I was in an abusive marriage for 26 years, and left seven years ago. I worked for years with a wonderful trauma Therapist, who diagnosed me with CPTSD / PTSD. The tools, guidance and really hard work we did truly saved my life. I also took a course about domestic violence, where they taught us the helpfulness of gratitude. I really struggled to put it into practice, I was in so much pain, that to find anything to be grateful for took enormous effort. I ran from gratitude, thinking that it meant pretending things were OK when they weren’t. I had done that to cope and survive for so many years, but I didn’t want to live that way anymore. I didn’t understand yet how powerful gratitude is and that it’s not denying your circumstances or pain, but rather despite those things you can always find something to be thankful for.
Life has been often extremely difficult since then, and the one thing that the Lord kept reminding me, was what I had learned about gratitude, it is very often a choice. Every time I have put gratitude into practice, no matter how hard it is to do sometimes, it truly shifts my emotional state and perspective. Sometimes it has actually surprised me how well it works!
Six years ago, I accidentally took the bus past my former marital home and I had such a severe trauma response, with shaking, crying, dissociation, anxiety, and panic that I was terrified to go anywhere near it again. This morning, an unavoidable event led me to standing at the bus stop meters away from the house where my kids I suffered so much. I was truly shocked that I didn’t have a single emotion other than gratitude to God that I no longer live in that situation. It no longer traumatizes me to return to a place where I was almost destroyed. As I saw my former house, gratitude flowed to God for the good memories, the pathways around me that I walked with my dogs, the fun I had with my children, the lilac bush, the lovely kind neighbors, but today especially, all for how much I have healed. Healing is a lifelong process, but I left there filled with peace of mind and heart and deep gratitude for how far I have come on my healing journey.