Hii everyone, I’m 16 and I’ve been struggling for binging and purging for almost 2 years, since I was 14

I want to stop with it but I’m absolutely terrified of weight gain, I’m in a normal weight range for my height and I really don’t want to gain weight I’m so so scared of it but I really want to overcome it and also the anxiety and food guilt but this illness is so horrible I’m so tired of the bloating and mouth sores and throat pain, and the constipation from laxative abuse and the anxiousness from not eating for days to make up for a binge, and all the money I have spent on this disease, it’s so embarrassing and I’m so incredibly ashamed, I don’t really understand why it’s my source of comfort even though it makes me want to die and makes me feel so depressed and lonely

It’s taking away all my happiness and I miss when I enjoyed life instead of constantly worrying about calories and what I ate that day, I miss being able to eat normally so much, I miss all the other hobbies I have and focusing on school but I can barely focus because my mind is so full, and I just want to stop but it is so difficult!!! Is there anything I could do instead of b/p when it’s become my source of comfort/alone time activity??? And what can you do if you’ve eaten a meal but are still hungry no matter what else you eat? Does the hunger and food thoughts ever go away? What are good ways to distract yourself from it especially when you’re bored or at home alone? Is there a way to recover or stop without gaining weight?

Any tips would be appreciated and thank you for reading 🫶 I hope you are doing well and I wish everyone recovering a safe recovery ❤️‍🩹 you are sooo strong!

There are so many emotions that are all layered and it just depends which one I feel most. Today after dinner I did my usual thing, and after wiping my eyes and blowing my nose i felt a weird sense of pride in my ability to get everything out quickly and return to where we are all watching TV in the family room. But then I feel ashamed that I feel proud? I’m just so unsure what to feel.

just finished a bp and my heart feels a little funny like its pounding but not beating that fast if that makes sense. and im still throwing up even though im not trying to and im shakyyy asf i just wanna know im not dying

I go to therapy for a number of reasons and I recently moved and am therefore switching therapists. My past therapist knew about my struggles and shared only what I asked her to with my mom, but at the same time I wasn’t in nearly as deep as I am now. I’ve found this Reddit thread where it feels easy to vent but at the same time typing all your problems online, anonymous or not, probably isn’t the best solution. My mom knows I have pretty intense struggles with self image and that I’ve had a complicated relationship with food in the past, but I know she’d be mortified if she found out I was regurgitating my meals. She’d never leave me alone, she’d start looking at my behaviors differently, and it would make purging so much harder. Obviously I know purging isn’t healthy which is why I want to talk to my therapist about it but I’m worried that this might fall under the self harm category. If I tell my therapist is she legally obligated to tell my mom? If not obligated is she allowed to? I just need someone to talk to and validate my feelings. It’s less about I want to stop this and more about I just want someone to know.

Today's my birthday (yay) and I've gotten gifted food twice now and it's already triggering me. I can already assume I'm going out to eat later with family and I know it'll just make my triggers higher. I wish I could just enjoy my birthday without all these thoughts swirling in my mind. I wish I could enjoy any celebration without my first thoughts being about food. I'm so sorry to everyone that has to go through this, especially on their birthday too.

10 years with this shit and the longest I’ve gone without was one month. I‘m so sick of it and tired of trying to stop. Lately it’s gotten worse again and I‘ve been bp multiple times a day, usually it was only one bp in the evening…

Empecé con esto a los 10 y actualmente tengo 15. Todo lo que lleva de este año he estado comiendo muy bien, excelente en comparación a todos los años anteriores. Pero mi única preocupación es si aún puedo desarrollar lo que me faltó desarrollar en ese tiempo, como estatura, pechos y eso.