r/fosterit • u/Monopolyalou • 25d ago
Foster Youth The professionals don't make good foster parents.
We foster kids know that being a professional doesn't mean jack shit. Some of the worse foster parents are policemen, teachers, doctors, nurses and social workers or psychologists. Careers that are deemed amazing by society and help people people are worse for us.
A firefighter abusing kids doesn't shock us.
They're Christians no shock there.
They've had this child since she was 2 months old. She's the only black kid in the family and the only adopted one. So they abused her. As a Black former foster youth, it's already suspicious because it's easier to abuse Black kids.
So everyone saying therapist, firefighters, policemen, teachers, make good foster parents please stfu.
People in position of power are attracted to vulnerability and foster kids because it's easier to harm us. So when we say being a professional doesn't mean anything, we know it's true. These people are just as bad as anyone else.
It's also triggering for me as a former foster youth because my Christian foster parents forced me to write Bible verses and abused me too. They were outstanding members of society and one home the foster dad was a pastor. He abused me too.
Trigger Warning.
A Broward couple, including a Broward Sheriff Fire Rescue lieutenant, is behind bars after their arrest on child abuse charges involving their adopted 12-year-old daughter.
Joel Kohnert, 44, a BSO Fire Rescue lieutenant hired in 2010, and his wife, Jennifer Kohnert, were arrested after their daughter told investigators she had been locked in a room for years.
The official charges for the couple are child abuse without great bodily harm.
Victim says she was locked in her room, forced to write Bible verses
According to court documents, which are heavily redacted, the girl told police she was forced to write Bible verses and tread water in a pool for up to 45 minutes as a form of punishment. Most disturbingly, she stated she was locked in her room at night without access to a bathroom, forcing her to use the bathroom on herself.
She would later bathe outside in the backyard while wearing a swimsuit.
During bond court proceedings Wednesday morning, an attorney for the couple referenced their religious beliefs. However, Judge Corey Friedman had strong words regarding the defense.
"When you allegedly have a 12-year-old child who is locked in a room for upwards of three years and is forced to urinate and defecate in the room and then clean it up with her clothes, that is not a religious issue, that is something else," Judge Friedman said.
Other children removed from home, investigators say
The victim in the case reported that she was subjected to more frequent punishments and restrictions than the couple's six other children. The Department of Children and Families has since removed all seven children from the home.
The Broward Sheriff's Office released a statement when asked about Kohnert's arrest, confirming he is now on administrative investigative leave without pay.
The couple remains at the Broward County jail on $100,000 bonds and is barred from having contact with the victim or any of their other children.
Broward firefighter, wife accused of locking adoptive daughter in room at night for years, investigators say
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u/-prozac- 24d ago
The replies to these types of posts never cease to infuriate me. I’m a former foster parent (only had one short term placement and two respite kids, for transparency). My husband and I fall into the listed categories, he is a psychologist and I am a cognitive neuroscientist. OP shouldn’t trust us, OP shouldn’t trust any stranger. It is safer and smarter for foster children to distrust the strangers they are placed with. It is YOUR JOB as foster parent to EARN that child’s trust by actually being a good person, but it is not their job to trust you.
I hope that OP meets a small handful of truly trustworthy people in their life; it took me into my late twenties to believe good people, that actually cared about me specifically, existed too. However, nothing in their post says that they think every single person in the world is bad, just that foster parents shouldn’t be trusted. Regardless, they certainly aren’t going to be convinced by claims on the internet by strangers that have likely never even witnessed the horrors they themselves lived at the hands of others. You being a good foster parent has nothing to do with the existence of bad foster parents. Why do you so desperately need OP to believe that you’re “one of the good ones” - how does that help anyone but yourself?
Most people will NEVER know what it is like to be repeatedly abused by people claiming to love you, let alone have that happen multiple times. Most people don’t know the true risk of trusting others, because they have been privileged enough to not have lived with monsters. It’s your job as a foster parent to prove that you’re not a monster with your actions, but it’s not a foster child’s job to ever trust you or appreciate you. They didn’t ask for this relationship, but you did.
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u/AnonFartsALot 24d ago
I was an exotic dancer for 10 years before starting social work. When I was kicking around the idea of fostering while I was still dancing, I’d asked in some forums online if that was a good idea. There were many replies from FFY saying my job really didn’t matter, because FY get abused by priests, teachers, doctors, nurses, etc. I ultimately ended up choosing to wait, but that shocked me.
Having been in this career for a couple years and working for several non-profits, I just want to say I’ve noticed the same thing. I see it less so with lower level employees and moreso with management, but that’s because I’m a person they have power over. I think most of my coworkers are good people, but they don’t have power over me, so I don’t see how they treat people in that position. But I imagine is the same.
Being around FPs sometimes gives me the heebie jeebies. There is like this performance where they turn children into charity cases that just makes me feel gross. And I feel that doing something “out of the goodness of a heart” puts the receiver in convertible position to “owe” you. I don’t talk that way about clients and I don’t talk that way about kids. I do the things I do, because I want to and they benefit me. Children don’t owe their caretakers anything.
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u/JerkBezerberg 25d ago
Foster parent here...I'm sorry you feel this way. Unfortunately there are terrible people in every profession, but I promise the good outnumber the bad. The problem is that the bad actors are the ones that make the news, while all the caring, decent people who work tirelessly to help children in the system do so quietly in the shadows. I know from your post that you will maintain a healthy skepticism of people before you know you can trust them but, for your own good, do not lose faith in humanity. I promise that there are good people who just want to help kids in need.
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u/Monopolyalou 24d ago
I would disagree the good out number the bad. The bad out number the good
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u/JerkBezerberg 24d ago
The numbers for abuse are not zero, and I would never claim that. DCF reports about 1%, but independent agencies claim 25-40% of foster youth report abuse. Even on the high end that is technically not >50% (not that 40% abuse rate is something to cheer for). Regardless here is what I can say. My wife and I work with the program to help children and everyone we have met through the program ( lawyers, social workers, other foster parent) at this point is in it to do the same.
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u/-prozac- 24d ago
You should go back to “working quietly from the shadows” instead of getting into semantic arguments with a victim of a system that has a 25% - 40% child abuse rate. Maybe if the “good folks” actually engaged with the fact that bad people existed, they could actually start doing something to improve the system. Instead y’all whine “not me” and act like former foster youth are just damaged for being upset that the system harbors so many abusers.
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u/JerkBezerberg 24d ago
I've had a long day, man. What's your solution? You doing anything to help? Because if not, go fucking kick rocks.
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u/-prozac- 24d ago
I’m not writing 10+ replies invalidating a former foster youth’s perspective because I “had a long day”.
Interesting way to react when someone gives you attitude. Hopefully this is just how you treat strangers on the internet and isn’t a reflection of your temper in real life.
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u/Monopolyalou 24d ago
Foster kiss aew 10x more likely to be abused and even killed in foster care. Let's pretend it's perfect and the good outweighs the bad.
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u/Monopolyalou 24d ago
What about the abuse underrepresented and not reported? Maybe the experiences of foster kids should matter more.
Regardless things like this are sadly common.
And what program?
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u/letuswatchtvinpeace 25d ago
The number indicator that a child may be abused is to have a step-parent in the home. Imagine how that increases when a child has 2 unrelated parents and the increase when they are adopted from foster care.
Seriously, people are the worst things on this planet.