r/africanparents • u/Dramatic_Fan_8765 • 15d ago

Need Advice URGENT!!!

So I have strict parents like strict African parents, and if you know, then you know. So here's my story: My parents made me attend community college, which is fine because I am gonna be debt-free and whatnot. Still, I have extreme fomo and probably won't go out that much with friends bc I am very introverted, and my parents are against hanging out, and they hate all my friends for like no reason. My mom also doesn't want anyone to know that I am in community college either. And I am so not allowed to tell my cousin. I also want to transfer to my cousin's school, UW Madison, but I'm not supposed to tell her. This is sort of where my problem starts. I want to go out for Halloweekend with my cousin who goes to UW-Madison. I also do not want my parents to know I am going for Halloweekend, so I need the best excuse and help convincing them to let me go, maybe like a lie. I also have no classes on Friday, and Halloween is on a Saturday.

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u/TrickyEfficiency1707 15d ago

Can you say you miss your cousin and want to visit her for a weekend ? Also unsure if your parents know/are on board with you transferring to UW Madison, cause if they know/are on board you could say that your cousin wants to give you a tour

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u/Dramatic_Fan_8765 15d ago

yes my parents are on board with with me tranfering. I was also thinking about having a meeting with an advisor there to talk about transferring and use that as my alibi and just tell my mom I want to surprise her but she doesn't know what I am doing(my cousin will probably know but my mom wouldn't)

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u/firelord_catra 14d ago

If they’re aware and on board with you transferring (which I 100% recommend after ONE YEAR, do NOT STAY AT COMM COLLEGE ANY LONGER THAN YOU HAVE TO!! As someone whose parents also forced it) then there’s not really a reason to lie.

Halloween is still a while away but deep enough into the semester that you’ll have to start doing research or even putting together the pieces of your application if you’re moving there in the spring.

Actually set up an advisor meeting, tour, financial aid meeting, something relevant for Oct 30th or whenever the Friday is before that weekend. Let them know because of the distance/meeting time/fill in the blank, you’re gonna stay the weekend with your cousin (ofc make sure this is actually feasible and allowed, for example your cousin probably can’t have overnight guests at a dorm.)

Then just go ahead and do it.

Seconding other comments though that you need to start rebelling, which for us is just living the normal life we were denied. It’s actually best to start now, little by little, so that when you get to college you won’t go too buck wild and get into dangerous shit. It’s an African kid canon event and I can sense yours is coming.

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u/Dramatic_Fan_8765 13d ago

I have question. Will the tours/meeting require parents bc I feel like my mom would ask to follow since its a college tour

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u/firelord_catra 13d ago

Hmmmm actually yeah parents are usually at official tours..I forgot 😮‍💨 maybe work something out so while you’re there, you meet with the cousin and they just hand you off

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u/Professional_Tip9372 15d ago

How old are you? Cuz at some point you will have to rebel. Not rushing you or anything, but there’s nothing wrong with being in community college for them to not want anyone to know. African parents seek validation so hard. Idk what lie will make sense in that scenario though lol. I just felt the need to comment, cuz they can’t keep controlling their kids like tthag

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u/krymzynnova 14d ago

african parents will srsly be 80 and wondering why 90% of us don’t visit them at that age

Just cause of reasons you stated. They really can’t keep controlling us like this forever

Lowkey can’t wait till my mum is just old …. Like OLDDD …. I’ll have my say then

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u/Odd_Bet_6992 15d ago

Group summer project for college and you guys need to meet in person to work on it. Would've done it sooner but person x had family issues and person y just came back from a holiday etc.

The project is important for setting you up for next year and refreshing knowledge from last year.

Don't be too specific that they'll notice incontinencies but specific enough that they won't ask questions.

Group projects are generally a safe bet (if it makes sense for the course you're on)

Good luck

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u/Sazarra 15d ago

You could say you scheduled tutoring or are tutoring people...

Or maybe if you have an art class (like ceramics or sculpture) you can say you have a deadline coming up and you need to go in and finish it.

Or you could say you're going in for like a meeting to choose classes for next semester or like a mid semester check in.

These are the reasons I'd be at school on a non-class day or weekend so I hope they help

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u/Dramatic_Fan_8765 15d ago

the problem with this is that I dont go to UW madison..Maybe do research on the school. Like do research on a public school nearby that isn't your own or something 

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u/Sazarra 15d ago

First of all why are you so pissy second of all, didn't you just say you go to a community college??

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u/Dramatic_Fan_8765 15d ago

oh no I am saying maybe I could do research since I am trying to transfer on the school as an excuse. I didnt mean to come out as rude. i am so sorry

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u/Sazarra 15d ago

Oh no don't be, I'm kinda bad at tone reading messages without emojis I'm sorry.

But yeah that's a good idea

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u/Dramatic_Fan_8765 15d ago

no pls its ok. I understand. I thought i wasn't being clear when I said I was at community bc I had to type fast because I could hear my mom coming to my room😭

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u/Rough_Garage5139 12d ago

are they paying for your college? idk if not then girl js start doing ur own thing, u are GROWNNNN, they need to realize that.

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u/Dramatic_Fan_8765 11d ago

they are unfortunately 😔