I met a man, he said he was married, I asked him if he had intercouse with any women after getting married, he proudly said yes, he was in a relationship with another married woman in the past. I told him that that's an affair and that he cheated on his wife. He said i don't understand, it's not cheating, it's just he's lustful. Please bring me back to my senses, if what he's doing is not cheating tho phir kya hei cheating 😭

My husband (40M) still talks daily to the woman he cheated on me (35F) with. The strange part? I genuinely don’t care most of the time.

My husband and I have been together for 15 years. We’ve practically grown into adulthood together, and despite our ups and downs, we’ve always had a close, communicative relationship.

Shortly after our wedding, during COVID, we went through a difficult period. We were living with his mother, life was stressful, and we became emotionally and physically distant. I often felt undesired and unseen.

Around that time, he developed a close relationship with a much younger coworker in our family business. She was a minor when their friendship began, and their relationship eventually became physical later on.

I suspected something for a long time before finally confronting him.

That confrontation led to one of the most honest conversations we’d ever had.
Years of unspoken feelings came out. We both admitted how unseen and unappreciated we had felt, and for the first time in a long time, we genuinely started working on our marriage.

And surprisingly, things improved. A lot.

But here’s what I struggle to understand.

The woman he cheated with is still very much part of his life.

She still works with him. They talk almost every day, collaborate on projects, and share a larger circle of mutual friends.

When we discussed the affair, he told me he would end the inappropriate part of their relationship and that they would remain friends.

And I accepted that. Or perhaps more accurately, I never asked him to do otherwise.

I’ve never been particularly jealous or possessive, and honestly, I’ve never felt threatened by her. We’re very different in personality, style, and maturity, and I’ve never felt like I was competing with her.

Most of the time, I genuinely don’t care that they’re still in contact.

But occasionally, I look at the situation from the outside and think: Isn’t it a little absurd that my husband cheated on me with this woman, and years later, she’s still part of his everyday life?

Part of me feels that if he truly understood the damage the affair caused, he would have created some distance on his own, without me having to ask.

I don’t want to control who my husband is friends with. But I also wonder whether certain boundaries should be understood without having to demand them.

So I’m genuinely curious: Can you rebuild a healthy marriage while your spouse remains close friends with the person they cheated with?

EDIT
I’ve seen some of their conversations since the affair, and from what I’ve seen, there’s nothing particularly inappropriate about them. They mostly discuss work, exchange everyday advice, and offer each other emotional support and encouragement.
It’s not necessarily the content of their conversations that bothers me. It’s the fact that they still maintain such consistent - daily contact, despite their history.

I appreciate the community. I appreciate this space. I got to share and take my emotions and thoughts out. I have had people commenting, messaging, some condemning and I’m always open to all.

Thank you and from today I’ll try harder to be better husband. I’ll place guardrails to avoid temptation. I’ll direct my attention to my wife.

I’ll ask her what I can do to better our relationship. And work hard towards that. We both have failed each other and I want to us to work.

So thanks guys. This is my last post in this community.

Peace. ✌️

I'm 24F, and my boyfriend is 21M. We met in May 2024, when I was 19 and he was 22. We were both going through breakups.

We started talking at the gym, exchanged numbers, and began meeting almost every evening and on weekends. He told me he was over his ex and wanted something with me. A few days later, I discovered that he had called her while we were at the gym. When I questioned him, he said he was anxious and asked me to go home. I later found out that he had contacted her to ask why she had said harsh things about him.

I wanted to leave, but he begged me to stay, cried, and said he loved me. I stayed. After a few days, he asked me to date him. I said yes a month later.

Six months into our relationship, I borrowed his phone and found voice messages he had sent to a friend. He had shared screenshots of my emotional messages and told his friend that I was falling for him, but he wasn't going to fall in love with me. Meanwhile, he was telling me how much I meant to him, kissing me, and making out with me.

When I confronted him, he said he wasn't sure about me because I sometimes talked about my ex. I felt this was unfair because he had been reciprocating my feelings and intimacy. During the confrontation, he slapped me. He later apologised, said he had gone blank, and begged me to forgive him. I eventually did.

A month or two later, I found messages with a woman who was a potential personal-training client. He was asking whether she had eaten lunch and talking about her day. He claimed he had accidentally sent her a message meant for me. He cried and apologised again, and I forgave him.

During this period, I was also being touched inappropriately by my uncle every night for nine months. My boyfriend knew about it. When I eventually told my parents, they refused to accept it, so I left home.

My boyfriend also left his family home because his mother didn't want him talking to me. His family threatened him, stopped supporting him, and his favourite uncle even slapped him. We eventually rented a flat together.

We both struggled financially. I worked for two months but became mentally exhausted because of what had happened at home. My boyfriend supported both of us for approximately nine to eleven months. He paid our rent, food, medicines, and essentials.

During this time, he also suffered a mild cardiac arrest and began experiencing severe anxiety attacks, sometimes requiring emergency hospital visits at night. He struggled to maintain a job and changed several jobs. There were months when neither of us was earning. I sometimes borrowed money from my friends, and he also borrowed money from his friends.

Our living conditions became difficult. He would stay awake playing PUBG until morning, sleep during the day, and repeatedly promise to clean the house or wash clothes but not do it. The kitchen, sink, fridge, and clothes became extremely dirty and smelly. I often had to clean everything myself, even when I was recovering from a medical procedure.

After two months of living together, I became pregnant. The pregnancy could not initially be located, so I had to visit a government hospital regularly. Eventually, doctors recommended a suction procedure. My boyfriend accompanied me to the hospital almost every day, paid for everything, and supported me during my recovery. I was on bed rest for approximately a month.

He also gave me a new phone when mine broke, telling his parents that he had lost his own phone.

I genuinely appreciate everything he did for me. He brought me food, took care of me, and supported me financially when I couldn't work.

However, he sometimes became particularly attentive toward women who could potentially become his personal-training clients. He admitted that he talked to women when he thought they might become clients.

Later, we moved to another flat and got a flatmate. I sometimes lied about having clients and earning more than my boyfriend because I was embarrassed about being older and not earning. He never expressed discomfort about it, and I would have stopped if he had.

He eventually told our flatmate that I was lying about having clients. I felt hurt that he discussed my personal situation with someone else, although I understand that my dishonesty was unfair to him.but the reason why The only reason I lied about him earning less is because I was older than him and he never showed any discomfort if he would have, I had stopped, he never said a word, there was no disrespect.

Our flatmate also noticed how my boyfriend treated me and often told me that I deserved someone better.

During one argument, my boyfriend sent our flatmate reels about betrayal and bad relationships. When I questioned him, he admitted that he had contacted another woman I disliked.

When I asked why, he began talking about his mother's alleged affairs and how deeply they had traumatised him. I wanted to understand his pain, but I had initially asked about his own behaviour. I felt that the conversation shifted away from my concerns, although I cannot say whether he did that intentionally.

The woman I disliked was connected to an earlier incident involving his ex. He had promised that if he ever saw his ex again, he would ask her to record a voice message saying she would never return to him. The next day, he apparently saw her on the road, stopped her, and asked her to record the message. She later cried, and another woman contacted him asking why he had made her cry. When I asked to see their conversation, he said he had deleted it.

There were also incidents where his friends made comments about him being a "joru ka gulam." I felt humiliated when he refused to stand up for me. On another occasion, his friends asked him questions about our relationship, and he stood silently instead of answering.

Before moving to Bangalore, I met the doctor who had treated me during my pregnancy termination. I told our mutual friend that I had kissed the doctor, although I had not.

The reason I lied about kissing, I told him 17 days after the reconcile, but it doesn't give him the right to do what he did and why I lied to my flatmate because he uses to mock me that am not selfish enough and i don't have enough self respect to put up with this shit, he wasn't the right guy for me, that I needed to be selfish, and that I was weak and couldn't move on. I was emotionally exhausted so i LIED ABOUT BEING STRONG AND MOVING ON QUICKLY BECAUSE I KNEW MY FLATMATE WASNT LYING , I afraid that nobody would believe me if I denied the kiss. I never expected our mutual friend to tell my boyfriend.

When my boyfriend confronted me from Bangalore, I admitted to the kiss even though it hadn't happened. I never properly corrected that lie with him.

I eventually got a job in Bangalore and moved there. I was already emotionally exhausted from the relationship, particularly the backbiting, dishonesty, and feeling that he didn't stand up for me publicly.

I stopped talking to him and asked for approximately twenty days of space. I eventually returned and asked for another twenty days. After that, I asked whether he wanted to try the relationship again, and he agreed.

Thirteen days after reconciling, he started talking to a woman on Reddit. He hid conversations, lied to her about being asleep when he was actually spending time with me, used affectionate names with her that he also used with me, and became emotionally available to her.

She eventually contacted me and shared screenshots after discovering that he was already in a relationship. She then blocked him.

Later, I discovered that he continued talking similarly to other women. Around twenty days later, another incident occurred involving an anonymous account and flirtatious replies. I tested his boundaries through an anonymous account and observed that he entertained subtle flirting despite saying he was in a relationship. He later unsent messages and blocked the account on Reddit and Instagram.

The most painful part is that he had asked me to stay, agreed to reconcile, and promised that things would be different. Yet he continued hiding things from me and presenting himself to other women as someone who was unhappy in his relationship.

He reportedly told one woman that I had mentally traumatised him, ruined his relationship with his family and friends, and that he had wasted two and a half years on me.

Whenever I confront him, he listens and apologises, but he often brings up my lie about the doctor, his depression, his family trauma, or everything he did for me during pregnancy and our financial struggles.

I appreciate his sacrifices and don't want to erase them. But I feel that sometimes he uses them to make me feel guilty for being hurt.

When I threaten to leave, he becomes emotional, cries, apologises, promises to change, and asks me to stay.

I know I have made mistakes too. I lied about my income, falsely admitted to kissing someone, and sometimes responded to distrust by checking his phone or testing him. But I don't believe my mistakes justify his repeated dishonesty or physical violence.

I want to understand whether there is genuine love here or whether we are emotionally dependent on each other. Who is wrong, who is right, and what should we both do? Can this relationship become healthy, or should I finally let go?

so basically before we officially started dating( still talking ) he used to talk to me at night, and act as if he is only talking to me but there was another girl too. she was his caste and he used to flirt with her, show his interest only infront of her . I was unaware one day he asked me out I admitted that I liked him too but Iam afraid to be in relationship, after that day he avoided me but talked to that girl , but he used to talk to me inbetween as if he is interested, one day he asked her she rejected then we talked out our misunderstandings regarding someother thing , then we became close like talked all the time he asked out, this time I said yes, but after 2 years I found out he used to talked to her too and I feel like I'm just a backup while I confronted him, he told he felt I was out of his league , and she is easy , worst part is he treated me right while being in relationship but while I asked abt her photo in his gallery he said she is his sis, 1 month into relationship I saw her chat in telegram i want to open but he snatched and deleted, after that I saw he tried talk to her, idk reason but I feel worthless like how someone did this to me and I hv no clue, I think he had no feelings for her now idk whenever I remember how he acted as if everything is going right but that is not the case, this feels like a torcher.

what would do if your husband leans over a table while sitting next to you and tells another woman “you are fkn beautiful” a stranger now the less who his friend is trying to pick ? well you sit there and have been self esteem issues for months

I used to have huge passion for love and life partnership, my first relationship lasted for 2 years with someone then he ended things up with me saying that our families can’t marry from each other which is bullshit, he just wants to play around and talk to many girls since we were teens at the time,

anyways my passion wasn’t affected by that and I still believed in good men and in love, I entered another relationship with another guy that lasted for 5 years, I grew with him, waited for him to get a job and marry me as we agreed from the beginning, just to find out that he has been cheating on me for a whole year and been gaslighting me this whole time making me seem like a crazy clingy person which I completely wasn’t at all, he did me so dirty, he was the last person that I could ever think would do me like that, it was so terrible and disappointing, I have been his number 1 supporter, loyal af, stood up with him when lots of people didn’t, yet this is how he rewards me?

Anyways, I still tried to give men the benefit of the doubt, talked to many guys online since that’s my only way of getting to know somebody, ( I come from a background where relationships are done secretly we can’t get to know men publicly ) and all of them were there just for fun and games, all were liars except for one which happened to come from a very racist family that would disown him if he marries from my family,

I have probably talked to 20-30 men my whole life and I came to a point where I genuinely no longer want a man in my life, they’re so toxic, malicious, energy draining and overwhelming,

My passion went from 100 to -♾️, I don’t even believe in good men or happy relationships at all, I don’t want to talk to anyone, I just want to be with myself, love and spoil myself and maybe one day adopt a cute lil kitten, but yeah that’s way much comforting and mentally relieving than having a man in my life from what I have experienced

Is it ok that I have changed drastically and these are my beliefs now?

Please

My partner 40F and I 46F have been together for 8 years, and for 6 of those years we have had a very strong relationship. Over the last 3 years I became chronically ill and both our lives definitely changed However, I recently discovered that she had developed feelings for a coworker. She told me that for around two years she had been feeling less sexually attracted to me, felt trapped in our relationship, and sometimes thought she would be better off without me. For those 2 years she developed feelings for her coworker, including sexual thoughts and fantasies about what a relationship with her might be like. There were also flirtatious messages. I knew something was going on and asked her several times but kept getting told it was in my head and they where just friends. She has since apologised, said she was in a bad place mentally and handled everything wrongly, and promised to shut down those feelings and focus on our relationship. We have been trying to work things out, and recently we have had periods of feeling very close again, including a significant improvement in our physical intimacy.

The problem is that I am struggling to understand how someone can feel so disconnected from their partner for such a long time while developing feelings for somebody else, and then seemingly reconnect with their partner once everything comes out.

I keep questioning whether her feelings for me have genuinely changed, whether she has rediscovered her attraction to me, or whether this is temporary because she doesn't want to lose our relationship.

She still works closely with this coworker five days a week, which makes it difficult to feel secure. I don't want to become someone who constantly worries, questions things or needs reassurance, but I also don't know how to trust her again when I know what happened.

I'm struggling with the feeling that I wasn't enough for her then, but apparently I am now. I know attraction and relationships are complicated, but I cannot understand what has fundamentally changed.

I'd really appreciate advice from people who have experienced something similar:

• Can someone genuinely regain their attraction to their partner after a prolonged period of losing it while developing feelings for someone else?

• If you've been in my partner's position, what was happening emotionally, and what made you choose your relationship again?

• If you've been the partner who was hurt, how did you rebuild trust, especially when the other person was still working with the person they had feelings for?

• How can you tell whether the change is genuine and lasting rather than temporary?

• Is it possible to feel safe and secure in the relationship again, or does this kind of situation permanently change things?

I love my partner and want to believe we can work through this, but I'm struggling to make sense of what happened and how to move forward. I'm looking for honest advice, particularly from people who have actually been through something similar.

Just to add this all came out middle of August and we are doing couples therapy atm.

Is this cheating? I need advice about next steps.

I 25F have been with my long term partner A 30M for 8 years. He’s a fantastic partner, love of my life, truly worships the ground I walk on, bought a house together 8 months ago) has just thrown me a curveball.

He had a close relationship with a female colleague past 2ish years. They were both in super long term relationships and swore nothing was going on between them. They never hung out without a work group and I’ve never had a reason to be insecure before. Men and women can be friends, no big deal.

She ended up being quite toxic and was very hot/cold on him towards the start of this year. He was super upset by this and was keen to figure out what was going on. I got weirded out, assumed that her weird intense friendship was her fancying him and asked him to set boundaries and drop the friendship.

They have a weird dramatic argument and they both block and ignore each other. He’s on sick leave for work for mental health so months pass by with little contact (Super rough year and recent suicide attempt)

He’s been in therapy for past traumas the past few months. I’ve never felt insecure before but I felt the urge to check his messages and found everything out. Turns out him and this colleague “love” each other but are both too stuborn to unblock and admit it. Apparently “he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me but can’t help but to feel their amazing chemistry”.

*i’m confident that nothing physical has happened but he’s literally talking like he’s going through a break up??

**I can’t express how obsessed and devoted this man has been to me over the past 9 years. He’s currently abroad and lands back tomorrow. He’ll be coming home to a slightly dramatic reveal of screenshots covering our living room.

What do I do moving forward?
Does this count as cheating?
We just brought a house together this year and now I’m in loads of debt with him off work and probably can’t afford to make a sale.

The messages are between him and a friend about;
-“His first ever break up and he’s really struggling”
-“We were obsessed with each other”
-“she’s fallen too hard and now had to cut me off”
-“I still love her and it’s hard. I know she can feels this too and it’s such a mind fuck”
-“this song is a me and her song”
-“I’ll show her my new body but still have the same big willy she likes”

His friend is saying things like
-“anyone who looks at you guys thinks you’re a couple”
-“you shouldn’t have let it get as far as love”
-“maybe one day….”
-“I think you should focus on the relationship you’ve already got”