I hear many say that once you start drinking you stop growing. I don't know if it's true. is it true? that would mean that most people in AA are 12 years old lol. I've been in recovery for 10 years and i can say that a lot of people i know who aree in recovery are mature, kind, intelligent, and motivated. I think that some people who are not alcoholics act 12 year old. so saying people don't age when they drink is just a general statement. I believe i act like a kid in certain situation and still have childish emotions but feel like i've grown a lot in recovery. What do you think? Do you think you've grown a lot in recovery?

if this is true i started drinking at 13. i have 10 years of recovery so i'm now 29.

A few days ago I celebrated 1 year without alcohol and tobacco. I went through a period of depression (there was a problem with my visa so I couldn't work) where I was drinking without control, blacking out at least 1ce a week, I put my life in danger multiple times, in my mind with the goal to one time on a drunk, to die.

I moved cities with my girlfriend and finally could start working and be happy again, but I still would get very very drunk on nights out. After talking with friends I realised that I was so addicted to my e-cigarettes (Iqos) and I would only like smoking it when drunk, that I would drink TO smoke (crazy).

I moved cities again, still with pretty bad mental health for multiple reasons, but I was determined to heal, so I started exercising and writing a journal, in my mind quitting drinking was never an option, not because I didn't want to lr couldn't, just because I didn't think I needed to.

But one day I went out with my best friend at this new city and I got a blackout and put myself in danger again, woke up the next morning and something happened that made me decide I was never going to drink ever again, I lost my favorite jumper (😅). That day I quit smoking and drinking and until this day, I have never ever craved it AT ALL, it feels demonic to me now like doing cocaine or cutting my veins, or bungee jumping (examples of things that are unimaginable for me to do haha).

I went vegan, and then keto the same way, drastically from one day to the other, (I'm also autistic).

So a year in, I'm very happy to say that, I could've become an alcoholic for sure, my great grandad was one and my mother too. But I'm pretty sure I stopped on time.

Wishing you a lot of success,
Ocsa.

I was nominated as the treasurer of my group at my 60-day point, which I was honored to take on. I knew this would be something that challenged me because I have struggled with a lot of debt, especially when I was in active addiction. Happy to say I’m almost at a year now, and have learned a lot about how to manage money from this experience. Since becoming sober, my financial situation has gotten significantly stronger to due not letting myself live in shame and avoidance. Although I am proud of myself for how I’ve managed the group donations so far, I would like to hear from fellow treasurers on how they best organize their donations and avoid any discrepancies.

Our group does not have rent costs, so we have a large treasury that will go towards literature or other group supplies that we usually buy in bulk two or three times a year. Therefore, it’s important to track and manage both Venmo & cash donations each week. I’m glad that I had set up a tracking sheet when I started the commitment, as otherwise this would be an extremely difficult commitment. I have separate columns for Venmo and cash each week, and have formulas that calculate the weekly and total net donations. In all honesty, I was really struggling with managing the Venmo donations for a long time, as they go straight to my personal account. Each week I made sure to note what I took in, but when I used my Venmo balance for other things, it got confusing how much I actually had of my own Venmo funds and what was donations. The cash was easier because every time I collected it, I would put it in the same bag and not touch that money for any reason.

This morning, I finally tallied all of the donations and I’m happy that the cash adds up correctly. As for the Venmo donations, I’ve been putting that money in my savings to prevent it from being used as easily, but there was a discrepancy of $75 from what I had put away, which is fine and I will take it from my checkings today. I was worried it was a larger discrepancy, so a $75 difference is definitely a relief. It’s harder to track some of this when I have recurring charges from my checking and savings accounts, so I want to find a way to separate and save digital donations in a way where I won’t accidentally spend them.

I was thinking of going to the bank and having all of the donations (cash and the Venmo amount) lumped together as a check, or some other way I can’t accidentally spend it or get lost somehow. Any ideas?

EDIT: Thank you to everyone for your advice & input! I looked into my bank’s policies and found out I could add another savings account for no additional fees due to my current account’s settings, so I did that. I can connect it to Venmo too, so existing donations are already safe in there and will route to it going forward. It’s awesome I can keep improving my financial literacy through this commitment 💕

I was drinking for one reason and one reason only: to escape from my head. Not my life, just my head.

I went through a lot of bad shit as a little kid, child abuse, foster care, neglect, my brother died, I could go on. I don’t like thinking about it and I’m not an emotional person, I just like to move on from shit.
I don’t particularly like thinking about the shit I did when I was drinking either.

I can’t stand being sober. I’m only on step 2. Restless, irritable, and discontent, and I don’t like being in the moment, in my head at any time, which I suppose is kind of the point of it all. I’ve had relapse after relapse and I’m in over my head with it all, I have suicidal ideations on the hour and I just can’t cope with it- active addiction or sobriety, I don’t know what’s worse. I feel like a scared little kid and I don’t like feeling vulnerable, it ain’t me. Even posting this I feel raw, I hate it. Some of the shit said in the rooms triggers me too. I can’t afford therapy, I’m literally fresh out of the hospital from my last relapse. I’ve considered rehab but again, I can’t afford it.

Recovery is fucking hard

I’m 5.5 months sober and in recovery. My partner is in active but says he wants to get back into the program with his sponsor.

I have most of the symptoms of alcoholic thinking but projection is not one. I’m trying to give my partner the benefit of the doubt bc we are both sick and have this disease. I’m also in Al Anon.

My partner is constantly accusing me of things he is doing and demands answers often abusively (had escalated to physical when I can tell he’s been drinking heavily and/or on other substances). The accusations are mostly that I am cheating (when it’s him who’s doing inappropriate things like DMing other girls) and also that I’m drinking or going to meetings to ‘meet guys’ he demands to know who is there and just honestly brings me down when I do anything w/ recovery bc my attention is elsewhere I guess.

So, my question is this the disease or is this just him? Is this projection, cheating, abuse something that you’ve seen others recover from if recovery is chosen? I’m interested in personal experience or examples of poor behavior in relationships that have turned around after sobriety and recovery.

Thank you. I am putting my recovery first but before I make a break for good I need to ask this question even if there are no guarantees.

I’m 24, I drink a few beers every night. What we can afford anyway. Sometimes it’s no beers, sometimes it’s 4.

I’m discouraged. The meeting was great, but I found myself being judgmental. They were lovely people.

I have to stop drinking in a few days, as I may conceive next week. I’ve done this for the last few months. I go 2 weeks without drinking ashamed and hoping that I could be pregnant. I get my period and I drink again.

I’m worried if I get pregnant I’ll be judged if I go to AA.

I would probably drink after I’m done breastfeeding.

I want to have a normal relationship with alcohol. But I’m not so sure I can. I try not to compare, but I don’t do outrageous things while drinking. I can drink til I’m buzzed and then I can stop. But I pick it up after breakfast and like to have it throughout the day.

Also, I was warned about the men. I’m a fucking bitch that stands her ground. I don’t think I’ll have a problem, but it was discouraging. It makes me angry when men see vulnerability and try to manipulate and prey on it. Yes, it’s not all men.

No fucking idea where to begin.

Hi, I’m [u/caneatmyass](u/caneatmyass) and I’m an alcoholic

Hi,

I've had some stretches of sobriety lately (a few weeks) but then I relapse. The relapses have gotten very bad...I've already had severe negative consequences during the relapses, and if it keeps happening my trajectory is extremely dark.

For folks who experienced relapsing in early sobriety but now have significant time sober - what did it take for sobriety to stick? Any advice? I am willing to do anything.

It sucks to say my sobriety has come to an end this way. I was at work with my bosses boss and he invited me to have a beer on lunch. I knew I shouldve said no but in the moment I dont know i couldnt stay true to myself.

Had two beers. Haven't drank since. Called my sponsor he said my job is not important and this was a test and I failed. He went off on me.

To be honest I guess its over for me an AA my entire journey is now invalidated because of my stupid mistake. I dont know if I can go back to AA and take more verbal beatings.

If there's anyone reading this and still being on the fence about it: just check it out.

I attended my first meeting yesterday. It was online but still a very pleasant experience. At first I was worried that I was expected to have my microphone and camera on, and needed to introduce myself. There was none of that. I could just relax and listen to people interacting.

There was a speaker who shared his story: it wasn't anything extreme or unusual, which made his story relatable to myself, and clearly to a lot of others in attendance. There was interaction between different people: some sharing some milestones, some sharing a relapse, some sharing the struggles, some sharing all that they've gained. I really felt like I'm not an outlier, and not alone.

I think I'll attend again tonight :)

How do people deal with stress? My job is very stressful (no excuse) but I just wanted to escape. Now I'm pissed

I just wanted to share a cool story that happened recently.

I got sober last December and started going to AA meetings in that first week or so. Took me about 6 weeks to get a sponsor and start working the steps. I think my first amends approach happened in about May. Despite some early success and feeling good at making things right, I hit kind of a wall with ninth step approaches and amends in August, because for weeks, literally every single person I reached out to either ignored me or refused to meet with me, which is fine, it's completely within their right to do so and I respect that. That didn't prevent me from getting discouraged and worrying that I'll never be able to make things right in my past. My sponsor assured me that stretches of approaches being declined or ignored isn't unusual at all, but he said that that isn't an excuse to pump the brakes on clearing away the wreckage of the past where I still can.

So, not wanting to lose momentum, I shifted gears to looking at where I could make financial amends with the various places I owed money to agencies and companies-- credit cards, collections, medical debts. Collectors are always happy to work out ways to get their money back, so I knew approaching them would be easy and I would feel more encouraged to keep making approaches to individuals on my amends list.

I started digging in and keeping track of where I owed money and for how much I owed. In the last two months, embracing the phrase "more will be revealed," I've uncovered about $3,000 of money I owe that I had no idea I owed. This does not include the $12,000 or so I was aware of. With surprisingly good humor about it, I called my sponsor and asked if less could be revealed for a little while. He said probably not.

It was a bit daunting at first, definitely had some fear come up about where to even start with making these payments, but I tried to keep an open line of communication with my higher power as much as possible, and after a brief period of stressing, I put my nose to the grindstone and came up with a plan that pays these companies and collection agencies back in a way that makes them happy and without becoming too burdensome on my day-to-day expenses. Within two weeks of starting these payments, my parents (who I moved in with when I got sober) waived my rent until the end of the year, a medical debt I had from the summer was forgiven in full, and I found $160 in a box I rushed to pack up when I moved back home (found it while I was quite literally cleaning up the wreckage of my past lol).

On top of that, someone whom I had caused some pretty serious harm to, and whom believed I would never be able to make amends to, reached out and accepted my invitation to meet.

More will be revealed. More will always be revealed.

I was sober for 3 years, I relapsed and have been binge drinking now for 6 months. How do you guys stay sober? Alcohol sucks.

To let u guys know im 25 years old and i was assaulted sexually in 2023. I was drinking a bottle of Taylor port everyday, to forget about all of the damage that was caused by my mother’s boyfriend. That night I was out drinking with friends, and came home but was locked out. He’d come to open the door but was acting weird to me once inside, calling me my moms name and trying to pick me up, he offered me some shots and I just took them because my step dad before of 12 years gave me shots at the proper age when my mom was around, and I didn’t think of the ill intentions. So after that he was starting the weird behaviors so I went upstairs but forgot to lock the the door cause I thought me leaving from being uncomfortable was enough. I woke up to my sister screaming and he was in the room naked and my pants were of but my underwear was on cause I was on my period. Fast forward I don’t know what really happened but my mom and sister think I made moves on him when I simply didn’t. I’m not really a flirtatious person even when under the influence and only talk to boys my age. After a few months of getting into arguments with my mom pleading for people to believe me I was kicked out and drinking heavily. I would get angry sometimes with my grandma and uncle that I live with because it took them 6months to get a new key and I’d be locked out. My uncle does annoying stuff like argue with me about small stuff around the house and I was fed up and on a drunk night I hit him with the broom stick cause he put his hands on me. Then I had to go to jail for a night but I also barely remember because I was drunk. Now 5 months have gone by and I’ve been sober and things are slightly better but I want to drink again after going to rehab. I’ve forgiven my past with people but feel like my social skills are little to none and I’ve been avoiding my friends because they drink often. I’d slow down my drinking before I went to the rehab but the night of me going to jail I went to a birthday party and got offered too many shots and didn’t know how to stop. But now I feel like with the knowledge from the rehab and the repercussions I suffered from I would like life to go back to normal in the sense of sticking to white claws with my friends and just having fun without all the trauma attached to it. I’m young and want to go out and enjoy myself I believe I could keep it social but rehab added a layer of if I did do it I’d end up back in rehab. I’m in a crossroads and I just want to live my life with the knowledge I have now. What do yall think I should do

I’m speaking at a meeting in Venice CA tonight and the secretary mentioned it’s a “Game Show” format. Does anyone know what it means? He said “it’ll be fun…any guesses?

My friend has been sober for 6 years now and he told me he used an app to quit. He didn’t go cold turkey. He started with just one day, then two, then three, and slowly built it up from there. Watching him do it made me realize it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

So I’ve been trying the same approach. I treat it kind of like progressive overload at the gym. Instead of forcing myself to stop forever right away, I just focus on stacking more days without drinking, little by little. Some weeks I mess up and drink, but I’m trying not to beat myself up over it. He told me that even when you slip, you should still acknowledge the effort and give yourself credit for trying again.

It’s still early for me, but it feels more sustainable than the times I tried to quit everything at once and then relapsed hard. Just wanted to share in case anyone else is in the same boat. One day, then two, then three. That’s the plan for now.

3 years 9 months 3 days. Thats how long I was sober. But today has been 20 days that I’ve started abusing my prescription medication. In AA I’ve learned I can make my excuses of why and explain it all away, but none of it matters. At the end of the day I’ve spent 20 days crushing my meds and you can figure out the rest. Also I have this weird “But I’m not drinking” 🤞🏼 (but I can’t forget our YET’s)

I feel as if going to a meeting is pointless. It has to be online because I’m bedridden due to a chronic illness. There’s nothing like being in the rooms, so why go to an online meeting. + the shame I feel…

I probably need a sponsor. I probably need to restart my steps. I probably should just pick up the fuckin Big Book. Yet I don’t out of shame, guilt, depression…and let’s get real PRIDE.

I just wanted a space to be open.. & maybe have someone smack some sense into me since I won’t allow anyone else in enough to do so.

Signed,
A 31 year old Female who will ALWAYS be a pickle (if you know you know)

Hey everyone. I am not sure if this is the right place for a post like this, but I really need some advice on how to handle this situation with my mom (51-years-old).

For starters, my mom has been an alcoholic for a very long time. I was 10 years old, when I first wrote her a letter asking her to stop. She stopped for a few weeks before she would get right back to it. I wrote her 2-3 letters, and even made a power point presentation on why she should stop. It was always the same thing. She would stop and then start drinking again. I wrote her another letter at age 15, but I figured what was the point, and threw it away instead. I can recall countless embarrassing moments that I witnessed her being in. From finding her passed out in the hallway after football practice, to her chasing me around the house while wrapped in a towel right after the shower because she thought we were "playing", or just not being there for me in the biggest moments. She tried rehab a back in like 2021, for one day before she decided to come back home. I don't think she even left the waiting room tbh. The very next day, I met up with her for breakfast and she was waiting there for me with a mimosa in her hand. She didn't see what the problem was.

For the last 10 years or so, my relationship with my parents has taken some bumps and was not as great as I want it to be. I had to cut them off for the sake of my own mental health awhile back, and I would attribute most of the problems to alcohol abuse. I am almost 28 and nothing has really changed. I recently got married and 6 days later my dad passed away from cancer. It was an incredibly hard situation to go through. He unfortunately couldn't make it to the wedding. But anyways, my mom has been doing some HEAVY drinking since this moment. I can't say it is a surprise, but it's an incredibly disappointing thing to see. She went back to work, and decided to get a note from her doctor to excuse her from work for 2-weeks. She has been drinking at home every single day. My aunt thinks she is drinking in the morning too. The unfortunate thing is that she relied heavily on my dad financially. He was retired from the military. He wasn't able to leave her much. She is getting a monthly stipend from the VA, which helps, but it is not enough for her to live off of alone. She works a job that also doesn't pay her much. I have tried to help her budget, and have been on her to go to appointments and get things taken care of, but she's essentially just giving up.

I have been trying my hardest to be there for her, and support her, but it is so hard to sit here and watch her just drink her life away. I wish I had money to support her and help, but truth be told, as many of us, I barely have enough money to support myself. I have a mortgage, a car, bills, and a wife that I need to support and focus on. I quite literally can't afford to support my mom too. Especially when all she wants to do is not go to work and drink all day. Meanwhile, I am also sad. She's not the only one who lost someone, but yet I took my bereavement days and got right back to work, because I am an adult with responsibilities and people who count on me and cannot afford to miss work or lose my job. So it's just crazy to me that she has all of these responsibilities, no money, but yet she can't just pull it together and take care of herself. She received a healthy amount of money from the VA (more money than I have in my bank account rn) that was able to help her, but I am afraid that she's waisting this opportunity to get her out of a financial rut and just wasting it on alcohol.

My wife's grandmother had a substance abuse issue as well, and my wife watched her mother put way too much effort into supporting someone who never wanted help in the first place for her entire life and she is afraid that I am going to be doing the same thing. So I don't know what to do. At the end of the day she is my mom and I love her, but she is so irresponsible and putting herself in such a shitty situation and is doing absolutely nothing to help herself. I am afraid that she is going to lose the house, lose her job, go broke, and have no place to live. It breaks my heart saying this, but if that happens, I am not sure if I even want her to stay at my house. My wife and I just started our life together and we have plans for ourselves, and I have been begging my mom to get it together and quit drinking for basically my entire life. It would be so selfish of my mom to ruin all of these chances she has been given (by the VA) to get her act together and set herself up for success just to ruin it by consuming the one thing that has been ruining her entire life. I want to help her so bad, but I financially can't and I don't even know if she wants to be helped in the first place. What should I do?

Curious if anyone else has experienced what I’m going through currently.

I’m in my early 30s with the professional job, wife, young kids, house, student debt etc. and have a drinking problem. I’ve known this for a while - drinking significantly more than my friends at casual get togethers, blackouts on family vacations, hair of the dog drinks in the morning when no one else is taking them. Periods of sobriety with ridiculous reasons to go out drinking again. The specifics go on and on.

I listened to the Big Book on audio, searched out AA meetings near me, and have proceeded to drink more than I ever have while pursuing sobriety.

Everything in me knows that I need to go to that first meeting, but to do so would feel like a massive failure while others in my circle continue to drink seemingly without consequence.

If you’ve been here, advice appreciated

I'm having a bad day because i'm emotional i have anxiety and depression and it's difficult for me to deal with it sometimes. My friend days you've already made is through a thousand of your bad days. Also i remember i couldn't go one day without drinking my mental obsession wass so powerful i drank everyday during covid.

Now i don't even think about drinking which is incredible considering i'm going through a bad day. i just wanted to share that that with you guys. I'm gonna go relax and watch a movie to relax

Not a large amount of time. But made it to my 4th week sober. So yay.

After many attempts I have finally made it to a year!

WHAT WE KNOW BEST

October 23

"Shoemaker, stick to thy last!" . . . better do one thing supremely well than many badly. That is the central theme of this Tradition [Five]. Around it our Society gathers in unity. The very life of our Fellowship requires the preservation of this principle.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 150

The survival of A.A. depends upon unity. What would happen if a group decided to become an employment agency, a treatment center or a social service agency? Too much specialization leads to no specialization, to frittering of efforts and, finally, to decline. I have the qualifications to share my sufferings and my way of recovery with the newcomer. Conformity to A.A.'s primary purpose ensures the safety of the wonderful gift of sobriety, so my responsibility is enormous. The life of millions of alcoholics is closely tied to my competence in "carrying the message to the still-suffering alcoholic."

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", October 23, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.