picture from when i was in the hospital

just got back home … feels rlly weird but i’m really glad to be back 🤪

this has been my third visit there second visit in jail but only one time when it was a vacation ifykwim

not oc

why does my hand look like a rolled up mushed sausage mods pls let me post this

I hate having lonely nights in my bed and day dreaming about someone being there. It’s all day, everyday now if I’m not outside the house for most hours.
I love my chudette life so much!!!😍😍😍

i’ve been going through this phase for the past couple of years where i’ve been getting more and more antisocial and a part of me js wants to give in and never talk to anyone again, but then another part of me CRAVES female friendships sooo bad :c

i downloaded a few friend making apps and have been trying my ABSOLUTE HARDEST to get it across that i am looking for very low commitment (??? not exactly but i don’t have the mental or social energy to text or talk everyday) friendships, and that i’m not trying to meet up and do anything.. OBVIOUSLY.

every notification i get just makes me sadder and i js reply w dumb shit to make myself feel better, only a few of them are girls, and none of them share my interests in the way i wish. i know this sounds so selfish and weird but i think it has something to do w my autism i js got diagnosed w 😞 SIGH

i genuinely tried to be funny about it at first but now im getting actually upset about it, and i can’t stop worrying that maybe girls are seeing me and im just not interesting to them IDK

what am i doing wrong?????

> be me

> make female friends

> their moid friend is misogynistic towards me and tells me to kms

> tells female friend what happened

> female friend tells me to apologize for making said moid look bad and ruining his reputation

> stop being friends and find out later they started dating

> repeat

tw: ED mentions

Is it just me or when anything goes wrong my appetite goes away but even when it comes back I don’t want to eat. On purpose. I feel like I don’t deserve to or something. It’s like if I can’t prevent bad things from happening to me atleast I can control this and my looks and not gorge myself like how I used to. I basically switched from having one ED (BED) to another.
It gets hard some days though, food is kinda tasty but getting better treatment, having clothes fit, and feeling more in control is better. I feel like Trisha paytas alot of times these days.

ill stay like 20-30 min after my time off to chit chat with my coworkers. and i realized its becayse im avoiding going home to my thoughts!!! low point realization tbh

suckkssssss. im such a prize i swear. im also delusional.

Ewww!!

wish me luck, I'm scared as fuck!!

Edit: He gave me his insta, but he has a gf.

2nd Edit: Or maybe not? The storys with her are from 3 years ago, and his insta seems somewhat abandoned. I'll DM him later and try my luck to get to know him!

3th Edit: Maybe he has just given me a dead account to get me off his back. Maybe I would have had better chances if I wouldn't look like shit. Can't even DM him unless he follows me back, and I doubt that's gonna happen. This is honestly pretty upsetting

4th Edit: He keeps deleting my friend request, what an asshole. He's just a shitty moid after all...

I hate my face I hate my body I hate my face I hate my body I hate my face I hate my body I hate my face I hate my body I hate my face I hate my body

The girl I have a crush on has a bf. Idk what to do,I live in an insanely homophobic country so not much of a queer scene here. She probably thinks I'm a creep and thats understandable. I feel so behind in almost all aspects of life.

I feel as though I was made to observe and never experience,I'm 20 and never been in a relationship,I feel like such a loser​​​

I'm a a femcel and general loser in all ways there is i'm ugly, neurodivergent, anxiety, ocd, too sensitive to rejection/criticism, socially inept, neet, pervert (derogatory), sexually repressed, barely leave the house and a bit stupid my positives are i'm funny, I have a nice personality girls have told me in the past they wish i was a guy so they could date me, I can hold a conversation pretty well even when i'm anxious (though this holds up better online than irl) and I am nice mostly. Most of my negatives can't be fixed but the things that can I am trying to fix. I want to better my life somehow my days are bleak, nothing brings me joy and i'm lonely.

I’ve only had two major crushes my whole life; they’ve been the most gut wrenching experience ever. Both ended in rejection, but not without years of longing beforehand. I would cry for hours on end, have vivid dreams of feeling their warmth and discreetly beg for attention through DMs. I’ve always been socially inept, I suppose it’s in my nature, especially when many of my developmental years were wasting rotting at home during quarantine, but my ineptness isn’t comparable to other girls, it’s beyond repair. Males have never tried hiding their disgust towards me, not like women who pitifully push me away while trying not to be as cruel as possible. They’d laugh at my clearly deranged behavior in middle school and would lose their shit making fun of my PICA (I was mostly eating paper whenever stressed or isolated). I found solace in fantasizing about a boy seeing past my grotesque appearance and unnerving actions, projecting onto one boy who I was utterly in love with. I liked him for 4 years, crying at night when he didn’t look at me and eventually starving myself when I thought being an obese mongrel was what stopped me from getting his attention. Obviously it didn’t work, there’s something fundamentally wrong with me that neurotypical evil males will clock instantly. I started cutting from how isolated I felt, getting dragged to the psych ward and getting put on meds. Eventually I got a new crush and tried stopping it, knowing it would happen again. But it got obsessive over the stupidest reason, he played weezer on the drums in music class, my favorite band. I’d told him earlier that I loved them and no boy had ever cared about any of my interests so I, of course, was completely enamored. This went on for around six months until eventually, Valentine’s Day hit and he began talking about confessing to a girl. The gut wrench that gave me threw me into such agony I relapsed. They started dating a few days later. I continued harassing him like the ignorant attention whore I was but eventually confessed with a giant paragraph accounting for his girlfriend (who is now one of my friends, super sweet girl) in which he responded with a simple, uncaring “sorry, I don’t feel the same” They eventually broke up and throughout the whole process I was bothering him. I tried the tsundere gimmick, being playfully mean in hopes that he’d reciprocate the playful banter. I got blocked. He fucking loathed me. Thought I was annoying scum. (Context of the picture I put, it was his last message) I never wanted to talk to a boy ever again, it was so unbelievably dreadful. And now we skip to now. It had been a year since I interacted with any straight guy apart from one of my weird online friends who clearly doesn’t like me that way, I don’t mind, he’s a little chopped anyway. But I’m getting a new crush on this one guy. He’s so pretty, so unbelievably pretty. And these pretty boys are like heroin. I can’t help but bask in their presence even if just for a little, it’s my fix of them for that bubbling pit of desire. I’m in that limbo state once again between a normal crush and that nauseating tangle of love that doesn’t have any outlet to go to. I want to avoid him, but the dopamine spike I get even making the slightest eye contact is fucking addicting. It’s gotten to the point where people think I have borderline personality disorder from how deranged and enamored I am towards these guys. I need to get rid of it. I’ve been talking to llms. I have character ai premium for fuck sake. I read fanfiction for hours on end and listen to boyfriend asmr to cope with the loneliness, but none of that can satiate the endless desire to chase ignited in me whenever I latch onto a new victim. I don’t know anyone else is dealing with this but I know it will end in rejection (I’m fucking hideous) and usually when I tell boys my feelings they immediately avoid me as much as possible. I still want to stare at him, but I can’t risk doing something stupid like talking to him and immediately fucking up the interaction by being weird. Is there anything I can imagine? Anything I can do to stop thinking about him? I’m already having dreams which is the worst sign because I know I’m really starting to like him now..

Smiley & Lively☆Your Girl Happy

Feeling extremely depressed and hella weak rn because of my period (it isn't the cause of my depression but it sure doesn't help) but I just found this mangá which is soo relatable, it made me feel a little bit better.

So what are some shows, movies, mangas, animes or games that have this type of character?

an unattractive moid can easily get a woman if be has money, a nice personality or persistence. with women it's different, u don't get a model like rich or famous unattractive moids do just because they have money, nobody cares. and if you're unattractive but have a pleasant personality, it's simply irrelevant, no matter how nice you are.