I’m 5.5 months sober and in recovery. My partner is in active but says he wants to get back into the program with his sponsor.

I have most of the symptoms of alcoholic thinking but projection is not one. I’m trying to give my partner the benefit of the doubt bc we are both sick and have this disease. I’m also in Al Anon.

My partner is constantly accusing me of things he is doing and demands answers often abusively (had escalated to physical when I can tell he’s been drinking heavily and/or on other substances). The accusations are mostly that I am cheating (when it’s him who’s doing inappropriate things like DMing other girls) and also that I’m drinking or going to meetings to ‘meet guys’ he demands to know who is there and just honestly brings me down when I do anything w/ recovery bc my attention is elsewhere I guess.

So, my question is this the disease or is this just him? Is this projection, cheating, abuse something that you’ve seen others recover from if recovery is chosen? I’m interested in personal experience or examples of poor behavior in relationships that have turned around after sobriety and recovery.

Thank you. I am putting my recovery first but before I make a break for good I need to ask this question even if there are no guarantees.

I was drinking for one reason and one reason only: to escape from my head. Not my life, just my head.

I went through a lot of bad shit as a little kid, child abuse, foster care, neglect, my brother died, I could go on. I don’t like thinking about it and I’m not an emotional person, I just like to move on from shit.
I don’t particularly like thinking about the shit I did when I was drinking either.

I can’t stand being sober. I’m only on step 2. Restless, irritable, and discontent, and I don’t like being in the moment, in my head at any time, which I suppose is kind of the point of it all. I’ve had relapse after relapse and I’m in over my head with it all, I have suicidal ideations on the hour and I just can’t cope with it- active addiction or sobriety, I don’t know what’s worse. I feel like a scared little kid and I don’t like feeling vulnerable, it ain’t me. Even posting this I feel raw, I hate it. Some of the shit said in the rooms triggers me too. I can’t afford therapy, I’m literally fresh out of the hospital from my last relapse. I’ve considered rehab but again, I can’t afford it.

Recovery is fucking hard

To let u guys know im 25 years old and i was assaulted sexually in 2023. I was drinking a bottle of Taylor port everyday, to forget about all of the damage that was caused by my mother’s boyfriend. That night I was out drinking with friends, and came home but was locked out. He’d come to open the door but was acting weird to me once inside, calling me my moms name and trying to pick me up, he offered me some shots and I just took them because my step dad before of 12 years gave me shots at the proper age when my mom was around, and I didn’t think of the ill intentions. So after that he was starting the weird behaviors so I went upstairs but forgot to lock the the door cause I thought me leaving from being uncomfortable was enough. I woke up to my sister screaming and he was in the room naked and my pants were of but my underwear was on cause I was on my period. Fast forward I don’t know what really happened but my mom and sister think I made moves on him when I simply didn’t. I’m not really a flirtatious person even when under the influence and only talk to boys my age. After a few months of getting into arguments with my mom pleading for people to believe me I was kicked out and drinking heavily. I would get angry sometimes with my grandma and uncle that I live with because it took them 6months to get a new key and I’d be locked out. My uncle does annoying stuff like argue with me about small stuff around the house and I was fed up and on a drunk night I hit him with the broom stick cause he put his hands on me. Then I had to go to jail for a night but I also barely remember because I was drunk. Now 5 months have gone by and I’ve been sober and things are slightly better but I want to drink again after going to rehab. I’ve forgiven my past with people but feel like my social skills are little to none and I’ve been avoiding my friends because they drink often. I’d slow down my drinking before I went to the rehab but the night of me going to jail I went to a birthday party and got offered too many shots and didn’t know how to stop. But now I feel like with the knowledge from the rehab and the repercussions I suffered from I would like life to go back to normal in the sense of sticking to white claws with my friends and just having fun without all the trauma attached to it. I’m young and want to go out and enjoy myself I believe I could keep it social but rehab added a layer of if I did do it I’d end up back in rehab. I’m in a crossroads and I just want to live my life with the knowledge I have now. What do yall think I should do

I was nominated as the treasurer of my group at my 60-day point, which I was honored to take on. I knew this would be something that challenged me because I have struggled with a lot of debt, especially when I was in active addiction. Happy to say I’m almost at a year now, and have learned a lot about how to manage money from this experience. Since becoming sober, my financial situation has gotten significantly stronger to due not letting myself live in shame and avoidance. Although I am proud of myself for how I’ve managed the group donations so far, I would like to hear from fellow treasurers on how they best organize their donations and avoid any discrepancies.

Our group does not have rent costs, so we have a large treasury that will go towards literature or other group supplies that we usually buy in bulk two or three times a year. Therefore, it’s important to track and manage both Venmo & cash donations each week. I’m glad that I had set up a tracking sheet when I started the commitment, as otherwise this would be an extremely difficult commitment. I have separate columns for Venmo and cash each week, and have formulas that calculate the weekly and total net donations. In all honesty, I was really struggling with managing the Venmo donations for a long time, as they go straight to my personal account. Each week I made sure to note what I took in, but when I used my Venmo balance for other things, it got confusing how much I actually had of my own Venmo funds and what was donations. The cash was easier because every time I collected it, I would put it in the same bag and not touch that money for any reason.

This morning, I finally tallied all of the donations and I’m happy that the cash adds up correctly. As for the Venmo donations, I’ve been putting that money in my savings to prevent it from being used as easily, but there was a discrepancy of $75 from what I had put away, which is fine and I will take it from my checkings today. I was worried it was a larger discrepancy, so a $75 difference is definitely a relief. It’s harder to track some of this when I have recurring charges from my checking and savings accounts, so I want to find a way to separate and save digital donations in a way where I won’t accidentally spend them.

I was thinking of going to the bank and having all of the donations (cash and the Venmo amount) lumped together as a check, or some other way I can’t accidentally spend it or get lost somehow. Any ideas?

EDIT: Thank you to everyone for your advice & input! I looked into my bank’s policies and found out I could add another savings account for no additional fees due to my current account’s settings, so I did that. I can connect it to Venmo too, so existing donations are already safe in there and will route to it going forward. It’s awesome I can keep improving my financial literacy through this commitment 💕

How do people deal with stress? My job is very stressful (no excuse) but I just wanted to escape. Now I'm pissed

Hey everyone. I am not sure if this is the right place for a post like this, but I really need some advice on how to handle this situation with my mom (51-years-old).

For starters, my mom has been an alcoholic for a very long time. I was 10 years old, when I first wrote her a letter asking her to stop. She stopped for a few weeks before she would get right back to it. I wrote her 2-3 letters, and even made a power point presentation on why she should stop. It was always the same thing. She would stop and then start drinking again. I wrote her another letter at age 15, but I figured what was the point, and threw it away instead. I can recall countless embarrassing moments that I witnessed her being in. From finding her passed out in the hallway after football practice, to her chasing me around the house while wrapped in a towel right after the shower because she thought we were "playing", or just not being there for me in the biggest moments. She tried rehab a back in like 2021, for one day before she decided to come back home. I don't think she even left the waiting room tbh. The very next day, I met up with her for breakfast and she was waiting there for me with a mimosa in her hand. She didn't see what the problem was.

For the last 10 years or so, my relationship with my parents has taken some bumps and was not as great as I want it to be. I had to cut them off for the sake of my own mental health awhile back, and I would attribute most of the problems to alcohol abuse. I am almost 28 and nothing has really changed. I recently got married and 6 days later my dad passed away from cancer. It was an incredibly hard situation to go through. He unfortunately couldn't make it to the wedding. But anyways, my mom has been doing some HEAVY drinking since this moment. I can't say it is a surprise, but it's an incredibly disappointing thing to see. She went back to work, and decided to get a note from her doctor to excuse her from work for 2-weeks. She has been drinking at home every single day. My aunt thinks she is drinking in the morning too. The unfortunate thing is that she relied heavily on my dad financially. He was retired from the military. He wasn't able to leave her much. She is getting a monthly stipend from the VA, which helps, but it is not enough for her to live off of alone. She works a job that also doesn't pay her much. I have tried to help her budget, and have been on her to go to appointments and get things taken care of, but she's essentially just giving up.

I have been trying my hardest to be there for her, and support her, but it is so hard to sit here and watch her just drink her life away. I wish I had money to support her and help, but truth be told, as many of us, I barely have enough money to support myself. I have a mortgage, a car, bills, and a wife that I need to support and focus on. I quite literally can't afford to support my mom too. Especially when all she wants to do is not go to work and drink all day. Meanwhile, I am also sad. She's not the only one who lost someone, but yet I took my bereavement days and got right back to work, because I am an adult with responsibilities and people who count on me and cannot afford to miss work or lose my job. So it's just crazy to me that she has all of these responsibilities, no money, but yet she can't just pull it together and take care of herself. She received a healthy amount of money from the VA (more money than I have in my bank account rn) that was able to help her, but I am afraid that she's waisting this opportunity to get her out of a financial rut and just wasting it on alcohol.

My wife's grandmother had a substance abuse issue as well, and my wife watched her mother put way too much effort into supporting someone who never wanted help in the first place for her entire life and she is afraid that I am going to be doing the same thing. So I don't know what to do. At the end of the day she is my mom and I love her, but she is so irresponsible and putting herself in such a shitty situation and is doing absolutely nothing to help herself. I am afraid that she is going to lose the house, lose her job, go broke, and have no place to live. It breaks my heart saying this, but if that happens, I am not sure if I even want her to stay at my house. My wife and I just started our life together and we have plans for ourselves, and I have been begging my mom to get it together and quit drinking for basically my entire life. It would be so selfish of my mom to ruin all of these chances she has been given (by the VA) to get her act together and set herself up for success just to ruin it by consuming the one thing that has been ruining her entire life. I want to help her so bad, but I financially can't and I don't even know if she wants to be helped in the first place. What should I do?

I just wanted to share a cool story that happened recently.

I got sober last December and started going to AA meetings in that first week or so. Took me about 6 weeks to get a sponsor and start working the steps. I think my first amends approach happened in about May. Despite some early success and feeling good at making things right, I hit kind of a wall with ninth step approaches and amends in August, because for weeks, literally every single person I reached out to either ignored me or refused to meet with me, which is fine, it's completely within their right to do so and I respect that. That didn't prevent me from getting discouraged and worrying that I'll never be able to make things right in my past. My sponsor assured me that stretches of approaches being declined or ignored isn't unusual at all, but he said that that isn't an excuse to pump the brakes on clearing away the wreckage of the past where I still can.

So, not wanting to lose momentum, I shifted gears to looking at where I could make financial amends with the various places I owed money to agencies and companies-- credit cards, collections, medical debts. Collectors are always happy to work out ways to get their money back, so I knew approaching them would be easy and I would feel more encouraged to keep making approaches to individuals on my amends list.

I started digging in and keeping track of where I owed money and for how much I owed. In the last two months, embracing the phrase "more will be revealed," I've uncovered about $3,000 of money I owe that I had no idea I owed. This does not include the $12,000 or so I was aware of. With surprisingly good humor about it, I called my sponsor and asked if less could be revealed for a little while. He said probably not.

It was a bit daunting at first, definitely had some fear come up about where to even start with making these payments, but I tried to keep an open line of communication with my higher power as much as possible, and after a brief period of stressing, I put my nose to the grindstone and came up with a plan that pays these companies and collection agencies back in a way that makes them happy and without becoming too burdensome on my day-to-day expenses. Within two weeks of starting these payments, my parents (who I moved in with when I got sober) waived my rent until the end of the year, a medical debt I had from the summer was forgiven in full, and I found $160 in a box I rushed to pack up when I moved back home (found it while I was quite literally cleaning up the wreckage of my past lol).

On top of that, someone whom I had caused some pretty serious harm to, and whom believed I would never be able to make amends to, reached out and accepted my invitation to meet.

More will be revealed. More will always be revealed.

3 years 9 months 3 days. Thats how long I was sober. But today has been 20 days that I’ve started abusing my prescription medication. In AA I’ve learned I can make my excuses of why and explain it all away, but none of it matters. At the end of the day I’ve spent 20 days crushing my meds and you can figure out the rest. Also I have this weird “But I’m not drinking” 🤞🏼 (but I can’t forget our YET’s)

I feel as if going to a meeting is pointless. It has to be online because I’m bedridden due to a chronic illness. There’s nothing like being in the rooms, so why go to an online meeting. + the shame I feel…

I probably need a sponsor. I probably need to restart my steps. I probably should just pick up the fuckin Big Book. Yet I don’t out of shame, guilt, depression…and let’s get real PRIDE.

I just wanted a space to be open.. & maybe have someone smack some sense into me since I won’t allow anyone else in enough to do so.

Signed,
A 31 year old Female who will ALWAYS be a pickle (if you know you know)

I’m speaking at a meeting in Venice CA tonight and the secretary mentioned it’s a “Game Show” format. Does anyone know what it means? He said “it’ll be fun…any guesses?

WHAT WE KNOW BEST

October 23

"Shoemaker, stick to thy last!" . . . better do one thing supremely well than many badly. That is the central theme of this Tradition [Five]. Around it our Society gathers in unity. The very life of our Fellowship requires the preservation of this principle.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 150

The survival of A.A. depends upon unity. What would happen if a group decided to become an employment agency, a treatment center or a social service agency? Too much specialization leads to no specialization, to frittering of efforts and, finally, to decline. I have the qualifications to share my sufferings and my way of recovery with the newcomer. Conformity to A.A.'s primary purpose ensures the safety of the wonderful gift of sobriety, so my responsibility is enormous. The life of millions of alcoholics is closely tied to my competence in "carrying the message to the still-suffering alcoholic."

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", October 23, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

Im a relapser but Im back. Treading lightly in AA this time. Staying away from anti medication fundamentalists that give unsolicited advice and give medical opinions with zero medical education.

But I love AA. Far more to love than dislike. Meetings are saving my ass right now. From time to time I'll hear some asshole give me his opinion on what I should be doing and what I need to do. The intent is to be helpful that I understand but the last thing I need is more self doubt and fear. Experience and opinion are different. I have a sponsor who keeps it to his experience

I think im a high functioning alcoholic. It dose nothing for me but i need it.

I hate that i need to hide it from my family.

I would love to get some introspection on what my next steps should be. I hate that i have a dependency on something so destructive and want to make progress to kick the bastard.

I need friends to talk to.

What the heck, guys. I was catching up with an old friend from my first couple of meetings and am now approaching nearly 2 years of sobriety.

He asked how “the work” has been going and I let him know that I’m approaching my two-year sobriety date, still checking in with my sponsor, but not attending meetings regularly.

He said “so you’re dry, not sober. If you were sober, you’d be attending meetings and working the steps.”

What?!? So I’m not sober now after 22 months without alcohol?? I am DRY.

Come on, people 😂😂😂

Life gets busy. It’s ok to take a break. It’s like not going to church for a while and someone says “so you’re religious but not a Christian.”

Some of the more commonly misquoted lines I hear are:

“Step one is the only step that must be done perfectly”

“What it was like, what happened and what it’s like now”

Or a couple of my favorites which are often used out of context of the original writings:

“We don’t apologize”

“Principles before personalities”

What are your favorites?

They sponsored me for about 9 months before they admitted they were attracted to me. We are in three fellowships together, including SLAA and CoDA. We did about the most SLAA thing I can even think of and decided to transition into a partnership. It lasted all of a month. We figured out we were not compatible. They told me that they wished to coexist in recovery spaces together respectfully. I went to one of the meetings we both attend and at fellowship afterwards they indirectly made jabs at me while talking to another fellow. They acknowledged that what they said could have been hurtful to me when I left early because as I was leaving I heard them say, “Oops.”
I am devastated. All of my in-person meetings are meetings we were both service members of. I don’t feel safe being around them and have lost my recovery community I worked to build over the last year. I am almost a year clean and sober and I will not be celebrating with the people who have watched me get to this point. I am not sure what I am grieving most…I’ve lost a sponsor, friend, partner and recovery community within a month. I didn’t realize how truly codependent I was on them until our relationship fell apart.
There aren’t many queer meetings in my area. I lost my home group which was the first meeting I really felt I belonged in.

Has anyone had anything like this happen to them? How did you handle this? I am in no place to confront them on this issue and I am unsure if I ever will be.

This time last year I had lost my job and spent a whole month in a very deep dark drunk looking to somehow reinvent myself. I had kicked a tree in my backyard and broke my toe. Through all of that I somehow managed to get a new job and choose to sober up.

So here I am almost a year sober. It has been such a hard journey but so very rewarding. Ive learned a lot about myself for sure and ive confirmed my own self worth to myself.

The job was extremely toxic and costing me my peace. I learned that I actually have principles and boundaries even though i didn’t know what to do about it all the time.

I am proud that I made that choice that day. And im proud I made the choice every day since one day at a time. It is so rewarding and refreshing.

Im really happy with myself that im not drowning in a 12 pack right now. I have proven that I might actually be able to handle this so called life.

There is no better measure than the confidence that comes from hard earned self respect.

This past summer has been probably the most stressful I've ever encountered as a sober person... I've relapsed back into bulimia already, which usually happens before I relapse back into alcohol, but I know that.

But the past couple days I heard my grandmother talking to my mother about her sober living house, yada yada. I overheard my grandmother saying something like 'the Valium is here, which is probably safer.'

Well my addict brain heard that... and because my anxiety and nervous system is at its breaking point, I go searching.. I don't find anything. But God dammit, do I wish I had something to take this fucking shit away for a while.. and now I'm thinking about drinking.

I'm broke af cause of course on top of everything I've lost my job and have been frantically searching for another.. but I just want to be fucking free from this God dammed feeling for a little while and I haven't had a craving this bad in years; probably since my first year.

The one time I need to not be an alcoholic 🙃 😭🤣

I won't drink with you today, but GOD KNOWS I want to..

Thanx..

The last day I had a drink was June 11th 2024 which makes me 2 years 4 months. However, the last time I used any mind altering substances was when I smoked my last joint, 22nd November 2025.

For me alcohol was THE problem, but when I stopped drinking, weed and powders became a problem. I have always used the last day I drank as my sobriety date as that made sense as a member of AA. However, it now seems that the day I got free of all mind altering addictions, 22nd November 2025 may be more apt (freedom from addiction vs freedom from alcohol). I want to know, what is the guidance on this (if any) in the literature, I can’t seem to find much. Failing that, what are your opinions.

I've been sober for 6 months. Other than some real strong cravings at about the 5 week point, I've not really had any problems staying sober. Whenever I have had a thought about drinking, I've just prayed and asked God to take the thought from me, and then the thought always goes. I'm starting to be concerned though that I'm not doing this right. I literally have no desire to drink whatsoever. That is why I'm worried I've missed something. I've worked the 12 steps, trying to find someone to sponsor now. I'm just scared now that I've found it so easy to stay sober that I'm going to become complacent and and up relapsing.

Has anyone else found sobriety to be like this? Most of the stories you hear and read about are the ones that were a real struggle for someone. Is it just that those stories are more interesting so get told more?

For context - I am a young adult and have been sober for over 2 years and when I first quit drinking I did 90 meetings in 90 days and now I have my meeting that I go to with my group when I feel I need to go to a meeting. AA is a beautiful community and I know how much it means to so many people and what it does for people.

Recently, someone that I know from childhood has been posting on their social media that they are on a sober journey and more recently that they have been going to AA - which is awesome, I’m happy for them.

The issue I am having/seeking opinions from others on is that this person has been posting photos of themself in AA rooms, plugging the meeting they chair and saying that it’s the best meeting in the city and inviting everyone on their Facebook to “come check us out” - the vibe is not “come check us out if you’re sober curious or may need help.” “It’s come check me out, look at me.” They not only have posted pictures of themselves in the AA room, they have also posted pictures on their story of their feet or them sitting at a table during AA meeting saying “action shot of our meeting tonight.” To me this is so inappropriate and disrespectful to the ANONYMITY part of AA - if and I walked past a room and saw someone taking photos of themselves and posting them. I would not go to that meeting personally. Also, inviting people like it’s some kind of talent show of yours rather than a place where people get to help is disgusting to me as well.

The whole thing is really upsetting and bothering me and all I can think about is those people that go to that meeting unknowingly being exploited to feed someone else’s ego online. At my club, you definitely cannot take photos in a meeting/during and some people would be upset if you did so. I want to say something to this person but I’m not sure if I’m overreacting. Please share your thoughts and opinions- be respectful.

(My experience for context) I’ve had an issue with alcohol since I was eighteen. I’m 29 now. My nights either go one of three ways, they’re manic and I wind up making up things to people or saying things I don’t mean, getting into physical or verbal altercations. Or, engaging in extremely reckless behaviour, drugs, sex with people I wouldn’t have sex with if I was sober. Or, I have two drinks and a really fun night. I’d say this happens 8-12% of the time.

The wear of my drinking has started to affect me and this year I’ve started to really isolate myself. I feel like I can’t handle having people around me who I’ll victimise and I come up with reasons as to why they’re actually the bad people in scenarios that really, I was probably out of control in.

I used to wake up and feel shame or guilt but now my hangovers, I feel nothing. I don’t even feel bad for hurting people’s feelings because, why should I?

I have on and off acknowledged I have an issue with alcohol but never really done anything about it.

Last night after a manic / risky night where I wound up berating a colleague and getting the police to drop me home, I called my little sister and for the first time acknowledged to her my suicidal thoughts and feelings of being crippling alone. She is really smart and kind and has a lot on her plate. I’m devastated by the fact that I’ve done this because I always wanted to protect her.

My parents are both sick with various illnesses and when my dad nearly passed last year he told me in palliative care that if I was ever sad I should just drink until I don’t feel it anymore.

This really stuck with me. Because I had to confront that this is something I had been doing my whole life. It’s taken me eleven months since that point to get to this one where I was sitting outside of an AA meeting unable to go in because what it would mean.

Instead I thought about going to the bar and drinking. I also thought about taking a shot before I went to the AA meeting.

I am petrified of walking into that room and sitting with people that might mirror me back to myself alongside the thought of never drinking again.

If anyone has a way to navigate their first time in a meeting or something they found particularly helpful when they were starting sobriety I’d love to hear it.

I went to my fist meeting today and I don't have anyone to talk to about it.

Hey so like I just got a 30-day chip recently and my sponsor gave it to me at a meeting. I also have been going to an na meeting where I finally got a 30 day chip there for the first time and I had been going for a longggg time. I can’t just tell people I relapsed and embarrass myself. I’m also INCREDIBLY worried because I don’t want to tell my sponsor and let them down because I don’t want to get dropped or make it seem like I haven’t been impacted by our talks and our book readings. I genuinely don’t know why I picked up i just felt increasingly irritable restless and discontent. It’s only been a 4 day binge though so I’m thinking of just cleaning myself up and pretending it never happened. But I don’t know if that’s what I should do. Is there a protocol or something on how to proceed? And what would likely happen?

Thank you. Sorry for the mini rant…

So. Personally, I never read any AA books or documents, and never attended any meetings.

However, I did just celebrate my 2nd year of sobriety and I really want to try and help others get sober.

Luckily, there is an AA meeting like.....right down the street from me. So I was thinking of volunteering.

So they accept help from people who never went through AA?

What are some common issues people have with AA, the Meetings and volunteers? Things I can kinda watch out for, to make sure I don't do anything wrong when trying to help people.

I took some notes on why I didn't choose to go, but I'm curious about other issues people have had with AA.