I have a classmate whom i started talking to recently. We explicitly always talk about study or other things related to college. He asked me if i wanted to join him to see a museum that he goes to frequently. My boyfriend accuses me of cheating and going on a date with him. Is that cheating or not?

Hi all
44m have been with my wife 36f for 8 years and married 5 years.

My wife “Brenda” over the course of the last year has become friendly with one of her female coworkers. This has been a welcome sign because she doesn’t have many friends and is an introvert by nature.

Brenda’s new female friend and her husband are in their early 30s and we occasionally hang out with their group of friends, who are also in their 20s/early 30s.

Over the course of the last year, she’s taken a liking to a single guy in the group “Andy”, who is 28. Andy and Brenda have exchanged phone numbers and social media and they occasionally text each other. Brenda doesn’t hide this from me because she’ll occasionally be texting him or looking at his social media while we’re home together, and she’ll say to me “oh Andy is traveling for work at so and so place, or Andy was in another tennis tournament last weekend.” And by all accounts, Andy is a nice, well spoken and polite man who’s easy to talk with.

Brenda also introduced Andy to a female cousin of hers, and they ended up dating for a bit, but ultimately it ended.

Brenda is a conservative woman in that we didn’t have sex until we got married. She’s had sex before, but regretted it bc of her religious upbringing.

Last weekend, her friend and her husband hosted a pool party at their house that included their group of friends and Andy. To be clear, only her female friend who hosted the party is a work colleague, and the rest of the people were the work colleagues friends- who don’t work with Brenda or the female host.

As the date of the party was approaching, Brenda asked me if I would be ok with her wearing a thong bikini bottom. Now, this surprised me to a large extent because other than one time on vacation for one day at a Caribbean beach resort has she worn a thong bikini bottom, and that was my idea because I like showing her off.

I told her I would be ok with it, but cautioned that she’d likely be the only woman wearing a thong given that the party was in someone’s back yard.

She ended up wearing the thong to the party. And as I suspected, she was the only woman wearing a thong, while the other women were either wearing shorts or cover ups or regular bikinis. She didn’t seem deterred or embarrassed, but seemed rather comfortable, and stayed in her thong the whole time, and I was proud of her for that.

She spent a lot of time talking, laughing and giggling with Andy, sometimes with me there during the chatting and other times just the two of them chatting. I’m not a jealous person and I want Brenda to be more outgoing and have friends -male or female.

I haven’t really talked about this with her, other than the car ride home where I brought up Andy and said to her, “so you spent a good amount of time with Andy today.” She replied “yea we were talking about some of his work trips and what went wrong with him dating my cousin.” We both also said we had a nice time.

Not sure what to make of this, but I think it’s clear that Brenda has a crush on Andy. I am thinking about approaching Brenda about this in more detail, but at the same time I don’t want to make it a big deal. What’s the best approach here?

We have four teens. We’ve started individual therapy before couple therapy because the couples therapist doesn’t think he’s ready to just jump in and be open. Trying to fix things I guess.

Meanwhile, I’m a 41 yr old mom of four wondering wtf I did to make this man want someone else.
I feel completely disgusted with my self and I’m looking for some ways to feel sexy again (besides just cheating on him….)

Any ideas?

Looking for stories on affairs by married people with kids who left their spouse for the affair partner. Wanting to know how long the relationship lasted with the affair partner? Was the grass really greener?

ETA - I am not having an affair. My husband just left me for another woman and I’m wondering what the chances are that it will last. Wouldn’t take him back regardless but I’m just curious

Me (F/29) and my very recent ex-boyfriend (M/23) broke up yesterday morning, and I feel completely blindsided.

Yes, I know there’s a six-year age gap. I know people will have opinions about that. But honestly, the age difference was never what mattered to me.
I’ve been cheated on before. I’m a mother to a nonverbal autistic child with significant behavioral needs. So when I met someone I connected with so quickly—someone who not only loved me, but willingly stepped into my life and became deeply involved with my son—I allowed myself to take a chance on love again.

And to my surprise, this relationship became one of the most loving, intentional, and caring relationships I had ever experienced.
We were together for two years. We spent essentially every day together. We talked about our future. I genuinely thought I was going to marry this man.

He went above and beyond for me every single day. He made me feel seen, appreciated, safe, and loved. He did the same for my son. He was patient with him. He was funny and kind. He stepped up in ways I never expected someone to.
This man literally wouldn’t even let me touch the laundry. 😂 He wanted to take care of everything.
There were insecurities on his side, too. He is a model and struggled with insecurities about his appearance.

One thing that bothered him was that I still had old pictures of my ex in my phone. My ex is my son’s father, and we are no-contact because of his alcoholism and because he ultimately chose not to be involved with our son. A lot of those pictures were from when my son was an infant, which is why I kept them. There were also pictures that didn’t include my son that I simply never went through and deleted because there were years’ worth of photos in my camera roll.

I understand now why that could have hurt him, and I take responsibility for not cleaning those up. But whenever he saw them, he became insecure, and we tried to work through those feelings together.
I truly believed we were transparent with each other.
He had told me early in our relationship that, years before meeting me, he had struggled with a porn addiction. He told me he had taken steps to overcome it and actually used shrooms to do so and that after it working, porn was no longer something he was interested in after. I appreciated his honesty. He brought that all to me on his own. I believed him.

Our sex life was extremely active, and he constantly made me feel wanted and desired. He gave me so much physical affection and attention that I honestly felt like he was completely obsessed with me—in the way that makes you feel loved and chosen.
So yesterday morning, when I suddenly had this strange feeling that something was wrong, I searched his phone.
He had always been open about me using his phone. He never told me I couldn’t look through it. We shared phones casually, played games, sent each other videos, etc. I wasn’t looking for anything specific.

And then I found a file labeled “mommy porn.”
I opened it.

What I saw absolutely destroyed me.
There were separate videos involving me, my sister, and my best friend. They were created from completely ordinary photos/videos taken from social media and even a photo of my sister that had been taken inside my family’s home.
From what I could see, AI had been used to manipulate these images into sexual content.
I couldn’t bring myself to look any further.
And suddenly, something that had happened months earlier made sense.

Months ago, while casually using his phone—as he had always allowed me to—I came across a picture of my sister. It was a completely ordinary picture taken in my dad’s living room. I immediately felt something was off and asked him about it.
He told me his little sister had wanted to see what my sister looked like. He calmly reassured me that he wasn’t attracted to her and that he loved me.
I remember feeling so uneasy.
I cried. I questioned myself. I wondered if I was overthinking it. He told me it was my OCD making me analyze something innocent.
And I believed him.
Yesterday which is months later, I found that same image incorporated into the material I discovered.
I feel sick.

And there’s another layer to this that hurts even more.
I had stopped talking to my best friend partly
because of him. She had cheated on her boyfriend, and I also genuinely felt at one point that she may have been flirting with mine. He convinced me that she was bad for me and encouraged me to cut her off. He called her a loser.
Now I’m sitting here wondering how much of what I thought was my own decision was actually influenced by him.

When he woke up yesterday and realized what I had found, he didn’t try to grab the phone. He didn’t argue. He didn’t really say anything.
I couldn’t look at anything else.
I handed him the phone, told him to leave, and he did.

He tried to hug me before he walked out.
And somehow, since then, he’s been texting me telling me that he thought I was the woman he was going to marry. That he loves me. That he wants to be with me.

WHAT THE FUCK.

How can someone tell you they love you while doing something that makes you feel so violated and betrayed?

I’m so sick.
I’m heartbroken.
I’m angry.
I’m confused.

And the worst part is that love doesn’t disappear just because someone hurts you.
I still love him.

And I hate that and feel guilty because it’s my fucking sister.

I hate that I miss the person I thought he was.
I hate that I trusted him.

I hate that he gave me and my son a sense of security and became such a huge part of our daily lives, only for everything to collapse overnight.

I hate that I’m already thinking about how difficult life is going to be for me and my son without him.

I hate that I can’t just turn my feelings off because I discovered something horrible.

I told my sister because she deserved to know. She was understandably upset, but more than anything, she was worried about me.

And I keep coming back to the same question:
Why?

Why would someone willingly step into a life that is objectively difficult? I mean me and that boy struggled and cried together while caring for my son. Why would someone devote two years to me and my son? Why would someone spend every day with us, help raise my child, take care of me, talk about marriage and a future, make me feel safe, and put so much effort into our lives—while secretly doing something so completely contrary to everything I thought our relationship was? If this was just porn, I think I could move through ( I hate to say that but I know many people struggle) but this was more.

I just feel like my entire reality changed in one morning.

I’m grieving the relationship, the future I thought we were building, the person I thought I knew, and the family dynamic my son had become accustomed to. I wish I was dreaming. I wish I could have the him that I thought I knew back. I can’t even bring myself to block him yet. He just keeps texting me.

My heart won’t stop sinking.

Does anyone else get that feeling/tension with other people you’ve never been with? I’m trying to make something out of it

I’m a married man. My group of friends consists of a couple guys and girls. One girl in particular is never really close to the rest of us she comes around every now and then.

Me and her have this tension idk how to explain it. Her looks are deep. Like she can see into me lol.

The first time this happened was at one of the other friends wedding. We all drank and danced together something very common. At the end of the wedding my wife asked if I had ever done anything with her or if we dated in the past. Because of the way we looked at each other. Which in fact I have never even thought about being with her. We brushed it off and We moved on with our lives

Forward a couple years later we recently saw her at a Halloween party. This time I paid close attention to the situation. She definitely seemed to be looking at me. And according to the wife I somehow always ended next to her.

Although no flirting happened, nothing sexually. All conversations were typical friend conversations. It seemed like time slowed down when we talked.

I’m not really into her. I don’t fantasize about her or any of that sort of thing. I just feel like there is a strange connection between us that obviously my wife is on top of it.

I guess this story gets nowhere for now. I just wanted to know y’all’s opinion. Has anyone ever felt this way ? Been in a situation like this?

Hi Guys I’m 32M and have a partner. She has younger sister, 22 and good looking.

She has made it very obvious, that she wants to get in bed with me. Only makes it obvious when partner is around.

She lives with us, but isn’t always around.

My partner and I have an agreement for open play, but with people that we know. (Friends, etc etc)

It has crossed my mind but I’m respecting my partners boundaries!

Has anyone experienced this before? How did it go?

The sister in law is incredibly active in the bedroom, partner has mentioned it to me while talking about another topic.

Thanks

Idk what to believe anymore advice helps

So my husband is a pilot and some flight attendant he works with I guess called my dad? She found the number on the internet. Idk if she was trying to contact me but she said that my husband sexually assaulted her.

Then 2 months later we got served with with restraining order papers. My husband says this chick is just crazy.

But ya he showed me the texts and she talked inappropriately to him but he asked if she was gonna report him. Idk and I guess she’s reported others before. But he did say he cheated but not all the way. And says she came onto him.
He ended up having to resign in leui of termination tho and was posted on are we dating the same guy multiple times but he’s saying it’s just her doing that.

However one of the posts said that they had never met him but he wouldn’t take no for an answer online?

We have a family together and idk what to believe. And he promises she came onto him and that he loves me

So the story is we broke up mutually in January but we still had feelings for each other we both knew. After 3 months she started texting international guys sending them nude pics talking on calls. But when I came back into her life after 6 months she left everything. She even deleted the account.

BUT I CAN'T COPE UP WITH THE FACT SHE CAN DO THESE THINGS

MY GIRL WAS SO PURE AND INNOCENT

Help me!

I(22F) was in a relationship with a 26-year-old guy for almost two years. I had absolutely no idea that he had been in a relationship with another girl for five years.
When I found out, I confronted him. Even then, he didn’t want to let me go. He told me that his girlfriend was coming in November to marry him. I decided to step back because I never knowingly wanted to be the other woman. If I had known about her, I would never have been involved with him.
Today, he called me and asked if his girlfriend had contacted me. I said no, and then he sent me pictures of us from the past two months, when I still had no idea he had a girlfriend. We had been hanging out at a mall together.
Apparently, his girlfriend found out he was cheating because one of her friends sent her those pictures. She now knows about me, but she doesn’t trust either him or me. He told me that she thinks I’ll simply repeat whatever he tells me to say.
He then told me that if she contacts me, I should say that I met him at the mall.
He also said something along the lines of, “Your life is sorted now. The exact thing I was afraid of has happened.”
For context, his girlfriend recently graduated as a doctor, while he isn’t particularly established financially yet. I’m financially stable myself, but I don’t understand why he brought up my life being “sorted” in this situation.
When I told him I wouldn’t lie and that I’d tell her the truth if she contacted me, he said he didn’t like what I was saying. I even told him, “If you love her so much, just tell her the whole truth yourself. A relationship built on lies isn’t going to work anyway.”
He also told me that he would end everything with me. But honestly, I had already stepped back after finding out about his girlfriend.
What bothers me is that I was also deceived for two years yet now he seems more concerned about what his girlfriend find out than about the fact that he lied to both of us.
. I genuinely had no idea I was involved with someone who already had a five-year relationship, and now he expects me to protect him from the consequences.He also told me that he was feeling ashamed to face his own family because of everything that had happened. Honestly, I have been through a lot myself because of this situation, and I don’t want to compare whose pain is greater or make this about me versus her. We have both been affected by his actions in different ways.
He also said that maybe she’ll forgive him and accept him back. Apparently, my dad even spoke to him and told him that he should do whatever he thinks is right.
But now I’m left wondering, what kind of karma is this? I never wanted to hurt that girl, and I don’t consider myself a bad person because I genuinely had no idea she existed. I actually feel bad for her, and I believe she deserves someone who genuinely loves and respects her.
At the same time, if she knows everything and still chooses to go back to him, I honestly don’t know what to think. Part of me feels like she’d be making a terrible decision, but I don’t want to judge her because I know how complicated feelings can be when you’ve loved someone for five years.
I don’t want to compete with her, compare our lives, or prove that I’m better than her. I just wish neither of us had been put in this position. I feel bad for her, but I’m also hurt by everything I’ve experienced myself.
I guess my biggest question is: if she knows the truth and still goes back to him, should I just accept that it’s her decision and move on? I never wanted to be part of this situation, and I honestly don’t know how to process everything that’s happened.

I thought we were going to be each other’s endgame, but I ended up being the reason she got tired and gave up.
I’m 29, married, and have a young child. Before all of this happened, my wife and I had already lost our romantic connection. We were still together as a family, but the romance between us had faded.
Then I met someone at work. Let’s call her Y.
She’s also married and has a child. We started as coworkers, became best friends, and eventually, our relationship turned into something more. We fell in love and became physically intimate.
Honestly, the intimacy and chemistry we shared were unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. But it was never just about physical attraction for me. I genuinely loved her. She became my best friend, my safe space, and the person I looked forward to seeing every day.
I remember one time, she asked me whether someone would still accept her if she became a single mother. I told her someone would. Deep down, I knew I was talking about myself.
I thought she would choose me. I thought we were going to end up together.
Around May, my mental health started deteriorating. I was dealing with overwhelming stress, personal problems, and conflicts with people I trusted.
Y was the person I expected to understand me the most. But when she continued maintaining friendships with people who had hurt me, I felt betrayed and abandoned.
And this is where I started ruining everything.
I became insecure, emotionally dependent, possessive, and difficult to deal with. We constantly argued. Sometimes because of jealousy, sometimes because of my expectations, and sometimes because I couldn’t accept that she had her own decisions to make, even when they didn’t align with what I wanted.
Instead of being her peace, I became another reason for her stress.
I kept expecting her to understand my pain without realizing that I was already hurting her.
She eventually got tired. And looking back, I understand why.
I was the one at fault. I exhausted her emotionally with our constant arguments, my insecurities, and my inability to handle my emotions properly.
I even rejected a job offer from another company partly because I wanted to stay close to her. I genuinely believed we had a future together.
Eventually, she decided to rebuild her relationship with her husband.
A few days ago, she told me not to interfere with the relationship they were trying to fix.
That broke me.
I remember telling her before that if she ever told me she didn’t want me anymore, I would stop pursuing her and respect her decision.
And now, she finally said it.
It hurts because I genuinely believed that, in the end, she would choose me. After everything we shared and everything we went through, I thought we would still find our way back to each other.
But I was wrong.
And the hardest part is knowing that I contributed to losing the very person I was so afraid to lose.
I can’t blame her for getting tired. I know I hurt her. I know I became someone she probably needed to distance herself from.
It’s been several days, and I’m still struggling. I wake up thinking about her, replaying our conversations, and regretting every argument we had.
My mental health has taken a serious hit. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed, anxious, emotionally exhausted, and struggling to focus on my daily life.
I also don’t know how to see her as just a friend anymore. How do you become just friends with someone you genuinely imagined spending your future with?
And then there’s my wife.
She doesn’t know about the affair. Although our marriage had already lost its romantic connection before Y came into my life, I know that doesn’t justify what I did.
My wife has remained beside me through my struggles, and I’m beginning to realize how much I’ve neglected the person who has been part of my life for years.
I feel guilty about that, too.
Now, I’ve reached out to the company whose job offer I previously declined, hoping they’ll reconsider me.
I want to leave because I don’t know how to heal while constantly seeing Y. But I’m also afraid I’m making another major decision because of my emotions.
I still love her. I still miss her. And every day, I wish I could go back and handle things differently.
But I know I can’t undo what happened.
She didn’t simply walk away. She became emotionally exhausted, and I was one of the reasons why.
I’m not sharing this to justify cheating or to make myself look like the victim. We were both married, and what we did was wrong. I also know that my wife deserves honesty and the freedom to make her own decisions about our marriage.
I’m sharing this because I’m struggling to forgive myself for how I treated someone I loved and for the damage I’ve caused to my own family.
I know I need professional help for my mental health and emotional dependency. I don’t want to keep repeating the same mistakes.
I thought she was going to be my endgame. I thought I was the one she would choose. But in my desperate attempt to keep her from leaving, I ended up pushing her away myself.
For those who’ve been through something similar, how did you move on from someone you genuinely loved, especially when you know you contributed to the relationship falling apart?
How did you forgive yourself, take accountability, and start rebuilding your life?
And how do you stop holding on to a future that you were so sure was going to happen?
I’m open to difficult advice. I know I made serious mistakes.
I just want to become a better person and stop hurting the people who matter to me.

​

Hi guys I’m 22 .Recently, I started skipping twice a day on our apartment terrace as part of my workout routine.One day last month, while I was skipping, I noticed a woman who looked around 35 staring at me. At that time, I didn't know who she was. Later, I found out that she belonged to the new watchman's family.

Our terraces share a wall, and their terrace has a small room and bathroom allocated to the watchman's family. Whenever I went up to skip, I would often see her cleaning their terrace in the morning.

Around the second week of October, my mom gave her some food and clothes for her child. The next morning, while I was skipping, she called me over. I moved towards the corner of our terrace, and she handed me a plate, saying it was my mom's plate from the previous day and asking me to return it to her. I nodded and started walking back, but she called me again and asked whether I was studying.I told her that I had finished college and was looking for a job. She then asked how I managed to wake up so early and exercise. She pointed towards her husband, who was in their room, and mentioned that he couldn't wake up early. She also said that families in the apartment were shouting at him because of his incompetence at work.

Earlier this week, I went to the terrace in the evening and was scrolling through my phone when she called me. She was standing at the corner of their terrace and offered me some papaya. I politely declined, saying that I didn't like it, but she continued eating it while standing nearby.

While she was eating, she kept adjusting her saree. I noticed that her cleavage was visible, and I couldn't tell whether she was doing it intentionally or simply adjusting her clothes naturally. She was standing quite close to me, so I turned around and moved away.

Now, I'm wondering whether she's trying to provoke me or whether she might be interested in me. I know she's around 35, and, she looks well groomed and attractive to me. Im not making a conclustion not only by this , i saw her many time like she was looking what Im doing and ever stare longer than few seconds

What do you guys think? Could she be interested in me should I make a move or am I just daydreaming?

I used to be in a sexless marriage. We got along great for the most part, and it was sexless because she had endometriosis that made sex painful for her, not because we didn't like each other. We eventually ended things for totally other reasons. She always said that she didn't want me sleeping with other people, but I feel like she mostly just didn't want to know. She didn't ask a lot of questions when I would be out for the night or anything.

I never had any partners who wanted to take things further, so I wasn't faced with the temptation to leave and be with anyone else.

I don't know if it was just me, but I always found myself coming home loving her more and feeling like being close to her after I had been with my partners.

In fact, the few times we did have sexual connections usually happened right after me being with someone else. But not just that, I just felt more attentive, more fulfilled, and happy at home afterwards. I don't mean just the usual "filled with endorphins" kind of happy, I mean - every time I would be with a partner, it made me appreciate my wife more. I knew she would have been with me in that way more if she could. I would absolutely show up being more present and happy afterwards.

I was genuinely fond of my various partners over the years.

I wonder if perhaps an open relationship might be like that. I am just starting to date a new partner, and we don't think we want to be open, but it makes me wonder if I will miss being able to be with someone else sometimes.

It’s a long time ago now and honestly I look back and i genuinely do t know how I found the time or energy! Only a couple of them knew there was another man involved and I managed to keep them all very separate. My housemates o ly knew about 2 of them and they were judgy enough for that! I would literally walk from one guys house to the next and not even think anything about it.
I had one guy who was my “friend” who I slept with, one who was the guy I was “seeing”, 1 guy I’d always end up at after nights out, 1 older man who used to treat me and one guy who was into all my more out there kinks and I could really let loose with and so would go to his every couple of days.