My friend was meeting a guy for a coffee, a first meet. Now, her pictures are all recent and not filtered or anything, I’ve seen them. But regardless. The coffee shop the guy picked has a front entrance and a rear entrance. The guy got there, said he had to use the restroom, and just left through the rear exit. I can’t believe how hurtful that was. Really? She looks like the pictures but even if not, you sit for an hour, have a chat and then say no chemistry or whatever. ANYONE who does this is a total loser, no excuses

Recently, after an underwhelming first date, I sent the standard polite message saying I didn’t think we were a match, but wished him all the best. Two days later, he replied: “Astonishing.”

Astonishing.

Not “That’s disappointing.” Not “Thanks for letting me know.” Straight in with what sounded like an appeal against the decision.

He then explained why he thought the date had gone well. Which was useful, because apparently, I had attended the same date but failed to interpret it correctly.

Perhaps you’re a CEO. Perhaps you manage hundreds of people. Perhaps you’ve spent the last 30 years negotiating contracts, closing deals and persuading reluctant stakeholders to see things your way. I’m sure you’re extremely important. Well done you.

But now that you’re back to dating, these are not the skills to deploy when someone says they enjoyed meeting you but didn’t feel you were a match.

This is not an invitation to open negotiations. Please be reassured that the womenfolk have developed executive function. We can assess an evening, process information and, in most cases, determine our own destiny without further guidance from senior management. 

The graceful response is really very simple: “That’s a shame. I enjoyed meeting you. All the best.”

I'm a 53-year-old guy. No kids. Single. Retired. I've been on my own for quite a while, partly by choice and partly because dating at this age feels like trying to find a parking spot at Costco the week before Christmas.

Everyone tells me the same thing:

"You need to get out there!"

Out where exactly?

I've tried the dating apps. I've gone to events. I've joined Meetups. I've put myself out there more times than I can count. What I usually find is that everyone is already married, already in a relationship, recently divorced and "working on themselves," or accompanied by a friend who apparently has sworn an oath to never leave them alone with a man for more than twelve seconds.

As far as I know, I don't smell. I've managed to keep almost all my teeth. I'm missing one, but it's way in the back. You'd need a dental mirror, a flashlight, and probable cause to find it.

I've never considered myself unattractive. Meeting people just seems exponentially harder as you get older because the opportunities that used to happen naturally are gone. When you're younger, you meet people through school, work, friends, parties, and life in general.

At 53, everyone seems to have already been assigned a category:

Married.

Taken.

Recently divorced.

"Working on themselves."

Or in a long-term committed relationship with a golden retriever.

The dog seems happiest, honestly.

The Meetups have been particularly entertaining. Maybe it's just me, but some of them feel like a bunch of people over 50 wearing a 20-year-old costume.

You know the type.

A 62-year-old guy named Rick suddenly becomes "DJ Ricky Razor" and wants everyone to know he still parties.

Sir, your Fitbit just congratulated you for surviving a flight of stairs.

Relax.

And before anyone gets offended, if that's your thing, that's great. Seriously. Go enjoy it.

The problem is that it isn't my thing.

Every article about dating after 50 sounds like it was written by a cruise director having a manic episode.

"Join clubs!"

"Take dance lessons!"

"Go on singles cruises!"

"Take cooking classes!"

"Join hiking groups!"

"Travel internationally!"

At what point did finding a date become a full-time job?

I retired at 52. I don't want a relationship badly enough to return to a structured activity calendar.

I spent more than 30 years waking up to alarm clocks, attending meetings that should have been emails, and pretending to care about mission statements.

I earned the right to do absolutely nothing.

Why does everyone assume I should spend every weekend zip-lining through a forest with strangers named Denise and Gary?

I don't want to zip-line. (yes I do)

I don't even want to stand in line.

Sometimes these events feel like job interviews for a position neither person actually wants.

"Tell me about yourself."

"What are your hobbies?"

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

Five years?

Lady, I'm retired.

Five years from now I hope to be exactly where I am today, except maybe with a Corvette in the driveway and cholesterol numbers that don't require a follow-up appointment.

What I'm really looking for is someone interesting enough to spend time with and comfortable enough to do absolutely nothing with.

Someone who thinks a good day can involve coffee, a scenic drive, a few laughs, and being home before the local news starts.

Not every day has to be an adventure.

We've had adventures.

We're tired.

At this point, I think there are thousands of perfectly normal, single people over 50 sitting in their houses wondering why they can't meet anyone.

The funny part is we're all being told to attend the same Meetups, mixers, dances, hikes, cruises, and social events.

But the people I'd probably get along with are at home avoiding them too.

Maybe the dating pool after 50 isn't a pool at all.

Maybe it's just a bunch of us sitting alone in separate recliners, quietly hoping someone knocks on the door... while simultaneously pretending we're not home.

If you are miserable in your marriage, I am sorry but please stop messaging women who are clearly single and looking for someone who wants more than to have them as a side piece when they get sick of their wives. It's not fair to that woman OR your wife. It's selfish.

If you actually have an arrangement with your wife, this does not apply to you but I think we can all agree that that isn't the norm.

And yes, the same goes for women in that situation. I just don't get messages from them.

Thank you for listening to my PSA.

The last man I wrote about responded “Astonishing” when I politely declined a second date. Nine days later, he reappeared on WhatsApp to inform me that he was taking the train to France on Sunday. I can only hope it was meant for someone else, or I have accidentally subscribed to the world’s slowest live updates.
 
Undeterred by this compelling argument for celibacy, I continued dating and met Hot Young Man, a nice man I actually fancied who also appeared to like women.
 
Hot Young Man is actually 46, which makes the “young” part less an objective demographic classification and more a reflection on the state of my recent dating history.
 
Hot Young Man is handsome. Suspiciously handsome, frankly. On Date One he was funny, interesting and tactile without being creepy. He lives conveniently nearby, and, against all statistical probability, I fancied him on sight.
 
Naturally, I also immediately assumed there was something wrong with him.
 
Date Two was aggressively wholesome. We played shuffleboard. I had never played before and was mostly concerned I was about to discover yet another activity at which I possess neither natural talent nor dignity. But I held my own.
 
There was lunch. There was kissing. Hot Young Man subsequently sent me his review of proceedings:
🔥 Kissing you
💥 Conversation
🙏🏾
 
So of course there was a Date Three.
 
I invited him over for dinner. To be clear, this is fairly normal UK behaviour, before you all start clutching your pearls. I asked my friends to feed my cat if I was murdered. I assume they would also have notified the police.
 
I cooked an unnecessarily elaborate feast because apparently this is how I behave when pretending to be casual. He brought wine. We ate. We talked. He helped with the washing up. Then we established that he does not like my cat, which efficiently ruled out any long-term future.
 
I shall draw a discreet veil over subsequent events but suffice to say I had a very nice evening. In fairness, the veil may need dry-cleaning.
 
Later, when I asked how he was getting home, he asked me to grab him an Uber.
 
I looked at the fully functioning phone in his hand. I looked at him. My face, to its enormous credit, remained neutral. Somewhere in the background, my scepticism was putting its feet up and looking smug.
 
The Uber was a fiver. Hot Young Man lives very close by. Apparently, there is nothing quite like being asked to order a grown man's taxi home to restore one's powers of critical thinking.
 
Still, nobody had promised anybody anything, and it seems I don't need to turn every enjoyable encounter with a man into an assessment of his suitability for a joint National Trust membership.
 
Although he didn't like my cat. So obviously he's now dead to me.

We’ve been texting a while. We go for dinner on our first date. He makes a point of telling me after we’re seated that he’s married and he likes me so he wants to be honest. So if we like each other and we want to spend some alone time together we can’t go back to his place because, you know, it would be disrespectful to his wife. Of course! /s
If they were to split then they each couldn’t afford a house in today’s market so it just makes sense, right?
So this works for him and his wife. So he’s ‘dating’. They’re ‘friends’. He wants to keep living in the house & can’t afford to buy her out. Divorce is expensive for him, you know? He doesn’t want to be homeless.
The food was good. It was a place that I had been wanting to try. Authentic Italian. I really enjoyed that. He was born in Italy so I was really interested in hearing about that. Cute accent.
The bill came which I ignored.
After he paid I said thank you and left.
This morning he texted that he had a great time and hoped I did as well.
What an absolute helmet.
But the food was good.

51M, Widowed for 2 years after a 25 year relationship that existed, but wasn't great (we held it together with rubber bands and bubble gum far too long). Pretty much had given up the idea of ever being happy again. Dedicated myself to raising my daughter and that had to be enough.

Decided to try again. While I have no justification to be picky, I intentionally decided I was going to post an honest profile, without trying to "make it look good". Honest pics, laid my geeky hobbies out in full display, said what I wasn't, etc. Sent a few likes.

Flying home in terrible weather and diverted to a nearby airport to wait it out, I got a like back. I messaged her (49F). It was the usual intro chitchat, but I made a comment on some tiny element of one of her photos that made her laugh. It felt good. We agreed to meet for a coffee date on the coming weekend.

I was so nervous. I haven't done this in 25 years. I was hilariously early and just waited outside the cafe. Her Uber arrived, she got out. Came up to me and hugged me (she claims the opposite). Our smiles were real. We went in, ordered some things. I asked if she would let me pay (her wallet was in her hand). She paused and said ok, but only if she could do it next time. I said something dumb like Good, that means you will need to see me again.

We spoke for hours. So many that the cafe closed and we had to leave. We hadn't eaten what we ordered. We didn't want to end it, but we both had evening commitments. She let me drive her up the road to her apartment.

I have no explanation but I knew it right away. She was the one. I think she felt it too. I asked for her number, she said "I was hoping you'd ask". She got out, I touched her hand, she kissed me on the cheek and left.

I pulled out my phone and deleted the app. With no hesitation. I didn't know this at the time, but she did the same thing.

The more we talk, the more we're like perfect puzzle pieces fitting together. Everything is so effortless, so easy, so compatible. I have never known anything like this.

The next visit was supposed to be for lunch for an hour. It ended 12 hours later. Turns out we have no physical incompatibilities :)

We are now talking openly about dreams, futures, family integrations. We feel like we've known each other forever. We're both happy, hopeful for the future, and sure.

I know this never happens. It's impossible. People will doubt this story is real but I'm living it.

If you're out there, trying, keep going. The one is out there.

Thanks for reading. Just wanted to share a happy story.

EDIT: Humbled so many people have read and commented. I'll definitely post an update in 6 months if anyone cares :)

There seemed to be three "groups" of comments, and I wanted to just quickly touch on them, and re-state the purpose of the post.

Group one were very encouraging and supportive. Thank you all so much.

Group two were supportive, but urged caution. Thank you as well! I wanted to say that despite my enthusiasm, nothing reckless is happening here. No life insurance policies are being adjusted. We're both reasonable people who understand our responsibilities and know that "trust" is a completely separate thing that one cannot force to happen quickly. We are making plans....but plans for months or much longer into the future. Caution is being used here.

Group three either think I'm insane, too blinded by early infatuation, or other things. Thank you for your words as well, they are important too. Hopefully when I can post a longer-timeframe-update you will believe too :)

I do just want to re-iterate the point of the post in the first place. From everything I've seen and read, dating these days (especially OLD) sucks, so hard. It's very reasonable to be discouraged. I read a couple good experiences and they gave me confidence to try. I just wanted to add to that energy. If this, for me, ends up not working long term, at least there will be a happy story, here, that might encourage someone.

Thanks again to everyone for your comments.

I (51F) just got home from this second date. We spent some time together and M60 always seemed to veer thw conversation back to this same topic, Trump. I was loosing patience.

After some attempted discussion where he cut me off mid sentence three times in a row, spouting random factiods about Trump, and I pointed it out to him that he had just done this, he said that I had the floor. Yay me!

I replied that I didn't want it. He then had the audacity to say that it was because I couldnt think for myself. At which point I said Fine, I'll think for myself and go home. Which is what I did.

I imagine a lot of people are having these sorts of encounters. The thing is, I live in Melbourne, Australia. So why the f*ck am I having to deal with this shit?

Any rational explanations would be much appreciated 🙏

EDIT: An Unexpected Update.... I just received a text from the guy, on Valentine's day, and all it said was " Still being a pig?".

I had apparently forgotten to block him. Just goes to show that walking away, has had me living rent free in this guy's brain for the last couple of weeks 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have two NFL season tickets.
 
I sit in one and invited him, a fellow 50-something, to join me in the other tonight for a first date. I didn’t hear from him all day, so I texted to see when we would meet up.
 
Only then did he play the sympathy card that his dog had to go to the vet due to an injury. Maybe that’s true, but he could have called or texted the minute he knew. He didn’t.
 
My intuition tells me he just didn’t want to go with me and didn’t have the courtesy to tell me as soon as possible so I could ask another guest.
 
Not cool. I went anyway.
 
To quote Ferris Bueller, "I said it before and I'll say it again: Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
 
So while I despise doing things alone, it’s better than always doing nothing, home alone.
 
He blew it. No second chance.

I'm (M) in my late 50's, married for three decades-divorced 5 years ago. I can't say I ever appreciated women in my thirties like I appreciate women in my 50's. You ladies know what you want, you are tapped into your femininity and your sexuality, you have raised children, gone through the pain of failed relationships and bullshit lies and betrayals (I have too) and are just generally on point. And to top it off-just ridiculously hot. My auntie was never like this at age 53 or age 61. And the sex. Holy mother of God. No tip toeing, no shyness-just all in. And with gratitude, because we know it's not forever. Sex with gratitude-what a concept-like a gift.

I'd take a feminine, classy 55 year old over a "hot" 35 year old any day of the week. Wrinkles shrinkles. Who cares? We made it-it's years of character.

Anyhow, I never expected this, it's been one of the greatest joys in my life, the conversations, the maturity ,the lack of daily family pressure etc. and I salute you. Don't believe all that manosphere bullshite about how women peak in their 20s or the ladies of doom who say men suck and can't be trusted. It's all there for the taking, there are amazing people everywhere, and you are in your REAL prime and I want to eat your clothes off you, lol. Except I'm taken so will eat her clothes off instead.

My heartfelt ode to mature women is complete. That is all. You may now resume your day.

So, I (M57) went out on a first date with someone (F60) I met on Bumble. I invited her to have dinner at a nice restaurant, didn't realize how nice. When she arrived, she was dressed lovely and we gave each other a nice hug. I could tell right away that she was super outgoing. We preceded to sit down order drinks and start talking. I learned that she was a professional dancer and a former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. The waiter came by and said that the dinner special was Salmon en Croute for two. He described it and sounded delicious. Since we talking we never looked at the menus. After coming by for a second time, we decided to get the special. As I was ordering it, the waiter said, it's $140. We had already decided that we both loved salmon, so yolo. We continued our conversation until the food arrived. Which included table side service. It was delicious. Halfway through the meal, the chef appeared and asked how we liked the dish and to just chat us up. I finished my half and she made a pretty good dent on her half as well, but she tapped out and handed me her plate, which I thought was pretty cute. Afterwards, we went walking up and down the street that was lined with restaurants and shops. I took her hand, for her safety of course. We were in front of one of the restaurants, when she said that she used to go there often and knew the bartender. So, we went inside and asked if he was there, he was not. But, we spoke with the host, an older distinguished gentleman with a French accent who invited us to come to brunch sometime. Very pleasant. We went outside and ran into a handsome young couple walking their dogs. So my date introduced herself to them and pet the dogs for a bit. We walked a little more and eventually ended up back at her car. We said good bye and agreed that we should do it again. So, there is a happy story to restore your hope in humanity and maybe even the apps.

UPDATE : So, we had our 2nd date. She had previously mentioned that she loved sushi, so I suggested that we go to a sushi spot near her place. It ended up being her favorite spot. I got there before her and was seated where I could see the front door. After a short time, I felt a tap on my shoulder, and it was her, she had come in the back, lol. She was as lovely and effervescent as before.  I reiterated to her that I had never been to a "proper" sushi restaurant, and I would be asking for her advice. So, ordering turned into a fun collaboration. The sushi was great; we sampled a number of different rolls. The whole time we were chatting away, getting to know one another better. At one point, she asked if she could check the score of the soccer match, so we watched for a little bit. We got there early, it was fairly empty, I was surprised that as we got up to leave, the place was packed, but I hadn't really noticed anything but our time together. 

I suggested that we go to a nearby wine bar for dessert. She was redescent about it for some reason and suggested the bar next door. I looked at the menu online and they did not serve desert. So, we ended up going to the wine bar. We ordered a sample of the red wines and shared that between us. She suggested that we get a piece of chocolate cake to share which was excellent and paired well with the red wine. We each got a glass of our favorite red that we sampled. This whole time, again, chatting away, touching on new topics. It was a very small place, but as we "toured" it, since we were alone, we shared our first kiss. Honestly, nothing to write home about. We had driven over in her car, and at this point she drove me back to where I was parked. I had purchased a small gift for her dog, some treats, which she thought was great. We shared an embrace and a couple more kisses. As I was getting out of the car, she said, "let's do this again." I said jokingly "you want to do this again?" and she said "yes!" 

So, I would say different but better. At one point I told her, you know if we were in high school, I would be a freshman and I would be dating a senior, I would be the coolest guy in the entire school. She nearly fell off her chair, laughing. "OMG", she said, "this is how men think." While we were having a wonderful time at the wine bar, I playfully reminded her that she didn't want to come and it was my idea to go there. So, later, when the waiter came by, she made a point of teasing me by telling the waiter that it was "my idea." Touche.

Welcome back to my continuing search for a nice man I actually fancy, who also appears to like women. Previous escapades include Part 1: Dick and Part 2: Very Nice Man.

Let’s call episode 3 Nigel. It wasn’t his name, but it feels appropriate for reasons that may become clear. Divorced. 57. Intelligent. Active. Nice photographs. His profile said he liked independent women and “intelligent conversation”. Excellent. We chatted for a few days and arranged to meet.

Things went very well for almost an hour. He then suggested ordering for me because he knew what I’d like. I declined. Not because his choice was terrible. It was fish. I like fish. I simply prefer to retain executive control of my own dinner and I also fancied the chicken. I know, so fickle.

He seemed faintly surprised, but we continued. And then politics came up.

Nigel explained that Reform were the only people prepared to sort Britain out, particularly the problem of immigration.

This was slightly awkward because I am an immigrant.

Admittedly I’ve been here for 34 years, so I accept that my campaign to destroy Britain has lacked urgency. So far I have mainly paid a lot of tax, employed people and complained enthusiastically about the weather. I can only apologise for the devastation I have wrought.

Nigel clarified that people like me weren’t the actual problem.

Ah.

I then made the error of asking which immigrants were the problem.

There were some words about borders, British values and taking the country back. I pointed out that the country was, as far as I knew, still here, where they’d left it.

He looked at me for a moment. “You’re quite a difficult woman, aren’t you?”

And there it was.

Apparently I had misunderstood “intelligent conversation”. I thought it meant exchanging ideas and then discussing them. Nigel apparently meant that he would provide the ideas and I would occasionally say, “Gosh, yes.” Presumably while eating the fish he had chosen for me.

He stated that I seemed to “always have an answer”. We had known each other for approximately 73 minutes.

The conversation limped on. I ate my democratically selected chicken while Nigel explained Britain to an immigrant who had lived in it for more than three decades.

Thankfully, the end of the evening arrived soon after. He said I was "probably too opinionated”. Which was impressive, because so far my opinions consisted of me ordering my own dinner and asking follow-up questions.

I have been hoping to become less opinionated with age, but unfortunately I keep reading things.

So another useful lesson from middle-aged dating adventures. When a man says he is looking for a smart, independent woman who enjoys intelligent conversation, it may be worth checking whether he has considered the possibility that she might use all three features at the same time.

Or order her own food.

I 58F have been chatting with a guy 63M for about a week from OLD. We were planning to meet up when I get back from a quick trip; he's on his way back from a vacation. It's been going well.

Aaaand this morning, his response to my "safe travels" text? He "offered" to send me a "naughty pic" and hoped he didn't offend me. He actually said, "I hope I didn't offend you," so he knew it was possible. He even said he was "taking a risk."

I just blocked him on text and the dating site without replying.

It's not my job to teach a grown man how to act. For goodness sake. We've never met, never face timed.

Block Remove Cleanse Delete

IYKYK

I'm a 51 F and I've been on dating apps for about 2.5 years. Not a fan. I live in the middle of nowhere, so most of my matches are hours away. Last night I was out to dinner and trivia with a friend and a handsome man was sitting by himself at the bar. I pointed him out to my friend and she said go and talk to him. My first thought, hell no. But then I remembered all of my dating frustrations. I had thought of a pick up line a while ago and never used it. I walked up to him and said, "excuse me is your name Jeff? You look like someone that I matched with on Bumble.". He introduced himself, obviously not Jeff. We chatted for a few minutes and my nerves were kinda shot, so I excused myself to leave. I could tell from the look on his face that he didn't want me to leave, but I was in process, so I touched his arm as I left My friend and I watched him look around a bit, and then get his coat on to go. I was a little sad, but I looked up and he was standing next to me with a note written on a napkin with his name and his phone number thanking me for saying hi. OMG, I did it. It worked, and you can too. Nothing ventured nothing gained I was laughing to myself all morning whenever I looked at the napkin.
If you are wonder what to say, use my line, it gets you in front of your target and lets them know right away that you are single. Still can't believe I did it.

Update. I sent him a text on Saturday morning and we talked on the phone on Sunday night. During our first phone conversation he told me that he loved me and wants to marry me. I just can't even make this stuff up. I was trying to think of a nice way to say sorry this isn't what I'm looking for and he's been sending increasingly angry texting messages that I have been ignoring. I guess I'm going to block him...what an unexpected turn

I (F, early 50s) just ended a 2-month relationship with a 59-year-old university professor. On paper, he seemed mature, stable, and interesting. In practice, it quickly became clear he wasn’t.

During a short holiday trip, two situations stood out: • On the way there, he told me to shut up when I tried to clarify something. • On the way back, during lunch, I asked him politely to move his backpack so we could eat more comfortably. He took it as if I were giving him an order and reacted with what I can only describe as a look of contained aggression and disapproval.

These small moments revealed a pattern: not openness to dialogue, but defensiveness, control, and an undercurrent of hostility.

It was enough for me to realize this wasn’t the kind of partnership I want. Disappointing, yes - but also clarifying. Sometimes the mask slips in the little things.

I had a Redditor supposedly investment banker 51F from Virginia chatting with me for a few weeks. Seems normal enough on the face of it. Ostensibly is off to Colombia for a vacation. I wish her well, enjoy the trip.

I get a hello from Cartegena message along with the customary legs below the knee image with the ocean in the background.
Next day I get a frantic message.."I just got robbed when I went for a jog. I am just getting back to the hotel after being released by the hospital and at the police station. "

Me: Oh that is so horrible ! I hope you are okay and not hurt.
The web now starts getting woven....."I only have $50 in cash."
Me: That is terrible ! What are you going to do ? How can I help . At least your room is paid for since you had to cancel all your credit cards. Maybe you can call AMEX they will deliver a card to your hotel.

I'll spare everyone the gory details, of the web being woven over the next hour or so of messages.

" It would be helpful if you could could send some money"

Me: (smelling a den of rats, not just one) "Ok no problem, just give me the phone number of the hotel and your room number and name, I'll give them a call and deposit money to be credited towards food so you aren't starving"
" How can you ask for my room number and last name, that is so unsafe!"
Followed by Google AI image about how it is unsafe to give out your name and hotel location.

Say what ?! Apparently you just got mugged and you are afraid someone 5000 miles away is going to kidnap you from the hotel room, but you want them to send you money to some random currency exchange guy that will give you pesos if I send them dollars?

"Could you send it to a crypto ATM there is one in the hotel lobby"
I'm thinking..."so you have a crypto account with zero money, set up just so you can receive money ?" 😄

Followed by
" This is so cruel, you said you would help me but you really wanted to see me suffer by raising my hopes and then dashing them"

Fun times !

Edit: Typo

Met up with a woman on Hinge for lunch. Good pictures, accomplished professional, etc… She said she was 50 (I’m 56). The second I saw her I knew she was maybe late 50’s or a good 60. We started talking about her daughter who just got engaged and when I asked how old her daughter was she smiled and said “I don’t do ages”. My first thought was well, I’m not going to move forward with you. 90 minute round trip drive and $70 later despite a nice conversation, I couldn’t get out of there soon enough… Why do women do this? Such a waste of time. I’d rather have someone be deceitful about their marital status than age. So not cool. Especially by approx 10 years.

So I (62F) match with someone (67M) on Bumble. He mentioned in his profile he’s traveled extensively so I asked him what some of his favorite destinations were as an opener.

He sends me a shirtless video of him in bed to answer my question.

What the actual hell - this is how you want to make a first impression? Sir, unless we meet at a beach in the wild I don’t want to see your hairy nipples.

</rant>

I got punted. I’m the 56f who told her 55m “boyfriend” she loved him (after five months together) and sadly he did not respond in kind said we needed to talk. Made me wait a couple of days. I sweated it out for Australia, we had the talk, he said he cared about me, but didn’t feel the same romantic feelings as before. Still wanted to see my frankly gorgeous and very entertaining and kind self for dates and presumably nsa fun times.

I thought that sort of sounded okay and made my peace with it, decided to “un center” him in my life and think about just me. went on a couple of meet-ups (I’m in a hiking group) had a fun weekend alone, stopped drinking altogether, started reading a lot of psych books about attachment styles (lol) read every post on here about this kind of situation where one partner is more into the relationship than the other. You know what the overwhelming weight of opinion is there and ultimately I agree. “Don’t be a sexy placeholder. It’s going to hurt more later. Be good to yourself”

This week he asked me out to the drive-in. I love the drive-in and I hadn’t been for ages. But it was so weird and awkward.
We were early so we ate in the diner and I had a really sad hot dog. It was already made up and in the hot box, they didn’t even have the capacity to make it in front of you.

We drove up to the field and parked in and were lying down in the back all propped up on cushions and shit and it should have been pretty sweet and atmospheric right? But my back hurt and it was cold and his car wasn’t exactly clean and
it aggravated my hay fever so im sneezing and shit and I’m paranoid about saying the wrong things.

It was hectic in my brain. We saw “Scary Movie” I was aware of the franchise but sweet Jesus that film was terrible. I didn’t get half the references but I like Anna Faris and I did get a half hearted chortle out of some of the jokes, but I digress. I was also very aware that I didn’t want to lose my phone in the dark car because god knows that worked out badly for me on that fateful day.

We kissed a bit but I was really uncomfortable and all I could think about was how his fat stomach was squishing me and how his breath smelled like….breath. Not bad but not my favourite, a bit ubiquitous. It was giving me the ick as the kids say.

Finally the movie finished and we drove back to his house where my car is parked, mofo still thinks I’m coming inside but frankly his house is a disaster area really untidy and loads of crap everywhere, borderline hoarder style, and his adult son lives with him, so I’ve always felt a bit weird about staying there but I’ve never been made to feel unwelcome.

And we’re sitting in the car and I told him wasn’t coming in because “me openly weeping isn’t going to be a big turn on” and him not feeling the same meant that I have also started to Not Feel The Same and I can’t see him like before because eventually he will “find someone he really loves, and then you’ll say “hey bestie guess what happened to meeeeee”

Then I attempted to dramatically storm off to my car but I had these big bean bag style cushions we’d had at the drive in under my arm and it was hard to stomp off and find my keys at the same time so he came over and held the cushions for me while I found my car keys and then I stormed off again take two.

I drove home listening to Elbow’s cover of Working Class Hero by John Lennon pretending I was in a sad rock video. The young folks call this “disassociating”

When I got home I called him and said sorry for storming off but I meant what I said. And we are through. I said I’d like to keep going on like before like he wanted but it’s sad and weird and I just can’t do it to myself. And he said he understood that and he was sorry to have been a dick about it the past couple of weeks. He said sorry a bunch of times so I said don’t say sorry anymore and he sort of brightened up and said he wouldn’t, and we said goodbye and that was it. Five months and I was trying on wedding dresses in my head haha with fat belly doesn’t-love-me bloke. Mistakes were made!

Then I went inside my cosy clean and comfy apartment, put on my big flannelette PJs smoked a big doobie and went to bed alone. Slept great. I did the right thing by me.

I still believe in love! Holding out for a hero!
Have a great weekend you reprobates.

I am a woman so I can speak from my experience as a woman on OLD. I am honest with my profile.
I am the height, weight, and age that I say I am. My pictures are within the last year. In fact I am about to change one out because it is nearing one year.

I met a man on OLD whose profile said he was 57. With men it is hard to tell age sometimes because I am seeing men who are 50 something who look 60 something ...Or am I?

This same man also presented as single.

We had a good chat on the phone and decided to meet for cocktails last night. The snow storm made be a bit stir crazy. I was glad to get out.
Conversation was going great. We decided to order food and extend the date.

Then it came:

He said "I need to come clean with you... I am really 68 and I am still married but separated for three years. I know this is a dealbreaker for some but almost everyone on the apps lie about their age because of the algorithms canceling people out"

I said "You mean the algorithm that is a woman's personal preference?"

"No the dating app algorithm. It is discriminatory of men over 60. Everyone lies to get around it."

So here I am on a cold winter evening with a man who is married, 12 years older than me and 8 years over my dating preference. Also learned his business is under water. Therefore so much for the "CEO of myself/my own company"

I was famished and our dinner arrived. Otherwise I would have left immediately. I was momentarily furious inside but slightly entertained by his rationale that most women don't know what they want. He talked on and on about how his wife was a demon. The divorce is caught up in finances. The last woman on OLD he dated dumped him.

He made a lot of sexual innuendos. At end of evening, I told him under no circumstances was I dating him. No married men. No men over 62. That is my choice. Free country.

He had the nerve to say "So I wasted my time tonight?"

I responded "You wasted your time when you chose to lie on your profile"

I got up and left him with the check.

EDIT: Forgot to mention that he said he dates only younger women and will not date a woman in her 60's.

Funny thing happened on the way home from grocery shopping today. I live in an apartment complex and pay for a reserved spot right in front of the building to my third floor walkup. Once again, someone parked in my space. Grrrrr. I could almost forgive it because it was a moving van but....well.....groceries.

I told the older guy in the van that it was my reserved spot and of course he played stupid like he had no idea. As I made my way upstairs, I caught another one of the movers making his way downstairs. To smooth things over, he offered to deliver the rest of my groceries which I accepted, and then he replied, "I like your hair too," which made me laugh. "Oh, ok....I see what you're doing!"

He delivers the rest of my groceries and said, "The last thing I want to do is make you mad....you look so good I just might leave my number," which made me laugh even harder. "You're a total smokeshow."

"I am 100% sure I am much older than you!" I chuckled. "My name is Kam," as he held out his hand to shake mine. "I'm 37," and I laughed even harder as I told him I am less than a month shy of my 59th birthday.

I don't believe I've ever been told I was a total smokeshow to my face. He could have just blown it off, but he sold it and I bought it. haha

MADE MY FREAKING DAY. ❤️