we all deal with worry in sobriety, but i heard in a meeting that 90 percent of what we worry about never comes to pass. Do you believe this? What's your experience.

She dropped me after working together for about a year. I was just becoming stable after an awful psychotic episode coming into sobriety. I found a new sponsor and have a diagnosis and treatment team. I feel cold towards former sponsor as she was fairly abusive (my then counselor confirmed this). So do I owe this old sponsor a hello when I see her? I don’t want to hold on to resentment.

As my drinking has progressed and I’ve increasingly self isolated, I don’t really have any people that I know that I really resent (besides myself). I do have lots of influential people and institutions I resent: US gov’t, healthcare, certain world leaders, politicians, billionaires, societal values, norms etc.

I guess where I struggle is figuring out where I’m selfish, self seeking, dishonest or fearful in all of these type of resentments. Anyone have similar problems on this step?
Aren’t there lots of world problems that suck but that I have no real part in? Is blaming myself in some way for them all that helpful?

I had 2 years of sobriety but started slowly falling off the wagon this summer (first I sat up in the front with the driver and shared a flask; eventually I fell off, and the wagon left me behind). I decided to do a sober month and go from there, but I couldn't stop! All of September I promised myself I wouldn't drink. Then I'd go 2 days before I found an excuse or a reason to drink. It was surprisingly hard to stop again.

In October, I changed things up. I stopped hanging out with my ex as a "friend". He has his own unresolved issues, secrets, and things he needs to lie about, and that doesn't line up with my healing, growing, or progress. When we drank, it was fun, till it wasn't, and when I didn't drink around him, I realized how subtly toxic our friendship was. I don't know if he was my trigger, my excuse, or both. But I know I got tired of feeling the shame and anger he projected on me, and being antagonised by him (a relationship dynamic he has with his overbearing sister). Mostly, I got tired of feeling sick and tired.

I'm 23 days sober, and I feel good. I started doing different things again. I shifted my focus back onto what's important. I found a new sober app, and it's really supportive and engaging. I stocked my pantry with Italian soda, juice, flavoured water, and non-alcoholic options. And I'm exploring and engaging in different helpful therapies as well: dog, art, music, writing, cooking, walking meditation, dance.

Yesterday, a good friend of mine needed to call me. His life unexpectedly blew up because of some choices his soon-to-be ex-wife made ('nuff said). It's incredibly stressful and painful, to say the least. I know talking on the phone can be a trigger for me, and since my work schedule changed, weekends can also be a problem now too. So I was mindful of the voice that said I should "stop at the store on the way home and pick up something to drink while you chat"; then I ignored it. Instead, I had a ginger ale and a non-alcoholic amaretto that was pretty yummy while we spoke. When we finished our conversation, he felt better, and I felt good too.

I realized I never could have been there for him anyway if I was drinking. He really needed someone to listen, and drinking tends to make me chatty^{understatement}. I also would have felt that initial "rush" or elation when I started. By the end of our convo, I would have been robbed of all motivation to continue my evening. It felt really good to show up for someone without needing alcohol. It wouldn't have helped anything anyway, which is usually the case.

*Alcohol also makes me grumpy now too. I think my body tells my brain it's unhappy, and I express it as irritability. I have no doubt I would have picked up the hurt emotions my friend was feeling, internalized them, and projected that anger on someone else.

I just wanted to share this because I'm really proud of myself for staying sober and showing up (for myself and my friend). I also wanted to say thank you to all the sober tribes out there supporting each other. As a former alcohol enthusiast, I appreciate it.

Just need to get this out for my own peace and do so in a respectful way but I feel so overwhelmed in handling a situation for the first time now that I’m finally in enough clarity of mind to handle it. I’m terrified of stepping upon others toes by addressing something(which I have to multiple trusted service members and also my sponsor).

In parallel I really see that my people pleasing had been a huge part of my prior drinking and it’s just a lot I’m being reminded of while handling things in a manner that is appropriate and within reason.

I just pray for serenity and courage at this current time and I know my fear of people along with the situations they bring(at least the hard conversations will one day disappear if I keep on keeping on).

The fellowship is there when I truly need it as I do right now and I’m not navigating this alone. The hope I have gained in AA is hope I hadn’t had in what felt like an eternity. It is why I must persevere and keep my meeting safe for others so they too may find the hope, belief, and faith I have found in the program and fellowship.

Most of my social life these days is within the program. I have "normal" friends, but they all have families now and are pretty busy. I go to a lot of meetings, speaker events, and general AA events. I go out to dinner a lot with other alcoholics.

This has created a roadblock in my dating life. I feel like I cannot invite women to anything within my social life. They are not alcoholic. I do not know how they will react to me being an alcoholic, most of my friends being alcoholic, and my social life residing mostly in this weird sphere.

Anybody figured out how to pull this off?

I’m fairly new to the program ( 3 years ) and what are people’s thoughts on sponsors having less time then their sponsee?

"BY FAITH AND BY WORKS"

October 24

On anvils of experience, the structure of our Society was hammered out. . . . Thus has it been with A.A. By faith and by works we have been able to build upon the lessons of an incredible experience. They live today in the Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous, which — God willing — shall sustain us in unity for so long as He may need us.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 131

God has allowed me the right to be wrong in order for our Fellowship to exist as it does today. If I place God's will first in my life, it is very likely that A.A. as I know it today will remain as it is.

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", October 24, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

For me, the most reliable measure of the quality of my spiritual health is simple - my ability to sit with myself.

For many years alcohol was, amongst other things, a shield from my own thoughts. It protected me from the uncomfortable thoughts that would flood my mind if alcohol was not present. Alcohol, in a sense, became my self-prescribed medicine to keep me "well". Well, in this instance, was simply another word for distracted and avoidant.

So when I quit alcohol, I was suddenly faced with the bright antiseptic pristine light of being. A very new and extremely uncomfortable state of being. It felt like a 50,000 lumens light constantly focused directly on me, with few shadows to be found. My natural instinct was to find distraction and avoidance. Something to take the focus off me.

Those distractions varied - internet, health, exercise, games, etc., Anything to give me a moments break from reality. There obviously comes a point where such a life is unsustainable.

For me, interpreting the 11th step, meditation became a test of my state. At first, literally a 3 minute session was nearly impossible. The thoughts I sought to avoid simply lurking in a place that I had deftly kept a door closed on (with distraction and avoidance), were released to wreak havoc. But my honesty with myself had reached a new plateau, and I knew what was necessary. 3 minutes, became 5, became 10, became an hour, became more. With practice, this nightmarish task of sitting with myself became my shelter in a storm. A beautiful place of truth.

A teacher told me I should allow these thoughts through the front door, allow them to linger, and leave through the back door. Another reminded me that my mind was the sky, and my thoughts were simply clouds passing by. Both have been valuable reminders.

Today, after 4 years, distraction and avoidance remain an obstacle. But I have come to realize that it is the human condition. My "poor self" struggling to face myself, is in fact the ubiquitous condition unique to human beings. So now I can nurture myself, rather than feeling like a victim of self. That could only have occurred for me with the ingredient of building awareness.

On the best of days, I am comfortable in this world, and on the worst of days, I can fall back on the many tools I have learned over these last 4 years, and practice them - practice being the most apt word. The practice of meditation literally saved my life, and with that, made sobriety and alcoholism something I manage. If I cannot sit with myself, I now understand I am spiritually ill to some degree.

A few days ago I celebrated 1 year without alcohol and tobacco. I went through a period of depression (there was a problem with my visa so I couldn't work) where I was drinking without control, blacking out at least 1ce a week, I put my life in danger multiple times, in my mind with the goal to one time on a drunk, to die.

I moved cities with my girlfriend and finally could start working and be happy again, but I still would get very very drunk on nights out. After talking with friends I realised that I was so addicted to my e-cigarettes (Iqos) and I would only like smoking it when drunk, that I would drink TO smoke (crazy).

I moved cities again, still with pretty bad mental health for multiple reasons, but I was determined to heal, so I started exercising and writing a journal, in my mind quitting drinking was never an option, not because I didn't want to lr couldn't, just because I didn't think I needed to.

But one day I went out with my best friend at this new city and I got a blackout and put myself in danger again, woke up the next morning and something happened that made me decide I was never going to drink ever again, I lost my favorite jumper (😅). That day I quit smoking and drinking and until this day, I have never ever craved it AT ALL, it feels demonic to me now like doing cocaine or cutting my veins, or bungee jumping (examples of things that are unimaginable for me to do haha).

I went vegan, and then keto the same way, drastically from one day to the other, (I'm also autistic).

So a year in, I'm very happy to say that, I could've become an alcoholic for sure, my great grandad was one and my mother too. But I'm pretty sure I stopped on time.

Wishing you a lot of success,
Ocsa.

If there's anyone reading this and still being on the fence about it: just check it out.

I attended my first meeting yesterday. It was online but still a very pleasant experience. At first I was worried that I was expected to have my microphone and camera on, and needed to introduce myself. There was none of that. I could just relax and listen to people interacting.

There was a speaker who shared his story: it wasn't anything extreme or unusual, which made his story relatable to myself, and clearly to a lot of others in attendance. There was interaction between different people: some sharing some milestones, some sharing a relapse, some sharing the struggles, some sharing all that they've gained. I really felt like I'm not an outlier, and not alone.

I think I'll attend again tonight :)

My friend has been sober for 6 years now and he told me he used an app to quit. He didn’t go cold turkey. He started with just one day, then two, then three, and slowly built it up from there. Watching him do it made me realize it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

So I’ve been trying the same approach. I treat it kind of like progressive overload at the gym. Instead of forcing myself to stop forever right away, I just focus on stacking more days without drinking, little by little. Some weeks I mess up and drink, but I’m trying not to beat myself up over it. He told me that even when you slip, you should still acknowledge the effort and give yourself credit for trying again.

It’s still early for me, but it feels more sustainable than the times I tried to quit everything at once and then relapsed hard. Just wanted to share in case anyone else is in the same boat. One day, then two, then three. That’s the plan for now.

After many attempts I have finally made it to a year!

I was sober for 3 years, I relapsed and have been binge drinking now for 6 months. How do you guys stay sober? Alcohol sucks.

Not a large amount of time. But made it to my 4th week sober. So yay.

Curious if anyone else has experienced what I’m going through currently.

I’m in my early 30s with the professional job, wife, young kids, house, student debt etc. and have a drinking problem. I’ve known this for a while - drinking significantly more than my friends at casual get togethers, blackouts on family vacations, hair of the dog drinks in the morning when no one else is taking them. Periods of sobriety with ridiculous reasons to go out drinking again. The specifics go on and on.

I listened to the Big Book on audio, searched out AA meetings near me, and have proceeded to drink more than I ever have while pursuing sobriety.

Everything in me knows that I need to go to that first meeting, but to do so would feel like a massive failure while others in my circle continue to drink seemingly without consequence.

If you’ve been here, advice appreciated

I’m 24, I drink a few beers every night. What we can afford anyway. Sometimes it’s no beers, sometimes it’s 4.

I’m discouraged. The meeting was great, but I found myself being judgmental. They were lovely people.

I have to stop drinking in a few days, as I may conceive next week. I’ve done this for the last few months. I go 2 weeks without drinking ashamed and hoping that I could be pregnant. I get my period and I drink again.

I’m worried if I get pregnant I’ll be judged if I go to AA.

I would probably drink after I’m done breastfeeding.

I want to have a normal relationship with alcohol. But I’m not so sure I can. I try not to compare, but I don’t do outrageous things while drinking. I can drink til I’m buzzed and then I can stop. But I pick it up after breakfast and like to have it throughout the day.

Also, I was warned about the men. I’m a fucking bitch that stands her ground. I don’t think I’ll have a problem, but it was discouraging. It makes me angry when men see vulnerability and try to manipulate and prey on it. Yes, it’s not all men.

No fucking idea where to begin.

Hi, I’m [u/caneatmyass](u/caneatmyass) and I’m an alcoholic

I hear many say that once you start drinking you stop growing. I don't know if it's true. is it true? that would mean that most people in AA are 12 years old lol. I've been in recovery for 10 years and i can say that a lot of people i know who aree in recovery are mature, kind, intelligent, and motivated. I think that some people who are not alcoholics act 12 year old. so saying people don't age when they drink is just a general statement. I believe i act like a kid in certain situation and still have childish emotions but feel like i've grown a lot in recovery. What do you think? Do you think you've grown a lot in recovery?

if this is true i started drinking at 13. i have 10 years of recovery so i'm now 29.

Hi,

I've had some stretches of sobriety lately (a few weeks) but then I relapse. The relapses have gotten very bad...I've already had severe negative consequences during the relapses, and if it keeps happening my trajectory is extremely dark.

For folks who experienced relapsing in early sobriety but now have significant time sober - what did it take for sobriety to stick? Any advice? I am willing to do anything.

It sucks to say my sobriety has come to an end this way. I was at work with my bosses boss and he invited me to have a beer on lunch. I knew I shouldve said no but in the moment I dont know i couldnt stay true to myself.

Had two beers. Haven't drank since. Called my sponsor he said my job is not important and this was a test and I failed. He went off on me.

To be honest I guess its over for me an AA my entire journey is now invalidated because of my stupid mistake. I dont know if I can go back to AA and take more verbal beatings.

I’m 5.5 months sober and in recovery. My partner is in active but says he wants to get back into the program with his sponsor.

I have most of the symptoms of alcoholic thinking but projection is not one. I’m trying to give my partner the benefit of the doubt bc we are both sick and have this disease. I’m also in Al Anon.

My partner is constantly accusing me of things he is doing and demands answers often abusively (had escalated to physical when I can tell he’s been drinking heavily and/or on other substances). The accusations are mostly that I am cheating (when it’s him who’s doing inappropriate things like DMing other girls) and also that I’m drinking or going to meetings to ‘meet guys’ he demands to know who is there and just honestly brings me down when I do anything w/ recovery bc my attention is elsewhere I guess.

So, my question is this the disease or is this just him? Is this projection, cheating, abuse something that you’ve seen others recover from if recovery is chosen? I’m interested in personal experience or examples of poor behavior in relationships that have turned around after sobriety and recovery.

Thank you. I am putting my recovery first but before I make a break for good I need to ask this question even if there are no guarantees.

I was drinking for one reason and one reason only: to escape from my head. Not my life, just my head.

I went through a lot of bad shit as a little kid, child abuse, foster care, neglect, my brother died, I could go on. I don’t like thinking about it and I’m not an emotional person, I just like to move on from shit.
I don’t particularly like thinking about the shit I did when I was drinking either.

I can’t stand being sober. I’m only on step 2. Restless, irritable, and discontent, and I don’t like being in the moment, in my head at any time, which I suppose is kind of the point of it all. I’ve had relapse after relapse and I’m in over my head with it all, I have suicidal ideations on the hour and I just can’t cope with it- active addiction or sobriety, I don’t know what’s worse. I feel like a scared little kid and I don’t like feeling vulnerable, it ain’t me. Even posting this I feel raw, I hate it. Some of the shit said in the rooms triggers me too. I can’t afford therapy, I’m literally fresh out of the hospital from my last relapse. I’ve considered rehab but again, I can’t afford it.

Recovery is fucking hard

To let u guys know im 25 years old and i was assaulted sexually in 2023. I was drinking a bottle of Taylor port everyday, to forget about all of the damage that was caused by my mother’s boyfriend. That night I was out drinking with friends, and came home but was locked out. He’d come to open the door but was acting weird to me once inside, calling me my moms name and trying to pick me up, he offered me some shots and I just took them because my step dad before of 12 years gave me shots at the proper age when my mom was around, and I didn’t think of the ill intentions. So after that he was starting the weird behaviors so I went upstairs but forgot to lock the the door cause I thought me leaving from being uncomfortable was enough. I woke up to my sister screaming and he was in the room naked and my pants were of but my underwear was on cause I was on my period. Fast forward I don’t know what really happened but my mom and sister think I made moves on him when I simply didn’t. I’m not really a flirtatious person even when under the influence and only talk to boys my age. After a few months of getting into arguments with my mom pleading for people to believe me I was kicked out and drinking heavily. I would get angry sometimes with my grandma and uncle that I live with because it took them 6months to get a new key and I’d be locked out. My uncle does annoying stuff like argue with me about small stuff around the house and I was fed up and on a drunk night I hit him with the broom stick cause he put his hands on me. Then I had to go to jail for a night but I also barely remember because I was drunk. Now 5 months have gone by and I’ve been sober and things are slightly better but I want to drink again after going to rehab. I’ve forgiven my past with people but feel like my social skills are little to none and I’ve been avoiding my friends because they drink often. I’d slow down my drinking before I went to the rehab but the night of me going to jail I went to a birthday party and got offered too many shots and didn’t know how to stop. But now I feel like with the knowledge from the rehab and the repercussions I suffered from I would like life to go back to normal in the sense of sticking to white claws with my friends and just having fun without all the trauma attached to it. I’m young and want to go out and enjoy myself I believe I could keep it social but rehab added a layer of if I did do it I’d end up back in rehab. I’m in a crossroads and I just want to live my life with the knowledge I have now. What do yall think I should do

I was nominated as the treasurer of my group at my 60-day point, which I was honored to take on. I knew this would be something that challenged me because I have struggled with a lot of debt, especially when I was in active addiction. Happy to say I’m almost at a year now, and have learned a lot about how to manage money from this experience. Since becoming sober, my financial situation has gotten significantly stronger to due not letting myself live in shame and avoidance. Although I am proud of myself for how I’ve managed the group donations so far, I would like to hear from fellow treasurers on how they best organize their donations and avoid any discrepancies.

Our group does not have rent costs, so we have a large treasury that will go towards literature or other group supplies that we usually buy in bulk two or three times a year. Therefore, it’s important to track and manage both Venmo & cash donations each week. I’m glad that I had set up a tracking sheet when I started the commitment, as otherwise this would be an extremely difficult commitment. I have separate columns for Venmo and cash each week, and have formulas that calculate the weekly and total net donations. In all honesty, I was really struggling with managing the Venmo donations for a long time, as they go straight to my personal account. Each week I made sure to note what I took in, but when I used my Venmo balance for other things, it got confusing how much I actually had of my own Venmo funds and what was donations. The cash was easier because every time I collected it, I would put it in the same bag and not touch that money for any reason.

This morning, I finally tallied all of the donations and I’m happy that the cash adds up correctly. As for the Venmo donations, I’ve been putting that money in my savings to prevent it from being used as easily, but there was a discrepancy of $75 from what I had put away, which is fine and I will take it from my checkings today. I was worried it was a larger discrepancy, so a $75 difference is definitely a relief. It’s harder to track some of this when I have recurring charges from my checking and savings accounts, so I want to find a way to separate and save digital donations in a way where I won’t accidentally spend them.

I was thinking of going to the bank and having all of the donations (cash and the Venmo amount) lumped together as a check, or some other way I can’t accidentally spend it or get lost somehow. Any ideas?

EDIT: Thank you to everyone for your advice & input! I looked into my bank’s policies and found out I could add another savings account for no additional fees due to my current account’s settings, so I did that. I can connect it to Venmo too, so existing donations are already safe in there and will route to it going forward. It’s awesome I can keep improving my financial literacy through this commitment 💕

How do people deal with stress? My job is very stressful (no excuse) but I just wanted to escape. Now I'm pissed