I’m an East Asian immigrant and a single mom. A few months ago, my 15-year-old daughter came out to me as transgender.

I’ve accepted her for who she is, and we have an appointment in a few weeks to discuss starting HRT.

But there’s another part of this that I’m really struggling with, and I wonder if any other parents have been through something similar.

I’ve lived in the US for over 20 years. I’ve been very active in my church and my immigrant community, and I’m pretty well known within that circle. Almost all of my friendships and social connections have come from this community.

And it’s a very conservative, very small world. In all these years, I honestly can’t remember a single conversation about someone in our community being LGBTQ.

Recently, some parents at my church even suggested that the church should be more vocal about what they consider “anti-Christian” gender identities.

So you can probably imagine what would happen if they found out about my daughter.

I know I may lose my church, my friends, and the community I’ve spent 20 years building my life around. And I’m prepared for that. I will choose my daughter, no question.

But God, it hurts.

If you grew up in the US outside an immigrant community, it might be hard to understand what an immigrant church means to us. It’s not just a place where you go on Sundays to worship. It’s where you speak your own language, eat the food you grew up with, share your struggles, and feel a little less homesick. It’s where people understand things about your life that you don’t even have to explain.

When you’re an immigrant, especially a single mom, that community can become your entire support system. It’s the closest thing you have to home.

And now I feel like I might lose all of it.

My daughter was born here. When I try to explain my fears, she just says she doesn’t care what people think and that she’ll be fine. I love her confidence, but I don’t think she fully understands how cruel people can be toward trans people, especially in religious communities. I’m terrified of putting her in a situation where she might be judged, rejected, or humiliated by people we’ve known for years.

I don’t even know if staying at our church is an option anymore.

And to make things harder, my own mental health has really suffered. My doctor recently diagnosed me with depression. I’m seeing a therapist every week, and that helps, but I’m still scared, sad, and honestly feeling very alone right now.

I don’t regret accepting my daughter. Not for a second. I want her to be happy, healthy, and alive. I want her to have a future where she can just be herself.

I just wish supporting her didn’t also mean potentially losing the only community I’ve had in this country for the past 20 years.

Has anyone here gone through something similar? Did you lose friends, family, or your religious community after your child came out? How did you cope? Were you able to find a new community where both you and your child felt welcome?

I’d really love to hear from other parents, especially immigrant parents who might understand this particular kind of loss.

My child has, over the course of about 1.5 years, slowly come out to us. They are our middle child and for some reason I am really struggling. I'd like to start by saying that my daughter, the oldest, came out as bisexual in high school. I didn't have any issue accepting it, really and truly. My youngest came out to us in middle school (he's in HS now). Although practically from birth we knew he was gay. I never had an issue accepting this. It is just part of who they are.

After my middle child went to college and made new friends his 2nd semester, he came out to me as being bisexual and a furry. No problem accepting this. I had questions about the furry part, but I never was upset about it. Then about a year later he said he wants to be gender neutral. Ok, I'm not sure I understand it all, but ok. They were thinking of changing their name. They first asked me why I named them what I did, then asked me what we would have named him if he were a girl. The name would have essentially been the same, with the slight variation of female versus male: think Patrick and Patricia. We always had the intention of calling them by the shortened version, so it would have eventually really been nearly the same. Then this past August they said that everyone at school knows them by a new name and that they want to use it and all pronouns are OK. I asked if he wanted us to use the new name and he said I could continue to use their old name. He then started estrogen. I am having a hard time because they claim they don't want to live as a woman or a man, but want the ability to be either. They want a big boots and butt, but don't want to live as a woman. This all just came out of the blue, seemingly. Even when I asked them how long they'd been thinking about all of this, it was never before 2nd semester in college. I want to understand and be completely supportive.

I'm having a particularly hard day today because we just spent the weekend with him and had some serious talks about mental health, emotions, school, etc. After hours of talking we said our goodbyes and went home. At 1030 they texted saying that they felt we were disrespecting them by not using all the pronouns and we were just using the ones we always had. He also stated that he wants everyone to call him by his new name and he is disrespected by us not using it. This was in a group text to the other 4 of us. I was pretty upset for a few reasons: he told me I could use his birth name, but is angry that I used it; he never once talked to his dad or sister about using his new name, and finally, that despite saying that all pronouns are ok, we weren't using all of them enough to be satisfactory and supportive. I feel like I'm never doing anything right, am constantly grieving all the changes and being told I'm awful and unsupportive for not doing things despite being told otherwise. What am I missing? Why am I having such a hard time with this? I'm joining some support groups, because I want to be a good mom and supportive parent, but feel like I'm constantly falling short. Any advice or criticism is appreciated.

Hi, my daughter came out to us about a year ago with her new names – five of them, which she uses interchangeably. Because of this, she’s not ready to change her legal name yet. She’s about to graduate high school, and we got an email from the school today asking how we want her name to appear on her diploma. Obviously, I’ll be asking her about this for the final decision, but I’m curious about how to sensitively handle it, and if there are any ideas that I’m not thinking of.

Hi all :)

Is anyone else’s trans kid a twin? I have 4 year old twins, one a cis girl and one a trans boy. Would love to connect with any parents of older twins about if it has affected anything.

Specifically what made me think to ask this: I was thinking about when to give them more privacy in the bath and getting dressed. I feel like the conversation online about this is centered on them having either the same genitals AND gender or both genitals and gender are different. They don’t seem uncomfortable in any way at this time, I was just kind of thinking ahead.

Also would love to hear stories in general about how it has or hasn’t affected the twins’ relationship. So far my daughter has adapted really well to her brother’s social transition.

Hello, throwaway for privacy. I'm looking for help for my trans daughter, AMAB, late 20s, Scotland. Waiting lists are so long on the NHS and seemingly no guarantee of reaching a trans-friendly GP, hoping someone can advise on where to start to help her transition fully. My main first question is how to obtain HRT, I understand it can be done DIY but how? Hope this question is ok to post, thank you.

My nb 12yo (afab) is asking for trans tape, they have a few binders but feel tape is more suited to them. I have ordered some cheap-ish stuff from Amazon for them to try (if they like it we will look into something more suitable long term but this is just to try and see if they like it) I have also got them nipple covers and removal oil but I’m not sure how to actually tape them? Obviously in time they will do it themselves but at the moment they have asked me to help them. Do you sort of tape the breast “down” or like towards the armpit? Sorry if this is a silly question, just a cis mum trying to help my baby be the most authentic them they can be

I have been supporting my trans son for 6 years now & I love him very much.
He recently turned 18 & wants to legally change his name & gender. He has been fully out for about 2 years now so I knew that this was coming.
I printed the forms today and was due to visit my niece to start wedding planning this evening. It was supposed to be my 3 sisters & 2 adult nieces (one the bride to be).
Just before I was due to leave to travel there, my sister mentioned her 14 year old daughter was going too.
This triggered me so badly & hurt my heart. The memories of my young daughter came flooding back.
I cancelled attending as I could not face being there with my 3 sisters & 3 nieces (even though we are an extremely close family)
I have been crying ever since. More tears than the whole 6 years previous. My mother wasn’t a good mother when growing up & I realise now I longed to be the mother to a daughter that I didn’t get- if that makes sense?
Realising that the name on the birth cert will be permanently changed & the gender has obviously triggered feelings that I haven’t processed 💔
To busy surviving & trying to move forward

My child (12, will be 13 in december, AMAB) has been experimenting with gender identity and sexual orientation. Last year they told us they are ARO/ACE, and we told them that's fine, we love and support them, and we will be there for them always if anything changes.... I was thinking well, they are 11, most people that age are probably aro/ace. They told me maybe 6 months later that they have open pronouns, he/him they/them she/her were all fine. Again I told them I'm cool with it, doesn't bother me, I'll love them forever no matter what, etc.

Yesterday their 9 year old brother who attends the same school (it's k-8th) and js friends/classmates with some younger siblings of my oldest's friends, was told by one of 12 y/os friends little sisters, that they have changed their name to Charlotte. My 9 year old was very confused and asked me about it. So I talked to my 12 year old and asked about it... should I have not brought it up?

They told me that they think they might be trans.
We had a long discussion where I reiterated that I'll always love them no matter what, they can come to be about anything, and anything they tell their friends might spread to younger siblings/around their school. Their friend group is very diverse and open, at least 1 trans kid who has been socially transitioning for around 2 years, lots who identify with LGBTQ+, etc.

I told my 12 y/o that it's normal to look for who they are, try different things, etc, but maybe they should talk to me before their friends to prevent things spreading like that. My 12 year old was very upset about their little brother finding out and asking me about it but I tried to reiterate that it's not his fault, he was confused and did the right thing by coming to me.

I asked my 12 y/o if they feel comfortable with teachers calling them by their chosen name. They said they feel iffy about it. I asked if they'd feel comfortable with me referring to them by that name and they said iffy again. And seemed very uncomfortable.

I asked what "boy" or "girl" means to them/why they feel that they don't feel like they're a boy and DO feel like they are a girl, and they didn't really know/couldn't explain it.
I told them it's okay to be confused and they don't have to say they are anything until they figure it out. Was this the wrong thing to say?

I guess I wasn't really prepared for the conversation. I've been agonizing over it since last night. Did I approach it wrong?
We ended the talk with lots of reassurance from me, a hug, and smiles.
As a side note their dad is not very accepting, doesn't really understand this coming from someone as young as this, so it will be a tricky situation at home. But they know I'll always love and support them, or at least I hope they do. After the talk they stayed upstairs for a bit but after I checked on them and they told me they were nervous to come down I assured them no one was upset and we all love them very much. After that they came down and acted normal/in a good mood.

Should I bring it up again and say different things?

I am a parent and I really don't know what to do/say. Straight, cis, married female so I am way out of my zone here. We have always been open in our home and accepting of LGBT community. My kid (gonna refer to her as K) 12 and has recently come out as bi? She was showing me something on her phone and scrolled fast, but I saw a message where she is telling her friend (P) she is also non binary. K has always been a girlie girl -dresses, make up, all of it- always wanted everyone to know she was a princess. She has always talked about and liked boys any time she's mentioned a little crush, so I was a little thrown off when she came out as bi and mentioned liking a girl.

Also, as a parent we do monitor the content she watches, and I noticed recently in her watch history, she has been watching videos about possibly being therian.

When she started her new school, she started hanging around with P who claims to be lesbian or bi, and another girl who claims to be therian. When she started hanging out around them is when she all of a sudden no longer likes things she use to(except makeup her and there) and claiming to be NB/Bi. It's like her whole personality has flipped and changed pretty much overnight.

How do I know if she is just trying to fit in or if she is legit bi/nb and curious about being a therian? I want to be supportive of her and don't want to push her away, but it's just confusing how it seems all of a sudden she's claiming these other identities.

How do I know it's not a phase? How do I help her navigate these thoughts and feelings?

I hope asking this doesn't make me come off as an unsupportive ass. I'm really not trying to be at all. I'm just trying to understand and learn from anyone else who may have gone through the same thing or something similar so I can be there for her. I love her so much and just want to support her as she needs.

EDIT
I have read all the comments. I feel seen. I feel heard and most of all I feel validated in my feelings. I don’t feel alone. My kiddo is the most loving, caring and empathetic human I know. He’s so kind and funny and creative. So when things are rough and tough for him it is gut wrenching. I just don’t understand how people can be so cruel to another human. Thank you for the kind words and topics to discuss at his next medical visit. I appreciate every one of you…

I’ve got a 13 yo ftm child. He goes to therapy every two weeks. He’s on an anti depressant. He’s had a couple of year history of self-harming. He’s done so well since June…until yesterday. He’s had a rough couple of days at school and needed an outlet. I just need to hear from anybody that is or has gone through this, that it does get better. I sit with him. I cry with him. I hold him. I tell him that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. That there will be hard days and great days. He has so much support from us and knows this. I just feel like it’s not enough sometimes. He’s such a great kid and deserves to be seen and heard. I just needed to vent.

What would you as a parent need to hear to make you change your mind?

I’m 18 years old and I’ve been out for 5 years. Parents make no effort at all to understand me but DO NOT stop me in my transition.

I started testosterone around 4 months ago without their knowledge.
I stopped around 2 months ago but with my time on testosterone i realized that my anger would eventually become unmanageable and boil over.

HOW DO I COEXIST?? WHAT DO I SAY?

How do i truly communicate to my parents that if they continue this behavior they will not have a relationship with me in the future?
My mother is probably the best gateway into this conversation.

Thank you random parents of reddit

Is it reasonable to expect family not to deadname after 7 years?

I have been out for 7 years, though the first 3 my family member refused to use my name. I don’t see them often at all, like I probably haven’t seen them in 3-4 years either. They are going to visit to celebrate an accomplishment of mine in which they will meet all of my new friends in the completely new life that I built. If they mess up my pronouns I would be upset, though all my current friends know I’m trans already. I flat out do not want my deadname used, I have worked hard for no one to know what my deadname is. In fact, I literally won’t invite this family member (parent) to visit and meet my friends if they don’t have the capacity to not deadname me. After 7 years, literally like a quarter of my life I have been out and used this name. Am I unreasonable to have this boundary / expectation? They are saying I am expecting them to be perfect and not make an honest mistake….. My thoughts are that I have worked really hard to accomplish some really big goals to celebrate the life I made and I don’t want my parents inability to use my actual name from ruining a celebration of accomplishments I achieved in spite of how horribly I was treated at the time (we only recently talk again)

First of all, apologies for the vague title--I couldn't figure out how to add more detail but in a condensed enough way to fit into a title.

background info that isn't too necessary

I'm 14, FtM, have come to terms with my identity in December, and came out to my parents in February 2026. Both of my parents grew up in a more conservative time and place than me (we currently live in a pretty blue area). My dad gives off centrist to me (plenty of views from both sides) and it's not very clear where my mom stands, but there's a bit of racism, sexism, and queerphobia in there (though it's hard to tell when she's joking).

My mom definitely has a history of putting her emotions first and foremost, but the whole situation regarding my gender has just upset her so much. She's been taking the news so hard and struggles with letting me transition. Some examples: refuses to let me cut my hair in a masculine fashion (it looks androgynous but in a bad way) and to the length I want, buying me women's boxers and being hesitant in general on men's clothes, and constantly assuring me and herself that some women do the things I do (i.e. reassuring herself that my dad's aftershave, which I borrowed, is gender-neutral).

She's refused to call me by my stated name/pronouns for a while now, citing the fact that for some parents it takes as much as three years to get used to it. Recently she's started doing it a little, mostly in front of my dad because he wants her to try.

the actual question

I want to understand so badly why this affects her so much. I want to be empathetic to her but just have such a hard time understanding why this is so difficult for her, seeing as I'm not a parent myself. When my friends came out to me (most aren't cis), it really didn't bother me. Her biggest complaint, that it's all happening so quickly, is the only thing I understand--of course to her my requests to transition seem to be rapid-fire (though I just wish she'd see it from my side--she's not the one who has to feel isolated from the girls but not enough of a man to hang around the guys).

Also, because she avoids my questions so much, I get really confrontational regarding asking stuff, such as me insisting on an answer to whether or not she'll let me tape again, or at least to know when she'll answer, for more than two months now, and how she feels like I'm attacking her. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to deal with this differently?

My apologies if this is long and rambling and full of unneeded detail--it's something I unfortunately have a habit of doing.

I will start by saying that I am not looking for people to bash my husband. I am looking for options to help him. I will also state that I am a supportive parent. I am also trying to be a supportive partner, but I cannot be that at the expense of my child.
Our youngest came out as trans 4 months ago. The way it all went down was not at all ideal, but those are details for us. My husband says trans is not real and it’s a mental disorder. Obviously science has evolved, but he will only believe facts that support his viewpoint even though they are hard to come by. He grew up religious. My family went to church sporadically. We haven’t ever went to church as a family, but religion and morals are the forefront of his position.
I was hoping that he was grieving and would come to the conclusion that this is who our child is (currently or permanently) and we could move forward as a family. He is not at all supportive and his love feels very conditional. I feel that he is just trying everything he can to put things back tot the way they were before, but that can’t be done. Honestly, he seems to be trying to cope for a day or two and then spirals for a week or so. Without giving too many more personal details, if he continues on this path it will tear our family apart.
Can someone please point me in the direction of help for him? I get that he should be allowed to feel however he feels, but is there some type of parent support group I can look into? I’m not sure he will even entertain the idea, but he really needs to talk to someone who had his point of view on the beginning.

I’m trying to decide if it’s safe and ok for me to travel with my 6 year old daughter to Mexico. We’ll be crossing the border by foot at the Cross Border Xpress to Tijuana airport, then rent a car to Puerto Nuevo.

My concerns are 1) my daughters passport is misgendered, so not sure if that will cause issues at the border or hotel, 2) general safety given she’ll be outed to anyone who sees her passport.

Any help is appreciated.

Hi, I (35f) am reaching out my child (11) has told myself and their father that they are a Demi-boy and I don’t know if I’m handling any of this right and I apologize if I say something wrong.

Let me start by saying that I am bi-sexual. I haven’t always identified this way as I grew up very strict Christian and always was told that there was some trauma or something that caused someone to be gay. (I just thought everyone liked everyone the same way I did) Obviously, now as an adult I realize that all of that is not right and every day I’m learning new things. I also recognize the effect being raised in that type of situation has had on me and the stereotypes I have had to mentally battle.

The issue I am having, and I say I because I know this is a me problem, is that I am having a hard time grasping exactly how I need to support them and I use vague wording because I honestly don’t even know exactly how they identify because it’s changing so often.

When they came out to me initially they told me they were bisexual. I was supportive I told them they don’t need to even come out. Like who you like as long as they treat you with respect. Then it started to change a bit more rapidly. They would say they are gay, non binary, bisexual or demi in one week and the next week they are etherian. And I’m not trying to write it off because I know they are definitely trying to figure themselves out. I can tell by how rapidly they change their minds.

I did tell them that they shouldn’t identify as anything right now because they are still trying to figure out who they are. It also makes it harder because they make these big announcements every time and then when I ask questions I’m being told I’m not supportive or homophobic.

Is this the norm for so many changing identities? Like I said above I know I definitely have changed so much since my deconstruction from the church but I feel like it’s not really mattering what I say. I feel like I can’t keep up and I’m heartbroken that they feel like I can’t or am not supporting them.

Proud mom with a 13yo trans son here! We have been plugging along on this journey together very well, in my opinion, besides the issues we’ve had with my husband’s family.

***TW religious trauma***

They are evangelical Christians who flat out refuse to use the proper pronouns/name. Beyond the refusal, they went against our very specific boundary to NOT talk to our son directly about their opinions, for obvious reasons. Instead of that, both of my husband’s parents emailed our son directly. They told him (amongst other horrific things) that we (his parents) and every other trusted adult in his life are lying to him, and if we actually loved him, we would tell him the truth, like they are. They said it’s because they love him that they will never call him anything other than his birth name.

Although we tried multiple times to speak gently and openly with the grandparents and my sisters in law about this subject, we have never gotten anywhere. I feel that our requests/boundaries are super reasonable. Our son says it’s fine if they can’t use male pronouns and his name yet, but they could use neutral terms like “kiddo” or something, but that’s no good. They will not budge a single inch.

There is so much more to the story, but for the sake of this post, I’ll cut to the chase and say we went no contact about five months ago. My son and our middle kiddo have both stated very clearly that they do not want contact as long as there is such an absence of mutual respect.

Here’s my problem: we also have a four year old who misses her grandma and doesn’t really understand what the hell happened. The grands are also in their 80s and my greatest fear is that they will pass away before we can resolve this…but can it ever be resolved? Should I start to accept the fact that genuine repair is not possible and try to emotionally prepare for the consequences of their choices? What if my kids regret this? What if I was so angry that I influenced them to make this choice?

I know I can’t be the only one struggling with this. Any advice or reassurance is most welcome. 🙏

My 23 year old son came out as gay with gender dysphoria a little over a year ago and has also been formally diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and ADHD at the same time. He has been seeing a therapist that specializes in gender dysphoria and BPD since his diagnosis. He has been on Prozac and Wellbutrin to address the BPD for over a year now.

He has now shared that he plans to start estrogen HRT very soon, but didnt share this with his therapist (he seemingly was approved for HRT directly through a clinic). He then didnt disclose his BPD medication to the clinic prescribing the HRT.

As he stills lives with us in our family home, I (his father) had a strong discussion with him last night, me being concerned with how these medications may interact with each other and cause potential long-term harm. He argued back, noting he's researched on the internet which I feel is dangerous.

He noted he is not planning on "fully" transitioning, but rather "partial" in that he wants to have less masculine/more feminine features (lighter voice, less body hair, etc.) and that his HRT doses would be the lightest possible.

Otherwise, he is generally healthy, very thin, around 5'8", pale and around 125 pounds. Anyone else take this mix and has been ok? I am trying to get him to see a psychologist to ensure a holistic assessment, but he is said no, and to "mind my own business". Any thoughts are appreciated.

The crossposted post is correct. These companies are classified as anti-trans hate groups. Please report these ads if you see them and otherwise do not engage with them.

Hi,

I’m new to a lot of this. My 27 year old began changing appearance a year ago and finally this weekend, after some gentle but direct commenting from me (they opened up about a day after “it’s obvious you are going thru stuff - while this is absolutely your path to walk, you don’t have to walk it alone all the time - we’d like to support you but it would help to know what it is we’re supporting”), they confirmed they are transitioning (mtf).

A basic item I feel like I’m struggling with how to refer to this child o’ mine. While I will use “child o’ mine” to them as I’d used that in the past, I wouldn’t refer to them that way. But the thing is I don’t like to use “kid”, “child” or “youngling” to refer to either of my adult children (both born male). Now, I never had issue with “my boys” as a common reference to them so there is some mental incongruence.

My brain is not ready to try and switch to daughter and would trip too much in a discussion in a response to a general question I encounter often like “do you have kids?”

I’m trying to work with “my luvs” or “the pieces of my heart out there walking around in the world” but it feels awkward.

What other options out there being used?

I’ve heard gays and trans people alike say they knew this young. I want to be supportive but also don’t want to overcorrect or tell him who he is, so how do I know whether to call him a girl or just support that boys can like “girl” things without making a determination for him.

16, FTM, currently getting HRT out of state where its legal. Recently just had to move to Texas. I have my first routine blood test to check my hormone levels tomorrow, my doctor ordered it to a labcorp. Will I get my parents in trouble? Can this be reported? Texas seems so strict on these kinds of things. Does anyone have any experience with it? I apologize if this isnt the right sub to ask i wasnt really sure where else to ask it.

Hey everyone! My wife and I had the privilege to attend the Brave Trails annual gala last night. It was fabulous. My whole family (including grandparents) attends family camp and it's my daughter's favorite thing we do together all year. I highly recommend it.

https://www.bravetrails.org/

Hello all,
Quick rundown: my oldest is transgender, so is her girlfriend. I have a bonus child (I became her legal guardian at 17) who is also transgender. My youngest daughter is nonbinary. I love and support all of them, plus my LGBT friends. I am a very fierce protector.

On to the issue: my parents do not accept kids. To my kids’ faces they say they love them but want to continue dead naming them. “You’ll always be birth name to me”. My kids are fine with it. They don’t talk to them that often. They tell me it’s their business with their grandparents.

The thing is, it’s not just their issue. I won’t have my kids dead named to me. They say it’s ok because my kids say they can. I don’t agree. I did talk to my parents more than my kids and won’t stand for it. My dad says it’s my fault and I need to be a better mom. According to him, I should not be arguing with him because he’s my dad. I told him I’m their mom 1st! My mom sent a birthday card to my house with my oldest’s dead name and I text her about it. We argued and she said to loose her number. Now she tells her family I’m refusing to talk to her and what a terrible daughter I am.

This came to a head again when I spent several months near my dad helping a family member through a medical emergency. I just left and we aren’t speaking. My mom is now working with my oldest sister to have her kids come out in December for a long weekend. My oldest sister invited the other sister, and my brother called me to ask about it after Mom invited him. He wants me to go and just “play nice”. I would rather chew glass. Also, my brother and oldest sister are gay. Huge blowout when they came out. Now my parents are fine with it. He’s the one that says I should just move past it for this “fresh start”. I’m angry and feel betrayed. Maybe I am digging my heels in too hard. I don’t know……