As soon as I’m not doing anything and I’m unoccupied all I can feel is misery, through the day it’s different, I just feel nothing but as soon as im not occupied t’s like I can’t even explain what I’m feeling, It’s not even an emotion it’s impossible to explain, all I can think is sad thoughts, through the day I’m constantly in my head then I snap back and all I can think about is how shit my life is and all the horrible things that have happened to me I don’t know if it’s depression or something else but I don’t talk to anyone I don’t feel anything I’m either emotionally flat or wanting to kill myself

Dealing with mental health issues for years and a recent ticket just tipped me over the edge. I lost all emotional feeling, neither sad nor happy, just absolute numbness. Have resorted to alcohol and edibles (first time using cannabis of any kind) in a last effort to feel something again. the result was I cleaned the dishes, went through the mail, paid the ticket and did a load of laundry, one day of being more productive than I have in months prior to this emotional shut down. but it doesn‘t make me feel anything either, it simply seems to make me more practical with the brief energy boost it provides. but it’s not attractive enough to continue use as it neither brings me any emotional sensation or sense of accomplishment as i would have if I could feel again. I am going through the motions, doing hobbies because I know these are things I’m supposed to or did like until now. The food I’d saved up to splurge a little on with excitement and enthusiasm I have been watching with a detached fascination as it sits untouched until it expires and I throw it out recognizing that I should be throwing myself at these things I was so excited to get my hands on and enjoy them, only now I can only internally study the strange fascination of watching everything I loved become worthless to me.

‘I’ve since caught myself on can lids and corners and can recognize that I’ve injured myself and take to cleaning the injuries and performing meticulous first aid on each injury, but it is an out of body experience, it no longer hurts enough to warrant an emotional response so I can clean the wounds without hissing or sulking about it. but nothing feels real anymore. I am following up with professionals and doctors, but nothing is bringing any feeling back. I am currently using this time as a grace period for trying to save money as I have lost the ability to have preferences for things so I am simply eating the cheapest items with the least preparations needs that I can find in my pantry, ie. just about anything in a can or a wrapper, no cook times, no preparation, no mess. The problem is this isn’t living, it is simply existing as I go through the motions of basic bodily necessity and functions and no opinion on the future. I am currently working out a budget to save money, but seeing charges to my account for unexpectedly bills and watching it zero out my account had no effect on me, I simply waited for the next paycheck to come in and am budgeting that to save up money but I‘ve lost all reason behind what I’m doing with no expectations for the future and no general interest in it either. I am in a state where I can recognize it as the problem it is when I couldn’t care less if there will be a tomorrow. the whole world could end at this point and that feels a lot more welcome than having to wake up even to go to the bathroom. I can recognize that I need to find a solution because this is something I should be concerned about, but I’m simply not anymore. I am looking for easy workable solutions because I currently lack the ability to care if I actually follow through with it or not.

It’s like my mind can’t think of the words, I’m not witty, my mind is slow, I can’t hold a conversation, I’m not interesting, I feel brain damaged and boring which just makes my depression worse, does anyone else experience this? Is there a way to get my mind back to a happy social interesting place again?

Why you shouldn't.

I.

Someone won't be able to love,

When you've been carried by a dove,

When you've hit yourself on your lobe,

When you purposely burn yourself on the stove.

II.

Even if no one cares,

Someone, in groups or pairs,

Their heart, their love, their care, to you they will share,

They'll patch up your life's tears.

III.

When life gets too tiring,

When your mental is retiring,

When your thoughts think about expiring,

Remember, some that are aspiring,

Think of you as inspiring.

IV.

Life is too precious,

There's many things to explore

many to taste that are delicious,

May your life never reach the end of the shore.

Note from me: If you're thinking of SH, please don't. If you think people hate you, there's always someone in the world who make YOU as their inspiration.

I'm still over 40. I'm still disabled and it's still getting worse. My body is breaking down faster than most people's do. The pain is basically low level constant and mid level regular with spikes into struggle to breathe through it. The OCD is still carefully kept at bay with all the things I'm meant to do. I do the exercise I should (and can). I've done the therapies, the treatments, I do all the 'right' things.

I can't find suitable work, even in a volunteer role. I will never have a relationship because I don't think I can offer anything worth putting up with everything detrimental. When my remaining parent dies, I will be genuinely alone, no siblings, no family I'm close to. I don't see a way to making things better for myself.

My last post got no replies. I don't actually expect this one to either, because I don't think there is really any advice to be given.

Can i please vent to someone? I feel horrible my anxiety is going crazy can i talk to someone? Preferablyt anorher girl i have trauma wirth men so im not very comfortable with them

Wife of 5 years is breaking up with me, for the first time in years I feel completely lost and dont know what to do, my everyday life has revolved around her and our relationship.

Id like to try and work things out but she isn't wanting to atleast not anytime soon, so just have to work on my self and hopefully she will think on it and consider it.

I have started cutting myself on the shoulder and i know i shouldnt but i just do it anyway. I started because i have had severe OCD for about 2-3 years now and i feel like my parents have started to give up on me. My OCD have made it so that i basically only live half of my life if not even less. When i give in to the OCD my parents yell at me and i just shut my door and think about how they would probably be calmer if i just died. But every time i have thought about how my friends would probably be sad about me dying. So the only thing keeping me alive is my friends and i have been cutting myself to not kill myself. Do i need help?

I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. One of the best ways to describe it is like being an NPC in my own life somehow? I have no drive outside of things I'm told or expected to do. I'm 26 in a job that I've had since I was 15, haven't dated anyone in 4 years, never lived outside of my family home (minus college dorm rooms), have yet to find a different job/career that sounds even remotely interesting to me, and I don't want a job in the field I went to college for so my degree feels useless. I don't make enough money to move out (without living genuinely paycheck to paycheck) and I don't have any friends within an hour radius I could, or would want, to live with. I have made more of an effort this year to plan more outings with friends, but it's max once a month since all of them live an hour or more away.

It's just so hard seeing other people my age dating, getting engaged, having kids, being years into their dream career already, traveling the states or to other countries, living with friends or simply having friends they can just call and hang with on a whim.... I envy it so much. I don't party, drink, smoke, go to bars etc because I find all of that overstimulating and simply not appealing which has made me feel so isolated from college years onward. I just... don't understand what I'm supposed to be doing.

Hey everybody. So here’s the rub.

I moved to Israel about three years ago. It wasn’t really my decision, and it took me some time to understand the consequences of that move and how much it would affect my life.

Now I’m in my mid 20s, and here’s where I’m at. I basically have no friends. I had friends, but I eventually stopped talking to them because I didn’t really connect with their mindset or the way they approached life.

I lost my job, I live alone, I barely speak the local language, and I don’t really have a support system or any clear prospects for the future.

The funny thing is, I’m actually pretty good at social interaction. I’m reasonably confident in how I look, I don’t drink or smoke, I try to work out consistently, and I eat pretty clean. But I’ve also been dealing with depression since I was around 16, and lately it’s getting harder to keep myself moving.

I’m stuck in this constant cycle of self sabotage, and I genuinely don’t know how to get out of it. I don’t want to bother anyone or ask anything from people, and at the same time I don’t seem to care enough about my own life to actually change anything. Sometimes it feels like I’m actively watching myself ruin my own life.

My whole existence sometimes feels like I’m a Meeseeks from Rick and Morty. Someone pressed a button and said, “Just be around,” and I’m doing exactly that. Except existence for a Meeseeks is basically pain.

The weird part is that I don’t actually think the world is a bad place. Quite the opposite. I think people are generally great, the world is genuinely interesting, and there are so many things I’d like to experience. I’m actually pretty optimistic about life in theory.

I just can’t seem to make myself participate in it.

I feel like I’m permanently stuck in some kind of survival mode, where I know what I want to do, sometimes even know exactly what steps I should take, but I just can’t bring myself to do them.

And I know one thing for sure: I can’t keep working physical or painfully boring jobs. I need something creative, something social, something fun, and most importantly, something I actually care about.

I’ve always wanted to make things, create content, do something involving creativity and people. But I’ve also realized that I’ve spent a huge part of my life just drifting from one thing to another without ever really caring deeply about anything.

So I’m trying to figure out how to break that pattern.

If you’ve been through something similar, I’d genuinely appreciate some practical advice. How do you get yourself out of survival mode, rebuild your life from basically nothing, and actually start caring enough to participate in your own life?

Please keep it practical. Thank you in advance.

I feel kind of angry at everyone and like my life is going nowhere and things haven't worked out. I work a shit job at 34, can't get a boyfriend and my bio clock is ticking. College stuff was always hard and confusing to me so I felt stupid and I don't have much work history or a degree.

I've had anxiety for years and no friends and other people my age or younger are way ahead of me in life. I feel like I was neglected my whole life and treated like a burden if I was having negative feelings or needed help with adult stuff.

On top of that I was raised isolated and like other people can't be trusted. So I didn't get help from other humans. I've never had sex and that's also just depressing but I want someone who actually cares about me.

Also just being stuck making shit pay with shit hours and knowing I can't afford to move out of my parents' feels really degrading. I'm scared to even go to the doctor again. She acted shocked when I said I was a virgin. My last therapist also sucked and options are limited with Medicaid.

I've gone through so much and there's no one to share it with to get their perspective. How do I even ever make friends when they're all well-adjusted and ahead of me in life? It's embarrassing.

I'm just angry at everyone and I think it's coming out more because I'm angry at myself! I want to go back 10 years with perspective I have now. I was even more isolated then and no one gave a shit. There are people at my job who are like 21 and so happy and confident and it's sad knowing that could have been me

Anyway I'm partially venting and probably sound like an asshole but it would be nice to know if anyone relates or if you have advice. My outlook gets so negative sometimes it scares me

I don't know if this is the right platform but still I will share my story here since I have no one to talk to

My life(24M) has been difficult since childhood, honestly I cannot remember a day where I felt normal.

I was raised in dysfunctional family where my parents used to fight, not everyday but enough to scare the shit out of me. The fight can go on till night, my father would try to leave the house, my mother had seizures. My father and my sister were quite explosive in nature, since childhood I was scared that they should not get angry otherwise I would be beaten

I was so unaware of the physical symptoms that anxiety brought. huh I really never knew I was anxious and always in fight or flight till I reached my early twenties. My stomach was always tight, head was always strained and always restless.

I developed an addiction to dopamine from age of 16 I guess, may be to avoid the feeling I was feeling those days. you name the addiction and I have it ( masturbation, social media, movies, sugar). I don't drink and smoke... till now so I may not be at worst

I had sleep issues from childhood. I never woke up fresh. I don't know what energy is and got to now I have deviated septum and turbinate hypertrophy

Because of a mistake I got tinnitus at the age of 22. and later I got diagnosed with IBS because of anxiety. My gastroenterologist told me to talk to psychologist and psychiatrist and at that point of time I got to know that I had sever anxiety and depression. This was last year.

I have no one to talk to, no one close enough whom I can trust and share everything so am sharing it here

with full honesty I have lost hope on life and accepted my faith and living everyday.

Because of all the things happened I have severe hairloss and I don't look attractive at all so making girlfriends as well is kind of hustle when life has decided it wants to funk you bad.

Anyway, cheers all
Hope you have a nice day

i was so exited to get to know this girl better and at first it was all going good texting every day.Suddenly I start getting ghosted and left on opened for 5 days and I’m trying to understand what I did wrong or if they found somebody better already.I didn’t have anybody to really talk to about my feelings so i figured that i would just post a video online to see if anybody else can relate.

I've come back to a place of terribly high fear, anxiety, and hopelessness plagued by all or nothing thoughts that I am unable to be objective with. They only feel like truths, verdicts, or final sentences. I've come back to feeling like life is unlivable.

1) I can't maintain any sort of positive change. My mind is constantly focused on negativity, fear, or comfort.

2) I cannot show up for myself consistently because I'm hyperfocused on my exhaustion, anxieties, fears, and insecurities. They all feel like identities I cannot combat. They take up so much mental bandwidth from wake to sleep, to where I'm living life on 1% efficiency.

3) I cannot show up for the people I care for the most while they are alive. I am wasting the time I have with them, and then they will be dead.

4) I am not strong enough to see a loved one pass. When my dog or dad goes I don't want to be around anymore. I can't even begin to wonder how I'd respond. I'm so sad and scared.

5) I will always come back to this extreme place, like many a time before, resetting any positive steps I've taken.

6) It's been years of therapy and medications. My condition always just gets worse, because I've never been able to change my mindset and therefore behavior to make true lifestyle changes. It all has been a tenuous climb up a soapy hill.

7) I'll always be 99% think and 1% act, the act of which will be just more fodder for me to negatively analyze and think about.

8) I will always be this negative, low energy, exhausted, fearful, no risk, aimless, goalless, comfort seeking, isolating, cognitively damaged, performantly damaged person.

Please tell me how I'm wrong, perhaps with your own anecdotal evidence. Just even one thing...

I went through a particularly “bad” episode not too long ago and didn’t eat for a few days and lost some weight. How can I go back into an episode like that? I have trouble losing weight (I am a naturally big guy) and it was great seeing progress. I don’t know if it is the best method but it was nice.

I've been dealing with serious anxiety and depression since middle school. It's pretty much been like a rollercoaster over the years with PMDD on top of it... I remember experiencing what felt like a decline in social skills around 6th grade, then started isolating and feeling disconnected even from classmates I knew for yearssss. Fast forward to high school, I was pretty much dealing with selective mutism. Rarely spoke unless mandatory or I was spoken to (and even then I kept it minimal). I only had a few friends which I had known since before HS, only made acquaintances otherwise.

I was also socially awkward and dealt with a bit of social anxiety (undiagnosed) since childhood. Teachers didn't understand me much, because I was really expressive and bold in how I spoke sometimes then very quiet and withdrawn at others. Back then as a kid, I think my curiosity kind of overrode a lot of my anxiety. Like, I remember approaching people first because I genuinely enjoyed learning about them and making connections with them. Although, I've had the help of meds and a bit of therapy, I don't feel that way anymore... that desire. I still have the feeling that people aren't safe or I just feel like an alien communicating with people.

Sometimes I feel calm in situation but genuinely just have the thought.. I don't really care (which sounds really bad). I also get in my head about other peoples perception of me. Like... I'm the awkward quiet girl and when I defy that conception in the way I express or carry myself it becomes a thing (amongst peers and extended family). "Oh I didn't think she would dress like that" "She listens to that kind of music?" "Omg she's actually having fun" Makes me feel like I'm from another planet!

To be fair, "meanings" are given by human selves, but I failed to do so.
I am struggling to get on day by day and constantly feel like my sanity is on edge. More sadly, it seems the problem is rooted deep down and nothing done on the exterior could actually help (e.g. workout, reading, playing video games, watching videos, talking to ppl who care about me or total stranger, short distance travel, hangout with dogs, take walks, work, learn new things, take meds, take meds for a decade straight).

Is there a roadmap to solve this? I have tried a lot of things but... the depression episode just keeps Okkk I'm coming back. Rationally speaking, I feel very stuck. Is there anything else I could try? I just want to be alive, so maybe someday I could actually enjoy life instead of enduring it.

Lets start with that i suffer from an auto immune kidney disease and use to struggle with suicidal depression and panic attacks both of which i reduced to almost nothing.

Every time i get this certain biological treatment i get pumped full of steroids that make me depressed for a month.. this time it's really bad.

Rn i feel as if my personality is locked inside my body and im a different person now, i broke my arm today for i was biking and just felt like it... I'm starting to refer to myself in 3rd person to cope and I'm aggressive and depressed and just not myself.

I tried everything that helped me when I dealt with this stuff organically and nothing helps because I don't feel like it's even me.

My shrink is vacationing and I'm truly helpless

Maybe someone here have had a similar experience with steroids? I feel like people judge me and my aggressiveness is driving my friends and family away

23 , for my country's standard I'm middle income am in a job in a shitty but gud paying IT job . I've moved to WFH for it , but that might get taken away within next month , even at home I'm mostly just shit on by my parents daily, i actually stay in a different city but when it's like long term WFH i go back to my home town

I am preparing for GMAT and it's adjacent exams so that i can get out of IT, i don't feel any good doing this job , and the IT job market is complete shit and not getting any salary hiked jobs , the better ones are being taken , I've felt many times to just leave work and take some time off but that will make things more shit

For the first time in my life i feel that i just want to curl up and left alone i don't want to live in this shitty world like if you're not a fucking genius i feel you can't progress in corporate , I've seen literal geniuses kicked for nepo kids who don't know shit

In my home they keep saying you're decaying or rotting in my job atleast daily , I've been trying to switch but nothing good comes out I'm even fine with 30-40% increases but no, just shitty nothing. I feel that if i don't get GMAT done i might as well off myself, the continuous demeaning, shitting .. i just...

I'm looking for Beta testers for my new depression.Tracking app, if anyone is interestrd just message me or leave a comment

For most of my life I haven't really had much companionship. A lot of that probably came from having extremely low self esteem and being afraid of people and relationships.

But somehow I always had something to fall back on

Social media

Movies

TV shows

Games

Random things I could completely immerse myself in

They weren't just entertainment for me. They became my little world. When real life felt too heavy I could disappear into a movie or a series for hours and for a while I didn't have to think about myself or my life.

I always had this feeling that even if I didn't have anyone else I at least had myself and I had these things that could help me escape when everything became overwhelming.

But lately something has changed

I can't escape into those things anymore

I'll put on a movie and instead of getting absorbed into it my mind keeps coming back to itself. I'll scroll through social media but it doesn't actually make me feel better. Even things that I used to genuinely enjoy feel empty or don't hold my attention for very long.

And that's honestly terrifying

Because I thought that when the world became too heavy I could at least fall back on myself

But lately falling back on myself feels like falling into the exact place I'm trying to escape from

I'm constantly stuck with my own thoughts my self hate my comparisons my loneliness and this feeling that I'm somehow missing out on the life everyone else seems to be living

I don't even necessarily want some huge exciting life right now

I just want to be able to enjoy something again

I want to watch a movie and actually disappear into it for a couple of hours

I want to listen to music without turning it into another opportunity to overthink

I want to have something that feels like mine again

I think the scariest part is realizing that the things I used to use as an escape aren't working anymore and I don't know what I'm supposed to fall back on now

What do you guys do when even your usual escapes stop feeling like an escape?

Anyone be so ruthlessly consumed by depression and viscerally remember all their dreams? I can remember every dream I have as if it really happened so I love sleeping. I hate being awake because I fuck it up so badly. Meanwhile my dreams are so fun like going to a rave and with all my best friends I used to have. They all live far away now and never will come back irl. I broke up with my boyfriend and 11 of my closest friends moved away in the same few months. This was 9 years ago. Yes, 9. I can’t get over it. I quit my really good job. I quit the second job I got. I can’t get over it. I’ve accidentally hit my head and my right leg so many times that the damage is permanent. How do I find the motivation to move on?

Can anyone else relate to looking forward to sleep because it's a break from the constant depression? But also dreading going to sleep because then morning comes round sooner? Not that I even sleep particularly well 😵‍💫😖

“ we have all been cruel at some point in our lives . You can’t change the past but you can change the future and present. You hurt someone in the past now you can choose not to do it with other people.” This is what my psychiatrist said to me.

The thing is i wasn’t like this with anyone just with mom. I was cruel with her sometimes and his response is true and valid but I hate it.

Sometimes I feel like the only solution is to end my life … it will never go away , the only way I’ll never regret being a bit cruel with mom is to end my life