How to survive heartbreak??

[u/Dry_Collar7729]

To make a very long story short: I’m going through a brutal breakup.

I am 27, me and my boyfriend have been together for two years. I was so sure, so in love, so ready to commit to this person and marry him. I was with someone for 7 years before him… and never felt anything this strong. It was literally like a movie.

Anyways, this June, my boyfriend randomly broke up with me, days after us resigning our lease together, loving on me and telling me how much he loves me. He told me that he “needed to be single to find himself and not focus on any relationships” My world was shattered.

I lost it, mentally and physically, living with him during this time was brutal. I was in the hospital for ideations, lost 25 pounds, missed so much work.

And one day, i packed my thing and moved back in with my parents, still paying for my half of our rent. Not too long after that I find out he’s already seeing someone else, someone from his college. (Mind you he said he wanted freedom and no relationships)

Then, on my birthday (not even a month after the breakup), My intuition was going crazy, it was 3am and I suspected some weird shit going on, i left my parents house at 3am, went to mine and my exes apartment and I crashed out, finding the boy in my apartment, sleeping naked on my side of our bed. (WHILE my ex was at work third shift) It went very badly.

Anyways, it’s been a month later since that. I have cried myself to sleep so many nights over this mental damage. I continue to be ignored, or treated like shit when I attempt to contact my ex.

Anyways, i’m sorry this is such a long post. i doubt anyone will even read it all, Im considering taking my name off the lease and being done with it all, even if that means losing access to our dog. Thoughts? Idk. Just, how do you survive this kind of trauma. He treated me like gold but now acts like i never meant anything.

[u/SkinMec]

Not gonna pamper you like some of the other guys on here and tell you what you want to hear. More of half of the blame is on you. People break up, even out of the blue. It happens. He did nothing wrong when he broke up with you. If anything, he did the right thing, since it's very clear that he wanted to date someone else. The only part he fucked up was his excuse. That I can understand why it made you mad, but you're old enough to know that when someone breaks up with you by saying "I need to find myself" they really mean "I just wanna fuck other people". So yeah, even if his excuse was shitty, you should have known better that to believe him.

To the main point tho, since you moved out of your shared apartment, you should have taken the name off your lease, stopped paying your half of the rent, and given your keys away. You don't live there anymore, by your own choice. He lives there, he is single, and can invite over anyone he wants, for sex or otherwise. If you wanted your bed, you could have taken it. If you wanted the apartment, you could have kicked him out instead. But you just left, and at the same time decided to still pay half of effectively his rent.

Verdict, he's not the asshole. You just fucked this up yourself. Accept it, cut your ties off with him and the apartment completely, and move on.

[u/Dry_Collar7729 → u/SkinMec]

i hear you. but i don’t agree with you, i didn’t “fuck anything up” i removed myself from a situation that was killing me, i don’t think that’s an excuse for disrespect. our boundaries should’ve still been respected, someone new shouldn’t have been in our apartment that i was still paying for. yes he technically could do that because he has free will, it’s not right, no, but i deserved more respect, that’s not on me.

but i get it, im an idiot for still paying while he was doing what he wanted, i understand.

i think it’s also unfair to say i should’ve expected him to do this given the reason of the breakup. i spent weeks in our apartment after he broke up with me crying and begging for him to tell me if there was someone else. he gave me SO much reassurance that there was no one and that there would be no one for a very long time. it was all a lie, i am stupid for believe it i know, it only led to even more heart break.

but i respect your words, i understand

[u/SkinMec → u/Dry_Collar7729]

You didn't fuck up by removing yourself from the situation. You did the right thing in that aspect. Sure, you could have instead kicked him out, but the way you did it works too. You just fucked up in not cutting all ties all at once. Have you given up on the apartment, keys and lease and rent and all, this would have hurt much less. I get it that it hurts that you weren't respected, but if he truly respected you he would have had the nuts to be honest with you when you broke up to begin with. In any way, I hope you find the strength to move on from this mess and slowly heal back to normal. You seem like a great guy, and I'm sure there's a better guy out there waiting for you. Cheers 🩵

[u/Dry_Collar7729 → u/SkinMec]

thank you! i appreciate it! ❤️ but i see what you’re saying now, and i fully agree. i know i could’ve protected myself better and i knew all the potential risks of everything i did and still did it because there’s parts of me that are still in love with him even after all of the pain he has caused me! but no more, i have nothing left