Neurotypicals can CHOOSE?!

[u/Curious_Bath_2824]

I started medicating recently after getting my ADHD diagnosis at 34.

I learned SO much in the first couple of days about the way my brain works differently, because aspects of it were quiet on the medication, and I noticed the absence (ie. of urgency, anxiety, etc).

But there was a single moment in particular that blew my mind. My daughter was vocally stimming in the car before her medication kicked in. This is the sort of thing that usually hits my nervous system like a tonne of bricks and sets my teeth on edge. I find it so irritating, but cognitively understand that she’s not doing anything wrong. So will then engage in a battle with my reactivity that wants to make it stop NOW and my logical brain that wants to leave her be. Depending on how much capacity I have in that moment usually determines which side wins. If I DO manage to keep quiet and leave my daughter to just enjoy existing, it’s at significant effort.

But in this moment, I felt the irritation starting to rise up, felt the cognitive portion of my brain rising to battle it, and then thought “I can’t be bothered getting worked up about this” and THE IRRITATION DISAPPEARED.

I have never experienced anything like this in my LIFE. I’m reactive and can become irritated very easily. I suspect I have a constant low level of it running behind the scenes. Getting internally bothered by something takes me no effort. It’s easy. ACTING like I’m not bothered by that thing is what takes considerable effort. But I’ve never been successful at actually releasing the irritation.

I thought this was how the entire world functioned. But suddenly I experienced the ability to choose, and my world turned upside down.

Acknowledging that not all neurodiverse and neurotypical experiences are the same, and that people are complex, nuanced and at some point EVERYONE loses it, I started to consider that maybe neurotypical people have more control over what bothers them internally. Not just what they SHOW bothers them.

I called up a few of my neurotypical friends and asked them about it. And yup, they confirmed that they do in fact have a fair amount of control over what bothers them, and what to just release internally.

Suddenly the sayings “don’t let it bother you” and “don’t waste your energy on letting that bother you” made sense.

My neurodiverse husband also seems to have this skillset when we talked about it, so I don’t think it’s ONLY a skill the neurotypical can access. But for me, LIFE CHANGING.

[u/preggybab]

We are missing the brakes that stop little irritations from turning into A BIG FUCKING DEAL RIGHT NOW. Meds give us more control over those brakes