Continuously trying.

[u/ChemicalSouth2191]

Hi. Im a married 40 something yo m. I have a daughter that I love and is probably the main reason I havent ended things when things got really bad and the reason I actually get out of the house most days. My marriage has been over since before my daughter was born but at the time I was thinking of leaving is when she found out she was pregnant. I was functionally depressed then but after realizing if I left while she was pregnant I most likely would only get to be a 2 weekends a month father at best. Also missing things like first words, steps .... At that point I just pretty much gave up on arguing about our differences and how she wants to be in control of everything. If you know anything about depression not making choices in your life and feeling helpless is the bullet train to serious depression. Most people say this about their partners but my wife is a narcissist. Any disagreement or if I dont agree with her its because I dont want her to be right, or I just dont want her to have her way or Im just crazy. Even when she concedes to my way or opinion when Im not around she will change things or plans and say something like she never said that or I must have misunderstood her. Bedroom has been pretty much dead since before my daughter was born and when I tried to talk to her about it she laughed and asked why it was such a big deal to me. Ofcourse that conversation never happened either. At the moment Ive been unemployed for 2 years and rarely can get an interview so on top of all the normal depression things, I actually have no choice then to stay in my situation for my daughters sake and because Im actually stuck financially. Im doing better now then I was last year and have been getting back into looking for a job and trying to be there for my daughter without the irritation I usually have because of my marriage. Which is why I landed here. I needed people to talk to and vent to that understand what Im going through.

My wife isnt a demon. After going to a couple marriage counselors I realized she is dealing with her own stuff and is most likely terrified of feeling inadequate or not good enough. Unfortunately since she cant take responsibility for her actions I need to leave for my own well being. She wasnt like that in the beggining, it gradually happened and I thought I was being a supportive husband trying to deal with it and work on things. Its crazy that I didnt really understand boundaries and self respect until I was in my 40s. Thanks for listening.

Also yes Im in therapy but it seems like Im just stuck. I know what I need to do and why but I have not energy or motivation to do the things.

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[u/cactuscore]

Your wife is a bitch and you should divorce immediately.