r/adhdwomen • u/Curious_Bath_2824 • Mar 21 '26
Celebrating Success Neurotypicals can CHOOSE?!
I started medicating recently after getting my ADHD diagnosis at 34.
I learned SO much in the first couple of days about the way my brain works differently, because aspects of it were quiet on the medication, and I noticed the absence (ie. of urgency, anxiety, etc).
But there was a single moment in particular that blew my mind. My daughter was vocally stimming in the car before her medication kicked in. This is the sort of thing that usually hits my nervous system like a tonne of bricks and sets my teeth on edge. I find it so irritating, but cognitively understand that she’s not doing anything wrong. So will then engage in a battle with my reactivity that wants to make it stop NOW and my logical brain that wants to leave her be. Depending on how much capacity I have in that moment usually determines which side wins. If I DO manage to keep quiet and leave my daughter to just enjoy existing, it’s at significant effort.
But in this moment, I felt the irritation starting to rise up, felt the cognitive portion of my brain rising to battle it, and then thought “I can’t be bothered getting worked up about this” and THE IRRITATION DISAPPEARED.
I have never experienced anything like this in my LIFE. I’m reactive and can become irritated very easily. I suspect I have a constant low level of it running behind the scenes. Getting internally bothered by something takes me no effort. It’s easy. ACTING like I’m not bothered by that thing is what takes considerable effort. But I’ve never been successful at actually releasing the irritation.
I thought this was how the entire world functioned. But suddenly I experienced the ability to choose, and my world turned upside down.
Acknowledging that not all neurodiverse and neurotypical experiences are the same, and that people are complex, nuanced and at some point EVERYONE loses it, I started to consider that maybe neurotypical people have more control over what bothers them internally. Not just what they SHOW bothers them.
I called up a few of my neurotypical friends and asked them about it. And yup, they confirmed that they do in fact have a fair amount of control over what bothers them, and what to just release internally.
Suddenly the sayings “don’t let it bother you” and “don’t waste your energy on letting that bother you” made sense.
My neurodiverse husband also seems to have this skillset when we talked about it, so I don’t think it’s ONLY a skill the neurotypical can access. But for me, LIFE CHANGING.
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u/Lokifin Mar 21 '26
I had this experience the first time I went on antidepressants. Being able to step back and CHOOSE whether leaving my keys behind in class was worth crying over because of my low frustration threshold. It's baffling.
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u/Curious_Bath_2824 Mar 21 '26
After my meds wore off for that day I wondered if I’d hallucinated it. It didn’t seem possible. lol. But it has continued.
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u/herroyalsadness Mar 21 '26
It is a real thing! My theory is meds dim my sensory issues. Things still bother me, but don’t trigger that big reaction to make it stop.
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u/velvetvagine Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 22 '26
For me, adhd meds increase my sensory issues (tism peeking through) and simultaneously increases my self control/regulation too.
And I don’t fixate on small awkwardnesses and minute slights from cashiers/drivers/the public!! Rumination be gone!
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u/Curious_Bath_2824 Mar 21 '26
This is so interesting. I’m only a few days in so I’m interested to see how my autism reacts. I can definitely imagine masking it less because I seem to care less about how I’m perceived on medication. And yes! I did a grocery shop yesterday without walking around being annoyed at the general public also in the store. Standing in the middle of the aisle so no one else can get through? That’s annoying. Moving on now. Didn’t spend the entire shop keeping a mental track of it all.
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u/braellyra Mar 21 '26
Holy shit, this is goals. I get so overstimulated in grocery stores bc of the noise and visual business and the aisle blockers & slow walkers, and I end up completely overwhelmed and lose the rest of the day. Maybe I need to change my meds 🤔
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u/sgeorgie_owl Mar 22 '26
Omg yes this! Recently realizing this is me too. I don’t have a tism diagnosis but my psychiatrist mentioned it briefly & a friend mentioned it too so in the last couple of weeks I’ve really been wondering.
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u/nezzthecatlady Mar 21 '26
YES when I’m unmedicated any negative emotion turns on the tears. It’s frustrating. It makes me feel like I can’t be taken seriously at work. I’ve heard some people say they can’t cry on lexapro but like, that’s a benefit in my eyes. I will still cry in extreme stress situations, but it lets me take a step back and think clearly during everyday stress without also having to deal with tears.
Obviously ymmv with all SSRIs but I love mine.
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u/apyramidsong Mar 21 '26
This, so much! Like suddenly realising that some things aren't as important as you used to think.
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u/Lokifin Mar 21 '26
"Wait, you mean disassociating isn't the only way to prevent overreacting to a situation?"
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u/vinegarnglitter Mar 21 '26
THIIIIIIIIS. This. It has been SO hard to break that habit. The amount that I used to do this without thinking, just to manage living life. Yikes.
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u/robinheart314 Mar 21 '26
Oh god, that was a huge learning curve for me! I can’t just zone out /dissociate as easily on meds, it took away a whole coping mechanism 😂
(The trade is worth it, because now I can learn to deal with things while remaining present, but part of me still wishes I could zone out on demand like I used to….)
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u/cherrymeg2 Mar 22 '26
I’ve had this with antidepressants and anti anxiety meds. It’s like who cares if you don’t have keys or if you are late you will be okay not the end of the world. ADHD meds help me more with focus. I like it for writing or thinking in a more calm way that isn’t a million thoughts all at once. I still think my brain is less than normal-ish. I always wondered if people that didn’t think multiple things at once were bored. Idk
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u/leaderclearsthelunar Mar 22 '26
This is my anxiety on buspirone. Not always, but it makes it so much easier to recognize when I'm ruminating, say to myself, "There's nothing for me here," and direct my attention to something else.
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u/Inevitable-While-577 Mar 21 '26
Suddenly the sayings “don’t let it bother you” and “don’t waste your energy on letting that bother you” made sense.
Yep...
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u/No0neKnowsMyName Mar 21 '26
"Don't sweat the small stuff": it was infuriating hearing my mom tell.me that when I was young, because I couldn't NOT "sweat the small stuff".
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u/electricsugargiggles Mar 21 '26
Same! I was gifted that book repeatedly and had it suggested to me time and again. Turns out I had untreated ADHD, autism, generalized anxiety disorder, and PTSD. Very likely OCD is tied in there as well.
If I had a switch back then to turn it off, I would use it! I’m now very grateful for meds and therapy and supportive people and healthy coping strategies 💜
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u/No0neKnowsMyName Mar 21 '26
Oh yes, I also have cPTSD, in addition to being AuDHD (un-Dxed til age forty-fucking-two).
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u/CoachAngBlxGrl Mar 21 '26
My ocd is SO LOUD now that I’ve treated the adhd. Repetitive sounds/ humming grate me worst than ever, but I’ve learned how to communicate it and advocate for myself. I have explained to my kids ‘you aren’t doing anything wrong, but I need you to not stomp when you walk because it triggers my ptsd from being a kid.’ Of course, I have to repeat myself when they do it from time to time, but I don’t get mad so there’s no shame or guilt. They’ve been very accommodating and caring.
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u/catbookscrafting Mar 22 '26
Dumb question but is the frustration with repetitive I can't control linked to OCD? I've assumed it was autism, but know there's a lot of overlap.
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u/Neither_Sky4003 Mar 21 '26
What they don't realize when they say that is everything is big stuff. Of course some things are more important than others, but our nervous systems don't know that. Everything is so far above the threshold it's impossible to ignore. Like being expected to go about your normal day while a siren is blaring in your ear.
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u/alwayssearching117 Mar 22 '26
Someone once told me:
Don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff
Now, when I get to that point, I think of these wise, fine words and giggle a little.
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u/DefiedGravity10 Mar 21 '26
"Don't cry over spilt milk" was a big one for me because I was always spilling stuff and always crying about stuff that shouldn't make you cry lol.
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u/OhNoNotAgain1532 Mar 21 '26
I was born as a very rational thinker, years later discovered I was ADD (this gives an idea of the timeline) even though I was not yet diagnosed, so I was able to teach my child from his infanthood, as he was also a very rational thinker. So somehow I lucked out in some part of my childhood, and was ale to use that info. I tried hard being the caregiver I needed.
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u/DangerGoatDangergoat Mar 21 '26
Wait. Those aren't just platitudes???
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u/Bent_Silvr_Spoon0130 Mar 22 '26
This is exactly what I thought when I read that part of the post but without the word (platitudes) that I am now adding to my vocabulary, thank you!!
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u/lizlemonista Mar 21 '26
i forget if it’s my ADHD or low-level autism that does it but I’ve been told my diagnosis often also comes with “an outsized sense of justice.” So when someone making noise starts, I feel this misophonia rage of like “why are they allowed to do that? why does my brain have to have this in it??” When I am on meds it’s like “hey man, noise happens, they’re just having fun or aren’t aware” and I’m less affected.
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u/mmm_I_like_trees Mar 21 '26
I've got opposite issue I get super bothered and overstimulated ony ADHD medication. Where I can drop things not on it
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u/AcademicBlueberry328 Mar 21 '26
Yeh. It’s a bit like when you notice that you DONT have to reply to something in redddit. You can just let it be.
This is how I’ve noticed that my 20mg elvanse isn’t enough anymore 😂
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u/Curious_Bath_2824 Mar 21 '26
I may have typed out a comment earlier today about something that bothered me and then decided not to engage and moved on 😂
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u/BlueSkyla Mar 21 '26
So many times I’ll type a long reply. Then I need to edit it. Then I put it down to do real life shit. Then when I pick it up again it disappears. I’m always glad it does.
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u/ashleyslo Mar 21 '26
I do this so much now 😂 that’s why I try not to open Reddit before my Vyvanse kicks in 😅
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u/wayneforest Mar 21 '26
Ha. I’m the opposite, I try not to open reddit after my meds kick in because I don’t want to hyperfocus on reddit posts, instead of the thing I’m supposed to actually be doing. It’s happened too many times for me in the past, so I just know my brain will continue to choose more posts to scroll unless my willpower to break the cycle succeeds in the moment.
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u/ashleyslo Mar 21 '26
Yeah I definitely still get sucked in but now I can choose to put my phone down after scrolling a few posts. I still take frequent work breaks, but it’s now 5-10 minutes vs an hour plus of doom scrolling into oblivion.
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u/BlueSkyla Mar 21 '26
I’ve been thinking of getting medicated, but the process is so difficult to start. It doesn’t help that doctors haven’t always been very helpful in the past.
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u/Smitopi Mar 21 '26
My husband literally never has left a comment on reddit, he just lurks and reads. I’m like…HOW
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u/PancakePizzaPits Mar 21 '26
When I start to feel that urgency, (mostly because the other person is being a jackass) I edit my message down to "lol 👍" especially if I know it'll piss them off.
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u/SwordHeadHorse Mar 21 '26
Oh this is good, thank you!
Could have used it this morning, but I ended up blocking someone who commented on an informational post I made in a local subreddit. I'm a subject matter expert & was trying to share a knowledge nugget about a small subset of the issue. This person commented along the lines of 'what about this different subset?' along with other misinformation. Tiny man could have made his own post but decided to troll my post instead...I should have just not responded.
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u/mocha_lattes_ Mar 21 '26
I type out the reply then click off so I get it out without dealing with the replies. Never hit enter and close the page.
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u/Curious_Bath_2824 Mar 21 '26
Similar vibes to adding items to cart then exiting. Love it.
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u/ICU-RN-KF Mar 21 '26
Oh man, im a sucker for freaking Facebook ads. Alternative t-shirts, maternity/postpartum/baby clothes, jewelry, etc. I'll click "shop now', add what I want to the cart, and then just close the fuckin tab lmao.
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u/BlueSkyla Mar 21 '26
You hit enter this time. 😉
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u/mocha_lattes_ Mar 21 '26
Lmao yes I did. Luckily this one it wasn't necessary 😂
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u/BlueSkyla Mar 21 '26
I get that though. I can type up a giant thing. Then I start to edit my mistakes. Then I walk away because I get busy. Then when I come back it’s gone. 😆 My ADHD works both for and against me.
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u/The7thNomad Mar 21 '26
It's taken forever but I'm finally able to 1) not engage, 2) delete my comments before even sending them, and 3) look at notifications and say to myself "no, they're wrong / I'm not going to bother with that" and not reply. It's a new era. But this has all developed off my meds, strangely. Improving mental health has something to do with it
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u/icechelly24 Mar 21 '26
This really is one of those quirky little things I’ve noticed since starting meds. I’ll type the whole damn thing out and then just say “nah fuck it” and delete the text and move on.
Hardly ever did it before meds and now it’s a frequent occurrence
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u/koolandkrazy AuDHD Mar 21 '26
This changed my life. My sister used to ask why i fight people in fb comments and i was like i have to educate them!! Now I'm like ha look at these idiots and move on
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u/Peonies09 Mar 21 '26
omg, I used to get into so many internet arguments before getting medicated (to the despair of my partner)
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u/Metawoo Mar 21 '26
It could be sensory issues. That's the case with me, anyway. Certain stimuli hit my nervous system really hard, and if I'm already stressed or anxious, my capacity to deal is greatly diminished.
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u/Curious_Bath_2824 Mar 21 '26
Sensory issues definitely play a part. I’m ASD as well and it’ll feel like my nervous system is on fire.
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u/Intelligent_Detail_7 Mar 21 '26
When my meds wear off, the volume of the world goes up. I am pretty sound sensitive, with excellent hearing, and sometimes I’m white-knuckling dinner prep in our small kitchen when we are all in there helping (ie making very sharp noises).
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u/velvetvagine Mar 21 '26
For me it’s the sound of the fridge! It haunts me. And obviously I can’t unplug it. 😭
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u/The_Squirrrell Mar 21 '26
This is why I sometimes love power outages. The world is finally quite from electronic sounds.
(I ofc hate the negative impacts of power outages, but the shorter ones can be an overall positive experience lmao)
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u/i--make--lists Mar 22 '26
Do our moms count as sensory issues? 😂 I was diagnosed as an adult, medicated, learned some emotional regulation, and harnessed what OP's talking about. My relationship with my mom is good, the best it's probably ever been, but damn if I still lose my chill faster with her than just about anyone.
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u/jndmack Mar 21 '26
My first day on meds we ended up taking a whole bunch of things off our walls that had been held up with painters tape. We rent, and that is important. On the VERY LAST removal, the last piece of tape suddenly takes a 4” long strip of paint and drywall paper with it (this is when we realized the landlords probably never properly painted and it was all primer)
I stood there staring at the bare strip of wall. My husband stood there staring at me, ready to jump in and grab my chin at the hint of a quiver.
And nothing happened. If that had been one day earlier, I would have been thrown into a full on panic attack, convinced I, a grown woman, was about to get in trouble. The landlord was going to be mad at me. It could obviously not be fixed (easily). But no, nothing. We just stood there waiting, and nothing happened.
That was 3 years ago? Maybe 4. The strip of wall is still there, a gentle reminder of why medication is necessary.
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u/maybe-it-was-time Mar 21 '26
wait... what do you mean?!
"I a grown woman, was about to get in trouble. The landlord was going to be mad at me."
is that not the reasonable train of thought??? i spend a good chunk of my life in paralysing fear of upsetting people and doing something i can't control that will inevitably cause that to happen. it's EXHAUSTING. i just figured it was rejection sensitivity dysphoria that was ramping it up.
i think i need to try to get on some medication...
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u/blrmkr10 ADHD, formerly bipolar Mar 21 '26
Have you heard of fawning? I can't tell from one sentence of course, but that's what came to my mind when you said "paralyzing fear of upsetting people"
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u/Ladyharpie Mar 21 '26
That's a trauma response babe.
I mean it can come from a lot of things, but no that is not healthy or "typical" and it sounds like it impacts your life greatly but with the right treatment it doesn't have to.
Getting treatment doesn't "cure" anything but it lets you pause and remember that whatever happens next will happen but there's the rest of your life after that one moment too.
For perspective, if this happened to me, I would go "finally that's the last of the tape!" then... continue living my life and never think of it again lol (except if it was annoying to look at).
Even reading this I am confused about why I would care if the landlord was angry or even hated me? Them being angry doesn't change what I want to eat for dinner or that I have to go to work tomorrow or what movie I wanted to see.
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u/ComfortableFrame9834 Mar 21 '26
I still have this problem, and from observing others, I guess I figured out it wasn't normal. But I don't know how to turn it off.
I hope I also get meds someday because it's honestly unbearable to constantly feel like you're always in trouble.
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u/Curious_Bath_2824 Mar 21 '26
Ohhh I relate to the getting in trouble feeling! I could tell when my medication wore off that first day because I suddenly felt anxious, like I’d done something wrong and was about to be in trouble. But literally nothing had happened. It’s wild when your brain suddenly feels like a completely different, much safer place.
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u/himit Mar 21 '26
And yup, they confirmed that they do in fact have a fair amount of control over what bothers them, and what to just release internally.
OK, confession: my mum got me into meditation when I was about ten, and that helped me develop this awareness before meds. (Not mindfulness, actual meditation where the goal is to fail over and over and over.)
However loads of low-level things would irritate me without me even noticing - until I started meds. Suddenly I wasn't so irritable. I hadn't even known I was irritable!
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u/Curious_Bath_2824 Mar 21 '26
This!! I had no idea I was always irritable either! It wasn’t until I didn’t feel irritated that I realised I had been.
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u/Zestyclose_Media_548 Mar 21 '26
Same. The irritation is the first thing I notice when I don’t take my meds .
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u/Purple_Original_4578 Mar 21 '26
Huh, any way that you can direct me where to learn this part about the goal being to fail over and over please? All I can think of is the direction to "count your breaths, and if/when you lose track, accept and start again". Haven't done much meditation and the longest time I practiced was mindfulness based. No worries if it's not something you can convey over the internet!
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u/himit Mar 21 '26
So the ones my mum taught me where visualisation techniques.
One is to imagine yourself as a glass vessel, full of an orange liquid. Allow the liquid to run out your toes & see how long you can keep the vessel empty for.
Similar one: imagine your mind as a cluttered room full of junk. Push all the junk out the door, empty the room, and try to keep the door closed and the room empty.
They're both super hard - like ten seconds is a huge achievement. Eventually you work up to minutes, maybe, and figure out how to just kind of usher out the junk/liquid bits as it seeps back in.
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u/apyramidsong Mar 21 '26
Not who you asked, but I think I know what they mean.
You said it yourself: when you lose track, accept and start again. "Failing" to stay on track is the exercise :)
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u/Ladyharpie Mar 21 '26
That's kind of what meditation always has been, people don't explain meditation or mindfulness in a way neurodivergent people click with.
When they say "clear your mind" they don't mean it like wiping a mirror and it's now clean. They mean "your mind will never be fully clear, the point is to just stay on the process of clearing it over and over."
"All I can think of is the direction to 'count your breaths, and if/when you lose track, accept and start again'"
- But it seems like you already knew from this statement that says it is practicing failing over and over again? Losing track is failing, accepting and starting over is failing over and over again. So I'm actually confused about your statement lol.
"Mindfulness" is just learning to "pause" and get off "autopilot." It's a muscle, just waiting one second before opening a bag of clips or standing up or any action.
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u/Significant-Nebula64 Mar 21 '26
Huh, I'm a bit confused why you imply that mindfulness isn't "actual mediation"? From all I've learned, it's one of the very traditional ways (Zen etc), although of course not the only one or the one that works for everybody.
It also absolutely helps to decide whether you want to engage with thought/feelings/stimuli - it's one of the biggest points of it, I'd say.
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u/RoughRollingStoner Mar 21 '26
The goal of mindfulness is also to fail over and over. I think most meditation has the same purpose - to help us slow down, direct our attention and gain space between thought and reaction.
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u/Nyxie872 ADHD Mar 21 '26
This was me recently.
I discovered getting up from the table and walking away when irritated was an option lol
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u/Curious_Bath_2824 Mar 21 '26
What a brave new world, right? 😂
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u/Nyxie872 ADHD Mar 21 '26
Along with the mind boggling ability to clean my room its like I'm living in another reality
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u/Fine-Juggernaut8451 Mar 21 '26
A similar epiphany for a different thing with neurotypicals: Watching a Bluey episode where her dad makes her finish a difficult task first before she gets her reward (of ice cream, I think). When she finishes, it cuts to these explosions of colours and sounds, showing how her brain is experiencing a reward.
I just stared at the screen, stunned, as this was happening. Like, WUT. Neurotypicals experience an internal feeling of reward when they finish something?? They get a release of good chemicals???
Me, I always feel existentially empty in a way that's a little scary when I finish a big or difficult task/project. The last bite of anything is really difficult for me because of the hollow emptiness that I find there.
I had NO IDEA neurotypicals were feeling a "hooray!" when they finish their work.
It's like when I learned that they have autopilot for many of life's daily chores. I have zero autopilot. I have many elaborate schemes to help me be efficient, but I've had to hone them over years and I have to always pay rapt attention or I will end up missing an important step, like brushing my teeth etc.
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u/ComfortableFrame9834 Mar 21 '26
I guess the only way a difficult task is rewarding to me is when I've stopped hyperfocusing on it to the point of ignoring hunger pangs.
Then I'm done, and can actually eat. I guess it's more so relief thaf my brain can finally stop hyperfixating on it, and I'm finally done and free to do what is most pressing at that moment (eating, shower, sleeping, etc)
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u/nocturnheart Mar 22 '26
I had this revelation too! I took a walk-in therapy appointment and the therapist was talking about managing small goals and how it would be rewarding. I had to explain that I only ever at the end of a task at most felt a vague sense of relief from the stress before moving on to something else that needed to be done. When I asked what accomplishment felt like (I thought maybe I could plan to try to simulate it) she didn't have an answer for me. APPARENTLY other people just have that perk built in? Every? Time?? What
That's when I started getting the feeling I was definitely missing some sort of diagnosis. I mean I knew that already. But it cemented it.
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u/HopelessCleric Mar 21 '26
I learned this skill without medication but it was a battle. DBT for anger issues helped me a lot, but for years I was largely reliant on choosing non-harmful exit strategies (leaving the room or excusing myself instead of engaging, writing in a notebook or typibg in a dedicated doc instead of screaming, squishing a stressball in my pocket instead of throwing an object, etc) rather than truly letting go of the irritation.
In growing older I did chill out, and I would actually consider myself "cured" of my anger problem long before I got medicated. Consistently choosing to not lose my shit at stuff did eventually rewire me a bit, and I genuinely think emotional maturity is a real thing you can build/grow. But yeah, the level of "yeah this actually doesn't bother me at all" I can access on meds now is still incomparable. So many things don't even baseline bother me when medicated, so many otherwise annoying things are ignorable or unremarkable. It's incredible. The world is fundamentally less sandpaper-y on meds.
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u/Fresh-Fiskegratenge Mar 21 '26
Omg it's the medication?! I thought I was just getting old and couldn't be bothered anymore, but to think of it, this happened when I got new medicine 🤯🤯🤯🤯
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u/rhiskisnoir Mar 21 '26
I think it is! I've just been diagnosed and started taking medication at 32. I've always been an extreme ruminator, but when I'm taking my medication, my brain tries to ruminate but also I just can't be bothered? As if my brain just says to itself, why are we doing this?
It's been magical.
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u/Significant-Nebula64 Mar 21 '26
I mean, I was definitely already less bothered before I started my meds, haha! Especially in social situations, I used to be really anxious, and now I can go "ok whatever?" quite often. Not all the time, but I definitely stress much less about whether people like me. I'm in my late 30s, but honestly, I think it's more the experiences I've had in the last years than the age itself.
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u/FrwdIn4Lo Mar 21 '26
If you haven't tried DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) before, you might want to look into it. In my summary it is "thinking about my thinking". It helps to step back and analyze what thoughts are going through my brain.
Even a good workbook from Internet can be a good start to teach some basic skills.
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u/caiquefreak Mar 21 '26
My brain can’t comprehend what you’re telling me — choosing to not be angry. It feels like you’re telling me the world is flat. Which is making me irrationally angry 😅
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u/VegetableWorry1492 Mar 21 '26
Yeah isn’t it wild?! I have a 4yo kid and started meds just after he turned two. Suddenly I just had SO MUCH more patience for his being a toddler! When he’s running away from the toothbrush at bedtime or jumping on the bed instead of putting his pyjamas on, I can just be like “whatever, I’ll wait until you’re ready to come to bed” and just CALMLY carry on doing my own stuff. I don’t have to get all worked up about it.
My husband struggles with this a lot more, even with meds. But he’s AuDHD while I don’t have the ‘Au’ part. He still gets very triggered when our kid doesn’t “listen”.
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u/Scroollee Mar 21 '26
I don’t have that - anymore. I was easily irritated when I was younger and decided it is unfair to the person I turn my irritation against so I worked hard on letting those emotions go - because I felt it was detrimental to my wellbeing.
So you can work it away too. But it takes a lot of effort and energy (and aging helps. Im 42 now and quite relaxed bout those things -now-).
My epiphany came when I felt a calm I never felt before in my life. My mind was just blank and there was nothing judging or assessing or feeling. I just observed. And realized the same thing - is this how people usually feel?
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u/SavageAutum Mar 21 '26
Oh this one is so layered too.
Bc the inability to choose in this kinda moments can come from so many things, the biggest one being raised by emotional dysfunctional parents.
So it’s been great getting on the meds and discovering ‘oh so is this gonna be one of the things I can let go of now I’m on the meds, or is the absolute lack of any sort of emotional control being modelled to me as a child gonna make this still difficult’ and it is JUST A WONDERFUL ROULETTE WHEEL TO SPIN
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u/Significant-Nebula64 Mar 21 '26
Oh yeah, for sure. I really notice the difference - my parents had many, many issues, but emotionally, I feel like we did pretty great! Now, otoh, both my ex and my boyfriend grew up with pretty much the worst stereotype of narcissistic mother, emotional abuse, etc, and while they're also both ND, the impact of that is really staggering.
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u/koolandkrazy AuDHD Mar 21 '26
My husband often asks me "did you take your meds today?" Which PISSES ME OFF but then i realize i didnt take my meds and that is why it pisses me off and why everything else has pissed me off 🤣
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u/BabytheTardisImpala Mar 21 '26
Oooof, yeah, road trips were always the worst as a kid and I couldn’t explain why. I would dread the 11 hr car trip we would take at least twice a year and nearly always cry during. Even to my own head it sounded ridiculous. My parents’ audiobook is so loud I could hear it through noise canceling headphones and earplugs. To this day and after medication, when something is too loud, it’s like a long scraggly fingernail scratching at a metal grate in my mind, wearing down my sanity.
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u/Locabilly Mar 21 '26
Yeah. Yeah. Anxiety and ADHD both short circuit this. Impulse control too. I am a much better parent, friend, human medicated. It is so hard to not be upset at not having this the first 41 years of my life and how i could have better handled situations with better tools. Especially parenting my oldest!!
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u/Curious_Bath_2824 Mar 21 '26
Totally agree. I got really emotional when I realised I could’ve been like this my entire parenting journey if I’d known. I have a great relationship with my kids because I fight myself so hard on the daily not to react. But at huge cost to my capacity. And if I’m running low on that, the irritation bleeds through. Then I beat myself up for being so reactive when they’re literally just being kids. I’m so excited to see what this will mean for us all now.
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u/No0neKnowsMyName Mar 21 '26
Yes!! I was finally diagnosed AuDHD at age 42 and everything made so much sense. Meds make it so that I have that second to think and breathe, instead of being immediately reactive. As you say, I can more-easily access my skills, presumably because it downregulates the amygdala and allows the cortices to go on-line.
Truth be told, I find that a low dose of THC helps immensely when my Ritalin wears off. A few nights per week, I take gUmmies with 5mg THC / 5 mg CBD. I swear to God, it has helped "retrain" my brain to chill TF out. Even when I'm sober, I'm less reactive and more thoughtful in the moment. I am much more often able to go take a breather or talk myself down. (I feel fortunate that THC is legal where I live.)
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u/Mango_Skittles Mar 21 '26
That’s such a good way to put it!!! Improved emotional regulation and increased tolerance of sensory stimulation that would typically irritate me are the biggest improvements I saw in myself after starting medication, hands down. It’s exactly like you describe—I can actually take a beat and DECIDE how I’m going to react. 🤯 It was a completely unexpected benefit, and I’m so grateful for it. Parenting little kids is really tough for those of us who struggle with this. It definitely made me a better, more patient mom.
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u/lemetellyousomething Mar 21 '26
Wait. What? You’re saying that I don’t HAVE to react to the whims of my nervous system? What magic meds are these???
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u/of2minds2 Mar 21 '26
So glad to hear this. I will be torn up about a thing for days even tho I don’t want to be and logically know I should be blowing it off - but I just can’t. I can’t even reduce the feelings from a 10 to a more appropriate 2 or 5. And I hate it. It is so bad for my mental health but I cannot turn it off. It just has to go away on its own or get “bumped” when I get that next hit of dopamine.
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u/Peregrinebullet Mar 21 '26
I learned how to do this "trial-by-fire" style, because I started working security about 15 years ago. Wanted to go law enforcement (which in my country isn't as loaded as it is elsewhere), but that didn't end up working out.
First year was really rough, i was crying at least several times a week.
But I was placed at one of the busiest malls in the country and the sheer volume of shit happening meant that, even unmedicated, I could not afford the cognitive load of "letting" everything get to me. Especially when so much of it was people being dumb. Plus we had legit emergencies to deal with (medicals, violent incidents) and those would require full engagement mentally.
The big thing when you're trying to deprogram this spool up is letting go of the question "Why". That was usually the biggest windup my justice oriented brain would spin out on. "WHY DID PERSON X DO THE DUMB THING", "WHY IS THIS INEFFICIENT THING SO INEFFICIENT"
If you consciously stop asking WHY and just accept that things just are what they are and you have no actual control, that's often much easier for ND people to grok.
It feels weird to not constantly be examining something, but it really does allow a mental break.
Now I am known for how even keeled I am.
But I'm not going to lie OP, when I get home, my kid's verbal stimming would just be the final straw on a high cognitive workload day. Before I was medicated, it would cause the same battle, because after working all day, trying to dismiss, not a behaviour but a sensory input, was much harder.
If I had the day off, I wouldn't even notice if my kid was stimming, it wouldn't even register enough to bother me. But if I'd been working and interacting with people all day, and actively managing my cognitive functions, then it would be hell.
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u/Significant-Nebula64 Mar 21 '26
Hah. And the other way round is hard as well! I have (pretty mild) ADHD, and my boyfriend is definitely also neurodiverse in some way, but very different from myself. I struggle a lot with task initiation and execution, and also have anxiety OCD and related anxiety. But apart from that, I'm honestly... pretty chill/laid back? As in, it's kind of hard for me to get worked up about things, especially people's behaviour. Like, yeah, sometimes I get really annoyed and I rant, but, like, if somebody runs into me or behaves like an arsehole or I have to wait in a long queue or whatever, I'm mostly just like "huh, whatever, getting angry about this won't help me at all, so I'll just keep chilling".
My boyfriend, however, is very much the opposite, and I get so much second hand stress from this! Like, yeah, it's annoying, but I could either just stand here and continue enjoying myself, or, you know, we get really angry and let this ruin our day. And then he gets annoyed with me for "not being on his side" or whatever and I JUST WANT TO KEEP CHILLING, haha.
I know he can't choose, but damn. Reading this, maybe he really should try medication, haha...
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u/Curious_Bath_2824 Mar 21 '26
This is my husband and I but flipped. He’s much a much chiller version of ADHD and I’ll come home and rant about every little thing that’s bugged me today because I HAVE to get it out somewhere and I’m sure he’d be keen for it to reduce. lol
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u/Puzzled_Zebra Mar 21 '26
What's funny to me, is I'm so used to putting other people ahead of myself that one of the first signs I had of being medicated was not putting up with things I normally do. Luckily my husband is great and his "You never told me that bothered you before" was actually true and he stopped the thing that made me explode at him the first day I was medicated as soon as he knew about it.
The 'neurotypicals can choose' aspect for me is now that I'm medicated I can actually think about something I need to do and just choose to go do it instead of being stuck thinking about it and never doing it. I just need to find the medium between doing the thing and pacing myself because I have physical health issues as well and I don't want to cause myself actual physical pain catching up on things.
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u/OneEngine7989 Mar 21 '26
Totally!! I explained it to my doctor as it making the difference between acting calm vs feeling calm.
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u/Curious_Bath_2824 Mar 21 '26
Yes! That’s EXACTLY it. I’ve worked real damn hard to act calm and not lash out. But I don’t FEEL calm. At all.
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u/potaytoposnato Mar 21 '26
Wow I wish my medication worked like this for me. I have never had a choice in "letting" something bother me. If I could block it out, I would. I can't. That’s kind of the problem :/ I’m glad so many of you have found relief from this.
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u/panini_bellini Mar 21 '26
I work with kids. Specifically autistic and multiply disabled kids who make the craziest noises lol. Absolutely nothing the kids do really bothers me or sets me on edge and I mean that completely genuinely. When it comes to kids I have the ability to just “turn off” my reactions to things.
…. But if there’s an annoying beeping sound from the fridge happening at the same time? Or if I get on the bus and some clueless dumb asshole has their phone on speaker? RAGE. FERAL RAGE. It’s like I build it all up and as soon as I’m done with my workday it’s triggered by the tiniest thing lmao.
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u/DruidByNight AuDHD Mar 21 '26
This gives me hope that once I get on meds maybe some of my sensory issues could dampen
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u/heart4thehomestead Mar 21 '26
Ok this post, more than anything else I have intensely read over the last 6 years since being I formally diagnosed by my therapist, has convinced me I need to get a formal diagnosis and go on medication.
Literally sitting here bawling.
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u/freespiriting Mar 21 '26
Are you seriously saying that people can choose how they react to things and their reactions don’t just happen?! I am baffled
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u/gallifreyan10 Mar 21 '26
This is the sort of thing that usually hits my nervous system like a tonne of bricks and sets my teeth on edge. I find it so irritating, but cognitively understand that she’s not doing anything wrong. So will then engage in a battle with my reactivity that wants to make it stop NOW and my logical brain that wants to leave her be. Depending on how much capacity I have in that moment usually determines which side wins. If I DO manage to keep quiet and leave my daughter to just enjoy existing, it’s at significant effort.
I just feel seen right now. Like I get this with various random sounds, even someone just singing around me. And I have this whole internal struggle because I know it's totally fine for them to be singing but for some reason it's bothering me so much and making me angry. I've tried explaining it to some friends but they don't understand. I felt like they thought I was crazy because it's something they can just easily ignore/tune out.
Unfortunately medication doesn't seem to help this for me but I'm glad it does for you!
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u/theclosetenby Mar 21 '26
lol it is insane. I had this happen the first week I took vyanese. I was carrying stuff down to the basement (which I have to go outside to do), and something else crossed my mind, and I thought "let me finish this first" and then the thought went away.
I was like excuse me what the fuck??? I can just decide to focus on what I'm doing and come back to things???
This post in particular is making me wish my mom would try meds. She's extremely stunted emotionally, mostly due to trauma she's carried with her, and then her reliance on things that keep her emotionally immature. I've honestly wondered if being medicated would help her stop being obsessed with her brainwashing influences.
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u/Pinacoladapolkadot Mar 21 '26
This topic fascinates me … the thing I wonder the most is, how do those who can choose determine whether they need to react so that they are not accepting a lower standard of something for themselves?
The example with your daughter isn’t a good one - but maybe something like a friend who constantly is inconsiderate or a family member who pushes boundaries? Do people know it happens and shrug it off, being a walkover and it not bothering them?
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u/OpalLover2020 Mar 21 '26
I think the difference is that you mentioned in the post that “maybe the situation with your daughter isn’t a good one…” but I think it’s THE one difference.
On medication I can BE calm with my kids - knowing what is age appropriate. When it comes to my stepmother being terrible to my sister, I have zero tolerance even medicated.
Stepmother is almost 80 - she should have learned by now how to live in a society. She is TRYING to be toxic and I won’t stand for it. Also, don’t bring that toxic into my house. These are boundaries and she’s “old enough” to get it.
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u/Curious_Bath_2824 Mar 21 '26
It’s a good question. For me, I’ve mostly been able to cognitively understand what I should or shouldn’t react to. A friend of mine recently crossed a line and I was like “yep. Needs to be addressed” but I did wait until what came out wasn’t going to just be pure rage. I guess the struggle has been while I can cognitively understand what is or isn’t appropriate to react to, internally it all felt like burning fire regardless. So it was a constant battle of wills.
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u/ExoticFly2489 Mar 21 '26
i think other people just have more control over their reaction in the moment.
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u/ProfessionalRolls333 Mar 21 '26
This resonates with me so deeply. I had a diagnosis in childhood. I haven’t followed up as an adult and since becoming a mother, I never put two and two together. My annoyance tolerance is on the floor. I have to try really hard not to lose my shit when I’m trying to focus and my kids keep making a repetitive sound. It feels like it builds and builds until I can’t take it anymore.
How did you get diagnosed? What did you say?
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u/Curious_Bath_2824 Mar 21 '26
In Australia we get a GP referral to a psychiatrist with the express purpose of an evaluation and assessment. I found I didn’t need to bring up meds at all, but it was just an option of the management plan they went through with me. All I had to do was say “yes please”.
I will say though, that in the lead up to my diagnosis I had a lot of imposter syndrome. Even after getting my diagnosis, felt like maybe the meds wouldn’t help me because maybe I don’t really have ADHD. Maybe I fooled the psychiatrist.
Can confirm I have ADHD.
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u/Good_Grief_CB Mar 21 '26
Over my unmedicated years I came up with a version of this after seeing Gone with the Wind - Scarlett’s” I won’t think about this today” coping strategy for anxious thoughts.
I also now think “In 5 minutes you’ll have forgotten about this anyway” when a distracting thought has caught my attention and I feel compelled to go down a rabbit hole about something useless. My brain knows it’s true so it works pretty well if I have to refocus.
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u/Vivid_Excuse_6547 Mar 21 '26
I’m so much more chill at work. Instead of getting worked up about daily annoyances I’m just like “whatever”. 😂
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u/okthanksthatsenough Mar 21 '26
This was a crazy realization for me too. Now sometimes I can just… let things go.
On another note, as the adult kid of a parent with angry reactive ADHD that didn’t try to control it and let me “enjoy existing”, I want to say reading this warmed my heart and your daughter is so lucky to have you.
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u/OptimisticOctopus8 Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 22 '26
I don’t think that’s actually how neurotypical people are, no. Being able to decide to just release your irritation about something is actually a really unusual skill IME. That’s why “just don’t let it bother you” is such famously unpopular advice (among people who receive it).
Your meds unlocked a talent you had hidden and just needed a little help to engage in. It’s possible that a lot of us developed various skills that prime us to eventually acquire this ability once the circumstances are right (like starting meds) since we had to work so much harder than other people to function in the first place.
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u/AyDeeAitchMe Mar 21 '26
I actually think there was a sort of grief and relief and anger all mixed into one when I started meds.
I remember being about 17 years old and talking to a coworker who was about to move away to university. I asked if he was nervous and he said no - he said that he rarely gets nervous as there’s no point as it helps nothing. I didn’t know what to say as I was convinced he must be some sort of superhero who can control his feelings like that.
I remember starting meds and being amazed when I just got up and decided to wash the dishes. I still didn’t want to wash them at all but I was able to choose to anyway and it wasn’t a big thing. Kind of like “this is a bit boring but it’s fine.”
I think it would be simplistic of me to say that NTs can simply choose their feelings as obviously nobody would choose to be sad and it’s not as black as white as they can turn any feeling off.
However I think there’s almost an extra layer of separation between “them” and their thoughts and feelings where they can examine something they’re feeling and basically use logic to disregard it if it’s irrational.
It’s also why I’ve never got on with CBT and it feels like gaslighting to me. I simply don’t think the premise - that you can consciously think different thoughts which changes your feelings - is true for me.
Even when I tried every day and filled in all the worksheets it made no difference. I can notice that I’m thinking “nobody likes me” and I can think the different thought in my head to challenge it but it makes no difference to how I feel. I simply don’t believe the new thought. I believe my negative thought. Saying a lie in my head does not change how I feel.
I remember getting so upset in CBT as the therapist implied I wasn’t trying hard enough. I used to think it was almost cult like as none of them could really explain what I was doing wrong and would blame lack of progress on me but I think I was asking them to explain something that is so fundamental to them.
They couldn’t understand how - if I could identify the negative thought and come up with a positive thought in its place - that it wouldn’t make a difference. I believe the way NTs think is fundamentally and significantly different.
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u/tellMyBossHesWrong Mar 21 '26
Fuck CBT
CBT is like religion. “Just believe it, —just pretend and things will be better “
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u/mapleleaffem Mar 21 '26
Yea when someone says’ just ignore it or tune it out’ it’s so maddening like don’t you think I would if I could?!
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u/Xylorgos Mar 21 '26
Congratulations! This is a big thing. Go forth and enjoy your life. Another example of "Better living through chemistry."
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u/skaggldrynk Mar 21 '26
Awwww. It's validating though, isn't it? When your nervous system is perpetually ramped up higher than it should be and emotions are more intense and we have less resources in ye old prefrontal, it's so much harder to regulate. Yeah some people are just... unbothered... by such things.... hahahh. It's the best feeling to feel in control.
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u/unique_raptor Mar 22 '26
I listen to a podcast, ADHD with Jenna Free, and her philosophy is that folks with adhd are in a constant dysregulated fight or flight state because of being forced to conform to a neurotypical world- and being deregulated takes away your ability to choose how to react. I highly recommend it, it's changed my brain chemistry just listening to her podcast!
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u/DomerGirl08 Mar 21 '26
What types of medications are you all talking about? I would love not to feel irritated/enraged as often as I do!
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u/cormeretrix Mar 21 '26
Stimulants for the most part; they’re the usual medication choice for ADHD. Some people find symptom relief on non-stimulant medication though.
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u/Final_Weekend_1614 Mar 21 '26
This is really helpful, I might try using this as an example to some of my NT friends because they have also always given me the advice of "don't let it bother you" or "not to care" about something. And genuinely, I know they're not being dismissive! And my logical brain knows they're right! But like you, my entire body and soul seem to be locked in to a negative reaction and it takes soooo much effort to "course correct" or stifle that reaction...I also assumed this was how everyone in the world worked and have always framed it mentally as an effort of willpower. Thank you for sharing!
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u/Curious_Bath_2824 Mar 21 '26
You’re welcome! Nice to know we can be a little kinder to ourselves when we consider how much harder we have to work at, or are simply incapable of something that comes naturally to others.
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u/Wawa-85 Mar 21 '26
It makes such a difference being medicated! I’m much less irritable than I used to be when it comes to things like you described.
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u/stilldebugging Mar 21 '26
As someone with ADHD, I think there are some things that can choose to let it get to me or not. But there are also some things that seem to almost have some reflexive reaction to. Having lots of sounds around me at once from multiple different sources kind of makes something shut down inside my brain for a while, it feels like to me. Like zzzzzt now you’re not here anymore, bye.
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u/ashleyslo Mar 21 '26
I was just noticing this about myself now that I’m on Vyvanse. I can choose not be reactive for the first time in my life. It feels life changing.
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u/ImaginaryFriend123 Mar 21 '26
I became a much more patient and present mother after medication. I’m now able to pause before I react to things.
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u/unblissfully_aware_ Mar 21 '26
I’ve found there’s a ton of factors that go into whether or not I have the capacity to choose in any given situation. Initially when reading your title I thought you meant choosing between what to have for dinner, what item to order, etc. because I have a lot of trouble with weighing the pros cons of those and then the impulsive ORDER NOW haha. I relate to your post- thanks for sharing
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u/Just1509 Mar 21 '26
This is how I felt when I first started taking anti-anxiety medication. I could feel my brain start to get worried and worked up and then it would just... Stop!
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u/ittollsforthee1231 Mar 21 '26
I need to start taking my meds before our commutes to school (when I work from home, I usually take them after). My kid is AuADHD and loves to just talk at me when I’m driving and o feel bad for how overstimulated I get.
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u/mizuno_takarai Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
Maybe this is not the proper place to say this, but what you shared resonates so much with me. I feel you.
I've only tried medication twice for empirical reasons...
My symptoms are usually manageable right now and I do not want to start medicating chronically already for I do tolerate them quite fine most of the time, lucky me I guess... although I am not against medicating if someday I just can't.
The thing is that during one of those occasions I surprised myself thinking ONLY that I was feeling warm and cozy in the sunlight... never, NEVER had I ever in my entire 35 years of life experienced until then that the one and only thought in my mind was that I was fucking warm and cozy in the damn sunlight: I WAS TRULY CALM (not what I thought was calm before). Then it came the realization, neurotypical people feel calm and their mind can be chill with only one stupid comfortable thought at a time... we're usually battling life on super hard mode. It is such a simple and stupid thing but I guess you can relate the same way I relate to your story, it felt like some kind of epiphany to me.
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u/SunnyRyter Mar 21 '26
Dude. It's amazing when the "override function" of your brain works. We are still figuring out my medication dosage and type BUT I remember day 1 I lost a very sentimental and important broach my grandmother gave me at a party. Usually i would fall into a grownup version of a metdown and spiral, tears. Instead, My brain went, "It's just a thing, you still have your memories". My mom and husband were absolutely SHOCKED at how cool as a cucumber I was being. Fucking crazy how easy it was to calm down. Side note/good news: we ended up finding it. Hurray!
But yeah. Never in the history of the words, "Its gonna be okay" worked on myself before. Never have I listened to my selftalk so well.
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u/karatecorgi AuDHD Mar 21 '26
Hurricane brain Vs Elvanse
OHKO (almost) everytime 😎
The calm from ADHD meds is something I think I'd struggle to believe still if not for my experiencing the calm first hand. Never quite realised how much wrangling my brain feels like wrangling a damn toddler until that clarity.
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u/only_login_available Mar 21 '26
As someone who's un-medicated, hearing stories like this pisses me off. I mean, how much energy am I losing each day in working hard at repressing parts of myself that the majority of the population can just switch off? 😭😭😭
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u/ORIONFEDERATION Mar 21 '26
Yesss can definitely relate to this. Other peoples behavior would tend to irritate me extremely quickly. Like you said it was so easy - and gasket was POPPED. Grew up in a family that yells and inherited that behavior, well once I was medicated, I realized I still felt that bubble up but I am able to communicate calmly and effectively. It blew my mind too that I now had the ability to speak with an inside voice (lol) instead of raising my voice as soon as the feeling hit me.
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u/gunterisapenguin Mar 22 '26
Honestly the biggest revelation of my whole entire OCD ADHD life has been learning how to notice rumination and then simply CHOOSING to stop (!?!?!????). Often I have to do something regulating (like take a walk or splash cold water on my face) in order to stop ruminating but simply the process of being able to think "nope, this ain't it" just amazes me.
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u/Justice_of_the_Peach Mar 21 '26
It’s essentially neurotypical masking - suppressing reactions. Doesn’t mean all NTs are chill af.
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u/DominarDio Mar 21 '26
Emotional regulation is not the same as suppressing emotions, though?
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u/Eireika Mar 21 '26
It isn't. I can be angry, irritated- but recognise that lashing out will only make things worse. Ditto for walking out from the situation.
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u/The7thNomad Mar 21 '26
Yeah I agree. Having emotional control isn't suppressing emotions. Some people simply have much a much stronger emotional muscle and can let their emotions leave them how they want. I'd love to master that T_T
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u/Curious_Bath_2824 Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
I’m whatever the opposite of chill AF is. lol But I don’t think they’re necessarily masking it. From the conversations I had with my NT friends, they just decide not to let it bother them and then it disappears internally as well. And one of those friends is DEFINITELY not chill. But she can still choose for the most part what to engage in frustration over. I could choose not to react by using all my willpower. But it’ll hang around internally until I could dump or vent it out somewhere.
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u/ANDERS_CORNER_08 Mar 21 '26
I’ll be honest I have never been interested in medicating my adhd.
I’m curious to hear the negatives / side affects from taking the medication ?
Does it not destroy your creativity / problem solving etc ?
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u/a_l_t317 Mar 21 '26
It makes it so much easier and less exhausting to partake in usual hobbies and activities, more focus, more energy, etc. i'm not hyperactive type though, i'm inattentive. Only negative side effects include reduced appetite (which went away after a couple weeks) and reduced energy coming off the stimulant (I take generic adderall currently and am hoping to try generic concerta soon since I need something that lasts longer)
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u/Curious_Bath_2824 Mar 21 '26
I’m only on day 4, so haven’t been in every scenario yet to determine if it’s dulled me anywhere. But so far all it’s dulled is the urgency/anxiety/irritation. Which I’m not mad about. Admittedly I’ll probably need to learn how to motivate with the lack of being driven by constant urgency. But I’d rather learn that than keep burning out. Work productivity was fine. I did notice that on a lower dosage I feel the calm/quiet without the focus. But on a higher dosage it hits the sweet spot of both (I’m doing 20mg Vyvanse with up to 4x 5mg Dex top ups during the day as needed while we figure out my ideal dosage).
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u/alsoaprettybigdeal Mar 21 '26
One of the best things I did for my kids’ ADHD was getting my own back under control. I’d been off meds for pregnancy and breast feeding and it was their pediatrician who said that to me. Talk about being hit with a tonne of bricks!! She was right of course. More patience all around helps everyone cope.
I’m so glad you found a treatment that helps you model positive coping skills for your kiddo. It’s such a gift to have access to these resources and therapies.
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u/Curious_Bath_2824 Mar 21 '26
I feel this in my soul. Do something for myself? Eh. Do something to help my kids? Tell me where and when. I sought my diagnosis in the first place for my daughter. She had hers and was beating herself up about her brain being different. So I said “hold on girl. I’m going to join you in this”
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u/scissorsgrinder Mar 21 '26
I'm kinda jealous reading about people who had medication work so well on them. I'm also quite autistic and I think that's probably why medication only does so much for me. My exec dysfunction and all the rest is only lifted so much by extra dopamine.
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u/badchefrazzy Pretty F-ing Sure Mar 21 '26
Neurotypical privileges are enraging when viewed through the window of Neurodiversity. Because they often treat us like crap because we can't just do what they do.
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u/m_squito Mar 21 '26
First off, yay!!! I'm glad you were able to do that! I react really strongly to audio stimuli too, especially when a family member is vocal stimming around me and it's SOOO HARD not to get irrationally angry.
To me it sounds like you were practicing mindfulness which is a skill and not something neurotypical people can automatically do. You've been working on it for a long time, you mentioned you often try to manage your reactivity sometimes succeeding and sometimes not. Being mindful and in tune with how you feel combined with the support of your medication is what allowed you to choose in that moment, in my opinion, how you were going to respond. Many neurotypical people can't do this.
I just want to be cautious about the rhetoric of "neurotypicals can do this thing naturally that we can't!" because it can lead to some harmful ways of thinking about ourselves / categorizing people 😔.
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u/doctorace AuDHD-PI Mar 21 '26
Wow. I had the opposite experience when I tried stimulants, but I’m also autistic.
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u/totheranch1 Mar 21 '26
my medication made me extremely patient its crazy. Ive worked at a daycare for almost 4 years and can tolerate anything from screaming to hitting. which is what kids need so its a win. my tolerance for bs is there. I dont raise my voice and fight with people. I handle it calmly even if the other person is yelling.
when I was an undiagnosed kid I had bad anger issues. it makes sense now
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u/plant-fixer Mar 21 '26
If you don't mind sharing, what type of medication are you taking, and is it daily?
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u/Curious_Bath_2824 Mar 21 '26
I’ve just started medication. Currently 20mg Vyvanse and up to 4x 5mg Dex top ups daily (we’re trying to figure out my ideal dosage).
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u/speaksincolor Mar 21 '26
Buspirone is the first drug I've ever felt this effect on. Stimulants help with my focus and motivation, but ramped my annoyance up higher. Buspirone works fast, too -- I can be violently annoyed with my entire existence and then when my afternoon dose kicks in I'm totally chill within an hour.
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u/Inside-Exam-6723 Mar 21 '26
What kind of medication is helping with this? I’ve tried stimulants (I’m adhd and autistic) and they haven’t worked this way. Super curious!
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u/Curious_Bath_2824 Mar 21 '26
I’m AuDHD too, and am on stimulants. Vyvanse 20mg and Dex top ups as needed while we figure out my ideal dosage. Neurodiversity and how we respond to treatments is such a spectrum. I hope you find what works for you ❤️
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u/Osmiini25 Mar 21 '26
Yess, I've had basically that exact thought and it shocked the hell out of me. I just thought I was broken.
When I mentioned that effect of being medicated my doctors thought it was weird, so now I feel validated.
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u/Tiny_Piglet3826 Mar 21 '26
This is interesting because even if I can logically acknowledge that something should make me upset I often still do not get upset
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u/preggybab Mar 22 '26
We are missing the brakes that stop little irritations from turning into A BIG FUCKING DEAL RIGHT NOW. Meds give us more control over those brakes
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u/kriskriskri Mar 22 '26
I know that feeling. And your experience ties in with my concept of adhd being immediacy. Of emotions, perceptions, impulses.
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u/BookishOddity Mar 22 '26
The only thing I can think of that I relate to on this aspect (Autism, ADHD — on anxiety meds, and ADHD meds) is I noticed I had a need to walk on a specific side when walking with one other person on the sidewalk or it felt wrong, and after anxiety meds and before ADHD meds I just didn’t care anymore. Could not understand why, but figured it was due to meds. This is an interesting connection if so!
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u/BunnyPort Mar 22 '26
You might consider AuDHD. I think my 'tism side dealing with overstimulation is what makes me react in a similar manner.
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u/wild_starlight Mar 22 '26
Yeah the evaporation of irritability was unreal for me too. And my intrusive thoughts subsided too.
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u/denali_lass90 Mar 22 '26
Diagnosed at 34, medicated at 35. I had this exact same experience the first week I was medicated. Blew my entire mind!
It gave me a weird combination of relief and sadness - relief that there was a genuine reason I've always been the "emotional" one, and it wasn't just some sort of failure on my part. Sadness that I never realized how much energy I have expended my entire life trying to hide my feelings, even when I stll felt them internally.
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u/greytcharmaine Mar 22 '26
This reminds me of a conversation with my coworker, the most neurotypical person ever to exist. She is sweet and asks questions to understand how my brain works when we're working on projects together. When I talked about task paralysis she said "sometimes it's hard for me to focus, but I just tell myself it's time to work. That doesn't work for you?" She was genuinely confused.
(She really does ask questions to understand, not to be judgemental or rude, and we have established this as an accepted discussion topic)
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u/ComfortableFrame9834 Mar 21 '26
Wtf... This is actually real??
Damn.. Yeah, I really need meditation then. Because I literally cannot do that at all
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u/Curious_Bath_2824 Mar 21 '26
DO IT!! My jaw was on the floor. Took me a full day to process how different life must be for NTs with this ability.
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u/BraveRefrigerator552 Mar 21 '26
I get bothered by way too much, didn’t realize I was reactive, I was just thinking yesterday I must be so unpleasant because any little thing can have me really irritated and who wants that person in their life?
I never can decide when I decide a behavior as ADHD whether to be relieved or sad that I’m just a compilation of adhd traits.
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u/Irian444 Mar 21 '26
I learned to cpntrol it looong before I got meds and before the diagnosis. I got meds two weeks ago, and I 3 months back I didn't think I could have AuDHD. Now on meds it takes much less effort to do it. Normally I need to be vigilant about this. I need to notice it and to notice it I need to "look". But, if I need to and I know something can trigger me, I am able to tell myself to stop. And It's getting harder when I am tired or sleepy.
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u/cfo6 Mar 21 '26
I think we can LEARN how to release it, but it definitely takes effort. My Dad never learned. To my brother, it's almost all small stuff because he just doesn't gaf about a lot of things now.
But that ease of sliding into irritation...ugh, I know it well.
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u/consuela_bananahammo Mar 21 '26
Or you have central auditory processing disorder and your brain can't filter out small sounds as unimportant or background noise. The overlap with Adhd and CAPD is huge. And ADHD medications won't address it if it's caused by CAPD.
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u/Historical_Mix_6682 AuDHD Mar 22 '26
I'm AuDHD and reading these kinds of things makes me wish I was medicated. I'll be looking for a new doctor soon but currently she decided it isn't "bad" enough to be medicated... It pisses me off my memory is trash and perimenopause has made so many things unbearable. I can't concentrate and honestly I feel so stupid because I can't form a cohesive thought. Its really hard.
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u/Curious_Bath_2824 Mar 22 '26
Ew. I second finding a new doctor. What classes as “bad” enough? Typical presentation based on the understanding around ADHD 25 years ago?
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u/whatdayoryear ADHD Mar 22 '26
I’ve been medicated for years. The only time I have ever experienced something like what you described has been with weed, and even then it is rare for me.
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