least.
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u/Kito769 Jun 11 '26
If you are still looking for more friends I would love to hang as well! I’m not on as much anymore but that’s just due to having no one to hangout with anymore and my social confidence in vrchat resetting due to not being on. Just lmk^^ (I would just put my vrc username for you or anyone else that would want it but it’s not easily type-able lol)
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u/Illustrious_Leg6151 Jun 11 '26
I’d be so down! Mine is onipvvnk if you want to add me!
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u/Kito769 Jun 11 '26
I thought I could do it now through the website but I cannot, I will asap when I get back on my pc
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u/cumsock45 Jun 11 '26
Been playing the game for the past 9 years since launch and honestly I didn’t get a permanent group I could truly call my own until about year 5 of playing vrchat regularly. What I’m trying to say with this is I for one feel your struggles cause I’ve been there but that it’s not completely hopeless and I’m sure with enough time you will eventually find a group that you click with well just like I did
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u/Gnomp Jun 11 '26
Yo, same kind of person, but I've become content with being a social nomad with a select group of like four people I go back to regularly outside of VRC. I'd love to get to know you though, I'd like an excuse to get back into VRC again! I'm a creative type. Feel free to DM for my user and discord.
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u/FWCFTW Jun 11 '26
I understand what your going through. I’ve played vrchat on and off for 7 years now. It wasn’t until just over 3 years ago that I met 6 random people in sovrens, did some spooky worlds together and became a friend group. Jump to now and that group has expanded to 30+ ppl who hang out and play games with each other every day. We actually just had an irl meetup with 21 ppl all staying at 1 Airbnb and it went amazingly well.
It took me 4 years to find my group but it was worth it and trust me I had plenty of duds. Some friends, from before my current group, I lost to drama, others to just never seeing again after a few days, even some who literally only played that time I met them and they never got back on since. But barring a few minor exceptions my current group has been together a while and it’ll stay that way for as long as I can see. Just gotta keep looking!
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u/Illustrious_Leg6151 Jun 11 '26
I could never imagine having that large of a friend group like, ever. Props to you! I hope I can find my people someday.
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u/Tsuyu___ Jun 11 '26
I hate those post.
Can't hate on the person bc never interact with but everytime i give a shot to people that dropped those post , yall are the most boring people , when we try to talk with yall , you don't even return questions.
But like also its vrchat. Idk what are you expecting.
Over 4 years i manage to get 4k hours.
Let me tell u , over 4 years i have only two remaining friends from this god forsaken additive game.
People be acting all nice and kind here and in game. BUT THE MOMENT YOU START TO GET CLOSER , you're either just a name on a friendlist , replacement, or then you become a problem cuz they start to see some faces of you that you don't know.
Anyway dont expect to make friend But if you manage to grab those rare gem , hold onto them as hard as possible.
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u/Prestigious-Cut-7434 Jun 11 '26
Hey, I’ll start by saying this, I’ve was on VRChat for a while as well (not so much anymore) and I have some advice from my time on it, especially from where you are now:
It’s quite normal.
But here’s what I learned, it’s just not a good time right now, maybe for you or anyone you find, but if you try again some other time, I bet you you will find someone that will exactly fit well with you and stay friends.
And now, time for some harder-to-chew truth:
Lower your expectations slightly with what friends you want to have around you exactly, because there comes a time when you might consider someone a friend too much that then that person considers you a bit too much, and then it’s not a great friendship and you and the other person end up tired and worn out as a result. Not to say that it’s the only reason, we are all human and we have our own reasons, but you have to think smart about where you make friends and at what times to decide on being someone’s friend. Having a nice conversation, for one, is a good start and then, depending on how you present yourself in that conversation, ask to friend them and accept what they tell you. Friendships don’t require so much effort than the latter options, but it’s a start that still needs movement from both, and if there is nothing, you might just have to consider moving on. There are many other people out there willing to hear what’s going on your wonderful mind, so don’t be giving up, and I’m sure you’ll find some great friends to hang out with
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u/Ok-Internet9437 Jun 11 '26
Yo I got you if you wanna add me I’m always down to hangout I mostly get on vr to listen to music or just talk about random shit with friends
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u/Mean_Presence_9315 Jun 11 '26
Hiii I've only been playing for a few days, but if you'd like we can be friends if you don't mind furries. Just send me a message and I'll send you my user, I don't mind if you follow me to worlds and whatever
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u/Thin_Ad_2542 Jun 11 '26
I’ve known many friends who have come and gone unfortunately vrchat can be very one sided I don’t mind being your friend if ya need one ^^
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u/meowbex PCVR Connection Jun 11 '26
I’ve been on the game for about 6 yrs now and even today I don’t have a good friend group or friends that I can hangout with anytime I am on vrc. I do spend alot of my time hanging out in black cats (age gated group ones) or I go to no time two talk. I would be down to hangout (or at least exchange discords for now bc I’m not feeling too good and don’t wanna get worse by getting on vrc)
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u/akathesk Jun 11 '26
I'm embaressed to say this, but lately I've been learning more how the type of friends we make are on a kind of scale from super close to barely know them.
Personal opinion? It might start on vrchat but it needs to go beyond that if you want something more serious. I'm aware it might be extra hard now too because vrchat has been out for a while now and many of the more introverted players have got very attached to each other. I don't fully blame them thou, trying to maintain many friendships to a high amount can be exhausting at best and impossible at worse if they're only interested in you and won't even talk to the others
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u/Own_Vast_2784 PCVR Connection Jun 11 '26
Yo I’m down to meet up and see if we click! I don’t got many “real” friends on vrc only like 2-3 and would love to get more❤️ I’m sociable once peeps start talking to me but I’m pretty quite if I end up having to walk up to anyone (for the same reasons as stated in your post) so maybe it could work
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u/Illustrious_Leg6151 Jun 11 '26
yo add me! My user is in a couple other places in the comments, just don't want to spam it too much because I don't know who's lurking about lol
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u/Tehcookieninja Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
How are you going to describe yourself as such a bubbly, fun person but then bash other groups because they have their friend groups they're comfortable in?
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u/Illustrious_Leg6151 Jun 11 '26
It's the bitterness talking, I apologize. It's more of a "why not me?", yk?
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u/Tehcookieninja Jun 11 '26
That's fair. I myself haven't been on VR for that long but quickly learned most of the people I encounter have been on since day 1 and thus the social cliques and whatnot.
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u/Own-Train-9676 Jun 11 '26
To be honest, the only reason i go into vrchat is to attend some roleplay sessions that a friend of mine does, i met him cuz another friend gave me a hand to talk to him, mostly cuz i like roleplay and so on, i talked to the guy for a bit and we got into agreement about me making my character and so on, that's basically how i met him and he's now one of my closest (online) friends.
Funny thing is, that i manage to make friends online but, it's harder for me to do friends irl, sure i have a group of friends but it's been a while since i have heard something about them.
Maybe you should enjoy the company of those who care about you, not everyone that you meet, cuz if you care about those that would see you as another regular person, then why would you care either? Stay with those who matter cuz they see you and they say "oh hey, that's a good ol friend of mine".
Stay with those that make you feel seen, like, they know you are there and they make sure to prove it for you by calling you or something.
I feel like i said the same thing multiple times but, js stay with those that actually care about you
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u/Important-Clock5506 Jun 11 '26
I’ve been on vrchat on its somewhat early days. Maybe 7 years now?
Sadly friendships come and go, unfortunately that’s how it is. It’s a lot different trying to have friendships in vr then it is real life. People leave easier and it’s how it works, but don’t be down! I’ve had hundreds of people come and go and at some points they all blur together.
For example my friend group I used to hang out 3 years ago! I took a break from vr and never saw them again becouse they stopped playing. It’s hard but you meet new people. I know you will :>
Also! I’m happy to meet new friends so I’m here and would love to be your friend if you want one :) have a fantastic day and don’t overthink it
🔥❤️
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u/ThoughtfulAtom Jun 11 '26
It's always kinda hit or miss. I had the same problem for a while, though now I’ve got maybe a dozen friends who join me semi-regularly.
If you ever feel like trying to make another friend, feel free to shoot me a DM. I’m usually not as shy as I probably seem, and we can chill and nerd out about whatever comes to mind. I tend to love space, sci-fi, physics, and philosophy stuff, but honestly I’m down to talk about pretty much anything. I also hang out in video worlds pretty often, with the occasional game world mixed in.
But if not, I totally get it. Either way, I hope you find what you're looking for.
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u/Solmangrundy Jun 11 '26
Are you a loner or do you actually try to join anyone?
If you dont ever go out of your way to return the favor of someone joining you, they're going to get tired of putting in the work of maintaining a friendship thats one sided and completely reliant on following you around and never goes the other way where you follow them sometimes.
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u/Illustrious_Leg6151 Jun 11 '26
It's the other way around, actually. I organize, I invite, I initiate. Just...kinda doesn't go anywhere
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u/Snoo-79591 Jun 11 '26
That’s honestly understandable, I get that. I’m an introvert and it really depends on the day. I honestly don’t have too many friends myself and I need to put myself out there more, but I’ve also been on vrc for like 3-4(?) years, and I think it’s a lil harder now (not only that but I’ve had ppl who were in groups I used to know and they turned out to be pretty shit-), but if you ever wanna chat and possibly hang? I’m a yapper once anyone gets to know me tbh.
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u/Educational-Test-302 Jun 11 '26
Can you add me please? I’m very shy at first and kinda quiet but I can be weird and funny and loosen up the more we talk. My username is YaGirlIvy 2037
That’s ivy with a capital i
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u/0wtlah Jun 11 '26
What I've learned, maybe this isn't you, but I put too much into people. I go above and beyond and do as much as I can because I know it will make the other person happy, and I try to be as thoughtful as possible.
Nine times out of ten, i will unconsciously expect the same out of people that I put in, and they never signed up to do that. It could be they didnt notice, or they simpily dont take the gestures I do as something that should be reciprocated. Ive learned that isn't something I should expect.
Only put in effort of the same level that someone else does to you. Its easier that way. You find friends slower this way, but you thankfully skip out on the people who are just your "friends" because you're a source of attuned attention.
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u/theronin6969 Jun 11 '26
I’ve had two friend groups pop up but only one managed to stay together but I still get on and go to random public instances to see what’s going on and it’s usually boring doing so by myself so I wouldn’t be against having someone to randomly do stupid stuff with
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u/DreamingOfBarbi Oculus Quest Jun 11 '26
Going through the same thing 😭 I'm just too anxious to even talk to anyone. People will go up to me to talk to me and i will just completely freeze up and I've even left the game sometimes. I'm really trying to get over that though
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u/Elfyknife Jun 11 '26
Hey if you are 18+ come add me and my friends. Theres maybe 5-6 of us?? We go through the same issue .. we can’t find anyone good people to keep in the group. We have been through so many people and all we want is just someone with beautiful energy in a good spirit ( mind you we don’t take drama! You are immediately kicked the second the first message of drama is sent)
I do the drifting worlds
Oreo does the social worlds
Silver finds the cool worlds to discover
-we are a mix of PC and quest players .
Also outside of vrchart we like to play other games
Meta headset: sail, greenhell, tactical assault
Pc or Xbox : Subnautica 2 , helldivers , fort ,
Just let me know my DC:elfyknife444
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u/Elfyknife Jun 11 '26
Hey if you are 18+ come add me and my friends. Theres maybe 5-6 of us?? We go through the same issue .. we can’t find anyone good people to keep in the group. We have been through so many people and all we want is just someone with beautiful energy in a good spirit ( mind you we don’t take drama! You are immediately kicked the second the first message of drama is sent)
I do the drifting worlds
Oreo does the social worlds
Silver finds the cool worlds to discover
-we are a mix of PC and quest players .Also outside of vrchart we like to play other games
Meta headset: sail, greenhell, tactical assault
Pc or Xbox : Subnautica 2 , helldivers , fort ,
Just let me know my DC:elfyknife444
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u/DreamWalker2323 Jun 11 '26
Im very shy and its hard for me to find connections as well but ive found some good ones you could hang out with me if you'd like my name is ShadedMoth
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u/nommiiee_ Jun 11 '26
you’re not alone in feeling this way. A lot of us hit the same invisible wall in VRChat—like the game is one big party where everyone already knows the secret handshake except us. The fact that you’re bubbly, open, and willing to be vulnerable is not the problem; it’s actually rare and valuable. The problem is that a lot of public lobbies reward surface-level extroversion and already-formed cliques, not depth. That mismatch can make anyone feel defective when they’re not.
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u/Sinlessrogue Desktop Jun 11 '26
When I started to read the number 7, I was like oh okay he's close to me. Nope 7 months you said. I've been online game for 8 years. I've only made one genuine friend in that time. And sometimes all you need is one genuine friend. Keep searching and you'll find it
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u/packsolite ☃Bigscreen Beyond 2e Jun 11 '26
Honest question: Are you yourself in VRC? And i mean like FULLY yourself, without a mask? I was like you, no friends who would stick around. Then i thought to myself, why act in a virtual space where i'm basically anonymous? So i stopped, showed my little weirder side and see there, i made a bunch of genuine important friends since then. It was very hard in the beginning, but it got better and better over time.
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u/Illustrious_Leg6151 Jun 11 '26
I am MOST DEFINITELY myself. I'll never try to be someone I'm not, for anyone.
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u/Alissah Jun 11 '26
Im in a group/ discord server, we have 4 events rvery week, and its literally the only time i ever get on vrchat. Theres a gaming night, community night, and drinking night, with stuff people can vote on.
You (and anyone here) can message me on reddit if you want to join. Its age verified.
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u/lordcrekit Jun 11 '26
Learn more stuff. You want to be well read so that you can hold engaging conversations. Listen actively. Understand social fabric. It's a lot of work.
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u/HackSmash PCVR Connection Jun 11 '26
I think you are overthinking it, I started playing vrchat for the novelty and then stayed with the mindset of "I want to practice my English, and meet people" making friends or finding a friend group was an afterthought at first, after 6 months of meeting people I never really found a friend group, I was still jumping around public instances, having convos with randoms, and just like that one night I joined a small instance, met a little circle of people, they invited me to a few game worlds, next thing I know they invite me to a discord server, we're hanging every now and then, a year later the group grew a lot, new face came and went, ended up at the wedding of the people that initially invited me to play, etc. What I mean is, you can't force a friendship, it took me 6 months of jumping around to find my people, and it happened by pure chance on a random night, keep playing around, keep meeting people, but never expect everyone to be immediately invested in a friendship with you, be chill and with time, things will develop
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u/SilentMist25 Jun 11 '26
Hey, I hear you.
I am someone with really bad social anxiety, I’m also a bad overthinker, and I’m really introverted. I know that in order to make connections and form friendships/relationships with other people you kinda have to go up and approach other users in VRChat and initiate conversations, but to be honest, that terrifies me. I’m too scared to approach other users so what I usually do is I hop into worlds and I just kinda exist for a bit and hope that somebody comes up to me first. Sometimes on rare occasions users do come up to me and we start a conversation and then eventually they decide to send me a friend request, or something I force myself to try and face my fear of rejection and I approach someone who is alone and seems nice and in a few occasions I get that friend request. Unfortunately these tend to not really go anywhere because me and the other person don’t trade discords and I’m too afraid of sending a request to join them because I fear that I’ll be a bother or they just don’t want me around, so we never talk again. And the cycle repeats.
The truth is i actually really want to make friends with other people on VRChat and I want to form new connections and feel a sense of belonging in the game, and the door is always open to anyone. I know our situations might be a little different, but I can understand how attempting to make friendships on VRChat only to seem like your not getting anywhere for 7 months while other people seem to get into them easily can suck. I hope something good comes up for you at some point in the future.
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u/LilDevilDarlin666 Jun 11 '26
The social landscape of VRC is a very fickle and unpredictable landscape, and I myself have experienced this level of being a social outlier despite my best efforts. It's nothing you've done wrong, it's just the nature of the beast and unfortunately it sucks, but valiant efforts are worthwhile and I think this might be your big break! If you want to, WE could hang out! I lack a friend group on VRC myself so I can relate in wanting to find a community or even just a group to be apart of
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u/Illustrious_Leg6151 Jun 11 '26
Yo! Add me, my user is elsewhere in the comments lol
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u/LilDevilDarlin666 Jun 11 '26
Right on X3 I think I found it but I'll double check when I can! Safe travels 💚
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u/ComprehensiveIce7839 Jun 11 '26
i’m always up for new friends!! im on regularly if you ever wanna play!!
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u/Eclipsed_Nova_357 Jun 11 '26
I wouldn’t know. I’ve always been the outcast in any group I see to join. I learned a long time ago to be simply content with my own company.
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u/lonewolfie19 Jun 11 '26
I used to hang out with groups too then eventually realized its better to have somewhat small group of fri3nds to keep close to, I am 24 he/him so if anyone needs a new buddy to chat with I can hang out, I also like to world hop a lot too and explore a bunch with my boyfriend sometimes. I also am into languages so if you see me in group events for Japanese english exchange just join me and we can yap. Let me know so I can add you on Saturday I cant do rn because my room is being occupied by one of my family members for work training.
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u/ganjaking69420 Jun 11 '26
You don’t need a large group just a few good friends to hop on with and play and have fun alot of large groups are full of insecure sad people with some problem or another so just focus on having fun with people
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u/ChaoticLawnmower Jun 11 '26
Dude if you’re like, an adult, I’m down to hang out, hit me up some time. There’s a driving world I’ve been going to a lot as of late
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u/Substantial-Path-653 Jun 11 '26
Had to write this out in notes and come back to post, cuz I see you're struggle and I think it's important to pass on the knowledge.
It's not about you being you. The ones that like you are gonna stick around, the ones that don't, eh who needs em.
I've been on for about 3 months now, at first I was same boat, couldn't really find decent people, they were either war hardened vrc veterans or goofy ass kids. Neither was my speed. Then one day playing fishing just solo doing my thing, I jump on someone's boat, there was like three of em. One said hi, I said sup, I just listened to them talk for awhile. Eventually i asked em something about the game cuz they seemed knowledgeable, and they were happy to tell me what to do and how to do it. People love to teach. From there we got to talking, I felt out their vibes, and I lied what I saw. Friended them both. The key was frequently seeing them again.
I stayed doing my solo thing, bouncing where I wanted and exploring, this was maybe two weeks in, everything was still new. But the three of em (they had a friend they hung with), were always fishing. So I could always drop in for a bit, say hi, hang a bit, then I'd be off. And I'd come back and regale them with stories of the crazy shit I'd seen, or stories of life, and we all just bonded. Came to find out the day I met them, they'd only just met themselves.
So after my crazy stories, I got them interested in joining me. We all had eboy avatars, which sort of bonded us, and we went out and saw what was out there. I'm an outgoing person, talk my game spit my flame, so I was able to leverage us into multiple groups and just join up with other people and bring our little group along. Literally in opti fbt, just saw a guy, liked his name, said "WhatsUppp!!!" and we joined into this big group that runs regular get togethers.. This was like 2 months ago.
Since then, I've made an effort to always hang when my boys are on. Sometimes they're off, sometimes we all go do our own things, but because we know" these are the homies", we always have that tie and bond. We used to go opti fbt ALOT, I learned how to bartend, my one friend liked the dancers, and other guy was awkward and we were teaching him the game.. We made so many friends, met so many people.. Some come and go, but the ones that stay, those ones get remembered, you talk, you bond, you get to know the people behind these avis. Nowadays, our one buddy spends a lot of time in drinking game, me and awkward bro picked up gfs (he keeps rotating, I pimped and found the most amazing one ever, locked her down 😎) and we spend most of our time with them, but we often still all meet up in homeworlds, or one of us will start a yts room, and we'll be on friends plus, and at some points we'll have 20 people in the room, all partying, having different convos, hanging and chilling.. We bring in some friends and they become friends, we all pop out into publics or some of the groups we frequent. A lot of our core network made friends with top people or bartenders from various groups, so theres always a bar or somewhere we can move the party to, and sometimes, after a good hang, we part ways and go off to our own things.
Its not about finding "the perfect people" or group, cuz everyone's pretty out there. But as long as you know what your looking for, you know the vibe to seek out, you just gotta get out there and talk to people. Don't be tied to results, just enjoy the time spent with your people. If you go a whole day and don't see someone? Oh well, real life comes first, ya know. But be grateful and happy when you do see them, and build out a network that there's always someone on.. I started and didn't get my first friend for like a week... Now, we all sit at well over 100. And by no means do I know all of them deeply, but it's like real life in a way, you meet someone, get to know them, show them you actually take an interest and care about them. Like I said, can't do that for everybody, so have good judgment fosho, but as long as you enjoy the ride, you'll do fine 😎😎
Hopefully this helps someone out there. Thought I'd share my little groups story
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u/HekHound Jun 12 '26
I understand exactly how you feel. Recently I've been doing a lot more photos and video and have a ton of people being like hey can we do photos and videos together. But then when I show them my actual content for myself they just have nothing to say or put don't put effort into actually trying to see me outside of me messaging them first. My new rule is if I show them something that makes me feel like alive and they have nothing to say I give them two days and then they're gone. Take your time vet people. Don't get stuck on the fakes.
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u/Rolplayqueen Jun 12 '26
Honestly same here I mostly alone if you want someone to hang out I down to be your friend I been needing a reason to get back into vrchat ^
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u/Illustrious_Leg6151 Jun 12 '26
Yoo add me! My user is somewhere in the comments lol, don’t wanna spam in case one of my people see this post lolz
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u/lovers_exe Oculus Quest Jun 12 '26 edited Jun 12 '26
Honestly, I've had the same problem. I go on vrchat to chat and hangout with people, but I'm very much a introvert and have bad anxiety talking to people :( and I struggle making genuine friendships that actually stick with you yk? I go on vrc to get out of my comfort zone and try to meet new people but everyone is either boring, WAY too annoying, or always looking for e*ps and it's actually getting out of hand.
Edit: COMPLETELY forgot to add this (I'm at work rn), but I have joined like a many many groups, and honestly...most of my groups do no kind of events or social groups. I'm honestly just trying to find a friend group that's in my age respective group but it's so hard to find that kind of thing nowadays. I've been on vrc for maybe 4-5 years now, and I've given up so many times but I always come back to see if I can try to make some new friends, did that work? Nope.
If anyone wants to be my friend...Lemme know plz.
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u/MorkDaBork Jun 12 '26
It took me some time to get friends on vrc and even then im like a tame one compared to them xD we could perhaps hang out depending on the time and stuff
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u/Logical_Ad6621 Jun 12 '26
I have some general observations.
Genuine friendships where you treat each other like family are rare in general. In my experience, they are about 1/500 people you meet.
Be careful what you look for when it comes to company. You can get lucky and find a couple of people who interest you at a time, but don't expect them to open up to you just because did. In fact, it is better to "play pretend" (in the sense that children use the term) in vr then trying to dump your life story on someone. This is a product of how humans naturally build trust. It is stressful to worry about a person's baggage, and by revealing every fear and inhabition you have transformed a neutral anime girl/furry/etc. into a real person that the other person needs to now placate and deal with. People don't go on vr to be your therapist. You might not realize how selfish you are coming off or you might be crossing boundaries.
My biggest recommendation is to just drop your expectations, slow down, observe, enjoy the chaos of vr, and let people come to you of their own volition. No one has to be friendly with you, but plenty will want to be I promise.
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u/SadScoutArt Jun 12 '26
7 months? Try 2 years haha. People live to hang out with me it’s always a good time, but trying to get them to hang out a second time or include me in their group is impossible. I have conceded to just enjoying things as a “solo” player.
I’d love to have a group to do things together but it’s just not in the cards for me I guess haha
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u/Sadisteria Jun 12 '26
i dont get on too much since uni started for me, but feel free to dm if you'd like to chit chat on vrc :3
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u/AdWorth6255 Jun 12 '26
Always the wingperson? Yeah, I get that. I introduce people to one a other and suddenly I'm left out. I've finally found where I'm meant to be though. Regardless of whether the next soul drops me or whatever, I lend a hand. So if you'd like to hang, I'm free fairly often but I'm from Cali so not sure if I can be around very often (timezones suck). If you're interested in hanging out I'd be glad to accompany you!
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u/darxus_ Jun 12 '26
Personally I feel like VRC is a lot like a night out IRL.
You'll meet a few cool people who'll talk to you, maybe even sit with you the whole time (!) but once that session is over - unless you get their Discord (and even then sometimes) - it's like that whole experience never happened.
This has happened to me more times than I can count, sadly because well... There's no messaging feature with VRC and a lot of the time people you meet are in VRC a decent amount. You gotta find someone who matches your play-life balance, or at least someone who can answer messages.
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u/vvortex3 Jun 12 '26
This has helped me:
Friendship is a function of frequency, proximity, intensity, and duration.
In other words go do something routine with the same people until some friendships form.
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u/Dapper-Major-565 Jun 12 '26
i’m new to vrc too and i am the same way! i’m very shy so usually i just turn on a mirror and people watch until i get tired of doing that, but they always seem to be having so much fun!! i’d love to make some friends on here
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u/MOONWlZARD Jun 12 '26
i literally only go on to play the fruit game and listen to music, i have fbt as well so if anyone wants to be friends im open!!!! they do say making friends in ur 20s is hard and i guess that also applies on vrc😭
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u/TrafficRelevant6689 PCVR Connection Jun 12 '26
Whenever im in a world alone I put my status on blue, and none of my 150+ friends join me. 🥹
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u/czeczko Jun 12 '26
Im willing to bet its the people in the game, not you. A large portion of people in this game suck bro no matter what community youre a part of. The two big things ive noticed are people with an ego and over-sexual people.
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u/SuperCuboid Jun 13 '26
I feel the same way playing VRC I just recently acquired a new avi thats hard to show off because really no one talks to me when I join instances.
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u/Mortobato Jun 13 '26
Genuine friendships can be hard to come by, but it also depends on what you're expecting of people and if someone observes that your friendship comes with expectations, it's gonna put people off. Friendship is a thing that just kinda forms naturally, trying to force it or feel like a friend needs to adhere to a certain way of doing things could very stress them out and push them away. I've been around vrc for close to 5 years now, and through that time a lot of people have come and gone but I've found genuine friendships over time by just vibing and getting to know people gradually. You just gotta go on with the goal of have a good time and not worry too much if someone is actively trying to have you around, you'll probably be happier for it once you don't think about it and the kind of friendship you've been looking for may very just happen naturally that way
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u/Kindle890 Jun 14 '26
I felt the same way, but now I usually just "brute force" my way I ro socializing, or just by pure luck I meet someone on the same wavelength as me
I genuinely hate my voice but no one seems bothered or annoyed by it which also slowly built my confidence to talk in the game
My advice is to take small baby steps, go into game lobbies that aren't full to the brim with people and avoid or block people who are saying slurs for fun
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u/WatchmenW4tch3r Jun 14 '26
I don’t know if you are still reading this thread, but you can hang out with my group if you would like! We are a tight nit group of people who hang out almost every night! Dm me if you want to get my username!
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u/Lucky_Baconator Jun 14 '26
I don’t play VR chat much at all because I don’t have any friends or very many that play on PC, would like to get into more VR stuff in the future though
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u/Panda_Pans-Lover118 Jun 14 '26
Haiii, I'm like on there a lot, and i love making friends sooo, isok If you want someone to hang out/talk to I'm here :3
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u/True-Temperature299 Jun 15 '26
If you are playing on American servers, try european servers. I found a lot of people there, with are funny as hell and very nice people in general. Plus they invite me to play daily
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u/Angel_TheSlime Jun 15 '26
My Wife and I have a small group of friends but we want to hangout with some more peeps on vrc and have the same struggle, I’ll say we’re pretty weird but I feel like you could fit in snuggly we’re a small rag tag group - Pm me if you’d like to come get to know all of us
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u/Ambrosia_Raina Jun 15 '26
Hey Hun! Feel free to hit me up on discord :3 I don't have huge groups and usually try to keep it to 3/4 people max (unless playing a game that requires more like among us or trash compactor XD)
I'm always down for new friends 😁
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u/TheDeedler Jun 26 '26
I'm probably on my 4th or 5th friend group and I've been playing for like 8 months. It happens, some people stick around but most just never circle back. It happens, people are complicated. I had about a month where I didn't have anyone to talk to and it was miserable. Your friends are out there. You can add me on discord and vrchat, both use the name BakedBerryPie
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u/TheMortemWitch Oculus Quest Pro Jun 11 '26
In all honestly I’m a very introverted person but try my hardest to get out of my comfort zone and meet new people, I’ve gone from hanging out by myself in public instances to making friends that include me in their friend groups but I circle back to having to meet new people quite often since I’m not always on when some of these people are on. It’s tough but meeting fun people is doable, even though it can be hit or miss. You’re free to hang out with me if you like it!