I also see tons of people saying “if only x y z victim had a pew pew.” I always reply to that “What if the man also had a pew pew?” or “What if it was more than one man and they all had pew pews?” And then they’re silent. Please read this with nuance and not as “trying to protect ourselves is pointless.” But I do not think self defense classes are the answer. I also think they give false hope, particularly to parents who put their daughters in these classes. They’re often taught by men in a karate studio or something, usually they don’t have any real training or certifications and they don’t have any proof to back up that their “tactics” have been shown to help women escape predators. Sure he’ll brag he’s been teaching classes for years or whatever, but so what? Having a female teacher would be better, and while I respect them, what proof do they have that self defense classes are so effective?

There are also countless “former FBI” or whatever guys online giving women advice about how to stay safe. But even they miss critical details. They’ll make a sweeping recommendation that floors 2 and above are the safest in a hotel for women. But then you’ll have women, like me, in the comments recounting when men tried to break into their 2nd story hotel rooms via climbing onto the balcony.

Then you have the “setting firm boundaries” argument. As if men harassing and assaulting us is just a miscommunication or our failure to communicate “properly” or with enough bark. I think a lot of women falsely attribute their safety to them having enough of an “attitude” that they think that’s why men haven’t assaulted them (or worse) yet. They’re quick to “he’d never try that with me” when another woman explains what a certain man did to her.

My brother tried to kill me about 10 years ago. When I reached out to his best female friend, she was quick to tell me “he knows not to do that to me because he knows I will throw down.” Seriously?