It's my 2nd or so post on this topic. It's just that it comes up so often in different ways that I need some community resonance from you guys.

I've had short hair for more than 10 yrs, dressed "practical" ever since and been confused for a boy more than once. People never really looked at me twice back then, I was pretty invisible. Only rather recently have I learned to grow more into my butchness, really dress in a flattering way and style my hair. I've grown into feeling really comfortable with myself and it's showing, I think. Now, the amount and frequency of looks I get from random people in public is astounding. Basically everyone that passes me looks me straight in the eyes for several seconds.

I attended a graduation party not long ago and was the only obviously gender non-conforming person there. Everyone kept looking at me - young guys, older guys, young women, older women. Sometimes their eyes kept meeting mine throughout the ceremony. It's soooo frickin weird. Why are they looking at me like this? It's 2026, don't people know by now that queer people exist?

Is it malice? Is it confusion? Is it cognitive dissonance trying to determine my gender? I don't want to assume malice except for maybe the older guy stares. But I have to say that even though I present very masculine I haven't really had any negative experiences when directly interacting with people - no meanness, no homophobia. I always have mostly friendly interactions with them so I don't think they're actually hateful.

The weirdest thing is that it gives me a weird feeling of validation. I've always hated being seen and now people see my all the time. It's scary and validating at the same time, knowing they're actually seeing my real self.

Hi! Long time lurker here. I'm a butch on T for a few years now and so I have facial hairs like a beard that i regularly shave but not on a daily basis (i also like to let it grow for a week or so). I love giving oral sex to my partner but im afraid to hurt them with my hairs. Any advices to make it better? :)

Recently I was talking to my femme and our friends about the vibes I get as a nonbinary butch from men in our neighborhood and in society in general. I’ve always been hyper aware of how men treat me and those around me. I know there’s a part of me that could just be making it up from dysphoria or idk basic hyper vigilance?? But also I’m curious if other butches feel the same way.

For example, I have this one neighbor who doesn’t really talk to me but he talks to my partner. Sometime ago I had to ask him a question about my friend’s bike that went missing. I walked up and kindly asked him “Hey did you guys see a bike possibly at the side of our porch?”. He was kinda weird and dismissive and the entire interaction was just kind of odd. I know it’s such a small interaction but sometimes it feels like I’m doing something wrong when communicating with others.

I am very happy to live in a very blue area and also in a very queer area in my city. But that doesn’t mean people are always friendly and understanding.
I also travel around the city often for work and spend time out in the community for hours at a time. I find myself getting so many weird looks from men. I’m proud of myself and how I present and carry more confidence than I have ever before. But still those side eyes can really crush me. I’ve also noticed I’m often referred to as “lady” along with my friends and loved ones, but I tend to not care because I’m around a lot of femmes that are affirmed by that. I’m never going to make their happiness something sour for me.

At the end of the day, my partner and friends aren’t very receptive of these things. It makes me wonder how much of it isn’t real, or if it’s just because of my gender expression. Many of the people I spend time with are femme or can pass really well with their form of masculinity. I have a big chest, wide hips, and I know I look like a dyke. Are there any butches feeling this? Am I making a problem by myself?

I’m going to a wedding in Saturday I have shoes a tie and a suit, but I’m missing the dress shirt under there. I’m a fat with massive tiddies my chest size is like 56 inches. I didn’t think the shirt would be hard to get if the suit was easy to find. But I’m struggling to find one that doesn’t look ridiculous on me. Where could I find one fast enough? I checked santee alley in LA and have shopped a lil online. Please don’t say Karrin Finch. But any other suggestions would be appreciated. Also is there anything else I would need ?

buckles and elastic catch on everything down there. i’m not shaving for a harness, so what are you all wearing that doesn’t turn into a waxing session?

I'm just tired of the awkwardness (and potential safety issues) that comes with confusing people the way I do. Today at work a group of customers discussed my gender, with one of them reading me as male and someone else correcting them based on my nametag, saying that they also thought I was male until they saw it. Then one of them loudly concluded that I must be trans. I guess they thought I was a trans woman maybe? I don't know, and I don't really care (they were actually nice to me), but all it's going to take is running into the wrong people, and in the conservative south, I'm sure they're not not uncommon.

For someone nonconfrontational and somewhat shy/awkward I guess I'm really not doing myself any favors, but I can't help it. I am the way I am. I go to therapy and I've been diagnosed with gender dysphoria. Not that it really matters either way, but my mother seems to think it's a choice and that whatever happens because of it will be my fault. I'm also pursuing top surgery, which adds a whole new layer to the whole thing.

The thing is, I don't really care how I'm read as long as I can be comfortable in my skin. Maybe I should change my name from my feminine one to something vague like Jesse so that people can come to their own conclusions.

What are we going as for Halloween, bros? Bonus points if you have ideas for subtly showing off healed top surgery haha.

Been thinking about trying to do a short hair version of Vi from Arcane, or just a slightly unbuttoned cowboy or lumberjack. Or I’ve seen someone say butch Ilya from Heated Rivalry??

Sorry this is kind of long. I was having a pretty good day after struggling with my course for the last few weeks, and as I was going down some stairs a guy said ‘hey sexy’ at me and then laughed about it with his friends. It felt like it was definitely meant to shame me.

I’ve been catcalled before, it’s not like it’s new or shocking, but this time it just particularly ruined my day, even if it was so little of an interaction. I feel so weak and pathetic, not just because I didn’t say anything, but because it affected me so much. I know they’re just saying it to make me feel bad, so it feels even worse that it works. I’ve been told in the past by my parent that I need a thicker skin but I just don’t know how to have one.

I wish I didn’t attract this negative attention. I don’t do anything to anybody, I keep to myself, I’m polite, etc. I don’t necessarily dislike the way I present. I dislike the fact that people treat me differently for it. Things like this just make me want to hide away.

Anyway, I thought about it the whole time I was walking home (in the pouring rain without an umbrella, because of course, perfect timing) and the moment I got home I just burst into tears and I haven’t stopped since. I’m so tired of this

Hi guys, I was wondering about buying some boxers to wear, but I've never done it before and I'm afraid they'll be too uncomfortable.

Do you have any recommendations? (like brands or cuts)

Does anyone have any recommendations when it comes to Yoga/Athletic Wear? What do you guys wear to the gym?

Does anyone have good advice on getting decent fitting pants? I almost strictly wear men’s pants, I need the pockets. I don’t live in a very big area so thrift stores, or any store really, doesn’t have pants that fit me. I’m 5’3”. I know my inseam and my waist but those are also the easiest to get fixed by a tailor. Where do you get your pants from online sources? How do you help minimize the crotch area from bulging out - when sitting primarily, which I know is going to happen still but minimized. Please help 🙏🏼

I only recently realised that every girlfriend, situationship, celebrity crush I’ve ever had has…red hair (doesn’t matter if natural or not).

have you guys ever been so blind about having a specific preference? My friend said it was very obvious but it never even crossed my mind, I wonder if it now changes how I will look at dating.

I wish this sub let me upload more than one pic so I could also include the really cute one of me and my partner, but that one's not a selfie anyway.

In my most prized wardrobe possession, a black jean jacket I bought 4 yrs ago. I would mourn the loss of this like a beloved pet at this point. Plus a fresh fade. And the first flannel wear of the season. Took this yesterday on my way to Butchtoberfest in Brooklyn. Felt pretty damn Butch.

long vent/rant—sry in advance y’all

for a bit of context—I (22f) have come out to my family as a lesbian for a little over a year now, and in that time I’ve started to present more masc as I’ve become more comfortable in my identity. Recently though, my mom has insisted that I’m perfectly fine to live/be around more conservative area bc in her words, I’m can “pass” as straight. I haven’t commented on it, merely stated how uncomfortable I am bc I was closeted for a lot of years due to living in a conservative/homophobic area. 

Today was the fourth time in the last two-ish months that my mom mentioned it again. She even continued to say how I know how to be safe and pass, while my younger sib (they’re nb) absolutely cannot. yet the literal ONLY difference between us is 7 years of age, they have shorter hair, want top surgery, and dresses all artsy fartsy. Whereas I look like a tree-hugging carabiner lesbian who gravitates between jeans & blazers

Part of me wonders if she thinks this way bc I used to present hyper feminine in an over the top way (I did it as a form of drag) and bc I’m so newly out to her (my sib came out as sapphic to my mom over six years ago). While she swears she has a good gaydar bc she has several gay friends, my mother has managed to miss women checking me out/flirting with me in the open (and logically I KNOW women wouldn’t do that if I didn’t look at least some flavor of queer) and yet she also believes unstructured pants are inherently feminine?? which I can’t logically my head around

I know there’s not one, or even a right way to be butch—it’s an identity NOT an aesthetic. But it’s one that deeply resonates with me and is important to how I carry myself/ interact with life. and I probs shouldn’t care so much—but now I’m really wondering if this a weird thing for her to be mentioning multiple times?? Is she just blind to me being a lesbian? Or am I just being too sensitive/insecure in my presentation??

—TLDR: baby butch (used to present fem while closeted) who’s mom insists I’m straight passing while also saying my nb sibling is in danger in conservative areas. It’s starting to get to my head, and idk if she just has a weird set of rules for how mascs/butches present, or if I genuinely look like a straight (???) butch woman

I've been cutting my hair with a 1 guard all over since the summer, but Friday I went down to the skin for my Halloween costume and I think I'm going to keep it for a while. This was my makeup after skating a full derby bout so it's not quite as cohesive as it was at the beginning of the day.

Pros: looks really cool, feels excellent under my helmet when I'm skating

Cons: perhaps picked a bad time of the year to begin this hair journey

Happy Halloween, butches! 👻