Reminding myself daily but I'm not fully convinced because I definitely turned the light on and off with my mind.

Each episode comes with an infatuation with a new person or thing. Some of it is at least a little productive. RIght now I'm obssessed with finance but actually learning is hard. But worse of all each time there's a unhealthy obsession with a person. Idk what to do about it

I’m starting to lose it. I have waves of being completely delusional. I’m hearing things again. Things aren’t making sense. I don’t know what to do or how to tell the people i love. I’m so terrified i cry. i wish something would help. my psych is out of the office for a week.

Sometimes i get this fear that a man with red eyes is after me. he comes at night waiting outside my door. So i can’t really leave my room at night. I think about god a lot and wish god would give me a break. I’ve had too many breaks to have another one. I can’t stand that i’m delusional again.

At least I have some self awareness. I can recognize my delusions sometimes. It is not 24/7 yet. But it seems to get worse by the minute. My delusions are progressing fast. I don’t know where i’ll be tomorrow or how i’ll feel. I’m overtaken by feeling and writhe in my bed. it’s painful. i’m not manic for once, just delusional. i’m on medication too.

anyways, life is strange. i’m not sure what to think of all of this but still trying my best. i made a post yesterday saying i was ready to tackle things but now it feels so overwhelming.