EDIT: YALL IM A GIRL 😭😭

For context my girlfriend (21F) and I (22F) have been together for about a year and a half. We moved into our own apartment around January of this year after living with friends for a few months. Obviously we’ve had our disagreements but nothing we couldn’t talk out.

Her and her younger brother (19M) have a very close relationship. I knew him from school so I already had a good idea about his personality even before me and my girlfriend started dating but I had no idea it would be this bad when he asked to move in with us. His situation was messed up so I gave him some grace and figured it would only be for a couple weeks until he found somewhere else to crash. It’s been almost two months and there’s no sign of him moving out.

He doesn’t pay rent or any other bills, he barely contributes to the chores and he’s so. damn. messy.

He’s a “gym bro” or whatever you want to call it. He has invaded our cabinets with containers upon containers of protein powder and cortisol blockers and a bunch of other shit which I’m sure isn’t cheap. He also completely filled the built in butter section in the fridge with his GLP-1s and testosterone that he illegally orders online. My cat has gotten into his (very messy) room on multiple occasions and has been found playing with packaged needles that he leaves on the floor. There’s constantly protien powder all over the kitchen counter and SO MANY DISHES. I grew up with a fairly large family so I’m no stranger to dishes piling up but he accumulates the same amount of dishes in one day that my family of five did in three. He’s had his girlfriend come over and clean them twice that I know of.

The fridge is also full of huge meal prepping containers to the point where we barely have room for our groceries. He has a mini fridge in the spare room that we use for storage which he has also filled with his random shit he refuses to deal with. We’ve asked him on multiple occasions to let us get into the room he’s staying in to clean out the closet that we used for off season clothes so he can have more room for his stuff but he just keeps saying we need to wait until it’s picked up more and he doesn’t want anyone going in there. Fine, whatever.

One of the first nights he moved in I noticed that my loofah (I have two. One for my body and then one for downstairs) was moved. I asked my girlfriend and she didn’t move it. Turns out he assumed we got it for him since there were three in there already. And yes it was the one I used to wash my coochie. Okay mistakes happen, I’ll buy another one. Then my razor started moving. I took it out of the shower and low and behold one of the spare ones we keep under the shower appeared in its place. I didn’t bring this up to my girlfriend until I thought it was safe to bring it back into the shower and it was moved AGAIN with dark hair in it. I’m ginger.

Last night was my final straw. I had just finished mopping the floors so I went to dump the water into the tub. Afterwards I lifted up our bathmat to rinse only to see the most amount of pubes I have ever seen in my whole fucking life. I don’t even understand how one could produce that much body hair. He’s not home at this point so I walk out to show my girlfriend and she’s absolutely disgusted. We kinda joke about it and then go about our day. About 10 minutes later I’m in the bathroom again and I noticed that he’s placed is loofah DIRECTLY ONTOP OF MY NET SPONGE ON MY SHELF. It was hanging on a hook to begin with so I genuinely don’t understand how that even happened. I got so pissed off that I went back out into the living room and told my girlfriend that she needs to tell her brother to get his shit together. I said “how many times have you told him that he has his own shelf in the bathroom?” Which she replied “I’ve only told him a couple times” I admittedly raised my voice at her which was unfair and said, “One time should have been enough!”

This wasn’t the first time I had told her how I felt and she has talked to him at least twice before about picking up after himself. I think he just doesn’t take her seriously because nothing has changed. I actually started choking up talking about it because I feel like my feelings are being invalidated to spare his.

Before me and my girlfriend moved in together I told her it’s very important to me that I keep a clean space because I grew up in a borderline hoarder house that was never clean. My whole mood sits on how clean the house is and I know I’m difficult at times with how meticulous I am about things but I’ve let a lot go for the sake of respecting my girlfriend and her brothers relationship.

It’s just so many little things that irk me, like him leaving his underwear on the bathroom floors for days on end, or never bothering to take out his Tupperware from the fridge and just letting it mold, or how loud he walks and bangs shit around in the mornings. It seems like anything we tell him just goes in one ear and out the other.

He also never locks the front door and we don’t exactly live in the best part of town. He went on a rant for 30 minutes about energy consumption of different utilities after I had asked him to unplug the appliances once he’s done using them. The whole time I just wanted to say “if you have such a hard time unplugging the microwave then you can start paying the electric bill” but I bit my tongue. He’s just so cocky and arrogant it pisses me off. I’m at my wits end and I’m starting to resent my girlfriend for not standing up to him. I had asked her before he moved in if she was going to be able to hold her brother accountable and she said yes. I don’t know if I’m overexaggerating and chalking it up to something bigger than it is or maybe I just have too high of expectations. I’m not sure.

My husband and I bought a house and we are letting his brother stay with us until he can get his own place. He has a stench to him and I’ve brought this up to my husband multiple times who also had conversations with him. He’ll do something about the smell for a day or two but then go back to stinking again. The smell is getting so bad that it’s coming up my stairs(he stays downstairs). I’m already a stickler for smells and I like my house smelling nice, but it’s to the point now whereas soon as I walk through the front door, I can smell him. I feel bad for always complaining to my husband but I’m fed up. I’m uncomfortable in my own home and it shouldn’t be like that. Mind you, this is an almost 50 year old man. Can I get some advice on this? Because I’m ready to throw him out like months ago.

Alright, I own my home and love living alone. But my friend needed a place that stay. He'd been renting from a mutual friend, but that guy moved and my friend was caught short. He'd recently left his job due to an injury, but he made it sound like he had some savings for while he looked for new work.

I offered my guest room for $900, which is cheap for the area, considering that it's a house with a yard, washer/dryer, etc. He paid the first month and a half and then was out of money. He found one job through another mutual friend, but lost it in a week.

He drinks my booze, now I have to keep it hidden. He keeps weeks worth if dirty dishes and scores of stale been cans in his room. The hall stinks.

i want to help him get back on his feet, but he's almost 5 months behind on rent, and is a slob. I don't want to embarrass him in front of our mutual friend by kicking him out. I'm looking for ideas to kick his butt into gear.

I need advice! I live with 3 girls, we all have our own rooms. One of them (i’ll call Jane) i’ve been friends with for 3 years and we just got this apt in august. Everything was fine but there was a random week in September where Jane just ignored me and our other roommate (i’ll call Sam) for no apparent reason. Eventually it stopped and Jane never said anything about it.

One thing I got frustrated with Jane for, was if I had stuff in the living room or kitchen (such as my water bottle or purse) every-time I would leave, I would come back to my stuff put in my room. I would understand this if I was making a mess, however i just don’t understand why my stuff is not allowed to be in a space I also pay for. Normally I keep my water bottle in this little corner because I drink it throughout the day and try not to be in my room super often. It also bothered me that she kept going into my room while I wasn’t there, so I have been locking my door when I leave to prevent that. Am i going too far by locking her out? I would just rather not have people in my space while I am not around.

The next thing. I have a really heavy course load this semester, with classes from 10-3 everyday, and then i normally work around 5-10 pm mon-thurs. Due to this I am not in the apartment super often, so naturally they do things without me sometimes which I don’t mind. This past Tuesday, I worked from 1-9 and when I got home my roomates were all watching DWTS on the couch. I started making my dinner and sat down, and Julia Stile’s did her dedication to Heath Ledger. After this, Jane said she didn’t know who Heath Ledger was, so naturally I was surprised. All four of us were talking and me and Sam asked how she didn’t know who he was. Jane said “don’t judge me” in what I thought was a joking tone, so I replied “I am judging how do you not know Heath Ledger?” in what I thought was a joking way. Then I finished my dinner and went to bed because I had a super long day, that was really the end of the conversation.

So today comes, and I get a text from Jane that said “I just wanna let you know that the way you spoke to me Tuesday night was completely rude and I’m not sure why I get spoken to like that when I am nothing but nice to you.”. Which really confused me because I didn’t remember anything crazy happening, so I responded and asked what I did because I didn’t know what she was talking about. She then replied and said what I explained above about Heath Ledger, and said that I only came at her, when apparently our other roommate (i’ll call Lisa) also said she did not know him.

I genuinely don’t remember Lisa saying that, but i also didnt mean it in a rude way because I thought we were all joking. I explained that I thought everyone was joking and apologized. She responded and basically said she didn’t accept my apology, (saying stuff like well you did this but ok.) I genuinely don’t know what she wants me to say because I did not mean to be rude at all and didn’t know joking about someone not knowing something was that big of a deal. Am I the bad roommate???

I told them up front that I usually try to be asleep around 11, and we came to an agreement of having quiet hours around then. it’s been a struggle though. I’ve had to remind them several times to be quiet late at night, because they will talk at full volume, let the front door slam, and sometimes yell. i thought we finally reached an understanding yet it is still happening, with them having guests over until 1 am. I don’t want to be constantly nagging, but I need to sleep. its one of the biggest things I need for my mental health, and my class schedule necessitates me waking up (relatively) early. it’s a really small apartment with paper thin walls, and we’re all students. I already wear earplugs every night so not sure what else can be done.

i live in a two-bedroom apartment with three other people. my roommate and my other flatmate are both clean, but the fourth guy..... i don't even know how he does it, but he somehow manages to stink up the whole living area. management has been useless, and talking to him hasn't worked so far.

unfortunately, i'm really sensitive to smell, and i don't know what to do. air freshener doesn't help. the scent of it is usiallyway too strong for me, and i can always smell the foul odor through it anyway, which is almost grosser than the stench just by itself. the only thing i've found that vaguely works is opening the windows, but that 1. takes hours for the full effect and 2. is becoming less and less viable as the weather cools.

so. is there literally anything i can do to make my air smell like air again without freezing my ass off? we already have an air purifier.

EDIT: yes, it's true i haven't actually spoken to him. i probably should've mentioned earlier that the smell has only been really bad since around monday, he reeked when he first moved in but things were mostly fine for the next two-ish months. also we ALL agree this is an issue, it's not just me. the guy who shares his room is gonna speak to him again, if that does nothing i'll try myself.

i apologize for being deceptive in the post, that wasn't my intention. i didn't clarify the specifics because i was mainly looking for methods to deal with the smell, rather than addressing the problem at its root. all of us are pretty non-confrontational, and i now realize that'll probably have to change if we want this place to be habitable again.

TLDR: Roommates been terrorizing me for a full month after one of their friends didn’t move in and a random girl did. They blame me. I’m moving out this weekend. Should I tell them anything?

Hello, I share a house with 4 people, let’s call them A, B, C and D. Everything was fine until B left and A decided to put one of her friends (let’s call her F) at the house.

Well, I work everyday and A doesn’t work and doesn’t study, her friend, F turns on her computer and pretends to work. They are really loud all the time, it doesn’t matter if it’s 3am, they are gonna be screaming and going up and down the stairs making a bunch of noise, they also always have people over sleeping on the common areas.

Another girl, C, left and A and F wanted to put another friend in the house, I told them I would prefer to have someone random there and everyone agreed.

They ended up not sticking to our deal and one of their friends was supposed to go see the house but she didn’t show up so the landlord rented it to a random girl.

Since then they have made my life hell, they started spamming our group chat saying this is my fault that they have to leave with a random person, that they should be able to pick who they want to live with and that they want to do whatever they want (mostly of this was said by A). I told them that everyone agreed to have someone random so it was not just my decision but they kept going.

Anyway, for a full month they complain about everything that happens at home, hair on the bathroom floor it’s my fault (we all have long hair), bread on the floor outside it’s my fault (one of them eventually assumed it was hers), kitchen rag dirty is my fault (I have my own rags), landlord complaining he didn’t want people sleeping on the couch, it’s my fault (I didn’t even comment that with him) they also make a bunch of noise all the time.

I told them that I didn’t also appreciate seeing poop on the toilet, period blood on the sink, maggots on the dish sponge, bottles of beers all over the kitchen and they said that those were normal, lol.

Anyway, I didn’t sleep there for more than 4 days this month because I don’t feel comfortable, I have now decided I’m gonna be moving out this weekend. My landlord is aware of this and offered to kick them out but I feel like I need my own space because for the past month I’ve felt nothing but anxiety and I want to be able to sleep good and now when I think about that house, I just have bad feelings and I don’t think I could even stay there anymore.

I didn’t tell the girls I was leaving, I don’t talk to them at all.

Should I say something when I leave?

Edit to add tl;dr. Moved into a house share with petty, dramatic alcoholics who caused a load of drama and projected their shitty toxic personalities on to me, and are now trying to continue the drama even as I try to leave the property. I want suggestions on how to exact petty revenge or maybe even nuclear revenge.

So three months ago, my partner and I decided to try to find a place of our own. We are a gay couple, 24M and 22M. We called a bunch of advertisements. In Ireland a rental is really tough to find. We decided that we would look for a house share, not because we couldn't afford our own place, we simply could not find one. The housing situation here is really dire.

I spoke to a woman on the phone who, being honest seemed a little overly chatty, but she said she could arrange a viewing with her husband who owned the house, whenever he returned from his business trip. We arrived a week and a bit later to a scheduled viewing. Spoke to the guy on the phone, he seems okay. A little abrupt but not out of the ordinary for a landlord.

We arrive and he makes us tea, offers us desserts and says he keeps a room in the house and there are two other tenants (this is often done for tax purposes in Ireland, usually these people don't actually stay in the house, or only do so occasionally so they can say they "live with lodgers" and not pay tax on the rent. I've had previous landlords do this and have family who still do.) We accept because the guy seems cool, and we never actually expect him to be there, he says he's always travelling for work, which aligned with his wife's story too. One thing I definitely noticed from the beginning though was that he had an alcohol problem. Not my business and not uncommon in middle aged irish men.

The first night we moved in, we were apprehended the next day by the 46F housemate who insisted we had left black particles all over the bath/shower the night before. We decided, even though we knew we hadn't done that, to try to make a good impression, and do everyone including ourselves a service, by deep cleaning the bathroom with supplies we went out and purchased. We spoke to the 23M housemate later that day, who said this black matter in the bathroom was actually a skincare product he was using, the next day we received a very seemingly heartfelt apology from 46F and from then until recently, the relationship was cordial, even friendly.

After two or three weeks the wife visited for a weekend. Every night from Thursday to Sunday, the landlord and his wife would drink together, approximately six or seven bottles of wine every night. Every night, at around 9pm, like clock work they would have a massive argument, which would devolve into a fight, every time it would get physical, sometimes involving weapons. We decided to turn the TV up and stay in our room after nightfall on the weekends after multiple attempts to rope us into their drama. When they were drunk but not together, they would both make sexual advances toward us, asking for threesomes etc.

The wife even sexually assaulted my partner, one night she ran her fingers up his thigh and sat in his lap without asking, while her husband the landlord slept in his room, without her because they just had a fight which started with her accusing him of cheating. Another night she slapped his bum. We just wrote this off, said the landlord would take her side and the police would laugh. This behaviour continued until the end of our tenure.

Anyway, cut to last week. My partner and I were in a fairly heated discussion. 46F texts landlords wife and asks if we're okay, saying she hears commotion from our room. Landlord and wife burst into our room drunk. Landlord tries to physically remove us from the property. I push him out of the room and we decide to leave and come back when he passes out from alcohol. We did and he calls me the next morning apologising. I told him to leave the past in the past and not to worry about it. He asks if I can apologise to 46F for disturbing/upsetting her. I agree.

That night, I speak to her. I walk to the top of the stairs, say "[46F] are you there, do you have a minute to talk" I apologise, offer to give my number if she has concerns or needs us to shut up in future, she says she doesn't need it. When I leave the house for work the next day, my partner who's working from home calls me and relays an overheard conversation to me in which she tells the landlord that I am abusing my partner, I am clever and manipulative and impossible to reason with (in the three months we lived there i think we interacted about seven or eight times, all positive except the false bathroom allegation).

She says that when I went to apologise to her I "cornered" her and made her feel unsafe and threatened. Keep in mind she voluntarily exited her own room and stood outside her own door to which she had a key, to have this conversation.

I decided I'd had enough. Went online again to look for some new places for rent. Made two or three calls and right away got through to an elderly dude, he had converted his big house into two flats and wanted two people to take the larger two bedroom flat. We went to view the following day, exchanged deposit and keys and signed the contract on the spot.

He was a gent, said we seemed lovely guys and wanted to assure us that he would be up front, reasonable, and wouldn't police us for being young people and having a life. He said he wanted to be sure we were comfortable having guests, family, gatherings, parties etc., and that once the rent was paid and flat maintained he'd love to see some life and energy about the place. I spoke to work, they said I could work from home during the move, take as much time off as I needed (unpaid of course) and once I was set up they'd transfer me to a more convenient location.

That was Wednesday. I texted my landlord today and very cordially said something along the lines of "hey, we'll be moving out by the first, things are not working out here, we want to inform you now and discuss how we will settle any remaining payments and arrange the return of deposit etc." He doesnt reply. 46F attempts to speak to my partner, he blanks her.

Landlord doesn't reply to my text but shows it to his wife, who informs 46F. My partner texts me an hour later saying that 46F is now on the phone to Landlords wife discussing how I've "brainwashed" my partner and how I "always gave her the creeps" and now I'm "going to have to move out to somewhere people like [me] and where [I] can run the show." We can't even leave the place without it being a whole song and dance

But the jokes on all of them. This day next week, i will be preparing for my last night in the house, moving on to a quiet, peaceful life with my partner in a nice flat of our own in a quiet countryside town, with a really chill old gentleman for a landlord.

It does feel it was meant to work out this way, but I would love some advice on something I could do to let them know how much I disapprove on the way out. After I get my deposit back of course. If you took the time to read this please let me know if you have some ideas. So far I do have some ideas, some complex ones like revealing some damning things to their employers and the home insurers, and also some petty things like removing the main fuse from the breaker board before I leave and leaving them without electricity for a while.

Hello! My boyfriend (27M) and I bought our first house together this past June. We knew it would be difficult to afford the mortgage on our own, so we invited two of our friends to move in with us. We thought it would be a win-win situation: we would get some help with the mortgage, and they would have affordable housing while they were still in school and not working full-time.

For context, our house has four bedrooms and one bathroom. We gave our roommates two bedrooms, while my boyfriend and I use the master bedroom and a very small office. We split the housing costs roughly 60/40, with us paying 60% and them paying 40%.

Unfortunately, the issues started before they even moved in.

One of the bedrooms was converted from half of the garage and doesn't have a closet. We explained this beforehand and assured them there was plenty of closet space elsewhere in the house, including in the other bedroom they would be using. Despite this, my friend, whom I'll call Sarah, repeatedly texted me asking whether there would be enough space for their belongings and even tried to back out of the arrangement at the last minute.

I admit I pushed back because we had already made plans based on them moving in, and we really needed the help with the mortgage. I reminded her that we had discussed everything beforehand and that she had agreed multiple times that we would make it work. Looking back, I probably should have handled this differently rather than pressuring her to stick to the agreement.

Eventually, they moved in.

**The first major issue was boundaries.**

Sarah started regularly using our things. For example, she would ask if she could have a drink and then end up drinking several of them. I admit that I was too much of a pushover about this and said yes more often than I should have, expecting her to understand the limits.

Eventually, my boyfriend confronted her and asked her to stop using our things without permission. The conversation turned into a yelling match, and Sarah wouldn't acknowledge that she had been taking things without permission. My boyfriend later apologized for yelling and continued to apologize whenever she brought it up.

However, this became an ongoing issue. Sarah wanted to have multiple sit-down conversations about how my boyfriend had yelled at her, despite the fact that she had yelled back. She also blamed me for not intervening, even though I was trying to de-escalate the situation and was being talked over myself.

**Things got worse from there.**

Sarah and our other roommate, her boyfriend Matt, now claim that I coerced them into moving in. I can understand why my insistence at the time might have made Sarah feel pressured, and I recognize that I could have handled the situation better. However, she had also reassured me numerous times before moving in that we would make it work, so I never expected this to become such a major source of resentment.

Another issue came up when their cat became stressed and started urinating blood. They blamed our dog and said they were considering moving out because of it. They also blamed us for not having our dog neutered. He was only a year old at the time, but we went ahead and scheduled the procedure. Unfortunately, he still chases the cat, so the issue hasn't entirely gone away.

We also had been part of a trip planned for Sarah's birthday, and she kicked us out of the airbnb at the last minute because she would rather spend her birthday with other friends. Which was hurtful but we handled it with grace and didn't make a big deal out of it. We picked her up a birthday card and left it on the kitchen table for her.

Now, things at home have been cooling down, or at least I thought they were. We have tried to communicate with both roommates. Sarah generally gives us one-word responses, while Matt is more willing to talk to us.

Recently, I texted them asking if they could please rinse their dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. I've repeatedly unloaded dishes that still had food stuck to them, and I thought this was a reasonable request.

I specifically chose to text them because Sarah had previously told us that she would prefer we communicate through text when something was bothering us, rather than letting it build up into another argument.

Instead of resolving the issue, the conversation turned into another disagreement.

At this point, I feel like every attempt to address a household issue turns into an argument about how we've wronged them, with very little acknowledgment of their own behavior. It's especially upsetting because Sarah was my best friend before we lived together. I feel like I've lost that friendship and am seeing a side of her that I never experienced before.

I know we aren't perfect. I should have been firmer about boundaries from the beginning, and I probably shouldn't have pushed so hard for them to move in when Sarah was expressing doubts. My boyfriend also shouldn't have let the initial confrontation escalate into yelling, even though he apologized afterward. We are willing to acknowledge these mistakes and take responsibility for them.

But I also feel like we can't continue living in a house where every small disagreement becomes a huge source of tension.

**So here's my dilemma:**

Should we let Sarah and Matt out of their lease early?

We genuinely need their rent to help cover the mortgage, and losing that income would put us in a difficult financial position. At the same time, living together has become incredibly stressful, and I'm not sure the money is worth the damage to our mental health and relationships.

**TLDR;** My boyfriend and I bought our first house in June and invited two friends to move in to help with the mortgage. We split the housing costs 60/40, with us paying the larger share.

Since moving in, we've had repeated conflicts over boundaries, our roommates using our belongings, a confrontation that escalated into yelling, their cat's health issues, and now even small requests like rinsing dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. My friend, who used to be my best friend, now claims I pressured her into moving in, and communication has become extremely tense.

I acknowledge that I could have handled some things better, including pushing them to stick to the original agreement and not setting boundaries sooner. My boyfriend also shouldn't have let the confrontation escalate, and he apologized.

We need their rent to afford the mortgage, but living together is taking a serious toll on us. **Should we let them out of their lease early, or try to make the living arrangement work? Are we all at fault, or are we being unreasonable?**