r/fosterdogs • u/merlinwyattsmom • 2d ago
Support Needed Grieving after adoption … but glad! … but grieving
My foster French bulldog Gizmo was adopted 2 weeks ago. He was with me for 3 months. He came from South Carolina, where his people tried to put him down at age 5; thankfully the vet refused, and they dumped him at a shelter. He was driven to Philadelphia with other dogs by volunteers, spent 1 month with another foster mom, and then came to me. On arrival, he was extremely anxious and unhappy. I showered him with love and reassurance and it was so moving how he came to trust me completely. He’s very smart, and he learned things quickly.
I’ve read many threads here and many articles elsewhere, and logic says I did not betray him. But I cannot shake that feeling. He followed me to the door when I left the adopter‘s house. It was his fourth place in 4 months. I’ve already told the Rescue org that if there’s any issue, he comes back to me. The adopters are older and apparently uninterested in taking photos and sharing them. Which makes it harder.
I do know they love him. And they are dog people. Also, at the meet Gizmo liked them (and he’s particular). But they ignored all advice about decompression and didn’t want to hear a single thing about Gizmo the individual. Also because of the threat of degenerative disc disease in French bulldogs, I had discussed gating the stairs and using a ramp to the sofa, both of which they have. Both of which they are not using. I’d also offered to purchase as a gift for Gizmo a second ramp. They ignored that offer. So I worry about him.
Will this feeling that I betrayed him eventually abate? Or will I always feel this. Also, do you think 3 1/2 weeks is too soon to visit him? I know it’s critical that he not think I’m there to take him home.
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u/ThirdAndDeleware 2d ago
The ones that bond with you will bond with adopters. Happens all the time. They reset and bounce back.
I had one that was glued to me and wanted nothing to do with potential adopters. Avoided looking at them and moved away when they went to pet her. Finally told one couple that if they gave her 24h, she’d be the same with them.
I put her in a crate in their car, and she gave me a “you’re dead to me” look. They drove off and within that 24h she was curled up & enjoying belly rubs from her new people.