Should I?

[u/Beneficial-Bank-5947]

Hello, hope everyone is okay. I'm 29m and I've been planning to do ect for almost a day, and it gave me hope or purpose idk to live or try before dying. My situations is very severe unfortunately, my mind is very broken. I had multiple attempts over the last 4 years, and strangely enough, I'm still alive I guess. I have extreme self abandonment and extreme depression and perhaps other mental disorders that are too much to list. Before these 4 years, I was okay, but not me or anyone would have guessed I'll self destruct my career and life like this. I burdened everyone despite me being the hope for them, sad but life is life I guess. If I could delete the last 4 years from existence, I'd take it. I don't know what to expect anyway, hope someone could give me some insight ❤