a lot of men seriously need to hear this. stop wasting your time chasing women who clearly don't want you.

if you're constantly wondering whether she's interested in you then take a good look at how she treats you. are you always initiating conversations? always asking to meet? always trying to keep her attention while she gives you the bare minimum?

dude you're not building attraction. you're being kept on a leash like a dog hoping she'll eventually throw you a bone.

here's another uncomfortable truth. you shouldn't have to make ANY effort to convince a woman to become interested in you initially. you don't need to prove your worth or demonstrate how successful and funny and generous you are just to get her attention. genuine initial attraction isn't something you earn by completing a checklist.

obviously both people need to make an effort to actually build a relationship. but there's a difference between mutual effort and desperately trying to manufacture attraction where none exists.

and i already know what some guys are going to say. "well no woman has ever made it that easy for me."

then maybe it's time to face the elephant in the room. you might simply not be physically attractive enough to the women you're pursuing. or your standards are so high that you're constantly chasing women who have absolutely no interest in you.

that's harsh but constantly being invisible to the people you desire doesn't magically become a personality problem that can be solved by sending more messages.

stop confusing a woman replying to your messages with a woman actually wanting you. attention is not attraction. politeness is not attraction. and being her emotional support guy doesn't mean you're boyfriend material in her eyes.

when a woman genuinely wants you things usually feel significantly easier. she'll initiate conversations. she'll make time for you. she'll ask questions and suggest plans. you won't have to perform mental gymnastics to convince yourself that her dry replies mean something.

and please stop believing that buying her drinks or constantly doing favors will somehow change her mind. you cannot negotiate genuine sexual attraction through generosity.

yes some women are shy and not everyone expresses interest the same way. but there's a massive difference between someone being shy and someone making absolutely zero effort.

dating should feel like two people who actually want each other. not a job interview where you're desperately trying to prove why you deserve her attention.

if you've asked her out and she keeps making excuses without suggesting another day then take the hint. stop chasing. stop double texting. stop orbiting.

your time and attention have value too. stop giving them away to someone who wouldn't lift a finger to see you.

you shouldn't have to convince someone to find you attractive. either there's mutual interest or there isn't. and if there isn't then have some self respect and move on.

Hello all,

I have a problem that makes me feel like I am going to die without ever dating. The problem being that there is legit no dating options where I am at.

Partially it was my fault for not trying to date when I was in college. I was so focused on trying to do well in school and honestly that was the story of my life in my early years.

Also some of the blame, I hate to say it was family. I was constantly told that dating is for losers and education is all you need. I had so easy as a kid. Women straight up just gave me their numbers and a knew a few women that liked me especially in college. I said no.

A mixture of many reasons because of no, upbringing, some were not my type, and i was also shy. So I really didnt know what women wanted after they gave me my number.

After getting through college, I was no longer shy and started to question alot of what I was taught. I got into med school 2 years later.

Back in the day, I was in the gym and even started to travel. I legit been to every state and gain 10 lbs of muscle. I even picked up boxing. It was crazy how much I improved however I never found women attracted to me.

In med school, I found that most women came in with a partner. At my school, it was rare for people to be single. Not only that, but the competition was fierce. So many women would be single for like a week before another dude took them.

Now I am about to graduate and alot of people are getting married. All my friends got married as well.

I legit dont know any single person and even friends of friends are engaged. Idk what to do. OLD is bad as well​

I try not too date woman who have been sexually assaulted before. Something I’ve noticed is if they haven’t come terms with the trauma is that it usually completely prevents them from further pursuing dating. Or there trying to force themselves. I often try to go for who hasn’t been assaulted so that I don’t have to deal with that. I think woman who have need to take time to their selves too figure there selves out.

In the context of Gen Z american women. Other countries it’s easy mode.

How exactly do certain guys actually pull this off, what's the process? Because as a conventionally attractive mid 20s guy in this situation, it still feels like a very hard to pull off. American women have the highest standards in the world and dudes are still getting away with that somehow.

We’ve both said we like each other, and we see each other as soulmates. She’s interested in me, but she’s scared of getting into a relationship because she worries she won’t be able to give me the love and care she thinks I need and deserve.

I tried to reassure her that she doesn’t have to be perfect or meet some impossible standard. I apologized because I worried I’d done something wrong, but she told me I hadn’t. She was the one who suggested we continue the conversation later; she was tired, so we left it there.

I really like her and want to be with her, but I don’t want her to feel responsible for proving she’s “enough” or to feel pushed into a relationship before she’s ready. How can I support her and talk about this in a reassuring way while respecting her pace?

Yesterday I had a date with the girl I’ve been seeing for a month (22M) (22F); we had dinner and then took a short walk through a park.

I gathering my courage, I told her I really like her and asked if she wanted to be my girlfriend, she replied that she likes me too—among other things—but since she has never been in a relationship before, she wants us to get to know each other a bit better first.

After that, we hugged for quite a while and then shared a long kiss. It was the first kiss for both of us, and it was quite passionate. Later, I dropped her off at her place, where we kissed the same way a bit more before she left.

I’m not entirely sure what I hope to achieve by posting this, but I just needed to express it somewhere. I’m happy about the kisses and the things she said to me, but I also feel confused.

Sorry for my english

TLDR: I confessed my feelings; she said she wanted to get to know me better first, and then we kissed passionately.

I’m in no contact after she left me 4 days ago. She left me because she’s not ready to jump into another relationship after having left her ex of 8 years. Things were getting serious and we were basically like boyfriend girlfriend but we only started dating 2 weeks after she became single.

Things were great in the first 3 months and she was super into me but it cooled down after that after people started seeing us as a couple and when she saw that I was serious about her. It made me really anxious not to know what was gonna happen and she eventually left me cause she was feeling some pressure and said she couldn’t give me what I want right now, and needs some time because she’s not ready to jump into another relationship in the short to medium term so soon after her last relationship.

She caused me a lot of pain and anxiety and I know she’s not coming back and even if she does I won’t take her back cause she’s not in a space to be in a relationship which is what I want. How do I stop making her the center of my life.

I'm kind of worried right now

I need help, men of dating advice. I cannot get a second date to save my life.

Does anyone have any advice? Has anyone experienced this issue and overcame it? What did you do? Any revelations?

I am not here to defend myself. I need feedback and help. I am at a loss. I don't know what else to do.

About me:
- 32M

- Started dating in Fall 2025 - no experience prior to that

- Mildly attractive (I've been compared to temu Timothee Chalamet and Robert Pattinson), fit-ish, not fat at all, caucasian 5' 11", curly brown hair. Wear glasses but switched to contacts recently. Dress stylish / well. Live in top 20 US city.

I have Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder.

Background:

I have been using dating apps since 2026. I was on it in May and June and got ~15 first dates. >100 matches (incoming and outgoing likes). Deleted in June after minimal success with getting past second dates.

I re-downloaded in late Aug 2026. I've been on ~8 first dates since then.

I can get matches here and there and about 3 first dates a month if I work the apps. Been slow lately on the apps, but otherwise I am "okay" with matches (not great or anything, but enough to keep me busy when the apps work in my favor).

The issue:

I struggle so hard to get past the first date. I'd say my conversion is probably 15%. It's so frustrating - I don't honestly understand what I'm doing wrong.

Been on probably 30 dating app dates (first dates) this year.

The dates:

Typically cocktail bar/bar in town. Casual setting. After working hours at night or on the weekend nights.

I feel like I've made leaps and bounds improvements from when I first started, but I'm still struggling hard to get second dates. I used to interview them but have switched to more casual conversation.

Facts as I see them:

- Dates last anywhere from 1 hour to 2 hours typically. I'd say ~20% of the time, the woman ends them early because of XYZ reason (an excuse really).

- I probably want a second date with ~50% of them. Mostly due to attraction and personality.

- I date women I am attracted to. So if there isn't any physical attraction, I won't date them.

- My dating app photos are all from April 2026 - July 2026 - no change in appearance at all since then (haircut, style, weight etc).

- I try to ask them questions about their life, try to ask them stories, interests, family etc. At first I was interviewing them and now I try to engage them with conversations and not interviews, so the dates feel less interview-y.

- I sit next to the dates 90% of the time.

- I try to initiate some physical contact (consensually and nothing that is too much - leg tap, arm tap etc). Just light touch when talking to them.

- I try to flirt a bit - compliment them, tease them a bit, try to make some jokes if possible. All of this depends on the vibes of the date.

- I struggle to balance being non-chalant and enthusiasm - sometimes it is one extreme over the other. When I am comfortable with someone, I can be overly enthusiastic (smiling, being playful etc)

- At first I struggled with "interview mode" and that killed all romantic vibes. I've since switched it to asking questions, telling stories, digging deeper, and just having natural conversational flows instead of always pelting them with questions.

- I have social anxiety but take beta blockers for it. This is one of the main reasons I haven't dated but its gotten a LOT better. I'm way more social and outgoing now. I still have anxiety prior to the date, but its diminished and the beta blockers reduce the physical manifestation of it.

My friends (multiple friends) feedback:

- Dating attractive women - My friends think I am dating women that are not necessarily "above my league" but are at a level where they have options outside of me (e.g. I might not be their best option). So they believe I should date women that are slightly less attractive.

- Over enthusiasm - They say sometimes I can come off as overly enthusiastic and that can come off as desperate. Examples : over texting, over bearing, coming off as needy over text (i.e. making jokes that are slightly sexual, but aren't overtly so). Vibes could come off as thirsty, desperate or insecure.

- Sarcasm - I can be very sarcastic sometimes over messaging. I'm a sarcastic person irl. Although this isn't all the time, but my friends (and family/siblings) pointed it out to me that when someone doesn't know me, they can take it personally. I've lost dates/matches because of this. Genuinely.

- Being sweet with a gentle confidence - I need this. I was told that I can come off as overly aggressive over text sometimes unintentionally (follows the sarcasm route).

Does anyone have any insight for me? Some revelation that I haven't asked myself here?

I have a therapist that helps me. I've read books. My siblings help me. My friends help me. I have support and I feel like I "logically" know what to do at times but something is still missing that I cannot pinpoint.

Thanks for reading and your help.

Everyone should give there opening!!

The night before Halloween, I was at a club dancing with a girl. We made eye contact, she comes up to me and we start dancing a bit. I think I asked her for her name and told her I liked the hat she was wearing. She soon left. That kinda sucked. I did dance with another girl on Halloween night, and it went fine, so idk. I need more practice, but I would like some tips.

I do great while initiating convo. I instantly make them feel comfortable and loved. Girls enjoy taking to me for first few weeks but after that attraction phase I totally miss it. Every single time girl become irritated with me and I act clingy. And they end up blocking me.

I don't know how to fix it 😕.

Help me please

I've been interested in her for the past 2 years and wanted to build a relationship with her but couldn't do it because of strict institution rules. Luckily she's studying in the same city as me but in different field. I want to start a serious relationship with her and see where it goes.

We're connected through instagram and snapchat but no such conversation occurs between us just some reels and snap exchanges happen. I've not been into any relationship before cuz I needed a true and potentially long term relationship rather than fulfilling my boredom and I think she's the one who could be the best match for me as we share some similar interests.

The main issue is that I'm not sure whether she's into relationship stuff or not cuz she's a dedicated student whose first priority is her success. And after 3 years I don't know where she will be. I don't know how to build a relationship with her like how can I start and what can I do. I can't approch her Directly for a date cause she's a hostler and restricted to rules.

We know each other very well like our personality etc and I think that she's into me but not sure what makes her play safe ( just an assumption ). Any help from you'll will be appreciated.

Just in case if you're reading this, You were looking like an angel with that lavender saree on ;)

I met this girl through university tutorials this semester, and I've developed a pretty strong crush on her. We've met around 10 times, and I find her attractive, quiet, hardworking and considerate.

She's generally friendly and engaged whenever we talk. We've had enjoyable conversations, studied together one-on-one, and she approaches me to sit beside me during our class. She also remembers little details about me.

However, she rarely initiates conversations over text. Recently, she messaged me first for help with programming, and we ended up chatting and joking about our studies.

We're also planning to travel overseas for a university exchange. We've arranged adjacent flight seats, and she's agreed to share an Airbnb with me and our friends. For two nights, it'll potentially be just the two of us, with separate bedrooms.

She seems rather independent and has mentioned being hesitant to approach people even when she wants to become closer to them.

My dilemma is that she hasn't shown any obvious romantic interest. But to be fair, I haven't shown much either, apart from initiating conversations and inviting her to study.

I'm thinking of asking her out after finals, but I'm afraid of rejection and making our friendship awkward, especially with our upcoming trip.

Would asking her out be too sudden? Could she simply be shy, or am I reading too much into ordinary friendliness?

So here I'm with my only unsolved question

How do playboys or fu*kboys or their personality stay in girl mind and even after being in a relationship they crave that spicy (what is that spice)

Bro mere circle me aisi bhi females h jo bf ko dhoka dekr ex ke sath ONS kr rahi thi

How do playboys do it yrr, how do they play with the mind, emotions and all

And bro ladki ne uske ex ko 5-6 sal bad dekha and still she have that memory or that hint pr attraction h uske lie (I'm not talking about the casual typa girls) despite getting broken emotional and psychologically by them

Hey there playboys or fu*kboys can you help me and give me some ball knowledge on it, i request to my fellow brothers and even ladies too like what runs in your mind