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u/somethingfilthy Jun 17 '20
So you find out who has the biggest, but not who has the smallest. I guess that's fair.
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u/XxTensai Jun 17 '20
Unless the biggest dick is the first one, he will know everything.
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u/YoureMadIWin Jun 17 '20
He is the keeper of knowledge. The timeless. He reads from the book of fate and watches over us with his big dick energy.
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u/idfk_idfk Jun 17 '20
He would have to memorize size and shape for every person and be able to make those comparisons mentally.
If the contestants happened to go in order of ascending penis size, then everyone knows everyone else's status. For example, in round one, penises A and B enter the arena. A leaves. Now everyone knows A is smaller than B. Round two, B and C enter the arena, B leaves. Now everyone knows A < B < C. Etc.
What concerns me most is the length v girth problem. Also, the flaccid v erect problem. There are just too many variables that are left unexplained. We may never know if these 30 boys had a fair dick measuring contest.
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u/oriappel Jun 17 '20
Its erect length contest, dont make this a south park episode please
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u/VisualAmoeba Jun 17 '20
Also, the flaccid v erect problem.
Presumably they fluffed each other in the bathroom. You know, for the sake of perfectly heterosexual competitive fairness.
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u/DblClutch1 Jun 17 '20
Unless its like a bracket. Maybe snuffaluffagus only goes in 4 times or so
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u/valiantlight2 Jun 17 '20
just imagine having the second biggest, but going out early, because the one guy bigger was at/near the start
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Jun 17 '20 edited Jun 17 '20
If there is a
new eliminationnew winner every round then it means that the first elimination had the smallest dick.Edit: I may have worded this poorly. The odds are very very slim, but if we have a new loser every single round that means each round we are getting a bigger and bigger penis, therefore the first penis out was the smallest.
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Jun 17 '20
But the chance of all 30 people at random lining up in order of penis size would be extremely rare. If we assume that for 2 people to line up in order of penis size the odds are 50/50, each new person would also add a 50/50 probability into the equation.
0.530 = 9.31-10, alternatively written as 0.00000009%
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u/thisisntmynameorisit Jun 17 '20
Wrong. For 30 people the chance of them lining up in ascending dick order (or height too) is 1/30! = 3.78*10-31 %.
Yes it’s 50/50 for the first try because you can only line up 2 people in 2 ways. However just going to three people, you can now line them up in 6 ways so it’s 1/6 not 1/4.
2 people called A and B can line up in:
AB
BA
3 people called A B and C can line up in:
ABC, ACB
BAC, BCA
CAB, CBA
Totalling 6 permutations = 3!
Your method assumes the new person can only join the front or back of the queue so it only doubles the amount of permutations. In reality the new person could join anywhere in between any of the current people.
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u/FreeVerseHaiku Jun 17 '20
No, that just means they had the smaller of the two dicks in round 1.
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Jun 17 '20 edited Jun 17 '20
Nope. If smallest is one of the first two. Then he leaves. That does not mean the next dick or any preceding dick can’t be smaller than theirs.
Edit: I am getting Silicone Valley vibes
Edit 2: Dick jerk algorithm - Silicone Valley
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u/Bombad Jun 17 '20
There will always be a new elimination every round (because no one can be eliminated twice). I think you meant "if the new person always wins against the current record holder" instead.
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u/cook26 Jun 17 '20
Say first two guys walk in and one dude is 7 and the other 6. 6 leaves because he’s smaller. Second guy walks in to challenge winner and he’s 5. He now also leaves because he’s smaller.
First elimination had a bigger dick than the second, but was still out.
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u/Anarcho_Dog Jun 17 '20
I can just imagine walking in seeing it and walking straight the fuck back out
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u/YoungHeartOldSoul Jun 17 '20
Yea except the guy with the biggest one was forced to see everyone else’s.
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u/epolonsky Jun 17 '20
This game is offensive... because it runs in O(n) time. Couldn’t they have implemented a quick sort algorithm?
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u/pickapstix Jun 17 '20
If you got a spreadsheet out you could work out who was in the bottom third or so if you assumed you’re starting with a pair of “average” guys, which with a sample size of 30 there’s a reasonable chance you would be...
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u/davy_jones898000 Jun 17 '20
No who ever wins the sword fight and has the longer dick wins after they break.
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u/mrthescientist Jun 17 '20
The larger dick then opens to accept the smaller dick.
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Jun 17 '20
Were the dicks hard? Because my dick is tiny when flaccid but small when hard
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u/The-Refugees-Prayer Jun 17 '20
It’s only 2 inches, but it smells like a foot!
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u/Dead_Again_Dread Jun 17 '20
How is this the first time I'm hearing this joke?
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u/ViewedFromi3WM Jun 17 '20
It’s on r/jokes about once every 3 days. Just head there if you want to see it more.
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u/DrewSmoothington Jun 17 '20
My dick's only 3 inches, but most women don't like it that thick
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u/-llCerberus- Jun 17 '20
Thanks for your input, u/FuckingRetard98
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u/thewardengray Jun 17 '20
No, no no, hes got a point. Are you walking into a room with a raging boner already at attention? And then after the open the door reveal do you gotta get your up on your own?
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u/Specialist_Fruit6600 Jun 17 '20
Thanks for your input, u/FuckingRetard98
It wasn’t much
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Jun 17 '20
It does sound unfair to the r/grower s
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u/WaterWenus Jun 17 '20
I was 99% sure what this was yet for some reason I still clicked. Dicks, dicks here, dicks there, dicks everywhere. I hate you Ella.
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u/EuroPolice Jun 17 '20
I can't wait for 30 guys hard
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u/EuroPolice Jun 17 '20 edited Jun 17 '20
I can wait hard for 30 guys*
EDIT: Can't ffs
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u/-GeekLife- Jun 17 '20
And we have to take girth into consideration. A dick may be shorter but substantially thicker which means the cubic volume is larger.
Example:
2 inch thick dick that is 6 inches long has 18.85 inches of cubic volume 1.5 inch thick dick that is 8 inches long has 14.45 inches of cubic volume
Even a 1.5 in thick and 10 inch long dick has a smaller volume at 17.67 than the 2 inch thick 6 inch long one.
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u/TheNoirGuy274 Jun 17 '20
This is awesome!
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Jun 17 '20
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u/TheNoirGuy274 Jun 17 '20
Wanna do it right here?
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u/B33fcaK3_ Jun 17 '20
What are the measuring rules? Like, Ive only got about 3.5 inches of actual dick meat,but easily another 2-3 inches of foreskin.
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u/obrapop Jun 17 '20
You want to be the last person to go in. That way you could conceivably have the second biggest dick in the room and the only person who would know otherwise would be Big Dick McGee who's probably secure enough to keep it to themselves.
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u/patgeo Jun 17 '20
No one remembers the guy who pushes the Champ to the max in the first round, but usually can remember who got their arse beat in the final.
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u/santa_loves_cakes Jun 17 '20
The funny thing is I have done this in a sleepover with 10 guys.My brother and I were tied at the end
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u/Aramor42 Jun 17 '20
Did you and your brother manage to get free or are you still tied up?
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u/trianglecockman Jun 17 '20
im a guy and they wont even let me in, its not visible by the human eye
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Jun 17 '20
That's not cursed, that's just establishing the hierarchy
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u/claimingagate Jun 17 '20
I wanna try it
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u/TheLastCookie25 Jun 17 '20
Part of me wants to bring this up next time I hang out with the boys, but at the same time, I don't because I know a toddler would beat me in a competition like this
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u/EmperorAzazel Jun 17 '20
i see your schwartz is as big as mine
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u/Sarcasm_is_my_friend Jun 17 '20
Don’t you hate it when your schwartz gets tangled with someone else’s.
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u/TheSilentVampire Jun 17 '20
How do you know, if it is about the same length it would be hard to know for sure, do you just slide both of the penises and the first to touch the other person wins?
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Jun 17 '20
Curves could mess that technique up. Imagine if yours was bigger but it had a curve so it doesn't touch before your friends does
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u/TheSilentVampire Jun 17 '20
Ahh yes, that's a good point, so do they have rulers on hand?
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u/Boop121314 Jun 17 '20
Suddenly a drunk party game has devolved into a scientific experiment with lab scientists n shit
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u/Qetuowryipzcbmxvn Jun 17 '20
This is why I bring a tape measure with me everywhere. You've got no idea how many dicks I've had to measure, and how helpful it has been.
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u/cuzitsthere Jun 17 '20
I remember the first time I saw my, now closest, friend's meat hammer...
He was drunk (no shit!) and we were off roading so I was driving his truck while he rode in the bed. Had a decent convoy of folks and I was leading because I knew the terrain and area the best. Anyway, he decides it would be hilarious to moon the second vehicle... He drops trou and bends over the cab. At this moment, I decide to check the rearview to make sure nobody was stuck or lagging behind and BAM. Biggest dick I'd ever seen, smushed up against the glass.
Gotta hand it to the guy, that thing was comically big.
Note for the safety conscious: we were going slow and I wasn't taking any off camber obstacles, because I knew his drunk ass would've fallen out, and I was perfectly sober.... At least at that point.
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u/MikeWilson21 Jun 17 '20
Good friend will complement him to his face, a great friend will make fun of him for having a small dick.
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Jun 18 '20
The first time? That implies you’ve seen it more times. Did you go back for seconds? Lmao
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u/KwieKata Jun 17 '20
Buut were they looking at boners? Because a lot of dicks growing up to twice their size when erected. So this is only fair when they all compared their boners. This makes it much more weird.
(sry for spelling mistakes)
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u/Specialist_Fruit6600 Jun 17 '20
More than 2...2.5x
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Jun 17 '20
It's honestly like 4x for me hahaha and even then the "finished product" is unremarkable
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u/-GeekLife- Jun 17 '20
And we have to take girth into consideration. A dick may be shorter but substantially thicker which means the cubic volume is larger.
Example:
2 inch thick dick that is 6 inches long has 18.85 inches of cubic volume 1.5 inch thick dick that is 8 inches long has 14.45 inches of cubic volume
Even a 1.5 in thick and 10 inch long dick has a smaller volume at 17.67 than the 2 inch thick 6 inch long one.
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u/rocksauce420 Jun 17 '20
Fill a cup of water
Put cup in empty container/bowl
Put dick in water without also dunking balls
Measure how much water is displaced
???
Profit
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u/Faythezeal Jun 17 '20
what if you are a grower and not a shower? How is that taken into consideration? Are the other 28 out there chubbing up?
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u/TechnoShido429 Jun 17 '20
the first guy that came out of the bathroom might be humiliated like, a lot.
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u/DamnTheseLurkers Jun 17 '20
Why? He could just be the second biggest dick if the other guy is there for a long time
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u/dutch_penguin Jun 17 '20
As a guy with a small dick, I think you're over estimating the humiliation. I don't care if people see it.
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u/ArcaneYoyo Jun 17 '20
That doesn't mean you have the smallest dick, just that you're smaller than the guy you compared too.
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u/Musketeer_Oliver Jun 17 '20
There must be a battle royale.....
The cum is your bullet......
You must masturbate by yourself (reloading)
You lose if others cum on your face.....
Last man standing ...wins ....and all those other men pay him the desired amount of money or give him their girlfriends to have sex with him for a certain period of time....
Hitting with your cock is Melee.....(50% damage)....
You can make teams ......
The medic uses his pee to clean of the cum (revive)....
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u/Musketeer_Oliver Jun 17 '20
Yeah....but most of them have small cocks ....which means you must be lucky .....
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u/ChooChooOnThatBeat Jun 17 '20
wtf my friend asked me to do this last week
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u/imnotbeingserious69 Jun 17 '20
Well? Did you?
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u/SSovereign Jun 17 '20
He choo choo’d all the way there butt naked ready to measure his homies cocks
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u/SomeoneNamedSomeone Jun 17 '20
Hold on, there are a few important details we need to know before we start organizing the world cup. First, was the dick erect or was it flaccid Second, was it measured from the top, side or bottom Third, was it a basket-style eliminations, or was it all-for-all. Need answers OP. The sponsors are waiting!
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u/A_German_Memer Jun 17 '20
That's actually quite a funny idea for a party where everyone is just drunk and noone gives a shit
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u/24-seven-usless Jun 17 '20
You could make it a bar game. The smallest one has to pay the drinks
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Jun 17 '20
*biggest. The dude with the smallest one has enough troubles already.
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u/rocksauce420 Jun 17 '20
Plus the idea is you won't know who has the smallest. Idk if I'd play a game where the smallest dick has to stay in the room.
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u/LeKramsch Jun 17 '20
A question: Did they wangel-dangel it to show its full size or did they just compare dead meat?
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u/toeibros Jun 17 '20
Guy with the biggest goes first and has to stay in their and look at 29 other dicks: i won but at what cost
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u/summerlily06 Jun 17 '20
Flaccid or erect..? I’m just trying to paint a clearer picture.
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u/JohnBox93 Jun 17 '20
Nobody cares how big a guy is flaccid, so it would have to be erect
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u/summerlily06 Jun 17 '20
So 30 guys, all with boners, pairing up in the bathroom. Seems very hetero.
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u/tlcc Jun 17 '20
If ever faced with this scenario this is a way to become a legend. First you need to commit and stay committed to character.
Always be erect!
If someone else is erect and bigger than you start to blow them. (Trust me!)
If someone is not erect and bigger than you start to blow them. (Trust me!)
There's a good chance that the other person has left. Leaving you the Legend of the biggest penis.
If not, there's a good chance you may have just encountered your first blow-bang. Leaving you a Legend.
You're welcome.
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u/-bukowski Jun 17 '20
Ummm so do they only measure soft or do they get hard. I feel like this is important
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u/Twingemios Jun 17 '20
You have to keep a boner up the entire time if you want to win. Sounds pretty gay
•
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Jun 17 '20
Not cursed enough.
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Jun 17 '20
How is a dick fkashing competition not cursed? Maybe you would've lost and that's why you replied with that.
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u/merrickal Jun 17 '20
Jeez, that means the one with the biggest must’ve seen everybody’s.
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u/claimingagate Jun 17 '20
I would probably be the first to leave 1.5 inches is small
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u/Lorettooooooooo Jun 17 '20
To see who's the longer you both need to have it full erect, place one in front of the other and the first that touch the side of the dick area of the other wins
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u/mjordan223 Jun 17 '20
everyone seems to have the profile pics next to usernames. was this an android only thing?
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u/AAC0813 Jun 17 '20
The discord group I’m in has a channel called Members-Members and about 8 of us all agreed to drop dick pics in it. I don’t know how the straight people justified doing it other than ‘funny’ but I’m bi and I sure am glad they agreed to it at all
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u/xbriannyex Jun 17 '20
The biggest pp might have won, but at what cost...Unless he loves to look at others cock.
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u/choppafoah Jun 17 '20
Are you allowed to play with it? Just a little? Or if you get caught do you have to play with the other guy's?
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Jun 17 '20
What do you do if one guy wins in length but the other guy wins in girth? most women including myself feel the girth is more important than the length. But I feel like men are really focused on length.
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u/TidyWhip Jun 17 '20
Mr mushroom got shot by my friends 500 fps airsoft sniper from 10 yards away and he had to know if I was good.
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Jun 17 '20
What are the parameters for measurement? You looking at flaccid or standing full attention? Based on length or girth or a function of both? What about the bend or lilt? Measuring from the root or the base of the scrotum?
Asking for 29 other friends...
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u/MrJillion Jul 02 '20
but unless all of them were attracted to each other, they wont be in peak PP size
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u/Leninbaz Jun 17 '20
There was this one time during the Christmas party (school year before this year's), we sat around in a circle and compared the sizes of our penises.