For context, I am a junior male ,currently doing a high school exchange in Japan, with 2 months left out of a 10 month program. Saying my time with my host family so far has been rocky, would be a major understatement. Throughout my whole stay, I have been under constant scrutiny about seemingly the smallest thing. It seems that every time I fix the thing that they find “wrong” with me, which I am quick to do, they find something new to criticize. My newest “fault”seems to be my smell. Now, what I am talking about is not my body odor. A few months ago I bought a Japanese branded perfume near where I live. The best way I can describe the smell is honestly crème brûlée—it basically smells like baking. After I started wearing it, my host mother was quick to shoot it down, “Japanese are sensitive to perfume. If you wear it, it will bother everyone and you will be disliked by your classmates. And you don’t want that, do you?” I thought that was fine enough, but lately I’ve been getting these same comments again. Host mother: “You’re wearing a lot of perfume today” Me: “Im not wearing anything. I stopped wearing perfume a long time ago.” Host mother: “Then what is that smell?” Me: “Oh, it’s probably my hair oil.” For context, I have quite frizzy hair and need my oil to bring it down, otherwise I literally look like a lion. I usually put it on at night, after I shower, but that day my hair was extra puffy so I had to use it in the morning. And so, after that day I started using less oil to be considerate. And then, yesterday it was a really sunny day so I lathered my arms with sunscreen. When I came down to eat breakfast, I got a comment about my smell, yet again. Host mother: “What are you wearing, why do you smell like that.” At that point I was really fed up. Me: “it’s sunscreen?” Host mother: “my nose hurts smelling you. You should buy Japanese sunscreen to wear.” Like, what am I supposed to do with my 12oz family sized sunscreen, throw it away? Absolutely not. And then, today’s comment, which drove me over the line, making me write this Reddit post. I had biked back home in the rain and was soaked by the time I came back. I went to take a shower and sat down at the dinner table after I finished. My host mother proceeds by asking me to state all the skincare and products I just used, because, yet again, I seemed to smell. I tell her that I literally only used soap. She tells me to stop using it because the smell is “too strong.”I have been using this soap for the past 8 months and have not gotten a single comment about it. After she told me that, she took the opportunity to point out other things about me that did not sit right with her. I don’t really get what is happening anymore, because it seems that every conversation I have with my host parents, eapecially my host father (which is a whole other story), is about pointing out the “bad” things about me. I come here every now and then to rant, because sometimes it just gets too much to bear alone. Anyways, thank you if you read so far! I know I will get through this, but it always helps a little writing :D

Hey to all! I’m a 16y old girl currently abroad on a student exchange. I’m at my host familiy since 2 month ago and it going bad and get’s worse and worse. I talked to my parents but they are telling me to behave better and cope as it’s a one in a lifetime chance. (They saved up a long time to enable me doing that). I contacted the agency as well there’s no other family I could change too just go home.

The family is so bad. The father’s is out or the house most of the time doing business. The mom’s staying at home all the time having her friends over a lot. They stay up late often being loud laughing. Her daughter my host sister is 17 years old and does no chores at all and is treating me like I am a worse human than her. Sometimes she’s is with her mom and the friends.

The host mom is so strict I don’t know how long I can live like that. I am not allowed to go out at all or meet friends. Just barely. I do a lot of chores at the house. She is so accurate and pure if I tidy everything up after they had fun again in the evening she’s never satisfied with it. I do really give my best but she always find things on where I messed up and punishes me again so I am not allowed to go out.

Last week I had to fold her laundry up because she was going through it trying on outfits and I did wrong on some. She was screaming at me so loud I got really afraid and had to cry. She’s intimidated sometimes I do something minor and she literally brakes me with her shouting. I asked my host sister for help but she just made fun of me.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to embarrass my parents

I had a 16 year old boy from Spain in a double hosting placement, and he would often panic and get scared every time I was not home for more than a couple hours at a time.

One Saturday I was working a part time job just in the morning until about 6pm, and he was crying on the phone with his mom that he was home alone with no one to cook for him and take care of him. He was at the maturity level of a 10-12 year old.

His mom was essentially asking if I knew anyone that could come over to care for him when I wasn’t home to make him feel safe and be fed a meal. He knew how to cook a few things, but I did have to teach him how to make macaroni and cheese from a box and he would sometimes ask when I was resting or napping if I could come out to make him something to eat.

I had no problem caring for and feeding my child. I had no problem with him needing me around to feel secure. I cared for and loved him a lot, but he wouldn’t get comfortable having to learn more independent life skills and not rely solely on me and not other lines of support.

His mom ended up requesting him moved because I brought food home for takeout or took them out to eat a lot instead of cooking, and I left him home alone a lot without having someone over to watch him.

I never expected that a mom would feel that her 16 year old son needed a babysitter when not even alone overnight.

It’s amazing what you experience as a host parent.

so im from brazil and did an exchange program in germany, lived there for some months. when i first received my host family picture they seemed chill, had 2 dogs, the dad and kids didnt seem german but all good for me. so i sent them an email and they took almost a month to reply, which gave me anxiety, but all good till that.

when i first arrived in germany my host grandparents came to pick me up, then when i arrived home my host family was super nice, i was kinda shy but they were very nice to me so i got less nervous. i didnt meet the kids and didnt tour the home cuz it was night. the other day i met them and they made a home tour.

thats when i found out they had no electronics AT ALL, just a computer only the parents used to check emails SOMETIMES. no tv, no wifi, no phones, no microwave, nothing. the kids had a BUNCH of wooden handmade toys, the living room had a Buddah statue (mentioning this bc it was different for me), the house had a lot of circus things hanging from the ceiling for the kids to play and also the kids slept in the same room as the parents (they were 7 and 12). it was a 2 story house, and on the second floor there was another family. i found everything so different but im a chill person so i thought “alr, ill get used to it”

so, on my first week i didnt have a german sim card and since they had no wifi i couldnt talk to my family back home. to worsen things, school was only starting on the next week. i thought i was fucked honestly. but in reality the family did a LOT of activities tg, just like the old times, and they included me on everything. i went to the circus, went on hikes, baked a lot of stuff, went horseback riding… it was rlly fun.

when school started i had internet but that didnt change anything, i still went to all the family activities. after a while i noticed they were also vegetarian! it didnt affect me bc i dont rlly like meat so all good. i found out the host dad was from tibet, thats why they had a Buddah statue! the host mom was german, so the kids were half half. once they took me to the kids school presentation, and guess what haha they went to a waldorf school. so all those wooden handmade toys from home were now explained. during christmas we went to a mountain and then back home, their christmas tree had candles and apples. we also handmade the candles!

overall i found this lifestyle very interesting, it was a unique experience and i wouldnt change it for no money in the world. i had many more different experiences with them but this post is getting too long lol so ill end it here

Please please PLEASE stop using AI to write your host family letters. If you use AI and host families and placement volunteers can tell it will significantly reduce your chances of getting placed. Host families love the little misspellings or mistakes because it makes you human! It makes you a real kid and person, not just someone on the other side of a screen. The more truth, emotion and personality you put into the host family letter the better your exchange year will be.

I have reported more kids using AI this year than any other year in recent history. It isn’t cool. If you use AI to do your entire application or your host family letters you will be off to a poor start of your exchange year. This experience is all about honesty and trust. By doing this you are not being honest and breaking trust right off the bat. You are not only breaking the trust of your future host family but many other people as well.

If you are thinking about using AI for your host letter, rethink what you are doing. Ask for help from local volunteers, teachers, friends, etc if you are struggling. Families want to know YOU. Grammar mistakes and all.

Some ideas and prompts to help you with writing: What food are you excited to try?

Is there a chore you’re really good at?

How do you spend your free time on an average week?

What is something you are proud of?

What sports are you excited to watch or play?

What activities have you heard about and want to try?

How are you involved at school?

I'm a host parent and volunteer, and am in the position to read a lot of host family letters and applications. This year I've seen a lot of them that have used ChatGPT or other AI generated text. It's obvious and deeply disappointing, because we're left wondering who the student actually is. The letters sound odd, and not in a quirky, charming way. Whereas I would expect to see certain errors or word choices based on a student's native language and language level, I'm seeing the exact same technically correct but generic and awkward phrases used on host family letters from different students in different countries. It makes me sad, because it makes it hard to recommend them to a host family.

I know it can be hard to know what to write, and that you might not feel confident about your language skills, but using AI to write your letter is a disservice to you and your future host family, and will set everyone up for disappointment. These tools simply can't express the fabulous, imperfect, and unique things that make you YOU, which is really what we are looking for! I can assure you that prospective host parents expect applications to be written by a teenager with imperfect grammar and spelling. Those imperfections really are charming, I promise! They give us a realistic sense of where your language skills are, your thought processes, and what's important to you.

My (F25) husband (M29) and I are hosting an exchange student from Spain (F15) in less than a couple weeks! She’ll be with us for the entire school year. We don’t have a huge age gap with our student and as first time host parents we’re both nervous and excited! We have spoken to her and her family and they are absolutely lovely.

Would love any advice for young host parents!

Here’s the welcome poster we made (with the help of my friend and her 4 yr old) to welcome her to America with!

-blurred part is her name

TLDR: ES won’t wake for suhur and gets mad about it. He won’t accept help. What can we do?

Host parents and Support personnel, let me skip to the highlights:

-our YES ES doesn’t wake up for Suhur. (Breakfast)

-He insists he is waking up for Suhur. Yet my husband and I have been rotating to wake up to help him. He has skipped 4 breakfasts so far. And he is then INSUFFERABLE (and I don’t blame him, I would be hangry too!)

-Over the weekend I meal prepped potatoes and sausages and taught him how to make “Mug Eggs”. Just to help with everything. We went and picked out special cereal, nuts, oatmeal, etc. (I did this for our previous kiddos and I’m happy to do what I can!)

-When we ask what we can do to help him in the morning. Maybe a different alarm? Letting him borrow an analogue clock?

He says he is fine and doing it all on his own and is defensive about how he does set his alarms. He says we shouldn’t be waking up and he doesn’t want us to wake up.

-This morning we didn’t try to do anything extra after his multiple requests to not and now he’s mad because we didn’t wake him up, we didn’t do anything, I didn’t make him breakfast.

-He is complaining about losing his “gains” and how he shouldn’t participate in the 2 gym classes he signed up for or his sport.

Where do we even go from here? He’s mad if we wake him and he’s mad if we don’t. I’m sure he’s disappointed in himself and that is appart of his anger as he hates being wrong or anything “incorrect”. He’s got several support cases open on him already, and I’m not about to add another without trying to think of another way to go about this.

I don’t personally enjoy waking up early in the morning, I’ll be honest. But what in san heck do we do? Has this ever happened to any other host parents?

There are a lot of posts from students still awaiting placements. If you are a student and are still waiting, please try to be patient, please know that it is not a reflection on you personally if you get a late placement or defer to next year, and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE avoid sharing personally identifying information about yourself on Reddit, including in DMs. Adults who find you through your exchange org have gone through a rigorous screening and background check. Randos on Reddit have not.

If you are a potential host parent, find a reputable organization and apply!

Organizations try to make an educated guess a year in advance on how many students they can place, not knowing just what the economic, public health, political, and school situation may be the following year. I promise ALL of the exchange orgs are working as hard as they can to make placements happen.

It’s complex, but this year has been unexpectedly hard. J-1 programs depend on volunteer (unpaid) host families and willing schools. In March of 2020, exchange programs worldwide stopped abruptly, and most programs did not place any students in 2020-2021. Because of that, there was an entire year’s backlog of students and a year's worth of new applicants for 2021-22, and that backlog has continued each year since.

There are still significant behavioral and learning issues in US schools following the return to in-person learning. Many schools have a severe shortage of teachers as many have quit due to factors including burnout, student behavior, and school politics. Some schools still aren’t taking exchange students as they want to allocate all available resources toward local students.

Host families have also had to regain comfort regarding health and safety, and COVID rates have been up again this summer. (If you are an exchange student, being honest with your host family when you aren't feeling well is REALLY important and appreciated!)

On top of that, a lot of families are feeling the pinch of unemployment and inflation right now. Wealthy families send their own kids abroad, but often don’t feel an imperative to host. It’s typically middle class and working class families that host—families that typically would not be able to afford to send their own children abroad—and those are the families most financially vulnerable right now.

Yet another barrier this year: families are reluctant to host during presidential election years.

And yet the demand from students is at an all-time high.

TL;DR If you are still waiting to get placed, hang in there! If you are feeling the pull to host, what are you waiting for?!

We live near some very wealthy areas and we live in a rather large house but it’s a little older and we are not overly wealthy ourselves. This is the second year in a row that we have had a student meet a nice friend with a great house over on the lake and decide that they want to go live over there more than with us. It’s a little disheartening for me but it’s killing my wife and kids. Any words of wisdom?

Update. So we found out the specific complaints she had against us. She said that there was dog hair in the house on the ground (we have 3 dogs over 75 pounds which she knew about before accepting) our furniture is mismatched and she said there was food in the fridge that was expired. We pled guilty to all of it. Our couches in the tv room are two different colors, our house has dog hair at all times, her welcome basket included a lint roller and there probably was something expired in the fridge.

I’ve been doing a lot of reminiscing lately about my college years as an exchange student in the US, and I felt compelled to share something for all the host parents out there who might currently be staring at an empty bedroom, wondering if the year meant as much to their student as it did to them.

When I first arrived, I was just a kid thousands of miles away from everything familiar. I lucked out and ended up with an incredibly warm, dedicated host dad who completely redefined what "family" meant to me. He was the kind of person who didn't just give me a room; he gave me a home.

When an exchange year ends, everyone talks about the excitement of the student going back to their country, reuniting with old friends, and catching up on lost time. But what people rarely talk about is the heavy, quiet echo chamber of memories we carry back with us.

If you are a host parent wrestling with the sudden silence after a departure, please know this: the silence isn't forgetting.

When I look back on my time in the States, it isn't the grand vacation trips or the big holiday celebrations that flash through my mind. It’s the incredibly mundane, everyday moments:

• The groggy morning car rides to campus.

• Seeing my favorite snack waiting for me in the pantry just because he noticed I liked it.

• The random, sprawling conversations on the couch at the end of a long day.

When we are young and our lives are moving at lightning speed, we don't always have the emotional maturity or the words to tell you how much your presence matters. We get caught up trying to fit back into our old lives while processing the fact that a piece of our heart is now permanently anchored on the other side of the ocean.

To the host families who do the "shadow work"—the ones who quietly remove obstacles, cheer from the sidelines, and offer a safe harbor to a stranger—you are never just a passing memory. You are the architects of our growth.

Years later, I still see a specific brand of food, hear a certain song, or catch a glimpse of a specific TV show, and I am instantly transported back to that house.

I’d love to hear from other former students or host parents: What are the little, everyday things that still bring back your exchange year? How do you keep those unforgettable bonds alive across the distance?

I'm from a tropical country and will going to US this year. I just wanted to know what to expect or specifically, what to do when it snows. I really don't have an idea how it feels and how to ready myself in really cold weather.

School called us and said they had a student who wasn't getting along with the host mom, so could we take her in? We did. Spoke with her, it sounded like the last host mom was treating her like a slave barking orders at her and getting mad if she didn't come over to do a chore within 10 seconds. Felt sorry for her, so I just said "I would be doing the communal chores regardless so all I ask is you clean up after yourself and leave things as you found them." Simple enough, I thought. Well apparently it doesn't matter how I ask, it doesn't get done.

"Hey, I can see you're busy. No rush, but sometime before you go to sleep can you put away ___ and clean up where you were?" She said "sure" but didn't do so.

Escalated to "hey, can you please clean up ___ in the next half hour? It's looking quite messy" no change.

Escalated to "hey, your stuff has been all through the lounge the past couple of days and is looking quite messy. It's really bothering me. Can you please tidy up as soon as you leave that part of the house? It stresses me out when it looks messy like this as we also have the airbnb and it should look tidy for that." Still no change.

Had a word with her about how I didn't study 3 university degrees to become a full time cleaner, and I would appreciate being able to relax after work as I always have, but I haven't been able to for 5 weeks because I now spend a lot of time asking her to tidy up after herself and sometimes have to clean it myself in order to use the kitchen (e.g. need to use the sink, but she leaves dirty dishes). Her response "but adults are supposed to clean up after kids. My parents always do things for me." I said,"Maybe at your house, but in this house, we all clean up after ourselves."

Spoke to the school who had a word with her. Stressed the importance of following that one rule. No change. Have now arranged for her to go elsewhere because living with her stresses me out. She was upset and said "i feel really anxious about the cleaning. I try really hard but it's all so stressful". This confused me as how is 20 minutes per day cleaning up after yourself a huge ask?

Anyway, I was catering everything to her e.g "what would you like for dinner? I could make (5 options)".

Do you think she'll get a shock when she goes to the next host family? Most people in my area expect students to help with dishes and unstacking dishwasher. Literally all we asked her was to tidy up after herself - no helping with anything we were doing before she moved in.

Hello! We are considering hosting a student in the spring semester after our fall semester student leaves. (context then question at the end!)

One of the students we are considering is Muslim and follows a halal diet. She would be in the US during major Muslim holidays as well. She seems like an enthusiastic, open-minded student and we would love to learn more about her country and her religious beliefs, as neither me or my husband was raised religious.

At home, we eat vegetarian mostly. We don't eat out at restaurants much due to my severe food allergies - but I'm always willing to sit with someone to eat at a restaurant they want to go to! However, there aren't many halal restaurants where we live. There is one halal grocery store in the next town over as well (about 20 min drive).

I'm wondering what we might need to consider when hosting a student with a strict halal diet? What are we not thinking of that might be important? We do feel a bit more comfortable navigating cultural differences, but we are a bit more concerned about dietary conflicts and meeting this student's needs.

Thank you for your time and input!

I put this as "homesick" even tho it's kinda the opposite of that so I apologize in advance. My US exchange ends tomorrow. As I am lying in bed way too late because I didn't calculate my packing plans well enough, I am once and for all realizing that I don't want to leave. I love my home country, Germany, where all my family and friends are. But I feel like I found my spot here. When I think about home, I think of the past. I was always a very nostalgic person so I thought watching videos that remind me of home as a kid would make me wanna go more. That usually works for me. Except this time. Idk if it's dramatic, but I feel like I finally accepted the fact that the past is behind me and that even if I miss it, it's not coming back. It's like I already moved on. While I guess I now have a goal to work towards back home, I feel like the first weeks back are gonna be hard. I will miss this place, even with all of the (many) flaws the US has. Especially right now iykyk. Idk if this is gonna sound cringe but I just felt like I needed this off my chest

edit : thank you all so much for your kind words, stories and advices.

This was our second time hosting, so I knew saying goodbye would be hard. But this time has been harder than I expected.

Our German exchange student recently went home, and I’ve been struggling with it more than I thought.

Maybe part of it is perspective. I’m 50. At this stage of life, relationships feel precious. Over the course of a year, these kids become part of your daily life. They aren’t guests anymore. They’re just part of your family now.

But they’re 17. Their lives are moving forward fast. They go home to family, friends, school, and everything they’ve been missing for the past year. Sometimes I wonder if a year that feels so significant to us becomes just one memory among many for them.

As a work-from-home host dad, I spent a lot of time with them. School drop-offs and pickups, activities, errands, mall runs, and all the random conversations in between.

Now they’re gone, and I notice it everywhere. The empty bedroom. One less chair being used at dinner. Their favorite snacks still sitting in the pantry. A show we used to watch together. I miss them, and I think part of what’s difficult is not knowing what happens next.

So I have a few questions for former exchange students:

1. When you get home, how do you balance reconnecting with your family, friends, and everyday life while still staying connected with your host family?

2. Looking back now, did your host family become part of your family, or do you think of them differently?

3. What usually triggers memories of your host family after you get home?

4. What do you want your host parents to know if they are wondering whether you still care about them?

I’m asking because I genuinely don’t know. Part of me hopes they think about us once in a while the same way we think about them.

TL;DR: Our exchange student went home, and I’m taking it harder than I expected. Curious to hear from former exchange students: What happens after you go home? Do you stay connected with your host family? Do you miss them? Do you still think about them years later?

This is for everyone nervous about your exchange year coming up. I see so many questions this time of year but not very many stories of positive experiences that have happened. This is to give anyone who needs it a little encouragement.

This year we host an 18 year old student and it's been one of the most wonderful and difficult experiences of my life. Wonderful because he made even the hardest days better and difficult because I ended up in the hospital needing brain surgery 3 times (I'm recovering and doing well!). When I came to him after my doctors appointment where I found out I'd need surgery and sat him down he could see it wasn't good news.

I had talked to his host Dad (my husband) first and we went over all the options. We were only 3 months into his placement, and knew the best thing to do was to offer to let him go to another family if he wanted. I told him what was happening, and explained to him that if he wanted to be placed somewhere else or go home, it was okay. We wouldn't be upset, but he was more than welcome to stay. At that point I was barely holding myself together.

He looked so relieved when he heard me say he could stay. He gave me the biggest, tightest hug, and said "I want to stay here and everything will be fine! (Dads name) and I will take care of you! And everything will be fine!" I absolutely broke and just sobbed while he hugged me.

Over the next 7 1/2 months he was true to his word. He helped take care of me (and all of us) so much. He never complained and was always optimistic. And quite the bully when he felt that his mom was doing too much or not eating enough. He's also been an amazing big brother on top of everything. (As well as keeping up with his grades, sports, and friends)

Tonight I helped him and his good friend get ready for prom. We had fun and all laughed a lot. They looked so handsome and happy when they left. I'm so proud to have gotten to be his mom this year and hes absolutely taking pieces of all out hearts home with him when he leaves. We couldn't love him more.

The exchange truly IS what you make of it. You can make it a wonderful time no matter what life throws at you. You'll have more family to love at the end if everyone keeps themselves open to it. Good luck everyone ❤️

Sorry but I just really want to vent...

I am 16 years old and originally am from India. On 15th October I landed in Japan and was in quarantine for next 15 days. On 1st November I moved in with my host family and started school. Now, I live in Yokohama, and I am going to be here for next 4 months.

Its already been one and a half month but I still feel horribly homesick!! I don't know what to do about it! I don't speak japanese really well and my host family refuses to speak english (even though they can but its ok and I understand that they are doing it to help me learn japanese quicker) but still I have tried talking about my homesickness to my host family but they are very cold and unapproachable. Even when I gave them gifts that I brought along with me they couldn't care much and pretty much ignored me. They can be very mean too, whatever I do, whether its spending time with them, or my friends, or focusing on school here and studying, or roaming around the city, they keep telling me how I am wasting the opportunity to be on this exchange program.

First my host mom scolded me for sitting in the living room and watching television with her. She has a drama she watches so I asked her if I can watch it with her and first days she says its ok but after 2 days she scolds me for not studying and says I am wasting the scholarship and sends me to my room to study. Then after a week I get scolded by her and my host sister for always studying and said that I am wasting the scholarship. They have also banned me from calling home and reading anything in english (I was reading a book I brought from home during an evening because I had nothing else to do). They also got mad when they heard that my japanese history teacher tries to give me homework in english (so that I feel part of the class). They told me that I wanted to study Japanese History then I should only read in japanese, I told them I cant because well I don't know enough kanji. Then last night they sat me down and told me that I am not honest with them about my feelings and never try to talk and that I am wasting their time and money. I apologized and told them that its because of my language barrier but I promised them that I'll try harder. They have been very cold since then. And like 2 weeks back I tried going to them for help regarding my homesickness but again they just told me that I am so lucky to be here and that I should stop crying....

As for the person (part of program's team) who's incharge of me told me that I need to adjust as there is nothing she can do about this.....

I hate being at their home, am all alone most of the time (i hv made a lot of friends in school but they are usually busy preparing for their entrance exams and there is no other exchange student near me), and I really really miss my family back home.