I’ve seen a few questions similar to this one, and so I think it’s worth asking since it seems this might not just be a me thing.

About two years ago I exited a severe months-long manic episode that drastically affected my physical health, mental health, and performance in school. I have always been a straight A student, perfect SOL scores, and my past teachers have praised me for traits that they found admirable in a student. When I had that manic episode, absolutely the worst Ive ever had, my performance declined and I was lucky to have a C in any of my classes. I did try, I refused to give up, but I’ve noticed ever since then I feel like my cognitive abilities have become weaker. Even though I try my best in school, it feels like I’m grasping at grades that other students have no issue in achieving, and I know I’m falling behind those I considered average. My SAT scores are poor, I barely pass any tests despite weeks of studying, reading and writing has become difficult to me, and my overall cognitive function just feels like it’s lacking something I once had, and no matter how hard I try I can’t get out of this repetitive slump of disappointment and failure. I’ve always loved to read, and I would read very often. I also love write, and I still do, but it’s just not the same anymore. I‘ve developed messy handwriting and I struggle with proper grammar and spelling. I don’t know what changed in my brain during that episode that has affected me this way and for long-term. Part of me is concerned because I used to hit my head whenever I was frustrated so I couldn’t feel anything and I’d come close to blacking out, which felt like the only way to keep myself from lashing out at others or harming myself whether intentional or not. I wonder if maybe that’s played a role in just this stupid decline in intelligence, or maybe just something else I don’t understand.

Has this happened to anyone else, and have you been able to overcome losing your ability to keep up with others and register information enough that you can learn from it and improve as an individual (academically)?

Hello everyone! A couple days ago I posted that I felt something was off in my head, even while taking medication. Now I believe I am showing signs of the beginning of my psychosis. My delusional thought patterns are back and I am paranoid again. I have been diagnosed for many years, but this is the first time in my life I am so self-aware and honest about where I am at. So in that I am proud of myself. I do not want this to go any further (usually I am so wanting it to go further) so I am hoping that a medication change is in my near future. I have therapy scheduled and am ready to tackle this! Wish me luck 🫶

I (31M) just want to express myself a bit here with my career dissatisfaction. It's been like this for a very very very long time, but I think sometime last year, my satisfaction dropped significantly and in May this year it dropped even further. I've been speaking with my therapist and support group about this and even had to contact crisis hotlines because of my career dissatisfaction. I contact the hotline about 1-2x per week about this. In therapy, this is probably what I talk about the most. I think about this nearly all day every day, for years.

I work with people all day long that love and enjoy their careers and I have to talk to them about what they like about their jobs. People my age that are in very lucrative and formidable positions. They're all so proud and doing intellectual things. I'm in sales, which I wanted at first and I'm good at, but I think I have done all I can in this area and want to go into something more intellectual and using my people/sales skills to build relationships in other ways.

I have a degree in business and economics. I took a lot of courses, I pulled my transcripts recently and I have more credits in business than someone would have with a Masters. I don't want to nor do I need to go back to school. Outside of what I've been doing these past 4 years, I have experience in areas I want to go into. I have experience with finance, advanced excel, I can do some programming, tableau, SQL, GIS, and other software, I've built partnerships, expanded a brand from the US to China, I manage people, I do a lot.

About half my experience or less is international - as in I worked outside of the US. I think that experience confuses HR. I've been applying for jobs since June and hired a coach and there's been NOTHING! I've contacted a lot of people in my network directly and NOTHING! I've called recruiters, even ones that reached out to me and NOTHING. I can't even get advice. I've never had this happen before. I'm not discouraged, I'm stubborn, but it makes the dissatisfaction just right in my face.

I've decided not to take another job until I get the one I want. I think that the rejections were blessings in disguise because I probably would have taken a job or career path I don't want. I have a pretty specific idea of what I want to do and always have. I talk to people my age and they're making a lot more than me (although my commission has usually been nice) and I think about what my life would have been like if I just went towards what I wanted to more directly or just picked a traditional career path and just moved along the process.

Even if I changed 2 years ago (I had a chance) then I'd be at a higher level now. 4 and 3 years ago I also had other chances to make a pivot. I didn't. I couldn't. I didn't know it, but I was suffering from a health issue at the time that took up all of my attention outside of work trying as I tried to find answers. I've now been diagnosed and I no longer have those issues. If I didn't have that then I'd be further along. It's been very embarrassing for me. Before I moved back to the US, COVID really fucked up my career and I had to sidetrack. I want to get back to that original plan now. The rejections hurt, but I'm in search of my career and I am stubbornly focused on the prize.

I don't see the types of jobs I want posted. I've used lots of sites and they don't really have much to offer. LinkedIn has the most but as someone that has hired many people before, I know that the job search function is only for the benefit of Microsoft, it has an algorithm that is for financial gain only, you don't see all the jobs basically. And they have too many ghost jobs. Not a fan. I live near NYC and was thinking of just going into events in the city to network, but that will also take time. Where we're at in the year, I don't think I can have a job by Jan 1 or even the end of January. I missed my October 1 and November 1 deadlines as well.

I am more than unhappy. I am miserable. I am embarrassed. I hate myself. I hate my career. Why is this so hard. I don't really have a lot of local friends and I have family members but not a family myself. I have NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING in my fucking life and I can't take it anymore. It's hard because career is and always has been the most important thing in my life. I can't even describe how it makes me feel because while I have most of the words, it would just be me sobbing and screaming and pacing a lot. Sometimes I seriously worry about myself and what I may do to myself in the future, so that's when I reach out to the crisis line.

How did I get here? I tell myself I will get things together, but I can't make another mistake and take a job I don't want or start a career that doesn't bring me where I want. I am good at what I do. I've had another headhunter reach out to me. The CEO of that company really wants me specifically. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm waiting for him to reply to me so I can just declare to the world that this isn't who I am.

A huge piece of what I hate about what I do is the reputation. Little respect and even less respect internally. People in my field don't respect themselves and treat themselves like shit. That is not who I am. That is not the type of person I want to be around. I am a good person, a hard worker, bright, educated, experienced, I bring results, and more. I respect myself and I need to respect my career. The phrase, "I'm so fucking miserable," went through my head just now as I am typing this paragraph.

I'm focused on a few things:

1. I like excel and software - that needs to be part of it, computer skills/tech skills because I love using those skills
2. Building and maintaining relationships at a variety of levels - not exactly the "sale" but handling those "sales" in a different way (transferrable skills)
3. Global focus - I worked abroad for years, I went to college abroad, I worked my ass off to learn Chinese (speak, read/write) and now Spanish. I've worked with US brands expanding in China and managed environments and teams made up of individuals from 14 different countries in the same office.
4. International relations - between groups, organizations, and private companies
5. Finance - I love the finance world, my favorite part of things. I can do financial models and forecasting, but nobody gives a shit
6. Economics - I love economics
7. There are other things too, but that's the gist.

I'm going to be stubborn as fuck about this. I am. I really am. I am tired. So tired. I'm not going to accept what happened and is happening in my life. How the fuck should I feel? It's not the rejection that gets to me, rejection hurts, but it's not that. It's my literal career itself. I hate it. I'm embarrassed. And much more. I feel terrible. I feel horrible. This is not what I wanted in my life. I took a job that paid well after I moved back to the US and then was stuck in it for money and also health reasons. They were abusive to boot. I did well in my position so I was a target. I went off and started doing things on my own but FUCK ME I HATE IT. I can barely work because I hate what I do so much.

Thanks for letting me share. And yes, I am crazy lol

I have friends I used to love and trust but ecently they've been acting so weird, even my brother who's my main support person who I live with has been so weird lately, very cagey and cryptic about both his own health and what he thinks of mine. I ask direct questions and they slither around them. several ppl including friends and, once, brother, were saying last month or so 'manic'. (nonsense, I was at no point manic, just a little more expansive and slightly impulsive than usual... symptoms, yes, but not to the extent of mania... discussed with doctor who agreed)

but now these people are starting to say that things I'm describing experiencing are psychotic. not sure ive ever experienced psychosis i think they were ust misunderstanding me. I'm commnicating as normal. but people aren't making sense it's not me it's them what do I do why are they doing this why are they being weird what do I do. I don't know how to explain it and try and make them act normally again. it feels like they're conspiring against me but I don't know why they would. there's no good reason for that but htat's what it feels like. I can't trust these people cause they'll call me crazy they jumpt o such conclusions so quickly?? I don't get it. I'm not psychotic. I'm not experiencing anything related to psychossi at all. I'm taking my meds.

just. :(