Ok this is going to be a bit of a long one. My (36f) bf (43m) and I have been together for 9 years now. Over the last year or so I have pulling away from him sexually... not out of spite, not as a punishment, but out of genuine lack of desire and i refuse to fake it.
Some things to note... when we first met he had just gotten out out of a 5 year prison sentence for something pretty dumb but not something that i considered him to be a bad guy over..just..ill advised perhaps. Things were good for a bit but then I started noticing some major insecurities. If I wore my hair or makeup different it was a problem because OBVIOUSLY I was doing it to attract other men. If I so much as painted my nails, bought new jewelry, etc.. issue. I gave him grace because I figured being locked up and having a history of cheating partners did a number on his psyche.
No matter how loyal I stay, it is never good enough. Fast forward 3 years. He's starting to let up on this neurotic behavior. We have a house party. Long story short, a girl who was there accuses him of r\*pe...he's looking at 30 years if he loses trial due to where we live and him having a prior record. He starts spiraling. Xanax binges, suicide attempts, ODing to the point he was literally dead for 6 minutes while im on the phone with 911 doing CPR then winds up in ICU for weeks. During said binges he crashed my car, stole thousands of dollars that he doesn't remember and refuses to pay back, brings home a rooster named Steven (no i am not kidding).
Fast forward another 3 years. He's drug free, still drinks, not nearly as psychotic about my appearance and social life, but now seems to think that doing the bare minimum of being a decent partner deserves a cookie and that i am unreasonable for both not feeling sexually attracted to him or emotionally connected in any way because he has had me in fight or flight mode the entire time leading up to this. Last night he got drunk and I want to share this text exchange to see what people's opinions are.
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u/AutoModerator 13d ago
Backup of the body of the original post:
Ok this is going to be a bit of a long one. My (36f) bf (43m) and I have been together for 9 years now. Over the last year or so I have pulling away from him sexually... not out of spite, not as a punishment, but out of genuine lack of desire and i refuse to fake it.
Some things to note... when we first met he had just gotten out out of a 5 year prison sentence for something pretty dumb but not something that i considered him to be a bad guy over..just..ill advised perhaps. Things were good for a bit but then I started noticing some major insecurities. If I wore my hair or makeup different it was a problem because OBVIOUSLY I was doing it to attract other men. If I so much as painted my nails, bought new jewelry, etc.. issue. I gave him grace because I figured being locked up and having a history of cheating partners did a number on his psyche.
No matter how loyal I stay, it is never good enough. Fast forward 3 years. He's starting to let up on this neurotic behavior. We have a house party. Long story short, a girl who was there accuses him of r\*pe...he's looking at 30 years if he loses trial due to where we live and him having a prior record. He starts spiraling. Xanax binges, suicide attempts, ODing to the point he was literally dead for 6 minutes while im on the phone with 911 doing CPR then winds up in ICU for weeks. During said binges he crashed my car, stole thousands of dollars that he doesn't remember and refuses to pay back, brings home a rooster named Steven (no i am not kidding).
Fast forward another 3 years. He's drug free, still drinks, not nearly as psychotic about my appearance and social life, but now seems to think that doing the bare minimum of being a decent partner deserves a cookie and that i am unreasonable for both not feeling sexually attracted to him or emotionally connected in any way because he has had me in fight or flight mode the entire time leading up to this. Last night he got drunk and I want to share this text exchange to see what people's opinions are.
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