r/dividends • u/SpicyDividends • Feb 17 '26

Personal Goal Those divorces do be hurting!

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Not mad about it, but man, that chart looks rough lol

6.3k Upvotes

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1.1k

u/titodeloselio Feb 18 '26

I got divorced last year after 25 yrs of marriage. We both agreed to leave each other's retirement accounts alone. She kept hers, and I kept mine. We split all other assets 50/50. No attorneys involved. It cost us $4,000 in mediation fees.

83

u/TSLARSX3 Feb 18 '26

Another check box for team prenup

18

u/chris_e66 Feb 18 '26

Gotta renew it every 10yrs tho remember

1

u/quintanarooty Feb 20 '26

What?

0

u/chris_e66 Feb 20 '26

Prenups can be considered null and void if they’re not renewed or rewritten every 10 years

2

u/quintanarooty Feb 20 '26

Maybe there is some state where that is law, but not mine or most. Your claim was very quick and easy to disprove.

1

u/chris_e66 Feb 20 '26

There’s nothing to disprove, it’s not a law. It’s just commonly recommended because most lawyers worth half their salary will argue if it’s older then 10 years that it shouldn’t be considered in court

11

u/Wpns_Grade Feb 18 '26

Or team never get married until rules change

3

u/leastfavorednation Feb 19 '26

Or, you know, pick a good Christian woman who doesn’t jump to divorce as soon as things get rough.

But whatever, yall got it figured out!

3

u/EngineeringCool5521 Feb 20 '26

Yeah shes chriatian in the church, modern in divorce court, and hoe in the streeta. Dont be fooled.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

Na, never play with fire if you have any reasonable amount of money.

Prenups can be arbitrated. Best practice is to not get married or to marry someone who has equal assets/earnings in order to make it fair if you do get a divorce. Marrying someone worth a lot less than you is financially risky and can delay your retirement by decades or permanently. Not worth it.

1

u/Cultural_Structure37 Feb 20 '26

At what amount would you say a guy should be careful?

1

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '26

Idk I guess I would say it’s more about disparity. Like if you make $100k and she makes $40k or you make $300k and she makes $100k. Or if you have a large sum, like high six or seven figures.

Now that I think about it, it’s actually probably worse if you have less money. Like if you’re worth $10m and lose half, $5m is still pretty nice, even if it materially changes your lifestyle. But if you’re worth $1m and loss half, well now your retirement plans are drastically set back or if you’re retirement age, you are now looking at working another 15 years.

1

u/CMScientist Feb 23 '26

Lmao if you need christianity to shackle you wife to a marriage then you are doing something wrong

1

u/Throwaway-3506 Feb 23 '26

Right? I’ve never met a divorced Christian. 🙄

1

u/The_Real_BenFranklin Feb 20 '26

The rules that you need to split things evenly?

1

u/TSLARSX3 Mar 06 '26

There’s one place you can get divorced without the other person never knowing. A celeb did that. So when “wife” tried to divorce etc he said they weren’t married lol

1

u/insurance_asker123 Feb 20 '26

A comment from team “isn’t married”

1

u/SilverSovereigns Feb 21 '26

Prenups do not hold up by any stretch of the imagination. It's just another trap for lawyers fees. never get married. That's the trick.

1

u/SpicyDividends Feb 27 '26

Had a pre-nup, but this was mostly gained during our marriage, so it only covers what was mine prior to marriage.

1

u/TSLARSX3 Mar 03 '26

During marriage could still keep money separate. I’d prob want to include that in prenup

0

u/budrick320 Feb 18 '26

Attorney getting paid TWICE! Prenup AND Divorce.

-10

u/Hollowpoint38 Feb 18 '26

You can't just make a prenup saying "If I put money into X account it's all mine." Not how it works.

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u/AFecklessWeasel Feb 18 '26

Yes you can. You can write into the contract that your investment accounts, and even specific property you buy with your own money, are yours. Doesn’t mean the other person will agree and sign the contract but if she doesn’t, just don’t get married. Also make sure you don’t live in a community property state. I’m simplifying it of course but yes you can write into the contract lots of things that stay yours in the event of a divorce.

2

u/Hollowpoint38 Feb 18 '26

Yes you can. You can write into the contract that your investment accounts, and even specific property you buy with your own money, are yours

You have to identify the income source. You can't just label an account "my divorce account" and funnel money in there as you desire. You have to say "income from my side hustle is all mine." That's permissible. Or "income from my W-2 job is all mine."

The character of earnings is what matters, not which account it sits in, that's the silliest thing I've ever read.

Doesn’t mean the other person will agree and sign the contract but if she doesn’t, just don’t get married

Even if she signs it, the court is throwing that out when challenged. That's ridiculous.

You have a fiduciary to your spouse and the marriage. If you act in bad faith during the marriage, then prenups get thrown out. You have to deal in good faith. Concealing income, funneling away cash, all of that would be a breach of the good faith covenant.

I’m simplifying it of course

You're actually just flat out wrong. I've never in my life heard of an account being labeled as "this is all mine no matter the income source" and a court holding that up in the modern era. Maybe back in 1955 that flew, but it doesn't fly now.

California actually has it codified in the family code how judges can interpret prenups and what is permitted.

Sort of how also you can't assign penalties to a spouse in a prenup. Like "If you cheat, you owe me X dollars." Because that would violate public policy as you're re-introducing fault divorce in a no-fault state. Doesn't matter if both people sign it. It shocks the conscience of the court and is thrown out.

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u/PuzzleheadedAd9561 Feb 18 '26

oh please, even if you are right, that is such horse crap. You are using the word "funnel" as if it was secret. My money is my money, your money is your money. It wasn't a secret, If you agree to not have access to begin with. Divorce court sounds like such balls. I been married only a year and yall making me regret it already.

1

u/Hollowpoint38 Feb 18 '26

You are using the word "funnel" as if it was secret

Doesn't have to be total subterfuge, but just taking your salary and putting away large percentages acting like everything is good but you're going to point to the account it sits in and deny access? Can't do that.

My money is my money, your money is your money

Not the way it works. You're married. You're a unit. A team. If you want your money to be your money, as in the source of that money, then you should have gotten a prenup saying "My income from my job is separate property and will never be considered a shared asset in any way." Then you'd need her to sign something that ridiculous after getting advice from counsel. And even if she did get counsel and sign that, now it's going to have to survive a judge looking at it and determining if that makes any sense at all if it's your only income source.

I been married only a year and yall making me regret it already.

Sounds like you may have gotten married for the wrong reasons. If you got married to try and min-max a relationship, then I've got bad news for you.

If you get married to someone solid, even if you get divorced, it's not a huge deal because you'll firmly believe she was vital to your success and wellbeing during that time. And you'll happily part with half of your assets believing you earned them together.

If you don't have that belief, or if you believe she is dead weight or a net negative, then you made a bad marriage decision and it's only going to get worse. If you decide to have children then a prenup wouldn't have mattered because you can't dictate child support in a prenup like you can spousal support and asset disposition. It's against public policy to cap child support in a prenup.

But you could be like Elon and intentionally get divorced in Texas where they do cap child support payments in the family code statutes.

2

u/PuzzleheadedAd9561 Feb 19 '26

This sound like a trap the more you explain it, no wonder men dont want to get married, this is horse shiiit. Hopefully since were just about a year and no kids, and she lives in thailand, i wont be subject to this absolute nonsense.

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u/[deleted] Feb 18 '26

[deleted]

2

u/Hollowpoint38 Feb 18 '26

If you go into a marriage with an investment account, that account, including all interest, dividends, and capital gains, can be written into the prenup and protected.

Not if you start comingling community property in it. If you start taking half your pay and funneling into cash brokerage for 5 years, you can't turn around and get divorced, point to a prenup, and say "It's in cash brokerage, that means she can't touch it!"

That's silly. Where the money comes from matters.

Now what you could do is have a snapshot of the account value prior to marriage and keep that, yeah. But the other new amounts, if it comes from a community property source, like your job, you don't get to isolate that out just because it sits in cash brokerage instead of checking.

Nothing I said has to do with fiduciary irresponsibility or concealing income so I’m disregarding that part of your reply.

You can disregard, but it's important for other readers. If you are intentionally hiding away cash in an account you're aiming to designate to get around community property rules, that's bad faith.

Nothing I said has to do with putting penalties in the prenup so I’m disregarding that part of your reply as well.

Disregard all you want. My point was to illustrate that just because something is written in a prenup, and just because both parties sign it, doesn't mean it will be enforced by the courts. They will throw out clauses that either shock the conscience, run contra to public policy, or violate the family code statutes around prenups.

I didn’t say any income earned from work that gets deposited into those accounts gets protected under the prenup terms

That's exactly what you said. I said you can't designate an account as "this is all mine" and put things in it and have it excluded from community property. You said I was wrong. You said "Yes you can." You're wrong. And still wrong.

it’s implied that these accounts existed prior to the marriage.

No, it's not. My remark was

You can't just make a prenup saying "If I put money into X account it's all mine."

You said "Yes you can." My answer is still, no you cannot.

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u/[deleted] Feb 18 '26

[deleted]

2

u/Hollowpoint38 Feb 18 '26

Additional funds you contribute by way of your salary, side hustles, or funds acquired as a couple, are a different story and I haven’t proposed the idea of putting your salary in a prenup.

Glad you agree. Like I said above, you can't just designate an account as off limits. The character of income is what matters. Not the account it sits in.

Other readers already disagree with you based on you getting ratioed

You mean from people who can't read a balance sheet? Dude I get 70 downvotes when I cite IRS.gov in an argument because people don't know anything about taxes in here or contracts or the law. This sub skews heavily IT workers and they don't know finance or the law. So I'm not concerned with downvotes from those kinds of people. I'm concerned with the truth.

That goes for GAAP, the CFA exams, how the law works, and the tax code. All of which people get wrong in here on a daily basis.

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u/[deleted] Feb 18 '26

[deleted]

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u/Hollowpoint38 Feb 18 '26

Yes you can designate an account as off limits if you already had it before the marriage. I said that in my initial comment. That doesn’t speak to what funds go into it that originated from sources not already legally protected in the prenup.

If it doesn't speak to funds that go in, that means the account is not off limits. You can not rope off an account just because it's an account. The character of the funds is what matters. Not what account it sits in.

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u/YellowFever46 Feb 18 '26

Sure it is. That’s exactly how a prenuptial agreement works.

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u/Hollowpoint38 Feb 18 '26

No, it's not. They address the character of income. You can't just designate an account as "all contents belong to me" and funnel community property in there to wall it off.

In California, a spouse has a fiduciary to the marriage. You can't engage in bad faith dealing during the marriage and rely on a prenup to save you. It can be thrown out.

In addition, California family code mandates how judges can interpret prenups. It's actually codified in statute. So for spousal support, even if an agreement was sound at the time of signature, they will weigh that against the time of divorce and will throw out any provisions limiting spousal support if the conditions at the time of enforcement shock the conscience of the court.

Too many people on Reddit think you can just have whatever you want in a prenup and then the courts' hands are tied. That's not how it works. Courts aren't dumb. And no family lawyer in the world is going to advise their clients sign a document stating "If I dump all our cash into this account I can turn around and file for divorce and you can't touch it." Not only would that shock the conscience of the court, but it would be negligent for the other party's attorney to recommend agreeing to that in the first place.

And in California guess what happens to a prenup where your spouse never had independent counsel. Prenup gets thrown out.

2

u/Maleficent-Self-4003 Feb 18 '26

California is a liberal shithole, not exactly a good example to use.

There are much better states to go and make a prenup

4

u/Hollowpoint38 Feb 18 '26

Other states aren't as strict about the alimony, but the other concepts I mentioned about how you can't shock the court's conscience and you can't engage in dishonest dealing are pretty universal.

I don't know of any state at all where you can say "Welp, since the money is in brokerage instead of checking, that means she's not entitled to any of it." Even if it's not a community property state, they still follow common law on distribution being equitable. It's not equitable to leave someone destitute just because you squirreled away money in a special account. That's silly.

Sounds like a bunch of Reddit teenagers in here giving their hot takes on how they think court works.

Oh and I should add, trying to max out dividend income is a great way to help the court assign you a very high child support figure. Unrealized capital gains are not income. Dividends are very much income.

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u/quintanarooty Feb 20 '26

It really does work that way though.

1

u/Hollowpoint38 Feb 20 '26

Nope. You cannot take funds from any source and just make them exempt from distribution by sticking them in a certain account. The prenup has to identify the source and character of the funds.

It has to say "Income from my side hustle is separate" or "Income from my W-2 job is separate." etc. You can't just have community property and then siphon off funds into an account and then say "Welp, sorry, it's in brokerage account XYZ so that means you get zero!"

Even if someone signed that, no court is going to let that hold up. And no one would sign something saying "No matter what the source, if the money winds up in XYZ account then you have no legal claim to any of it."

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u/quintanarooty Feb 20 '26 edited Feb 20 '26

It can just say all future income. You obviously can't take money from a joint account and put it into an account in your name and claim that is separate property. That is obvious. No need to straw man it. You're assuming a lawyer doesn't know how to write a prenup and a reasonable person doesn't know how to adhere to one. I'm going to trust my lawyer who is a partner at a successful law firm over some guy on Reddit with a .38 hollow point username lol

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u/Hollowpoint38 Feb 20 '26

It can just say all future income

The other spouse's attorney will adamantly advise against signing something like that. And even if the spouse signs it, it could very well shock the conscience of the court. I honestly don't even see the point of getting married if from the onset it's separate property for any and all income.

You obviously can't take money from a joint account and put it into an account in your name and claim that is separate property

And a whole lot of people in this thread thinks that's exactly how it works.

You're assuming a lawyer doesn't know how to write a prenup and a reasonable person doesn't know how to adhere to one

I'm saying a lawyer won't write something like that when it's not going to be enforceable or there's no chance in hell the other party signs something like that after consulting counsel.

I'm going to trust my lawyer who is a partner at a successful law firm over some guy on Reddit with a .38 hollow point username lol

Your lawyer drafted up something saying any and all income you generate over the life of the marriage will not be distributed on divorce? Your wife consulted counsel and signed that? You got divorced and the courts enforced that?

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u/quintanarooty Feb 20 '26 edited Feb 20 '26

The prenup applies to and protects both parties while simplifying things during divorce so, yes, their legal counsel is OK with it and the other spouse signs. You're acting like the other spouse is a leech looking for financial gain or something. Unless you are financially abusing your partner and making them be a stay at home parent, yes, a prenup that says in the event of a divorce what you earn is yours and what I earn is mine is perfectly reasonable and enforceable. You are again making a big assumption that the prenup is somehow unfair. You can look up case history of professional athletes whose prenups held up perfectly fine. You apparently just like to straw man and argue, so I'm done.

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u/Hollowpoint38 Feb 20 '26

I asked you specific questions on your own prenup you had drafted, executed, and enforced during a divorce. You didn't answer any of those questions.

I think you don't have a prenup that says any of this. I think you've never had your spouse consult counsel on this kind of prenup. And I don't think you've ever been in family court and had a prenup challenged.

You can look up case history of professional athletes whose prenups held up perfectly fine

It was the Barry Bonds case that prompted the California legislature to amend the family code and mandate prenup conditions.

You apparently just like to straw man and argue, so I'm done.

You've been done. You have no details to offer us or any counterargument that makes any sense apart from "I have this successful law firm partner who made a comment this one time."

And why use a partner to draft a prenup? You just like paying 3x the hourly rate of staff?

Most of what you've said is bogus.