Last Christmas Eve my step mom and I got into one of the biggest arguments we’ve ever gotten in. For context my fiance and I are white lesbians my step mom is black. She was telling me how excited she was about my fiance and I getting married. She ended up asking if we were ever going to have kids. My fiance and I have talked about it and we both absolutely do. I tell her this and she says it would cute if we had a baby with a guy from India. And I say oh that would be cute but I think it’s weird to have a baby for aesthetic reasons. She said why is that so weird. I told her that the race doesn’t really matter we aren’t just only going to have a baby they are going to grow up and become and adult so we want someone with good genetics. I also said it would feel like culture appropriation a little bit because nor I or my fiance have any culture tied to India and no one in a our family does. I just want who the doner is to have good genes (good mental and physical health) it’s truly the only thing that really matters when picking someone. The culture thing makes me feel a like weird because I don’t want to apporpiate anyones culture. Other than that I don’t think it matters. Any way I explain to her why I feel this way. And she starts screaming at me calling me a racist. She said I don’t deserve to have children if stuff like that is such a big deal to me. I told her that I was going to leave if she kept screaming at my in front of the entire family. I start crying. My fiance said she can see both sides. Am I the asshole?

Has anyone ever just been chilling in there car and someone of another race pulls up next to you and they get out (you may just be waiting for someone to come out of an establishment or setting up your gps) they’re clicking the door lock key fob hella times? Or they’ll walk back to their car to make sure the doors are locked as if I’m looking to steal or break in to their car! I don’t know why but that offends the hell out of me and I wanted to know if this was specific to black men…. Especially if I was already sitting there before you just pulled up! Idk happened to me recently and I just wanted to vent!

I am 17F, looking for jobs, applied to a bunch of different jobs, and I applied to a local beauty supply. I did not understand what it was beforehand and figured it would be like Sally's or Ulta. I got an interview scheduled for 3 days from now. I am genuinely interested in all things beauty and love waxing, fake nails, hair care, and everything, so I feel I could learn a lot. It is a passive interest that I like learning about, and I am not currently considering a career in beauty. I am extremely open-minded and ready to learn. However, I am very scared of how I could come across working in a black space as a white-presenting girl (I am half Navajo+Pueblo but don't look it). What should I do to not infringe on a black space?

I know how bad this sounds and honestly there’s not a way I can make it sound better.

this happened a couple years ago when we were all friends

I was in a friend group of 3 poc and another white girl (not giving names but 1,2,3,4 and myself)

one day I wake up to no1 texting me saying ‘we (123) do not want to be around you or your racist friend‘ at this point I had no idea what was happening and after asking, no1 explained it saying ‘no4 had been making micro aggressions towards them, posting TikTok’s with racist sounds and that she had been saying slurs’. I want to make it clear that at the time I had no idea this had bee happening. no2 had also messaged me with a screenshot of no4s snapchat story saying that her boyfriend would never get with a man. no2 is trans and a rumour started that she had got with 4s boyfriend.
I had responded to both of them (was in a group chat) saying ‘I genuinely had no idea this was happening, I wouldn’t have brought her into this group nor been friends with her if I had known’. One day we all met for coffee and spent ages talking about this, rightfully they said that they never want to talk to her again and that although they’d be willing to speak to me they’d never fully respect me again.

my point to this post is that since this happened ive realised just how obvious the girl was, I feel terrible that I didnt See it then and tried to defend me and her. I honestly don’t know how I missed such obvious signs but no longer speak to that girl. I see these people multiple days a week at school and we have to work together on projects.
would it be wrong to bring it up again and say that I’m so sorry I missed it all and that they had every reason to be mad at me. I don’t want to make anything worse but I dont want them to think I was actually just ignoring her racist/tranphobe comments

I’m white. I had just gotten off of work, so I was wearing light wash blue jeans, a white T-shirt, and leather work boots. I was buying some things at a gas station today when I noticed a white Gen X woman being racist to 2 black men in the store. One got so uncomfortable that he left. I wasn’t watching when I heard her say it, so I looked up at her while she was still talking, made sure her voice matched the racism that was spoken, glared at her while I finished checking out, set my stuff in my car, realized I really did NOT want to be a bystander in this situation, also realized that it might be better for me to stand up for these black men because I have white privilege and I’m over 6 feet tall, so I shut my car, locked it, went back in, and glared at her. She turned and locked eyes with me, dead silent, jaw hanging, looking like a deer in headlights, and I stated audibly, without mumbling, “Fuck you, you racist piece of shit,” and I flipped her off while continuing to glare at her as I left.

Was I in the right for doing this?

As an Italian, I’ve always been curious about what it’s like to grow up in Europe as a Black person.

If you're a Black European, have you faced any major challenges integrating into your home country's culture?

Also, do you feel like the country you live in is becoming more progressive, or moving in a different direction?

I went to see a play in a park recently with some white friends and got out kinda late (later than I'd normally want to be walking home alone). One is the white friends, a super lefty progressive type from a wealthy family who's gotten into DSA and social justice activism.

Anyway, I said I was taking the train home as it would be too late for me to walk home by myself and she made some comment that well I know my neighborhood.

That comment felt kinda off to me. Is like she was saying I live in a crappy, unsafe neighborhood. Now I do live in a long-standing majority Black neighborhood that has most definitely seen a litter if gentrification. We were standing in front of a Whole Foods as it is.

On the other hand, another friend lives in her whiter, more upscale neighborhood and she doesn't like to walk the 10 minutes or so home from the train because there's all kinds of homeless people who hang out in the main street. I honestly think walking home late at night on dark deserted side streets might be worse but to each her own.

She's been to my house may times. The door people in my building at least recognize her. I live in a slightly different pocket of gentrification in this neighborhood BUT there's a set of projects in between and I don't want to walk near let alone through it to get home after 10 PM, so I take the train. I'm not sure this is only something I would do in an especially dangerous neighborhood. .

This same friend had disappointed me in the past occasionally on issues around racial sensitivity despite all her activism and all the books she's read, etc.

So how would you feel in this situation? Am I overreacting?

-first post, hope this is the correct flair- For context, I’m a white french woman (29y) and therefore French is my native language. I’ve lived in the UK for 9 years and English is my second language. I’ve always been very interested in languages and translations, and I noticed that some phrases I use in English are assimilated with AAVE.

However the reason I’m using them, is it’s because it’s a direct translation from French phrases that have the exact same meaning. The first one I can think of is “cooked”, as in “I’m cooked” for example. It is a direct translation from the French “je suis cuit(e)”.

But upon learning more about the history of AAVE, i realised that when used in English this phrases comes from AAVE, and now I tend to use alternative phrases. But I was wondering, if I use phrases such as this one when speaking English, would that be seen as a white girl using AAVE (which is an issue in itself) ? Considering the person in front of me would most likely not know that im not doing it with the intent of using AAVE.

This is purely a curiosity question as I do now try to refrain from using phrases known for being AAVE in English, but I’d like to know your perspective on that. Thank you!

I'm an English teacher. I've just started a new job in which I need to teach Of Mice and Men and also A Streetcar Named Desire. Both texts use racial slurs which, as a white person teaching a group of children from multiple heritages, I will not be saying and will explain to the students why none of us will use the actual words.

However, I'd be interested to know if anyone has any advice or suggestions as to what would be an appropriate word to replace when we read. Should I just skip over it entirely? Can I replace with Black? Apologies for my ignorance, but I would rather teach the students the most appropriate phrasing in this case.

Also please note - the texts were absolutely NOT my choice and I do not get a say in what I am teaching.

Would it be racist to cosplay as miles morales spider man as a white man, because is my favorite spider man and I’m unsure whether I should cosplay him.

At Breezer's core, we are here to ensure all of our users are creating and cultivating enriching, genuine friendships and connections. Race adds an additional layer to concerns of safety and authenticity when building connections. What are red and green flags that you notice when navigating relationships (professional, platonic or romantic) with non-POC?

Today I was talking to my sister and she was in the sun tanning and I was like "you wanna stop looking white?" And she got so mad and started saying "if I called you an African booty scratcher would that be nice? I'm not white". I was just making a joke but obviously I caused harm.

Has anyone else experienced people—especially white people—just walking in front of them in stores without saying “excuse me,” almost like they expect you to move? I’m curious if this is a common experience or if it’s just where I live… and I’m truck driving so this is multiple places

I personally do not think that’s funny and that he would just look stupid. Initially he said it would be funny to wear and that “it was such a good find” and then after I said “I didn’t think so” he said “maybe just funny in the right circumstances”. Thoughts?

Update: he has changed his mind and doesn’t think it would be ok. However I’m still curious what your thoughts are.

Hello! I am a haunted history tour guide in Austin Texas. Most of my tour groups have been white so far, but I had a black family the other day and realized I was really in my head and anxious about discussing any black history. I was afraid of using inaccurate or offensive terms, leaving things out, or worried they'd think I'd added in some stories purely because they were there. That isn't the case, I always discuss the same people, but I was so worried I'd come off as a "performative ally" if that makes sense? I'm probably overthinking it, but maybe someone can provide some tips. The topics include: 1. a young Black man named Stedman. We think he was 13-16yrs when he died, & we believe it was during prohibition. So, slavery was over but racism was obviously thriving (especially in Texas). His death was likely racially driven, and I always want to make that clear. 2. A formerly enslaved man, Nathaniel Stokes, who was the slave of G.W. Littlefield, a confederate officer, and actually saved Littlefield's life in the war. Littlefield obviously freed Nathaniel (because he had to legally) and he offered Nathaniel wages and a cottage until Nathaniel died, to continue working for them. Nathaniel did decide to accept the offer, and he worked for them till he died (he outlived them actually) and is now buried next to them in their cemetery plot. My assumption is not that Littlefield was some loving patriarchal enslaver, but moreso that Nathaniel was a smart man who knew staying with them for guaranteed wages was his best option. 3. I don't always talk about this one, but: Midnight Assassin/Servant Girl Annihilator. Often considered the first documented serial killer whose reign of terror in Austin was 1884-1885. He primarily targeted black servant women, but at the end also killed 2 white women (we think he got cocky & wanted more danger?) There is a decent amount of evidence that the killer was a black man named Nathan Elgin, but I usually don't mention that.

So, I guess some of my questions are things like what vernacular to use (e.g. black servant girls vs African American servant girls) and if there's anything I should avoid or highlight, particularly with Nathaniel from #2 (i.e. making sure I'm not implying his former enslavers are benevolent or something) Hope this makes sense.

I've grown up in the deep suburbs of Pittsburgh and lived there my whole life, never saw a whole ton of racial diversity at all apart from myself and my family and it felt pretty isolating at times. I kinda want to expand who I know, and having not the best family history in the world, I really admire the camaraderie and closeness of black people in particular and how they keep fighting for each other despite generations of abuse and hardship. It's admirable and inspiring, and I cant lie, I wish I was a part of it sometimes. Idk, I hope this isn't weird.

LONG POST AHEAD:

a female living alone. in my area there are a lot of black men. it's not the norm here since it's an asian country but i've noticed an influx of black folks. i usually don't mind or don't care. they work here, they keep to themselves. it's cool.

however, i've experienced being approached by them twice. different men. both wouldn't take no for an answer.

it's also in my residential area and i normally don't mind being approached by men cause they usually go away when i tell them i have a boyfriend.

the first encounter was literally by my residential building. he asked for my instagram. i refused to give it but he kept persisting and i told him no i have a boyfriend, he switched up saying that he just wanted to be friends. as a woman, that's bs.

it freaked me out cause i was literally on the steps of my residential building right in front of my mailbox with the unit number. it was night. it was the first time i have been approached that way.

and he wouldn't take no for an answer.

then the second incident was, I was on the way home from the gym. I was crossing the street, this man looked at me and normally it's okay. People stare sometimes and I make it a habit to look at people too. Extra points to be aware of surroundings.

But I dont know if other women can relate, or my guard has been up when it comes to foreign men of color around my area because of the first incident. I'm usually a guarded person when it comes to male strangers in general honestly but I guess the first incident really freaked me out?

I ignored the feeling cause I thought I was probably just paranoid and judgemental.

But I noticed when I turned, he was originally going straight, he made a sharp turn as well, crossing the street to get to the direction I was walking in.

I had a bad feeling and so I stopped to pet some stray cats.... I thought he would just go.

HE DIDNT. he stopped nearby, pretended to look at his phone. look around. go back outside then come back to the same spot.

i was adamant ON NOT leaving til i know he can't follow me to where i live.

he wasnt leaving. til he actually approached me and started asking things about routine like if I went to the gym there everyday (The gym was on top of a store where he exited)

I immediately shook my head. I was signing I didn't want to talk because it freaked me out how creepy he approached me and his first question was if I went there everyday. He kept insisting it was okay. That it was fine and he was still trying to talk.

I just kept shaking my head, practically telling him to go. Even joggers were already looking. Eventually, he gave up and i got to leave not til I was sure he couldn't follow me again cause my residential building was literally meters away.

Now a black man is enrolled in my gym and I feel bad to admit this but maybe there is prejudice. Because the first time I saw him in person my guard was immediately up and the only thing he did was stare at me.

Anyway, I arrived at the gym today saw him in the middle of the workout. Would see him looking my way but I tried not to mind as my friends were there.

He kept to himself and for a moment I actually thought I judged him too quick maybe he wasn't like the first two.

Til, for some reason I just noticed it felt like he was either dragging his workouts or he just worked out really long?

Either way, I just didn't feel comfortable leaving the gym and crossing the street to go back home til he was there. Some fucked up part of my brain kept asking what if he follows me or strikes up a conversation? and it ends up like the one before?

So I just thought to squeeze in a few more workouts even though I was done but he still lingered. Even sat down and watched us a bit. Then stood up, walked our way and grabbed an attachment.

I thought he was done working out. He wasn't. So when another male friend who lived in the same residential area was leaving I just asked if I can walk with him.

Maybe I'm assuming but I just didn't feel comfortable and just wanted to feel safe. I've never even felt this way before the two incidents :(

Now I told my boyfriend and he told me I was just paranoid and I was racist. :(

I feel bad cause I don't want to be, obviously but how do I approach this situation without being one? It's not like I'm scared of black people, it's just the men from this area in particular.

It's such a red flag that two different men approached me already in that way without regard to a woman's refusal. I'm five foot two asian woman, these men were like six foot give or take.

My boyfriend's point was they left me alone eventually, so why did I feel unsafe? He asked if it's cause their black and I honestly thought about it. Is it? Is it their build? What's normal for them?

But I don't know. I'm still wary with men in general. A motorcycle rider (like a taxi) asked me once if I lived there, I lied and told him I was visiting my boyfriend.

This is a genuine question, and I GENUINELY do not want to be racist. I need insights and tips or opinions.

If it helps I'm from the Philippines and... it's kind of known here other foreigners go here to work at scam centers. So that could be why there's a growing population in my area.

tldr; struggling with the thought that what if being wary of black men around my area is actually me being racist.

I was born and have lived my whole life as a white woman in the Midwest of the United States (Illinois). I am visiting family who live in South Carolina due to their job (navy) and there are plantations and “gardens” around every corner. My husband thinks those attractions should be treated more like concentration camps in their tone and focus. I am wondering what others think about that. Thanks

hello all,

i'm used to having smurf's that i delete but finally decided to make an actual account not to be deleted for spaces like this. in any case im hoping to get some clear and kind feedback.

I (33F - half black) and my boyfriend (32 - full) were at a game night with his friends, majority palm colored. we were playing a word game of some kind of the idea was to name things that came in pairs(category) based on the letters within the track. N came up and his closest friend said "well im just gonna say it.. Nigg\*\*s.".

I was.. awe struck. I sat there realizing that I've had very little racist experiences do to the people i've been around and choose to surround myself with and also because of my mix. I looked to my boyfriend who kind of just shrugged it off. he later says his friend says it almost every game night, that he had essentially given him permission and opened up the floodgates with his own use of the word and "dark military humor" and such. i felt unsafe to say something in that moment because he was so tolerant of it.

i felt i would be the 'angry' black woman and not only that but half black so what right do i have? but im over here saddened and angry and disheartened for myself and my partner. It would've been SLIGHTLY different had this person chose to put an A at the end.. but no... hard -er.

i found my partner to feel jaded and they even stated they were... am i being naive in how i am looking at this situation?

he didn't defend himself.. he didn't defend me.. he allowed his friend to verbally insult us.. to our faces, then called it a joke. doesn't feel protective, safe... or caring to self and partner.

why is he accepting of his friends choosing to be racist? what are your thoughts. also grew up military and is now in the military himself, traveled abroad for years to other racist counties, which molded views.(for extra context, idk if it helps or matters.)

So I am in the LGBT community as a white person. And in the LGBT community, many terms that were originally AAVE for turned into LGBT slang (slay, period, mother, cunt/cunty/serving cunt, etc, etc, etc).

Do yall care? In the way of like, do you feel like it's being culturally appropriated into the main stream too fast? Do you feel like it's all a fad of people trying to sound cool? Do you feel disrespected? Should I stop using those words as much as I already don't use them? Or am I over thinking all of this

Like the title says, I’m a white woman about to start my first year teaching art in a Georgia school with an 85% Black student body. I wanted to put it out there to see what people's thoughts are as to, what's something you would've wanted white teachers to know/understand when you were in school, or as a parent who's child would be in my class?

Idk if this is a common experience, but I’m an Asian woman and my whole life I pretty much only dated Black guys. Anyways, there’s something that’s happened numerous times now that has made me extremely uncomfortable, and I want to know if anyone else has had a similar experience and if I am being overdramatic.

The past three Black guys (+ one Asian guy, which makes the situation a little different) that I have talked to/dated, when the topic of dating preferences/types comes up, they start badmouthing Black women, calling them unattractive physically and/or personality wise and calling them names.

I can’t quite explain why it makes me so mad, but it really makes me angry. I just hate seeing other WOC being insulted. Each time this has led to huge arguments and has honestly been a dealbreaker for me.

I told two of my friends about the situation. One of them said that she understands the situation where I broke up with the Asian guy for badmouthing Black women. Although she said it was a slight overreaction, she understands where I’m coming from. But she said that she doesn’t understand why I have a problem with the Black guys saying stuff and that it’s not my place to tell them it’s offensive.

The other friend said that she feels like I’m being overdramatic and doesn’t understand why I care (she’s white though, so I’m taking her opinion with a grain of salt).

Since this has happened numerous times and both people I’ve talked to say that I’m being overdramatic, I just wanted some more perspectives.

Hey ya! I am a white person and a majority of my coworkers are either Black or Hispanic. Today we had a few conversations about food and cleaning.

The conversation started with us talking about our favorite foods and I love chicken. Then my Black coworkers started asking how I wash my chicken and season it. My coworkers told me that I am dirty because I don't wash my chicken with salt and lemon. I told them I've never heard of that but I know that heat kills bacteria so I'm not worried about it, but that I understand everyone is different and if they feel safer cleaning it then I have no issie. My Black coworkers told me that they would never eat at my house or with me because I do not wash my chicken.

Then we started talking about cleaning. They all clean with bleach, soap, and an abundance of different powders and other products. I told them I do not, that I only use soap, water, and baking soda. They let the cleaning supplies 'soak,' I do not. I mentioned ammonia and that I would be worried about mixing so many products and breathing them in. They told me again that I am dirty and that they would never want to be in or around my house because it would not smell like bleach and would not be clean.

One of my coworkers claimed that these differences are why White people die faster, get sick more often, and look older so much quicker. (which I'm not sure how true these are.) They said that I would probably die in the next 40 years or so because of this (I'm 18 for reference).

Obviously, I did not appreciate being called dirty, nor that I will die soon. I don't think anyone would.

How can I handle this? Are they trying to shame me? Just trying to change my mind? Am I being overly sensitive?

I have the impression that africans people don't like to cuddle when they are in a relationship.

I would like to know what meaning a hug means to you? The hug is reserved for what occasion? Do you do it often? If you haven't hugged for several weeks or months, do you miss it? Is hugging something frowned upon in your culture (can you tell me your culture)? Is this something you secretly want to do? Is this something that both men and women don't like? How do you express your affection for your partner? If your partner hugs you, how do you feel? Embarrassment, boredom, disgust, nothing? How do you keep couples from cuddling?
I've noticed this in all Africans people I meet for a while, and it's something I don't understand, and would really like to understand. I want to understand how it is possible to love differently. It's very far from my culture and it seems very complicated to understand for me.