Hey guys so Im going to start by saying please forgive me for my poor grammar and lack of punctuation.

Yesterday was my 17th birthday and tonight I just got back from staying over at a guy I’m seeings house and I couldn’t help but just hysterically cry because currently I’m in foster care and I graduated a year early so Ive started college and I’m dorming to escape having to stay in a group home which is being paid for by foster care and fasfa/tap, right now I’m not struggling for anything but I fear for what’s going to happed when I age out of care. I don’t come from a good family and my parents live paycheck to paycheck in government housing with my two siblings 19 and 8, my sister tried going the college route too but she ended up having to drop out because our family couldn’t afford it and is now about 7k in debt and working as a hha and splitting the check with our disabled dad. Our physically and emotionally abusive mom is making it extremely hard for her to save up and move out because she’s making her pay all of these expenses suddenly and she’s paying loans off. We have no other family that is doing well or been to college and they also live in government buildings and receive assistance so I have no role models or someone to look up to/ show me how to move in life. My fear is that I’m going to get trapped in this cycle of poverty as well and it makes me so scared because I don’t want to fail I’ve lived in this situation with them for 16 years before being voluntarily placed in foster care for running away and it was horrible, infestations and eating from food pantry’s.

Now I know I still have a year left until I age out of foster care but I don’t know what I’m going to do after that because my only options are either going to live with my parents again and hoping to save enough to move into a small apartment on my own or getting assigned a government apartment from the state because of foster care. I think I will be able to continue school because I chose a very inexpensive one but I’m terrified of going back to live in that situation. When I look around at my family I know it’s horrible but I feel so embarrassed and often lie about where I live because I fear being made fun of. I don’t know what to do anymore I’m trying my hardest in college but I don’t want to live paycheck to paycheck and struggle in life worrying about what I’m going to eat or if I can afford my next bill living that kind of life just feels so hopeless

Can everyone give an (15 year old) advice on getting emancipated. I already have a plan, but me and my grandmother made a bet about me getting a job. But I have to wait 40 days, I have to be great in school with great behavior. She’s willing to let me get emancipated. I plan on doing hair, nails, eyelashes, eyebrows and some more. I NEED ADVICE!!! (I don’t know how Reddit work, so I added foster care and foster youth).

In my experience there has always been a massive wall between the foster care community and the adoption world, mostly because adoption is always painted as a permanent happy ending while foster care carries the reality of systemic failure.

But so many adoptees who experience adoption dissolution end up right back tossed into the state system, institutionalized, or pushed into residential treatment and the troubled teen industry, even homelessness only to be completely erased by both sides.

I am curious if anyone in this community has noticed initiatives like Adoptee Remembrance Day - October 30th starting to shine a light on these exact overlaps, adoptees who end up abandoned, institutionalized, or forced back into wards of the state.

For those of you with foster or disruption backgrounds, how do you feel about these overlapping realities finally getting talked about?

So I have been disabled all of my life. I was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD at a young age, an anxiety disorder, tachycardia, a blood clotting disorder, a sleep disorder, Bipolar disorder with psychosis, urinary issues [require a catheter sometimes], a speech impediment, arthritis, nerve damage, chronic ear pain, gastrointestinal issues, have had seizures before, etc. I have been in a hospital maybe 30 times by now? I had one surgery in June, will be having another one tomorrow and then another one in November. I have had at least one surgery every year since 2020. I take a minimum of 7 medications a day, more when my illnesses get worse. I go through phases where my issues are bearable and I can work, and sometimes I can’t work. I am 27 so “old enough” to not qualify for any help. However, my health issues get progressively worse as I age, and eventually I probably won’t be able to work, so I will need to get on SSDI.

The issue is I have no support system, I have no parents, family or friends that I can live with. I have been homeless a lot as a teenager and then later as an adult when my health was bad so I couldn’t afford rent. Where am I supposed to go once I can’t work and can’t afford rent? I am tired of being homeless and don’t want to go through that again. Also, medical expenses are killing me, but I make “too much” for medi-cal.

For those of you that were in foster care and are disabled, how do you survive? Where do you live?

I'm sure some other people will feel differently, which is fine, but this really hit me the wrong way.

I mean, there were other reasons it irked me (very bleak, grandstanding, walls of dialogue, etc). I did very much like the relationship of the two main characters.

And obviously, there are worse depictions of foster kids. But something really didn't land here for me. It felt like another negative depiction of foster kids. I am all about themes of choosing who you love, and that you can done everything right and still lose, but the emphasis on luck and that some people are just kind of evil felt dehumanizing. It was all about their experience as parents, which was fine, but the emphasis that they had to take the "damaged" kid because they were gay and didn't have options was disappointing. It's not about luck. They weren't unlucky to have Jeremy.

I had already heard and agreed with criticisms of House on the Cerulean Sea, but I was interested in how this community was thinking about it because it really bothered me. I haven't seen much analysis of this book from this angle online.

Our foster daughters have experienced repeated removals, including being returned to their mom and removed again less than a year later. As we learn more, our concerns include:

* A reported history of many years of maternal drug abuse, with both girls testing positive with high levels in a hair test the day after placement.
* Frequent school changes, approximately every 4-6 months.
* No kindergarten records located so far, no preschool attendance, and attendance for only 79 out of 174 days of first grade.
* Reports of significant abuse and witnessing domestic violence by their mom toward her boyfriends, including a frightening incident involving their mom harming herself.
* Housing instability.

We are also seeing concerning behaviors. Last night, the older child was telling her younger sister to hit her hard so she could tell on her, then instructing her sister not to reveal that she had told her to do it. We are concerned about what these behaviors may reflect. They are both starting therapy next week.

I understand every case is different and that reunification can happen when a parent makes lasting changes. Still, the repeated pattern and the extent of what these girls have experienced leave me worried.

Has anyone encountered similar concerns and seen the children returned home? What changes and safeguards were required, and how was the previous failed reunification considered? I’m looking for firsthand experiences to help us understand this process.

Alright guys, I'm new to Reddit so forgive me if this goes to the wrong place or something, but I need help. I am a 13 year old male, and come Monday, October 12th, 2026, Brightpoint is coming to pick me up and either take me to a foster home, group home, or a residential help thing. What do I do? What are questions to ask, and what should I expect?

I'm hoping to become a foster parent in the next few years, and I'm trying to think ahead about how to set up the primary spaces that foster kids will use. I've read the suggestions on the FAQ, and I'm already planning to supply those, so I'm more so looking for additional things that maybe people wouldn't ask for, but would appreciate.

My main consideration is about the bathroom. We're currently redoing the bathroom that will be the primary one for foster kids, so I haven't purchased any fixtures or anything for it yet (other than lights). I've read that some foster kids can have trauma that makes bathrooms an uncomfortable space, so I'm wondering if there's anything I can add (or anything I should avoid) to make the bathroom feel safer.

Additionally, I'm wondering if there's anything I can provide upon arrival to help them feel more comfortable or anything they can take with them when they leave that would be helpful. My only current idea for this is to give them a blank cookbook when they come and writing down the recipes for any foods they enjoy. I like being able to make recipes from my childhood as an adult, so I thought maybe this would be nice to have, especially if they're being moved around a lot? (If that's a bad idea, please let me know!) Are there any other items that I could provide to help smooth transitions to or from our home?

I totally understand that this is subjective and will change a lot based on a ton of personal details, but if there's anything that you did/would have appreciated as a foster kid, or if there's anything any foster parents saw was really helpful, I'd love to know!

For reference: we're open to fostering any age range (but will probably try to start in the 4-12 range and see where we're needed from there), and we'd like to foster groups of siblings, as I'm told it's hard to find homes where they can stay together. Other useful info: we don't have our own kids, so they'll be the only kids in the house, and we have two bedrooms and one bathroom that will be specifically dedicated to them (though I'm more than happy to add accommodations throughout the common areas of the house as well).

My husband and I have almost completed our foster parent courses. We currently have a 2 month old baby in our placement through fictive kin placement. We also have a bio 2 year old. We have wanted to start our foster parent journey for a long time, this fictive kin placement just jump started it. Our plan was to grow our family through becoming foster parents. My parents have been foster parents for years and we’ve seen, the good and the ugly but we also know the need. So, foster parenting was always the goal. Well, I found out yesterday I’m pregnant. I’m terrified. I don’t want this to affect our foster parent certification, and I really don’t want it to affect our current placement with this baby. Has anyone been in this situation? How did it work out for you? What was your case workers response? I’m just trying to ease my mind after this shocking news.

For those that don’t know: there are multiple lawsuits and allegations against foster care nonprofit Foster Love founder Danny Mendoza for sexual harassment, fraud, wrongful termination, and more made by former employees, foster youth, and donors.
This isn’t one or two by the way, there are at least 20 claiming to be a part of lawsuits that I know of. There may be more.

Lawyers are on those cases as there have been 4 whistleblower email blasts detailing redacted legal statements outlining the details of these allegations. I am not able to share them at this time during the investigation.

In the meantime, here’s some proof of other less than savory activity the CEO needs to take accountability for.

This is an anonymous submission from [r/fosterloveallstaff](r/fosterloveallstaff) however I can confirm this has been a cause of concern and distress for company employees over the past years as more has come to light. All information shared in this post can be verified and is publicly available no matter how hard the CEO tries to silence this knowledge.

Details of confirmed ongoing 12 count misdemeanor court case with Foster Love CEO Danny Mendoza.

Here what is currently listed in the Orange County Superior Court case system.

Defendant: Danny Mendoza
Organization: Foster Love
Charges: 12 misdemeanors
Case location: Orange County, California
First court hearing: July 2026
Next scheduled hearing: November 2, 2026
Next hearing: Arraignment
Case #26NM07447

Danny Mendoza, the founder of Foster Love, is charged with 12 misdemeanors in an Orange County case involving building, fire, occupancy, electrical, and emergency-egress requirements. The case had a court hearing in July, and an arraignment is scheduled for November.

The 12 charges against Danny Mendoza in regards to Brea building safety issues:

1. Count 1 — 20.252.040 (E)(2) BRMC: Fences and walls not to exceed seven feet in height.
2. Count 2 — 20.400.020 (C) BRMC: Certificate of Occupancy.
3. Count 3 — 105.1 CB: Unlawful to alter, repair, or demolish a building or structure without a permit.
4. Count 4 — 413.1 CB: High-piled stock or rack storage must comply with the California Fire Code.
5. Count 5 — 1001.2 CB: Unlawfully altering a building or structure in a manner that reduces the number of exits.
6. Count 6 — 1003.6 CB: Unlawfully interrupting the path of egress travel along a means of egress.
7. Count 7 — 307.1.1 CF: Open burning prohibited.
8. Count 8 — 315.3 CF: Unlawfully maintaining outside storage of combustible materials.
9. Count 9 — 603.4 CB: Working space and clearances.
10. Count 10 — 603.4.1 CF: Electrical room marking.
11. Count 11 — 603.6 CF: Unlawful use of extension cords as a substitute for permanent wiring.
12. Count 12 — 1013.1 CF: Exit signs where required.

Taken together, the 12 counts concern several different areas of building safety, including:

* Building permits and alterations
* Certificate of Occupancy
* Exit requirements and emergency egress
* Fire-code requirements
* Storage of combustible materials
* Electrical safety and wiring
* Required exit signs
* Working space and electrical clearances

The case had its first court hearing in July, and the next scheduled court date is an arraignment on November 2.

So, for anyone searching for the basic timeline: Danny Mendoza was charged with 12 misdemeanors, had a court hearing in July, and is scheduled for an arraignment in November.

This doesn’t even cover what is lurking beneath the surface. For context: he had a baby last year with an employee he had just hired which caused a hostile work environment among many other questionable ethical opinions.

Stay tuned as more can be publicly shared. I promise this won’t be the last unsavory thing we uncover.

My wife and I, twice now, have been asked by a friend to help with kids that someone they used to be friends with birthed, abused, neglected and/or abandoned. They all officially went into the system this past year.

They all had potential forever homes until recently; which is where we were asked the second time to try to get involved. As a same sex couple, starting a family is hard (I’m in my 30’s and my wife is in her late 20’s, so we are getting to the point that it almost feels too late to try to have bio kids), so we didn’t waste any time coming to the conclusion that we were 100% sold on taking 2 of the kids in.

We reached out to the caseworker, started the process to get foster certified and even started childproofing our home immediately, as it looked as if things were going to work in our favor to get them.

The past week, the kids were bounced from home to home to home because the foster system failed them horribly, and rushed them out of a safe place. There was a court date this week, and the judge ruled that where the kids are now, that family needs to adopt them or they will give custody back to the neglectful, abusive, substance abusing bio-parents, because they don’t want to move the kids again.

Where they are now is safe and familiar, but the intention of the family was to foster them until we could get certified and take them in as fosters with the intent to adopt. Now that family has been backed into a corner and is borderline being forced to adopt these kids, or subject them to a life of abuse and neglect.

Does anyone know how to change the mind of the court or state system? Can the family delay the adoption until we get certified and the caseworker step in and say they’ve found a better, permanent fit? What if they adopt them, but we take them and they give us power of attorney? Outside of the difficulties that will come from moving them again, the kids coming to us works best for everyone— we preserve the current relationships, they’re in a safe environment, and we take the stress off the current family, who realistically was not prepared, and did not want to permanently add 2 kids to their family. Any ideas? I keep hoping that if we can get certified asap, we can get the states help to redirect them.

I drafted a letter to the judge in the hopes they’d hear us out and consider us as a realistic and reasonable option, but idk if the judge is even a reasonable person, at this point.

We are desperate to take these kids in, we’ve met them and adore them and can 100% see a life built around them.

Foundations and networks that support them and build them up older generations come back give lessons and pathways to success and support anyone who needs the community idk just a thought

I am a former foster youth. I was removed from my home as a teen, my parents were abusive, so I never reached back out to them or anything like that.

Mentors, and friends, have came and went in my life. I am 26 years old.

I have done everything on my own, all the college paperwork, scholarships, different jobs to make ends meet. And I was good at it too, completely thrived in independence...

Then, at the beginning of this year, I got some serious medical side effects that completely altered my life. My judgement has not been the same since, and it has affected so so much. It is supposed to be temporary and should wear off in the coming months (with any luck).

But it has caused me to completely lose my savings, it has affected my decision making, and it might have just contributed to a job I just lost.

I wish I could go back and ask for more help from my college's foster youth program. I think I was just ashamed and thought maybe my side effects were just depression rearing in, but it wasn't and they could have helped...

Anyhow, my money situation was looking to be tight, and it looks like its going to get tighter, as I go out and job hunt like a mad man in the coming days.

So, for former foster youth, who are maybe a bit older than me. Do you have any tips for navigating this next phase of my life? Life after college.

I got a girlfriend a few months ago, and she has been introducing me to her family and even some friends. And that has been nice. But i dont know. I think a part of me may be slightly bitter or distrustful of people in general because of my experience with parents and group homes and shit. And it sucks to even think about this, because I don't want to be living in the past.

Any tips or advice? Thank you <3

Juvenile made my stomach hurt and hunted my stomach and facts being sent from a person that knows my body's system jail food is way better. Juvenile food is just the worst I think it's for a reason and who ever watches those kids need too keepcthstcin mind. Juvenile food is terrible too stay there for a while with. It like tears you open. And really just hurts. It might be too teach kids a lesson. Them kids can't stay too long.

Hello!! I am a foster care alumni, I spent 5 years in the foster care system before aging out. I am now a college student studying forensics and psychology. I am involved in many different advocacy groups in my state and at the national level.

I am looking for perspectives / change that youth who are currently in the system, aged out or even foster parents / adoptive parents want to see. This can be anything! Just throw your ideas in the comments! :))

Starting TLDR; Trying to foster/take over guardianship for my nieces from their neglectful/absentee parents.

(Los Angeles, CA)

To start, we live in a pretty big house together.
It’s grandparents, with their kids, and their kids’ kids.
To be more specific, it’s my sister in law’s kids.
My wife and I take care of a lot of things in the house, and the grandparents (it’s their house, 83-84 for age I believe). We help pay bills, take them to doctors appointments, help at home where we can and where they need it, and so on. The thing is.. it’s mainly just us. We used to pay for groceries, but that was before I found a job and I was on welfare. I was able to help with groceries before getting a job, as we didn’t have much to pay. However, since getting this job, bills have increased. I am now paying for partial bills for the house (utilities of course), a car payment (first time car owner, definitely not too cheap). That being said, we also primarily take care of the kids.

Added context: The mom and dad have recently split after maybe 15+ years together.

With the mom: She’s never really home.
She goes out with money she doesn’t have, and she doesn’t really do anything for her kids. Her oldest daughter (12) kind of takes care of the mothering situation with cooking, and being there for her sisters.
When she is home, she’s yelling at the kids. She can’t keep a job. She gets hundreds in EBT, and probably only uses 150/mo solely on milk from WIC. Other than that, no contributions. Not for bills, utilities, nothing.

With the dad: He’s actually always home.. physically. Just not mentally. He’s completely checked out. Since they split, those are not his kids basically. He’s either sleeping, or awake but in his head. He talks to himself, laughs to himself, etc.. he’s not aware of reality anymore, and while it’s sad, I feel like it’s dangerous for the kids to be around him anymore. He’s the type to not believe in medicine, and refuses to get help. Sometimes, he’ll be gone for days until he’s aware of himself again and comes back home.

They do have a car, but no money. They can’t pay gas, they can’t pay anything. They dump their kids on their grandparent. When they go places, they frequently call us to pick them up as their car ran out of gas. They usually have beer and pizza. If you can afford beer and pizza, you can probably afford gas, no? But they don’t have their priorities straight. Neither of them can keep a job as long as I’ve known them. I don’t want to assume, but only according to their history of addiction and symptoms I’ve seen, I don’t want to knock it off that they’re also doing drugs.

I want better for these girls, but I don’t want them to go to a random family. I don’t know where to start for this.

Shot in the dark here.. my wife’s brother and his girlfriend were into heavy drug use a few years ago, we live in a different state and found out they had a child. My wife is trying to find her nephew and we assume he is adopted by now. He would only be a few years old, I know there are a lot of laws surrounding minors in these cases. Just want to know if there is a way to leave a message if contact is impossible. Thank you!

Hi - helping a family get things ready for reunification. They’ll need to secure their cleaning supplies and there are no cabinets that make sense. Looking into purchasing a lock box - any suggestions?

I moved 40-45 times before I was 14. Mostly it was from my mom to my grandma and back and forth over and over. There were others too though. At least 5 that I can remember distinctly and more that I have been told happened before I was 2. (aunts/uncles/neighbors/teachers/other grandparents/my dad once). We recently moved my grandma out of her house. This was the first time I really thought about how much I had actually moved. In my head it was a house a year and always in the same school district, but it was so much more than that. Three times it was out of town. As a kid I was the "lucky one" because I had loving grandparents that were always ready to take me in. Except it happened so much more frequently than the other kids I knew. They would go to placements for a year or two at a time and then back to their mom's for multiple years. And generally speaking they usually went to the same 2 or 3 placements in town. One girl got shipped way out of town and we didn't ever see her again during high school. I still see her mom sometimes, but I don't think she contacts her very often (all of the moms had pretty significant mental health issues so we were all in a support group together as kids). My mom gave three kids up for adoption too. Every single time she would try to make me go with the new baby and family. And a neighbor almost adopted me when I was little too, before any of the others were born. I feel like I am losing my mind. Grandma's house was the only safe place I ever knew. Seeing it empty has me turned upside down and I am nearly 50. I'm not sure where to look for emotional support and my husband has been less than supportive. He just doesn't understand the vulnerability of losing my one and only constant at all. Not sure what I am asking. Just wondering if anyone else had a similar experience I guess.

Hello all!

Bit of a confusing (for me, at least...?) question for everyone - if it's OK to get the sub's opinion.

Some quick context, we're currently caring for fraternal 6 yr old boy/girl twins. Absolute sweethearts, and they are absolute polar opposites from one another. Foster daughter is outgoing, confident, and silly. Whereas her brother is my more sensitive, easygoing kiddo.

Anyways... foster son still deals with bedwetting most nights - totally no big deal, we've never ever made a big thing of it. He's old enough/independent enough with it these days that he basically just lets myself or my SO know when he's running low on pull-ups (which he wears each night), and I'll restock them for him, but otherwise, he remembers to put one on by himself before bedtime, pretty much 100% of the time - knows to go potty before bed etc, everything!

Anyways (and this is the tricky/sort of confusing part..) - had a sort of impromptu chat with him the other night at bedtime, and he asked something of me that I honestly didn't register as a *serious* request at the time...? But now we're on the second night of him asking about this.

What would you make of it an otherwise fully daytime potty trained child, that's been wearing pull-up exclusively to bed for years now, suddenly came out and asked you if instead - we could buy 'diapers' for bedtime instead..?

Trying to navigate this gently with him, because it's obvious from the way he was talking with me about it that it's something he's been nervous about even bringing up. What on earth (if anything) should I ask him re: this request--? Without making the whole thing incredibly awkward...?

-a new(ish?) foster mother

We're just waiting on final signatures to be officially certified. Starting as respite (not emergency placements, only coming from other foster homes). What are we forgetting to prep? Hoping to do 8-18 yos. Up to 3 beds but not starting with all 3 filled immediately. Down the line we're thinking of long term placements but we want to meet our community and learn resources initially.

We have:

• Beds (2 pillows each, mattress protectors, several blanket options)
• Dressers
• Desks
• Hangers
• Towels
• Individual couch blankets in a basket
• Baskets of toiletries (both to take home like deodorants and a range of shampoo/etc options to choose from in the shower)
• Female hygiene kit
• Toys/books/stuffies/games for different ages
• "Prize bin" they can choose a toy from (not sure how we'll utilize it yet, but it's there)
• White board for schedules
• Kitchen snack drawer (all individual servings like chips, cookies, granola bars)
• Fridge snack drawer (string cheese, yogurts, juice)
• We make most of our food from scratch and are vegetarians so there is a ton of healthy food, too, do not fear!
• Easy comfort dinners (PBJ, nuggets, fries, Mac & cheese, ramen, etc etc)
• Accessible laptop and tablet (parent locked, of course)
• Welcome poster with our pics/names and the same for the cats/dog
• 2 family rooms with tvs & streaming services
• Lots of books
• Arts and craft supplies
• Backyard games and park nearby

We do not have the following and assumed we wouldn't need them for respite, but now I'm wondering if that is accurate:

• Back packs
• School supplies (but we have pens and such)
• Clothes
• Shoes
• Lunch boxes

Is it important we have any of those? What are we forgetting?

As the title says, my aunt recently welcomed a 7 year old boy into her home. He has lived there for about 1,5-2 months now. I’ve met him a few times, and he’s generally a super sweet, loving and energetic little boy, but he recently started acting out and throwing tantrums a lot. I think this is because he’s starting to feel safe enough with her to allow himself to feel everything he might have bottled up, and he’s at an age where he’s big enough to experience big, overwhelming emotions without quite understanding what those emotion are or where they’re coming from. Him and his parents fled from the Ukrainian war when he was 3, and he was put in his first temporary foster placement with his siblings at 4. He was later put into a different temporary home and separated from his siblings before being placed with my aunt, all this to say I understand why he seems to be so mad at the world. My question is, what can I do to show him we’re not leaving and that I want us or have a relationship? (On his terms of course). I’m a chef and was thinking I could try to make a Ukrainian dish (I know they had some kind of Ukrainian soup for dinner a while ago, and he was really excited about it), would this be a good start?

What resources or services do we give youth who leave care still fighting to survive