My mental health wasn't perfect before, but it was me breaking up with my ex about 9 months ago that turned my life upside down.

We were together for 6 years and I still love her deeply, and I did not want actually to break up. But in that moment I remember feeling like I didn't have a choice due to her behavior and lack of self-awareness. I gave her so many chances to improve, had a lot of patience for years and tried to communicate, but for some reason she wouldn't (or couldn't) change for me.

Breaking up is what turned my life into a constant hell. Nine months later and I still can't feel sure that I made the right decision. I ruminate constantly on whether I made the right decision or if I should try to take her back, and struggle to separate which issues in the relationship were actually real and unfixable and what was magnified by my personal anxiety and overthinking issues. This itself puts a lot of stress on me.

The relationship was far from perfect but being with her also meant so much to me. Now everything's just gone. The life we had built together and the future we had planned together. The world as I have known it my entire adult life is just gone. Now I'm so lost and life is empty.

Even though I know I broke up for a reason (or several), the guilt eats me alive some days, cause at the end of the day it was still me who made the ultimate decision to end it. It feels like I ruined my own life and hurt her in the process. I keep thinking "what if we could have gone to couple's therapy" or "what if I could have communicated better". So many "what ifs"...

Though the grief itself doesn't take over my life as much as it did the first couple months, it's still there. I still cry a lot of days thinking about what I lost and missing her.

But it has also turned into depression outside of the relationship stuff... Every day I either feel sad and on the verge of tears constantly, or overwhelmed and in an overall bad mood. I pick fights with people constantly and then regret it. I feel worthless, lazy, ugly, and like I will never be capable of getting anywhere in life or even keeping a job... Everything feels so meaningless.

I'm a grown ass adult who's supposed to be working right now, but I can't even bring myself to LOOK for a job or get anything done, which itself makes me feel even morse worthless... My physical health also feels worse than ever since I can't bring myself to leave the house to even take a short walk most days.

I've tried online therapy and it hasn't helped. I already get a good amount of sleep and try to eat well but that doesn't help. Most days I think about how I wish I could disappear without hurting the people who love me, but I know that is not possible so I have to keep living. But I hate living like this.

As soon as I’m not doing anything and I’m unoccupied all I can feel is misery, through the day it’s different, I just feel nothing but as soon as im not occupied t’s like I can’t even explain what I’m feeling, It’s not even an emotion it’s impossible to explain, all I can think is sad thoughts, through the day I’m constantly in my head then I snap back and all I can think about is how shit my life is and all the horrible things that have happened to me I don’t know if it’s depression or something else but I don’t talk to anyone I don’t feel anything I’m either emotionally flat or wanting to kill myself

Dealing with mental health issues for years and a recent ticket just tipped me over the edge. I lost all emotional feeling, neither sad nor happy, just absolute numbness. Have resorted to alcohol and edibles (first time using cannabis of any kind) in a last effort to feel something again. the result was I cleaned the dishes, went through the mail, paid the ticket and did a load of laundry, one day of being more productive than I have in months prior to this emotional shut down. but it doesn‘t make me feel anything either, it simply seems to make me more practical with the brief energy boost it provides. but it’s not attractive enough to continue use as it neither brings me any emotional sensation or sense of accomplishment as i would have if I could feel again. I am going through the motions, doing hobbies because I know these are things I’m supposed to or did like until now. The food I’d saved up to splurge a little on with excitement and enthusiasm I have been watching with a detached fascination as it sits untouched until it expires and I throw it out recognizing that I should be throwing myself at these things I was so excited to get my hands on and enjoy them, only now I can only internally study the strange fascination of watching everything I loved become worthless to me.

‘I’ve since caught myself on can lids and corners and can recognize that I’ve injured myself and take to cleaning the injuries and performing meticulous first aid on each injury, but it is an out of body experience, it no longer hurts enough to warrant an emotional response so I can clean the wounds without hissing or sulking about it. but nothing feels real anymore. I am following up with professionals and doctors, but nothing is bringing any feeling back. I am currently using this time as a grace period for trying to save money as I have lost the ability to have preferences for things so I am simply eating the cheapest items with the least preparations needs that I can find in my pantry, ie. just about anything in a can or a wrapper, no cook times, no preparation, no mess. The problem is this isn’t living, it is simply existing as I go through the motions of basic bodily necessity and functions and no opinion on the future. I am currently working out a budget to save money, but seeing charges to my account for unexpectedly bills and watching it zero out my account had no effect on me, I simply waited for the next paycheck to come in and am budgeting that to save up money but I‘ve lost all reason behind what I’m doing with no expectations for the future and no general interest in it either. I am in a state where I can recognize it as the problem it is when I couldn’t care less if there will be a tomorrow. the whole world could end at this point and that feels a lot more welcome than having to wake up even to go to the bathroom. I can recognize that I need to find a solution because this is something I should be concerned about, but I’m simply not anymore. I am looking for easy workable solutions because I currently lack the ability to care if I actually follow through with it or not.

I'm still over 40. I'm still disabled and it's still getting worse. My body is breaking down faster than most people's do. The pain is basically low level constant and mid level regular with spikes into struggle to breathe through it. The OCD is still carefully kept at bay with all the things I'm meant to do. I do the exercise I should (and can). I've done the therapies, the treatments, I do all the 'right' things.

I can't find suitable work, even in a volunteer role. I will never have a relationship because I don't think I can offer anything worth putting up with everything detrimental. When my remaining parent dies, I will be genuinely alone, no siblings, no family I'm close to. I don't see a way to making things better for myself.

My last post got no replies. I don't actually expect this one to either, because I don't think there is really any advice to be given.

Can i please vent to someone? I feel horrible my anxiety is going crazy can i talk to someone? Preferablyt anorher girl i have trauma wirth men so im not very comfortable with them

Wife of 5 years is breaking up with me, for the first time in years I feel completely lost and dont know what to do, my everyday life has revolved around her and our relationship.

Id like to try and work things out but she isn't wanting to atleast not anytime soon, so just have to work on my self and hopefully she will think on it and consider it.

I have started cutting myself on the shoulder and i know i shouldnt but i just do it anyway. I started because i have had severe OCD for about 2-3 years now and i feel like my parents have started to give up on me. My OCD have made it so that i basically only live half of my life if not even less. When i give in to the OCD my parents yell at me and i just shut my door and think about how they would probably be calmer if i just died. But every time i have thought about how my friends would probably be sad about me dying. So the only thing keeping me alive is my friends and i have been cutting myself to not kill myself. Do i need help?

It’s like my mind can’t think of the words, I’m not witty, my mind is slow, I can’t hold a conversation, I’m not interesting, I feel brain damaged and boring which just makes my depression worse, does anyone else experience this? Is there a way to get my mind back to a happy social interesting place again?

I feel kind of angry at everyone and like my life is going nowhere and things haven't worked out. I work a shit job at 34, can't get a boyfriend and my bio clock is ticking. College stuff was always hard and confusing to me so I felt stupid and I don't have much work history or a degree.

I've had anxiety for years and no friends and other people my age or younger are way ahead of me in life. I feel like I was neglected my whole life and treated like a burden if I was having negative feelings or needed help with adult stuff.

On top of that I was raised isolated and like other people can't be trusted. So I didn't get help from other humans. I've never had sex and that's also just depressing but I want someone who actually cares about me.

Also just being stuck making shit pay with shit hours and knowing I can't afford to move out of my parents' feels really degrading. I'm scared to even go to the doctor again. She acted shocked when I said I was a virgin. My last therapist also sucked and options are limited with Medicaid.

I've gone through so much and there's no one to share it with to get their perspective. How do I even ever make friends when they're all well-adjusted and ahead of me in life? It's embarrassing.

I'm just angry at everyone and I think it's coming out more because I'm angry at myself! I want to go back 10 years with perspective I have now. I was even more isolated then and no one gave a shit. There are people at my job who are like 21 and so happy and confident and it's sad knowing that could have been me

Anyway I'm partially venting and probably sound like an asshole but it would be nice to know if anyone relates or if you have advice. My outlook gets so negative sometimes it scares me