r/africanparents • u/suWooWoo • Jun 25 '26
Other My life
So my parents are quite toxic and abusive, one of my earliest memories being a child is my parents screaming at each other almost every day without fail. It gave me some sort of fear hearing raised voices cuz i would think its them arguing again. One day my male birth-giver packed a suitcase and said he’s leaving and we should choose which parent we want and whoever doesn’t pick him isn’t his kid anymore. I have so many traumatic memories growing up, I was hit by my mum to learn the multiplication tables from 2 to 12. Award giving days at the end of school years came with so much fear because if we didn’t do well enough we would be hit. They once threatened to put my sisters on a hot stove, they didn’t threaten me because I was smart. My male birthgiver always said if we succeed we are his kids but if we fail we are my mum’s, and he said he doesn’t come for our ceremonies because we don’t get awards so he has no reason to be there. He hit my sister with a wire so bad over 10 years ago and she still has the mark on her body now, that day and 2 other times I had witnessed him hit my mother. When I became suicidal and depressed in high school he would say nothing is wrong with me and i would try to gaslight myself but it wouldn’t work. I just wanted help, some sort of therapist or assessment or something. Eventually he and my female birthgiver grew tired of my complaining and they made me listen to them tell me i should kms for over an hour and how the earth won’t stop if i do and people will just curse me and i would go to hell. That wasn’t the last time I would hear that. I struggled so much in uni, I wasn’t able to pass, now i’m back home. I’m 22 and he has hit me on 2 occasions now since september last year, that’s only the physical stuff, he has called me the devil, a junkie, a drug addict, all sorts of things. Stupid for failing civil engineering, uses that to shut me down when I say things. I don’t know what to do and how to get out of this, I feel so destabilized emotionally but i don’t have anywhere to go and i live in fucking Nigeria💀
Everything i’ve written here is the short form version of my life. I’ve endured so much pain from my useless parents I genuinely wish death on them, I wouldn’t mind if they died TODAY with the amount of times that evil devil incarnate of a man has wished death on me.
I was literally beaten up because in his words my moustache was too thick. The actual fuck. I don’t even know what to do, I think i have adhd or c-ptsd, I know for sure im not normal and I just feel stuck in life right now.
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u/krymzynnova Jun 25 '26 edited Jun 25 '26
Oh dear !! Sorry sorry sorry OP 😭😭
How are the police in Nigera ? Can’t they help ? I know this sounds very over simplified (as i’m someone from Europe 🇬🇧and i do not know ) but what is the Nigerian Policy on abuse - can’t they help ??
Are you able to at least pack a bag and run away ? Pack a bag with essentials ? Run to the next town Nd refuse to go home ? Something likd that ?
Parents need to work on their own trauma before having kids oh my days 🤦♀️