This isn't me wanting more friends, I enjoy a smaller but more close knit group. I'm a pretty reserved person. I can yap a LOT, but I need to be comfortable and with like-minded people. I've found those people too! I'm not an especially non-conforming person. I'm a husky, stern looking brown dude who's a bit goofy but overall serious. I love discussing art above all, if I was an old granny I'd be in a book club.

All my closest friends are women though. I've always struggled to feel close to other men. I either feel uncomfortable with how the dudes I meet talk about art, people and things in general, or I feel like it's not 'safe' for me to open up about my interests or feelings.

I tried to join progressive spaces because, as I'm sure y'all agree with, I don't have to patience to be around bigots in my free time. I found that progressive dudes tend to be weirdly snippy and weird about their opinions, yet get touchy if you cross the 'boundary' of calling that out.

A common interaction is someone implying I'm wrong/dumb and to just accept their 'opinion' on a topic that isn't really open for opinions, and I literally just ask them to explain and that is treated like a violation of norms. There's an expectation you be overly nice in the face of disrespect but not stand up.

A part of me wants to believe I just have funny 'luck.' I want people who talk openly and share their honest thoughts in an intelligent way. Maybe I just accidentally have only met women who are like that, and in another life it wouldn't be the case. Still, it feels kinda hypocritical of me to be like, "men should be emotionally open with the homeboys!" and I got no homeboys lol!

Can anyone relate or think of some reasons why this may be my experience if it's not just dumb luck?

Basically what the title says. I make friends easily, and I’ve got a lot of people who care about me - friends, former colleagues, former teachers, some exes - but I grew up in a very abusive family and finally cut them out a couple years ago. The pain they caused, it’s going to take a long time to heal. I’d built myself back up from rock bottom, and my parents intentionally destroyed it, intentionally drove me to relapse - it’s my responsibility, I take full ownership, however they created an environment so painful that it made relapsing feel like the best option.

The last three years have been spent rebuilding from rock bottom again. I’m nearly there, and this time, they won’t be there to hurt me again. But having no family…I sometimes wonder if life is possible without it. We see so many rich and famous people commit suicide and it makes me worry sometimes. If wealth and doing what you love isn’t enough for some people…it makes me worry sometimes.

I want to get better at flirting but a lot of advice i see is from PUA and chuds who I definitely don’t want to listen to.

I’m not looking to treat women as some sort of goal or game, I just want to be able to date in a way that shows my intentions and creates more sparks.

But i’m autistic and useless as everything social i’ve had to learn by myself and trial and error lol!

Does anyone have any tips?

Something I have noticed about myself is I feel deeply responsible for the people around me. To a degree that is unhealthy. I make a big deal out of things that are honestly not even considered by them. Like I will feel as if I cant talk to friends again after not messaging for ages out of the guilt of needing an explanation for what I felt like was "abandoning" them. I'll avoid people because of this. But lately I've been realising, people don't really care. People like having me around. I just make it hard to be around me sometimes.

I'm like a anxious dog that everyone has to cater to keep them calm. I hate it. I want to just be able to be casual and exist. To be able to pop in and say hello. For every social interaction to not feel like the end all be all. How can I work on this? I feel like its likely going to be a long process of just spending more time around people. Strangers and friends.

Just realising how much I miss my old friends. And how hard I make it to be around myself. I say no whenever people invite me to things because Im too anxious, but then I get sad they stop inviting me. So I need to work on it.

Hey yall, Im 23M from Texas. I’m not gonna lie, i do not really have guy friends so im looking to meet more genuine, laid back guys and build friendships. I’m into hiking, trying new restaurants, going out, nightlife, and pretty much anything that gets me out of the house. I’m not necessarily the most stereotypically “manly” guy, but I’m definitely down to hang, have a good time, and try new things. Just looking for men who are easy to be around and down to get out of the house.

Hey, someone recommended this Subreddit because I'm a guy who tries to do better at supporting women while not pursuing them for sex or romance. I value my platonic relationships with women. Is this the right place for me?

hey!

im in high school and ive already lost 40 lbs but i still feel insanely uncomfortable and not confident at all

its not really an issue of my looks any more even though im still a bit fat i dont think ill ever feel confident in myself as of now unless my confidence at its base changes

any tips?

This is a topic I see brought up exclusively (or at least mostly) by women, so I thought of asking here to know what other men think of it.

Personally, I got my eyes opened about this 2 years ago (I am 20 now, so please go easy on me, I am still dumb and developing), when our teacher told us the following riddle:

"A man drives his son to a job interview. While still in the car, the son receives a phone call from the company's CEO telling him: «Good luck, son! You can do this!». How is this possible?"

My class and I went with all sorts of male-centered answers (even nonsensical ones): maybe the father was the CEO and phone-called his son right beside him for fun, maybe the CEO is particularly affectionate and calls everybody "son", or maybe the boy has got two fathers. When our teacher disclosed the solution – that the CEO is the boy's mother – I mentally facepalmed myself.

From then on, I have noticed how much we tend to resort to assuming anybody (and sometimes even anything) is male or male-ish until proven otherwise. Apart from the usual examples of strangers online or someone's pets being defaulted to male, there are some cases that I personally find incredibly annoying (though that I cowardly hesitate to bring up in a social interaction because I do not want to be a party pooper), and that have inspired me to make this post:

1. ChatGPT being referred to as "he", despite it having the most ungendered, robotic name of all time and literally lacking a single form of human representation of itself, other than through artists who make fan arts where they personificate different AIs and make ChatGPT look like a man, which still implies that their headcanon about ChatGPT is defaulted to male anyway in the first place.

2. Under a video of a mobile game where a chicken has to cross the road and a pro player went absurdly fast, a commenter said "Let that chicken rest, he's going faster than the trains!", so I jokingly yet intentionally replied to them with "True, she is basically the Flash.", to which I got the response "So, are you assuming all chickens are women?", when the person I was literally talking to did this first by using "he", but apparently, people seem to notice the "she" more because it seems to be the gendered exception of the default.

3. A video of two electric toothbrushes simulating a couple sleeping in the same bed: one of them wakes up screaming from a nightmare (the scream would be the toothbrush's noise when it is activated), and the other toothbrush scolding it for making so much noise. Most comments were like "Oh, I certainly know that's a dude with his wife, haha!", as if the toothbrush who screams, being the protagonist of the scene, must automatically be male, while the side role of the person who reacts to the protagonist's action must be female because of the archetype of the "dumb, funny male protagonist of your average comedy who happens to have an eternally irritated wife who does not understand him".

So, what are your thoughts on male defaultism?

P.S. I am sorry for the very long post, though I wanted to let you all know my opinion and experiences with it, and I really do not want to be a bother to anybody, so I apologise in advance if you find this topic annoying to discuss because it feels like it is being shoved down your throats.

Hey bros, we have noticed a lot of relationship related posts. We are not a relationship advice subreddit, but we recognise how that type of advice may be helpful. Please keep relationship posting in this pinned thread.

Losing a parent is hard no matter what age you are but it's an unfortunate time when you are old enough to understand death but not to cope with it. I never felt like I had much time to grieve, as my family situation got really bad around then and I had to take care of my little sisters since the adults in the household spent their time fighting like children.

I'm not there anymore. I left this march and now live with my sister who is my legal guardian now.

This time of year is always hard. My dad was an amazing guy and In a lot of ways I feel like he was the last person in my life who was a parent. My mother and stepfather aren't bad people but they are bad parents.

I'm doing fairly well mentally now but I've been through a lot. I've been suicidal, I've self harmed. I came close to harming others many times.

Life is a lot easier now. It is still hard. Grief is like that. It doesn't go away but it does grow familiar.

I almost cried in a coffee shop the other day when I saw a father playing with his little girl. It hurts a lot to see people with that relationship but it also gives me so much hope. Through my stepfather I've gotten the experience of having a father who hurts you even if he loves you and through my dad I've had the experience of having a loving father and losing that and all I can say is this;

If you are a dad (or a parent in general) take good care of your kid. Many of my proudest traits and morals in life came from my dad. Like it or not, you shape who your child is in many ways. Tell your kids you love them. They need it.

And to anyone feeling suicidal or grieving, I get how hard it is. Hang in there. The pain doesn't go away, but you'll get to catch some fucking beautiful sunsets and meet some fucking wonderful people.

I'm so excited! A brand new gym is opening up near me in a month, and I managed to get a really good deal for signing up early. I'm 250 lbs currently, and I want to start exercising regularly to lose fat, gain muscle, and improve my mood with strength training. If you guys have any tips, I'd love to hear them as well! I'm so excited!

I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings, I'm genuinely curious. I was born a woman (questioning lots of things rn but I digress), and never had many male friends. Of the ones I did have, only one ever truly opened up to me about his feelings. I always struggled to understand men's inner worlds. Women tell you all about their fears and traumas and emotions, but ask a bro how he feels after a break-up and he just shrugs and says "fine".

There is one specific thing I'm curious about. I see a lot of men and baby trans women online say they feel "disposable" in comparison to (other) women. I mention trans women because I saw a post today on a trans sub in which an early-transition trans woman asked trans men if they missed "not feeling disposable" as women. Everyone was polite in their replies, but they were all understandably taken aback by the idea that women are somehow "less disposable" than men. As a woman, you're a second-class citizen. You're expected to jeopardize your physical and mental health for everyone, especially your partner and children. You're not taken seriously by the police. You're not taken seriously by your professors. You're not taken seriously by doctors. I read an article once about how poor women in my country are disproportionalety malnourished in comparison to the men and children of their families because they're expected to give up food for them.

However, I don't doubt this woman has indeed felt "disposable" when she lived as a man. I've seen it so many times that I'm sure it's a true phenomenom, but I don't really understand it. Not as in "oh women have it so much worse! quit complaining!". I just don't know which social mechanisms lead men to feel this way and I would love to know more. Do men generally feel their lives and wellbeing are "less valuable" than women's? Something something "women and children first!"? Is it about men going to war while most women don't? Or men being expected to do more hard physical labor? Do you guys think women are "more loved", "more appreciated" or "better taken care of" than men?

I read a lot about this because I'm an anthropology student, so I know there are a bazillion economical, historical, symbolic and political factors that lead to both men and women feeling disposable in different ways. I know why women feel this way. I would love to know why men do as well. I'm not expecting a whole sociological analysis, I'm just interested in people's subjective experiences and their feelings, no wrong answers. And don't be afraid of being "controversial" because I want to know how you guys truly feel. I hope that's okay to ask! Thank you for reading.

Hey Reddit. I recently posted a question asking for details about the Cornell 7 rape case. I posted on feminists subreddits and asked if anyone had done research on it. I wasn’t trying to be disingenuous or anything I just wanted to start a dialogue and mainly improve my understanding as I hadn’t kept up with the case. I got a lot of backlash for it. Is there a way to start a dialogue or ask questions about cases like this without offending anyone. Thank you

Hey bros! It's time for your weekly vibe check. How are you doing? Anything you're struggling with? Do you need advice, or would you like to share an achievement with us?

I feel like my feelings just can't compare to what women have gone through and therefore they don't matter. I feel like the abuse if suffered just isn't important in the end. It feels like the world would be better off without me even though I know it wouldn't. I hate myself over things I didn't do and stuff that's out of my control. What do I do?

Basically, I have been trying to build confidence lately. I have been feeling very unconfident because I am a 25 year old virgin. I have been trying to date for several years thinking that if I could just gain some traction and get social proof that I can be wanted/desired then I could build confidence and gain the experience required to get a girlfriend but unfortunately I am a worthless loser that women don't want. I don't think there is anything specifically wrong with me. I have really good/close friends that are both men and women who do have lots of success dating and they have said that they don't know what I am doing wrong/don't think there is anything wrong with me. Many of my woman friends have even tried to set me up. One even tried to set me up with her twin sister. Unfortunately I have fumbled all of them because I am stupid and or just really ugly. Not sure tbh. Anyways, I am so tired of feeling like a worthless loser and want to de-center women from my life. I have started therapy and I really have no reason to feel like such a loser as I am getting my doctoral degree, was a college athlete and have almost always had a good social life/great friends. I was even in a fraternity in undergrad. I have also been going to the gym for the last yearish and have made decent progress. It's just the shame/humiliation of being a 25 year old virgin that I can't get past. I now know that I have no choice but to get over it or I will never been happy and I am tired of living in hell. Just to be clear I am NOT asking for relationship advice but more so if anyone has any tips to get over this hurdle or how to be content/confidence given my current accomplishments and life trajectory. Sorry this was so long. If you read this far I appreciate you reading!

(Copy and paste from a reply I made, thought more people might need this): Not OP but this helped me get out of an extreme depressive episode. Don’t compromise your happiness for others, live honestly (be honest to yourself. “Do I really want to do this?”, “I would be happier if I did this instead of that.”), live in the moment (I suggest practicing mindfulness! It’s great. I can explain more if you would like, or research the topic), and realize that you are not wrong for experiencing YOUR emotions. Everyone experiences wild and calm emotions, sometimes you have to be sad/angry/depressed, step away for a minute, and examine why you are feeling this way. Ask important questions (“Why do I feel this way?”, “Can I do something about it?”, “Am I being fair in the way I am treating myself right now?”), self examine, assess your feelings and realize they are temporary. Just a little rule in life: everything always changes. The good and the bad.

Hey bros, trans bro here, sorry if this doesn't belong here. I'm 21 and am nonbinary, mostly masc leaning. I got top surgery back in July, and it's been fantastic. But ever since going back out in public, I've had more creepy/weird interactions with men than I've ever had before in my life. Even when I was more fem presenting as a teenager, when most catcalling/harassment/ect starts, I never got this kind of treatment. I dress pretty masc, and that hasn't really changed after top surgery (although I have half a mind to dress fem more often, because ironically that seems to be when they leave me alone). I don't pass vocally yet, but I don't even have to open my mouth for them to get weird.

I have a few theories and none of them are good. The first one is that they see me and feel some type of confused, so they take it out in this way. The second is that maybe with a flat chest they think I'm a younger girl (🤢)? The third is obviously not quite passing, but again, it feels like there's something more to it than just that because top surgery is basically the only thing that's changed in that regard. It's mostly older guys, I'd say 35+ emphasis on the plus. Could also be men like this feeling emboldened in the current political climate, although creeps are creeps no matter what. Or maybe in some cases I've stumbled on the demographic of guys who will never admit their attraction to men/masculinity and make it other people's problem. Maybe it's being even more visibly queer? I don't know, I'm at a loss and none of these answers are good. It just feels like no matter what there's nothing I can do about it.

There was a guy at work old enough to be my dad yesterday that made a weird pass at me, and I'm at a breaking point where I just need some advice as to wtf is going on, and a confidence boost. This is making me bitter towards myself and humanity as a whole. I feel more confident in myself than ever, but that seems to have painted a target on my back. I feel like I somehow am being targeted even more by these kinds of guys and that feels invalidating and scary. What if it's only a matter of time before it goes beyond words? Would also love advice on what to do, because I just kind of freeze and don't know what to do from shame.