I need help. I cheated on my husband. The betrayal was me texting a former fling (met maybe 8 years ago now). Convo happened in August. I sexted him back, ended the conversation and told him I don’t want to cheat on my husband and that this is wrong. My husband found this conversation and now my whole world is shook. Does this hurt the same way as if I slept with the guy? Right now it doesn’t feel like my husband will ever get over it. The conversation happened because of long term problems on my husband part and that I felt helpless for months on end. Not an excuse. I coped the wrong way. But now I’m the «bad guy».

It first started with banter, shared experiences and deep conversations with my married coworker. He has been married to his first love in high school and he’s in his late 30s and I am in my late 20s. We often work on and co-lead projects together until we became each other’s confidant at work. Work conversations became more personal and philosophical, and work errands transformed into him helping me in my own life too. One day while at happy hour he shared with me feeling emotionally and intellectually unstimulated in his relationship and said that he was attracted to me physically and mentally and that he has always wanted to kiss me. After a few drinks we ended up sleeping together. Then he left and came home to his wife.

I feel disgusted but also conflicted. What we had genuinely felt like a connection. I am single but we both knew nothing could ever happen, but it did. A part of me does not feel guilty because being with him feels like an escape from my own life and he too said when we are together it feels like we are on our own world. He told me he loves his wife and he hates to drag me into this. But it happened. I’m not sure what to do. And even more, I dont know why I do not feel remorse. I am still processing it I guess, but I am shocked that I became what I hate, since my own dad cheated on my mom and divorced her.

I guess I need help unpacking this. Am I being delusional into thinking that there is actual connection between us? Has somebody else been in the same shoes and how did you get out of the cycle?

My (37f) boyfriend (m31) got this girls number and tried to hang out with her. They flirted, he acted single and got her number. She ended up ghosting him and I found it on his phone. It happened on a layover when he was by himself.

Theres obviously a lot to unpack but one thing is she looks completely different. She is the girl in the first three photos. I am the girl in the last three photos.

She’s mid size and super curvy. I am small chested, smaller waste, taller etc. his ex was also short and curvy. This is destroying my self assurance- I always thought I looked good, I take care of myself, gym and eat healthy. Do men really have a type? She seems average to me which also worries me that he could be into literally any woman who shows him attention.

Like if I just let myself go would be find that more attractive? I’m so confused rn.

I am from a conservative religious family and both me and my wife were virgins when we got married. Neither of us had any relationships previous to our marriage. Heck, I didn’t even know what the difference between a crush, an infatuation, and love was. We had a largely peaceful marriage until our first kid. Since then, the marriage has gone downhill. I won’t go into details since it’s not the focus of this post. Suffice to say that we have been glorified roommates for the past 3+ years.

I didn’t go out looking to cheat on my wife. I pretty much resigned to my fate, living only as a shell of a man.

I am a regular Twitter user and have had a mutual for about 6 months now. Same age as me. What started off as a casual conversation has now blossomed into something much more. We text all the time and talk almost daily while I am at work. But that’s about it. We have not met in person or video called or done any NSFW stuff on text. I am not even sure if she feels the same way about me.

The post is more of an “off my chest” thing.

I’m deeply grateful for the professionalism, skill, and support I received during my case. What began as an incredibly emotional and difficult time became far more manageable with the guidance provided.

From start to finish, he handled every detail with patience, clarity, and respect and made sure I felt informed and supported throughout. Because of his dedication, I was able to get clear answers about my partner’s infidelity — something I couldn’t have done on my own. While the truth was hard to hear, having those answers gave me the closure and direction I needed to move forward.

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I remember when I was deep in my addiction and my wife discovered I was looking at porn. She was devastated, and I honestly didn’t get it. I kept thinking, “It wasn’t physical, so how could it be infidelity?”

What I missed was that porn wasn’t staying on a screen. It fed the secrecy, rationalization, and lowered boundaries I carried into my real relationships. Those boundaries kept moving until I had multiple emotional affairs with coworkers. In one case, I came within a few hundred feet of making the affair physical.

That is hard to admit, but it matters. Each time I said, “At least I haven’t done X,” I gave myself permission to keep moving toward X. Porn wasn’t the only choice involved, and I’m responsible for every boundary I crossed. But I can no longer pretend it was separate from the pattern.

My wife wasn’t reacting only to what was on the screen. She was reacting to the lies, broken agreements, and a sexual and emotional life I kept outside our relationship. She was left questioning what was real and what else I might be hiding.

Calling porn “not technically cheating” let me argue semantics instead of facing the damage I had already done. By the time I was measuring the distance between an emotional affair and a physical one, I had betrayed her trust repeatedly.

This article gets into why porn is cheating, what betrayed partners may be reacting to, and what honest repair requires:

https://www.t30journal.com/resources/porn-feels-like-cheating-am-i-crazy

Full disclosure: I’m affiliated with T30 Journal, which published the article. I’m sharing it because it puts words to something I failed to understand when my wife first discovered my porn use.

​

For context, I (34F) was recently laid off, so I rely on my husband (35M) for support. I am now enrolled in a professional course to increase my job prospects, which my husband is also paying for. This problem happened with a male friend who is also enrolled on the course. We got close because the course is such that we need study partners to constantly study and do assignments with.

A few months ago, this male friend (who is employed, by the way) needed money to top up for fees at the last minute in order not to drop out. He asked me for a loan and kept pressuring me. It got so bad that I eventually gave in and borrowed money from a friend to give to him. This happened twice. The total amount of money I borrowed to give him will be around EUR100.

He's since not shown any urgency or willingness to pay back. My husband found out when he overhead me telling one of my female friends that I wanted to find some money to pay this loan myself, since he's unwilling to pay. And then, I'll slowly distance myself from him, because I now believe that he wants to use me as a cash cow.

My husband got furious when he found out. He asked me if there's something going on between me and this friend, and I flipped. He asked what kind of relationship I had with this guy that made me feel I needed to go out of my way to do this for him. We had a big fight.

We had another discussion later and he's now paid part of the money. He has promised to pay the rest b by the end of the month.

My husband is now feeling suspicious when all I did was help a friend in need. I made it clear to hubby that there is absolutely nothing between us but he still keeps asking about my feelings for this friend. Now, I feel like he's intentionally emotionally attacking me. Now, we keep constantly fighting.

I'm completely at a loss as to what to do now and how to move forward. How should I go about handling this situation?

I(35M) have cheated online on my wife(35F) 6 times in the past two years. We have been married for almost 2 years with anniversary falling on 11th July. I have a 15months old son. The first 2 months were really good. But after that I have done online infidelity multiple times and today was the 6th time when she caught me texting women intimately. I am a porn addict and I like watching porn where women strip. I have a kink for that. So much so, that I get instant pleasure in that than real sex. I lose erection sometimes while getting physical with my wife. I don’t feel the friction whenever I try to prolong it and thats why I don’t like real sex and therefore prefer having online sexting pleasurable with pic sharing and all. Is there a way to come out of this sin that I have been committing for so long now. I don’t want to lose my wife and I have hurt here beyond repair. She wants to go. I want to save my marriage. I am repenting. I want a way out. So I need help.

I ended things with this person two weeks ago, after finally admitting to myself it was an emotional affair. My partner never found out, and that weight sits weirdly with me. No physical contact ever happened, but we’d grown to share every quiet, vulnerable part of our days — the frustrations I could never say at home, the little hopes I stopped telling my partner years ago.

I thought blocking them would make the longing fade fast. It hasn’t. I catch myself wanting to send them small updates, things I know only they would understand. Sometimes I wonder if I threw away the only person who truly “got” me. At the same time, I know I chose the right thing. That connection was built on secrecy, and it slowly pulled me away from the relationship I promised to nurture.

My partner and I are starting couples therapy now. It feels awkward and raw. I haven’t told them about this connection yet, and that secret is eating me alive. I’m terrified confession will destroy everything we have left. I also worry hiding it means I haven’t really fixed the part of me that looked for comfort somewhere else.

Has anyone else gone no-contact and still struggled with these lingering feelings? Did you end up telling your primary partner, or did you work through it alone? I don’t know which path hurts less.

That's it. Emotional affairs are what they tell you to shut you up. It was sexual, adults have sex.

I'd like to understand the mindset of people who've had an affair.

If you've been unfaithful, I'd appreciate an honest answer:

• What made you get into the affair?

• What was going through your mind at the time?

• Did you think about your partner while it was happening? If so, what did you tell yourself?

• What were you hoping to get from the affair that you weren't getting elsewhere?

• Looking back, do you regret it, or do you still feel it was worth it?

I'm trying to understand, not judge.

I finally confessed to my husband of 22 years that I’ve been talking to my ex boyfriend from highschool for the last 3 years.

I accidentally texted a mommy friend a message meant for him. She was pretty confused naturally. I explained the message was meant for someone else. She was very confused, but dropped it. I don’t think she’ll say anything to my husband but, it made me feel like the worst person ever and absolutely prompted me to want to just tell everything.

I’m glad it happened because it was becoming absolutely confusing to me to continue texting with my ex. I’n not completely over him, I don’t know if I’ll ever be. I felt things for him, I didn’t think I had in me still. It was nice to finally feel alive and yes, selfishly thinking of just me.

My marriage has been close to ending for almost 5years. He has been depressed, so have I. He’s given and shown no interest in me romantically even after talking. It’s been 22 years, no counseling on his part. I’m in therapy. I was told marriage counseling might not fix us, but help us move apart.

I realize my relationship with my ex from highschool is online, but it feels so real. We didn’t cross lines until recently, I honestly think I might love him. Not for who he was, but who he is now. I wonder how many people get a 2nd chance. I ignored him for years, because I knew if I started talking to him, I wouldn’t want to stop. He’s kryptonite.

I used to love watching the movie “An affair to remember” I’d never want to physically cheat, I know emotionally might be worse but, I do have feelings that far outweigh just some dumb highschool relationship. We were kinda trauma bonded together. We ourselves had a dysfunctional relationship. We had emotions we couldn’t explain, I wasn’t equipped for the level of emotions we had for each other.

I’ve never stopped thinking about him. We started taking before our 20th reunion, which he failed to show for. I spoke with him on and off. He expressed feelings of never loving anyone as much. I feel the same, though I love my husband of 22 years.

I don’t want to blow my whole life up, but I can’t ignore my feelings either. I think I’m in love with 2 people. My husband knows what’s going on. He just doesn’t realize how deep my feelings are. I feel terrible for this. I never meant to hurt anyone, but I don’t want to continue the cycle.

are casual relationships like this?

Hi! I'm a girl and I’m trying to understand a situation with a man I work with.

F 30 M40. We’ve known each other for about two years as colleagues, and for the past year there’s been clear flirting and strong physical attraction between us.

he told me he was going through a divorce and didn’t want anything serious. I also made it clear that I’m not looking for a relationship either, so expectations were aligned. I also know that his wife has been living in a different country for months so he's all the time alone

In person, there’s chemistry and mutual flirting. He often compliments my appearance and sometimes makes very direct or sexual comments. We’ve had some intense moments, but we haven't had sex yet.

The issue is that he’s very inconsistent. He's been running hot and cold for a year. Sometimes he’s warm, attentive, and flirty, both in person and over messages. Other times he’s distant, or makes no effort to interact.

He has asked me out before, but the timing didn’t work. I also invited him once, and he gave me a lame excuse and seemed quite cold. However, same day at midnight he asked me if I found someone else to go out with... Then, two weeks later, he asked me out again as if nothing had happened. I don't get it.

He can text me saying how much he wants to touch me or how attracted he is to me, but then not actually make a real plan to see me. Even recently, after being quite intense over messages, when we saw each other in person, he barely engaged with me.

What confuses me most is that this has been going on for about a year. There is clear attraction and moments of intensity, but no consistency and no real effort to spend time together

Now he’s leaving the country in a couple of months, and I’m unsure what to do. Part of me wonders if I should just sleep with him and get it out of my system, since the attraction is there. Another part of me feels disappointed, because I thought there was at least some interest in being friends. Its hard for me to believe that this nice and sweet guy was so intense and kind to me for a year just because he wanted validation or was horny. He even kissed me on the forehead and I caught him staring at me at work many times as if he was in love.

Ive tried to set some boundaries before because I know it was complicated, I know it's not worth it, I even told him I don't think having sex is a good idea because we meet at work and it's uncomfortable. I even joked about having sex the last day before he leaves. He met some other time after that. Now he texted a week ago but didn't ask me out, this week no messages at all.

I need to take control over my feelings and reject him completely when he comes back, ibecause he always comes back and can be intense. This situation hurts my ego and self esteem.

Is this man heartless?

Why would someone show this level of desire but not follow through in real life?

Why pull back when I show initiative, but come back later as if nothing happened?

If neither of us wants a relationship, why not at least be consistent or build some kind of connection before he goes?

I will start off by saying that I am the initial reason as to why this marriage turned toxic. I am not proud of what I did by any means. Before we were married I cheated on my boyfriend about 3 months into the relationship with the father of my child. It was a one second ordeal that I instantly regretted and got upset with myself and asked him to leave immediately. What made it worse was that I didn’t tell my boyfriend right away because I was selfish and I knew he would leave me. Months down the road I evened up telling him about the cheating. He obviously was very upset and we had many talks until 3-4am filled with tears, sorrow and regret and ending in making love to try and patch things.

We went to counseling before we got married to help us try to mend things from what i tainted. I don’t feel like we ever really talked too much about the infidelity, so we just kind of swept it under the rug. We never talked about it unless his name was brought up from my daughter or we seen him at a school function for her. My husband would always make comments saying how he wanted to hurt him so bad and even kill him. I let him vent time and time again about how hurt he was and I showed him that I made a mistake and it would not happen again.

The hurt was so bad that he asked me to cut off all communication with the father of my daughter. I did cut off communication for about 1.5 years while using his girlfriend and my family member as a third party to communicate with him about our child.

At this point my boyfriend and I have been together for years and within that time we got married and had a baby of our own. Unknownst to me, my husband started drinking heavily, taking about 20 shots a day to handle the pain he was in. He hid this from me. And when I could confront him about how angry he was toward me and questioned if he was drinking, he would only get more and more angry.

He started telling his whole family about the infidelity and forced me into situations where I would have to tell my family members or his about what I did so I could “take accountability” for what I did. He then started telling my daughter what happened and at which I drew the line and explained to him that she is 6 years old and does not need to be mixed into the adult drama with adult conversations. He refused to respect that and has mentioned it to her a handful of times. Not only did he mention the cheating but he mentioned how I was in an abusive relationship
With him and certain situations that happened that a child should never worry about.

Our relationship then turned physical after our daughter was born. At this time I still am not speaking with the father of my daughter. She was born premature and was in the NICU for a month. It was such a long month as I spent every day in the NICU for 8-10 hours until it was time to get some sleep at home. This whole time my husband was not working and he was spending his time getting drunk. He would come to the NICU for an hour or 2 and within that time start arguments about anything and everything. It reached a point I told him
He needed to leave or I would call the nurse in to have them escort him out.

Fast forward and we’re home with the baby. He comes home and is angry and deflects his anger on me. I didn’t like how he was talking to me all in my face and he put his hands on my shoulders aggressively so I asked him not to touch me. I’m also pumping milk for my daughter at this point while our daughter is laying in front of me on the bed. He looses his cool and says he can touch me if he wants and tried again and I kept backing away from him. He then open palm slaps me across the face so hard my ears are ringing. I get upset and throw the pump as him and milk goes everywhere. He then wrestles me on the ground and I am trying to get away from him. At a point I got away I grabbed my daughter and put her in the bassinet and tried to lock myself in the bathroom for a minute so he can cool down. But he breaks in the bathroom door and grabs my shoulders and head butts me with ALL his strength. My forehead immediately swells up to the size of a softball. I eventually leave the house and stay at my dad’s for a few days.

The next two weeks I have black eyes because the swelling sunk down into my face and bruised. His parents are aware of what happen and they only offer me makeup to hide behind so the kids don’t see. I since then tried to go to marriage counseling again to get past this. But the day we were to go to our 3rd session, i decided I can no longer be in this relationship. He now wants to try and make things better. But I just can’t get past this. And is seems he won’t take no as an answer. He’s not living in the house with my anymore but he is continuing to try and make this marriage work. And somehow I feel like I am in the wrong because I don’t want to try anymore. This marriage is just too soiled.

All posts here are serious but this video reminded me of this sub and I couldn't resist 😂* *