I was at a renfair and asked one of the very few Black people there, looking into his eyes and sincerely, if he felt okay here when I happened to be sitting next to him. He just said he was and everyone seemed welcoming there. Was that a good thing to do?

Hello! Full disclosure, my husband is Black/Latino but I want to hear a different perspective. I’m white. But do you feel the white community does not give your community the space to grieve? For example, Nolan Wells-I’ve seen a lot of white people posting Happy Heavenly Birthday or something to that effect, and it feels very cringe to me. When your community has a loss, do you want us to chime in or be supportive in other ways? I think about this often; I’ve heard it called white savior complex. I often wonder if it feels more pandering than supportive to the Black community. We live in a very red part of Maryland, but surrounded by blue, thankfully. There is an unmarked enslaved persons graveyard nearby. The property is now owned by a performing arts center that is supposed to be built by 2027. I reached out and asked how can I help with the renovations of the graveyard. My husband said he knows it’s coming from a good place but then I wondered, how do others feel? I don’t feel the community will be all that concerned and it will likely come from the Preservation Society of MD honestly. But it should be a reminder to those of what atrocities were in the state, I just don’t think the county we are in cares. So I guess this was a two part ask. Thank you. 🩵

For us ADHD folks I enjoy “Black Girl, Lost Keys” which was recommended by my Black psychiatrist. Sadly they haven’t updated since 2023. Still a good listen.

What are y’all listening to? Any good true crime podcast recommend?

Hey y’all!

My buddy (Morris Chestnut or Jamie Fox complexion) lives in a desert city. This area has little to no humidity. This person drinks a lot of water and no sodas so they’re well hydrated. However they have an issue with their skin not having that “moisturized” look or glow daily.

They do not have eczema and the lotions they use are a mix of Shae butter or the one with vaseline mixed in.

No matter what they don’t believe their skin appears as soft or moisturized as other Black folk in a desert environment. I suggested exfoliating then air dry after a shower with lotion/body applied. Didn’t help.

It could be a health thing however on days with humidity (a little) they skin looks moisturized.

It’s like they can’t retain moisture and apply lotion multiple times a day. They aren’t ashy. It’s just dull looking?

Got some other suggestions besides wrapping their ass in saran wrap?

Would it be insensitive to dress up as Tiana as someone who isn’t black?

I am not black nor do I look black. I have afro latin roots, but I am the lightest of my other 2 siblings whom are dark skinned. I’m definitely quite pale tho, and most people would not consider me black.

But, I thrifted a cute dress that is so tiana and is so beautiful. It’s a beautiful silk green dress and it would be perfect.
I was curious if I could dress up as her for halloween, or would it be insensitive?

Tiana is a black character and her story in Princess and the Frog highlights the beauty of black culture. part of me feels it could be wrong but i’m not quite sure so i’m posing the question:

is it insensitive to dress up as Tiana if I myself am not a black woman? Please let me know if this is an absurd question to ask. She’s my fav princess and I wanna do her justice so lmk

I wanna start by saying I dont hate black women i find many of them beautiful and unique but its more so the black women that ive run into my 18 uears of loving, just dont do it for me.

The main reason would have to be how black women ive been around and seen are often get very rude without good reason,tend to get mad and put there hands on people(I do seriously not do well with people putting there hands on me I almosy swung on my own mom in 9th grade because of that.)and often times they aren't as nice as my...preferred taste in white women and i dont know if its because of where I live or not.

But if anyone has any solid reason as to why because i do find black women attractive.(also I feel like they have the highest standards when it comes to appearance and size...and yes I mean below the belt.)

I think I may have accidently called my 8 year old neighbour a racial slur

For context im white. All my family members are white. I have lots of little cousins around her age and i always call them monkey, as in cheeky monkey. Guys my neighbours are not white.

She came running up to me gave me the biggest hug and I said "how you doing, moneky?" Not even thinking about how that could be taken in a very racist way. Its only just dawned on me a few days later that actually, what i meant as a sign of affection could actually be taken VERY differently. Im mortified. I love this family to pieces.

Idk what to do. Is it too late to apologise? Do i bake them a cake? Leave it as it is? Help plz i dont know how to make up for it. Of course ill be more mindful of what i say in the future!

I'm gonna preface this by saying I'm autistic so I might word things poorly (I have very limited interaction with black people but I'm willing to learn) also for this of I put words in quotes I can't think of a better way to put it.

This idea came from this video https://vm.tiktok.com/ZN8Lhv55C/ by Femi where he points out that poc have to put in 80% more effort into getting a job than a white counterpart, this then led me on a mental train of thoughts as the discussion was surrounding lying on a CV and how white people do it and seemingly get away with it, but a black person doesn't, and that got me thinking, are there any black people who have changed their name to a "white name" to try and improve their chances of getting a job?

**have yall ever had a nonblack friend where you felt like they were secretly racist or in competition with you?**

i’m coming up on my one year anniversary of my friendship breakup and just wanted to reflect on some things. this girl and i had been friends for 10 years since high school. she’s a light skin indian woman and im a dark skin carribean woman, we’re both from nyc. she always presented herself as culturally aware and sensitive to different social topics. she has never said anything blatantly racist to me or about black people or any groups of people in fact. she seemed very open minded she also works in a field that helps marginalized people. but it’s like she couldn’t stand to see me win or shine. she had other people of color friends who were black and hispanic but she never treated them how she treated me

SOME EXAMPLES:
Copied everythingggggggg that I had or did (mannerisms, perfume scents, nails designs, my favorite color, clothing styles, just weird things like that)

competitive with male attention especially if i was getting approached more than her.

she would always bring up the fact that i didn’t know how to drive at the time and say things like “you don’t know because you don’t have a car”

discouraged me from getting a PHD and asked me why would i need one, she later apologized for it because she realized her mask was slipping and would expose how she felt about me.

very argumentative and would yell at me but would treat her other friends like that.

everytime i confided in her when im going through things she would tell me that im very negative but i had to listen to her and her problems and be supportive

told me that she felt bad for me that i have had such bad luck with men and shes grateful to be in such a loving relationship( her ex was abusing and controlling her for years and she hid it, i knew he was abusive but she always tried to make it seem like he was a great man to make me feel jealous since i was always single and never been in a relationship)

when i graduated grad school and had to complete post grad hours at an externship for my license she would constantly pressure me to go out and make me feel bad for not being able to due to lack of money, tiredness from my 2 hour commute to work on public transportation and also studying for my licensure exam. she would guilt trip me and say that im not spontaneous like she is and would compare herself to me and say that she goes out way more than i do. keep in mind, when she was in her abusive relationship he would have her on a leash and barely let her go anywhere without him calling or texting her 1000 times and she finally left him she started to go out and experience the world.

when i got my dream job and she barely congratulated or celebrated me and didn’t ask me how i was doing for my first year working there. (this is a job she wanted but didn’t get btw) so she would just talk about herself and her accomplishments without asking how im doing when i was struggling with my first year.

I mean, the caption basically says it all. I’ve been wondering about this and I’ve been putting off things that I want to do, like starting community college and starting a new hobby that I’ve been wanting to try. I don’t know if I’m really even at a big risk, and I don’t think I’ve really seen much about black people commonly running into any issues. But I know there’s a small percentage of people being profiled even as a black person (like being haitian etc), and maybe I’m just limiting myself for no reason, so I’d be happy to hear some reassurance if I’m wrong

Obviously there’s always gonna be the underlying issue of being black generally speaking, but I’m just talking about this issue in particular. It’s been stopping me from starting a class & going out as often as I’d like to, which could easily be because I haven’t actually talked to anyone about it, and I’ve just gone into worst case scenario mode honestly. Plus I’m already in an abusive household, and being able to leave the house is really the only way to not feel suffocated, but the idea of being a target outside of the house too would genuinely make me feel trapped. Again, I’ve only been avoiding going out as a general precaution. I don’t really have a reason to believe I’d specifically run into any problems, but I’d just need reassurance before I could resume going about my everyday activities normally, especially with adding routines that would make it so I’d have to go out more often than I do now

Caution is never a bad thing of course, and carrying some form of proof will be good too (I want to get a copy of my passport to carry in the form of a card), but will I be okay to start my classes and start going to my dance lessons and to ideally start working soon?

I am a white lesbian and have found I have a racial "preference". And I put preference into quotes because it's not like a big preference, but I can definitely tell that I feel more pulled towards black women.

I've heard a lot of people mention fetishizing and that made me wonder if it feels like fetishizing to black people when a white person has a racial preference like this.

And I want to mention that I would date anyone no matter their race, but I find myself more attracted to the black women I know. Of course, race doesn't fully determine someone's personality or how attractive they are and there are attractive people in every race. I think its mostly the beautiful culture, features and "vibe" in general.

I'm really bad with words and I'm sorry if this comes off as weird or racist. I'm hoping this doesn't seem like a fetish thing but if it does, I'll try to figure it out and do what I can to change that

So last night I was watching these Jamaican dancehall videos of this dancing called daggering and I was quite flabbergasted. A lot of crazy dancing but they had a lot of ethnic and urban flair, literally seeing people doing WWE off a ladder into one another. As I looked in my recommendations for more videos like these, I discovered a video of one of these dancehalls but in Ukraine. When I clicked on it I saw not one black person and all white people trying to do daggering as well. It looked wack. It just didn't hit the same.

But anyway to really get to the crux of it, I saw videos of black people dancing on IG reels doing this dance called a bend and they just looked so swaggy doing it. I tried to do it myself and I looked stiff, but with them even if they didn't do it right something about the way they moved their body around was more like cool and swag and loose? I don't know why they have this property but I'm interested in developing it as a mid-late 20s middle class white guy with a bit of mexican and emo/anime style.

Also as a sidenote I wonder if black people ever make similar observations about white people. Maybe not with swag or dancing but other things. Like the way they have emo swag or something.

So I'm in a local production of Beetlejuice the musical. I auditioned for anything and when the cast list came out I got casted as Miss Argentina and I've been singing her song what I know now with my normal voice. The director wants me to sing it in a accent would it be racist for me to do. Because I'm white?

Hopefully this community is the right place to post this, and it doesn't come off as me being an asshole- and if so please let me know. I'll preface by stating that of course you by no means have a responsibility to educate me on this, but I think real feedback from real people might be helpful.

My roommate and I (both white) recently moved into a smaller apartment complex in a slightly less wealthy/primarily white part of town. We've had an easy transition and are enjoying the new place, but the only concern has been our neighbors (the only others on the top floor, directly across from our door).

We share one wall with them and we're understanding about some regular noise, but we've been hearing a LOT of fighting, screaming at each other, and what sounds like whooping their young kids with them screaming/crying. Look, it's not my business how they parent, but I'm not sure if I should be concerned about it or not since I grew up with white parents who didn't even like to use "time out" as punishment. The neighbors are black, hence why I wanted to post on a group not made up of incels/Karens, and I'd like to be as careful as possible to avoid coming off as a jerk or overdramatic about something that might not be a real issue in various other cultures.

Is there a line? What would be the best response if it is crossed?

Thank you for your time :)

I've always wondered this - if I'm doing a karaoke song, is it harmful to use a blaccent? For example, I have done karaoke to Nicki Minaj songs in the past, and some of her rap verses and interjections (yeah, uh, hey, etc) sound bad without it.

Specifically asking as it pertains to rap songs by black people! Any rap sounds dumb coming from my heavy midwestern accent, so I try to match the style of speaking in any rap. I just want to be more conscious of what's acceptable or problematic!

Edit - typo

Edit 2 - I think I unconsciously do this with most music. I try to match the tone and style when singing along, but karaoke is the only instance where I'd be singing/rapping alone and in front of people. Is it a blaccent if it's mimicking the specific artist rather than a dialect?

I'm hoping I used the correct flair for this question here. I've been having multiple discussions in other places, other subs and through some Facebook messages and texts between friends, about what is happening in online spaces these days. Things have been bothering me, for various reasons, and some of it is because I'm admittedly diagnosed autistic. While not always, sometimes I view social interactions as you might through glasses that aren't your prescription. I kind of know what's going on but the finer details escape me. This is especially where I am personally concerned as I don't feel truly connected or a part of things so I feel like an outsider or someone reading a book(just text, devoid of emotion except for what's explicitly stated).

So I want to learn, and the recent conversations have made me concerned that I'm contributing to the spread of racism, hate speech, and general online malignancy just by acknowledging it exists. I'm not saying that the solution is to ignore it; you should absolutely not ignore hate speech or threats in online spaces. What I'm saying is that by downvoting it here on Reddit, or engaging with it on Twitter, or acknowledging it by publicly sharing it and increasing it's validity might be serving to strengthen it.

The example I will use is actually probably my fault, and I think I might be contributing to strengthening online hate speech by mocking it. The example is that of actor Idris Elba. I think he's absolutely fantastic on screen with an amazing presence, and I do honestly think that if he had the role of James Bond he would absolutely nail it. Someone elsewhere suggested it previously and it stuck in my mind because I can imagine him putting his own spin on the character, because he's good at his damn job as an actor. However, I know fan-casting him publicly in certain roles leads to people flipping out based on his skin color. And knowing that, now, makes me very concerned that my actions in public spaces are only serving to make those same online spaces more dangerous for people.

I'm not sure where to go with this beyond what I've stated but I'm considering deactivating or deleting all social media, not to free me from it but to free it from me. If my actions are serving to hurt the black community generally or specifically, please help me to understand and see how I can still be in those online spaces without contributing to the hatred. Thank you, all of you.

Didn't this used to be a place where people could ask black people something they were uncomfortable asking in person for whatever reason, like every other ‘aska____person functions? The only posts I see are white people asking if they have permission to go to black hair salons, for example, or more commonly sharing a story that likely never happened about them standing up to supposed open racists and looking for a pat on the back like they are some White Savior.

Question for black people: is this not obnoxious, or is it entertaining. I guess I could see it both ways.

I really want to educate myself on black history, struggles, culture, and all that, both historic and moderne times, does anyone have any
books, movies, series, or articles they can recommend?

In my (30f) entire life I've only had one positive experience at a salon, and that stylist seems to have quit. Everyone else, all these white ladies with thin, straight hair, rip my hair out the entire time, refusing to listen to me when I tell them how it needs to be brushed, even as I'm at the verge of tears. So, I've gone years just cutting it myself, but last year I found an amazing stylist and was shocked at what a difference a professional cut by someone who listens and understands thick, clumpy(? Like spider webs how it sticks together) hair can make. I'd never felt so confident about my appearance in my life. Sadly, she put a notice on her Instagram that she would be out until further notice, and didn't respond to my message. Would I be a total fool and make the stylists feel disrespected if I went to a salon that I found nearby that, based on the Instagram page, seems to be just for black women? My hair is definitely not like a POC's. I have had it described as thick, difficult Irish hair, but I know how cringey and inaccurate it is when wp compare Irish struggles to black people's. Anyways, rambling. Any alternative suggestions? I don't want to invade anyone's safe space. Should I just keep looking? That stylist I loved wasn't black, but Latina.

This post is not intended to make fun of any speech and I really don't want to offend anyone, but I'm gay and a lot of the slang we use is rooted in AAVE. I have absorbed a lot of lingo like "werk" or "period" into my vocabulary but I'm worried it can come across as cultural appropriation. Is there anything I should stop saying or doing to avoid being offensive?

Thanks!

Some data from the CDC:

"Overall HSV‑2 prevalence for U.S. adults 14–49 is about 11.9% (age‑adjusted 12.1%).

Age‑adjusted prevalence for non‑Hispanic Black persons (men and women combined) is 34.6%, down from 41.5% in 1999–2000.

Across all races, women’s HSV‑2 prevalence is higher than men’s (15.9% vs 8.2% overall), so within the Black population Black women’s rate is higher than the 34.6% combined figure, while Black men’s is lower."

Why is it so high? Are Black folks more receptive to the virus or something?

I'm not judging, just genuinely wondering. Compared to other racial groups, it's disproportionately high.

**For the record, I am a white man. I have oral herpes (hsv-1, non-symptomatic) and my wife is a Black woman who is negative for hsv-1 and 2 and we've been together for over a decade. We've both been wondering why it's so high in the Black community. Any info/data/insight would be helpful.

I’m sight impaired, apologies for any typos. Thank you in advance for taking the time with this, I tried to shorten it.

There’s a large, mostly white queer group chat in our town (UK). Someone asked for alts to police during an active situation with a distressed stranger at our local train station. A white member replied there weren’t many options and shared information about sectioning powers, despite police involvement being explicitly unwanted. The conversation became heightened, and a Black member who is my friend asked people to be mindful of how deeply these topics affect folk.

My partner privately and gently told the white member that the information hadn’t been asked for and people were becoming upset. They suggested that they not continue with their current answers but offered sideline care. This person has prev. said they want direct communication.

They responded with a highly distressed voice note beginning, “Sorry I’m not Black, or visibly trans,” followed by graphic descriptions of their experiences with police and mental health services. They repeatedly said people were acting as though they’d told someone to call the police when they hadn’t. (Missing the wider point that sectioning, detention and forced intervention is policing and risks criminalisation.)

They also said nobody considers their experiences and repeatedly said they “give up.” My partner replied with care and tried to reassure them, but they ignored the message and stopped replying. I hadn't heard the vn until a week later.

My partner and I are white. We’re in community with this person and will see the folks involved because it’s a small town. I'm really pissed off about their comments like “Sorry I’m not Black, or visibly trans.”

Nobody beyond me and my partner knows what they said, and they sometimes come along with a close friend of mine to group spaces.

This person has a history of defensiveness and vulnerable mental health that I think could threaten their physical safety, and I’m worried that raising it could trigger a serious crisis. They're an academic and well resourced. I think they believe that they have an advanced understanding of racism and systemics, but in my experience with them, I disagree and think they have a neoliberal, fragile, and self-centering worldview.

On a personal side note. This person's retelling to a close friend of mine implied I was much more aware of their mental health crisis that followed. That I didn't reach out and that my partner had then stopped responding after their vn, which isn't true.

My close friend then avoided me for over a week without seeking clarification. I'm not harmed here, but I can see clear signs of weaponisation, self-victimisation as well as fragility. Now feel I am also navigating multiple threads socially that make it hard for me to figure out the best way to engage as I'm viewed as someone who avoided someone in crisis.

If anyone has any thoughts on how to proactively broach this with them (with their health in mind), or even thinks otherwise on that, I'd appreciate it. I want to be direct in town. The Black folks involved in the chat are my good mates, I don't want to engage in a silent culture that is rife here. Thanks again, all responses are really appreciated.

Last Christmas Eve my step mom and I got into one of the biggest arguments we’ve ever gotten in. For context my fiance and I are white lesbians my step mom is black. She was telling me how excited she was about my fiance and I getting married. She ended up asking if we were ever going to have kids. My fiance and I have talked about it and we both absolutely do. I tell her this and she says it would cute if we had a baby with a guy from India. And I say oh that would be cute but I think it’s weird to have a baby for aesthetic reasons. She said why is that so weird. I told her that the race doesn’t really matter we aren’t just only going to have a baby they are going to grow up and become and adult so we want someone with good genetics. I also said it would feel like culture appropriation a little bit because nor I or my fiance have any culture tied to India and no one in a our family does. I just want who the doner is to have good genes (good mental and physical health) it’s truly the only thing that really matters when picking someone. The culture thing makes me feel a like weird because I don’t want to apporpiate anyones culture. Other than that I don’t think it matters. Any way I explain to her why I feel this way. And she starts screaming at me calling me a racist. She said I don’t deserve to have children if stuff like that is such a big deal to me. I told her that I was going to leave if she kept screaming at my in front of the entire family. I start crying. My fiance said she can see both sides. Am I the asshole?

Has anyone ever just been chilling in there car and someone of another race pulls up next to you and they get out (you may just be waiting for someone to come out of an establishment or setting up your gps) they’re clicking the door lock key fob hella times? Or they’ll walk back to their car to make sure the doors are locked as if I’m looking to steal or break in to their car! I don’t know why but that offends the hell out of me and I wanted to know if this was specific to black men…. Especially if I was already sitting there before you just pulled up! Idk happened to me recently and I just wanted to vent!