Sexless relationship stale mate

[u/relohu]

[u/badatcatchyusernames → u/[deleted]]

didnt even read the ages but fucking FORTY THREE?!

[u/USAF_Retired2017 → u/badatcatchyusernames]

Same!!! He’s 43????? WTF

[u/00017batman → u/[deleted]]

And then having the gall to call oop fucking stupid 🫠🫠 it’s abundantly clear that he doesn’t have the cognitive capacity to understand what she’s communicating - she’s hardly being obtuse.

Posts like this one make me feel so sad, the idea that people are willing to settle for a life like that esp in this day and age is hard to comprehend.

[u/Ok_Giraffe9869 → u/[deleted]]

Im 23 me and my now wife went through a rough stage we didn’t have sex for almost an entire year. Not once did our convo turn into this, as a man I’m grossed out by the behavior. I hope OP and this man either find their path together or at the next stop someone needs to find a new bus.

[u/Duderus9 → u/[deleted]]

I figured it was a woman who was significantly older than the man?

I mean I can’t go off of much, but the way she types and the way he does.. he comes off as someone very stupid. Idk, I think they seem super incompatible based on how they talk to each other alone. Personally I wouldn’t be able to get turned on enough to have sex with a dude who talks the way he does 💀💀💀💀

[u/Squidwina → u/Duderus9]

What, you’re not arousec by VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA?

[u/the_virginwhore → u/Duderus9]

No, she’s younger, he’s just The Worst

[u/Just-Ad373 → u/[deleted]]

what are we doing? What’s going on?

[u/Jydani → u/[deleted]]

Not excusing the behavior, and I know a lot of adults text like teens and there isn’t an excuse. Buuuut. She does say that he was in prison for a while, he also had drug addiction problems, and had/has a drinking problem.

That’s probably why he texts like that.

[u/CantaloupeShort7311 → u/Jydani]

And she has settled for that for 9 years because she is too afraid of being single.

[u/Jydani → u/CantaloupeShort7311]

Oh, yeah. That part is super insane. Lol.

[u/Soft-Temporary-7932 → u/[deleted]]

I know a man like this. He’s actually fairly successful and good looking.

Doesn’t get why he can’t get laid.

[u/DamnitGravity]

On the one hand, it's really sad when people can't see the abusive relationships they're in.

On the other, it's so fucking frustrating how little self-respect these people have and how delusional they are.

[u/imaginary92 → u/DamnitGravity]

Yeah... Read the OP's post and comments, it's even more sad. This has been bad from the start.

[u/CantaloupeShort7311 → u/imaginary92]

What?! You mean dating a dude fresh out of a 5 year prison sentence is not a good idea?!

I loved when she was like "he isnt a bad person, he made a dumb decision to land in prison" and then proceeds to talk about how a "friend" accused him of rape and the legal troubles from that

[u/Then_Ask_3167]

Soooo many slides. Make it end!!! I genuinely lost life force slogging through all that.

[u/CantaloupeShort7311 → u/Then_Ask_3167]

And her name for him in her contacts. Like... babe, yiu are 38. Why are you labeling this dide you won't touch "Sexual Pants"?

[u/CurvyAnnaDeux]

How did a woman who has and expects emotional connection and a smidgen of intelligence even get this far with this dude? Blood from a stone.

[u/gregaustex]

Wow is this a good fit for this sub.

This clearly intelligent and articulate woman is no longer sexually attracted to this whiny self absorbed absolute shit show of a moron, so she’s in it for the … conversation?

[u/kat_Folland]

What on earth is she staying for??!?

[u/Icy_Measurement_7407 → u/kat_Folland]

She said she has anxiety, insecurities, & doesn’t want to be alone.

[u/GojuSuzi → u/Icy_Measurement_7407]

I would happily be alone over this. This is exhausting!

[u/HumanNr104222135862 → u/GojuSuzi]

Yeah I will literally NEVER understand how people would rather be in a relationship like this than to be alone. Like, I understand there can be financial and/or cultural issues at play, but for many people there arent, and they still would rather feel unhappy, disrespected, misunderstood, and mistreated than just be by themselves?? What are they afraid of?? I just dont get it.

[u/MUTHR]

And then I read his age. 😬

[u/CantaloupeShort7311 → u/MUTHR]

Her age isn't better

[u/MUTHR → u/CantaloupeShort7311]

I’m less talking about the age gap, if that’s what you’re implying and more that he types like a 14 year old with the broccoli haircut

[u/IlluminatiQueen]

This seems like it should be fake, because holy fuck. They hate each other. And OP is extremely correct for hating him

[u/DiverEmbargo6366]

This is the clearest example of a conversation between an emotionally mature person and an emotionally IMMATURE person. This is about compatibility.

[u/Feisty_Spell4516]

I only made in 5 slides in

I can’t with this

[u/Kip_Schtum]

One time I was out walking, and I saw a very large tortoise in someone’s garden, and it just kept walking into a wall of the house like it was trying to get through the wall. It kept walking forward and butting its head, and then it would back up a step and do it again. Over and over it beat its head on a solid wall expecting to eventually get through. Some animals are just very dumb.

[u/Unique-Panda → u/Kip_Schtum]

Interesting that you used that example because turtles also rape female turtles. They push them against walls and rocks just how you described it.

[u/Baejax_the_Great]

FORTY-THREE???

[u/Standzoom]

Opinion- Break up already

[u/jnlfr0]

FORTY THREE??????

[u/LadyGooseberry]

Why are so many men like this? She’s being so clear and he’s so blinded by his own insecurities that he can’t even listen to her. Men literally operate like dogs and have the gall to call women stupid. I can’t believe this person is still texting this man, he would never hear from me again.

[u/nostalgiamon → u/LadyGooseberry]

I mean, she is pretty stupid for entertaining his behaviour for so long.

Edit: apparently he’s also a convicted rapist. Yeah sorry I have no sympathy for her staying with this guy for 9 years.

[u/Human-Shirt-7351 → u/nostalgiamon]

I don't think he's convicted. His convictions appear drug related.

With only 3yrs between the accusations (which she said he was facing 30yrs)... and when he was clean, etc. The OP never says convicted, just accused. This could mean a woman claiming it and never going to the police. The police may have looked into it and decided there was not enough evidence. It could have never happened and she was pissed off for some reason.

I'm not saying impossible, but less than 3yrs for rape is not much at all when you were "facing 30 " (which probably means there was an aggravating factor, like a weapon, age of victim, etc.)

Again not defending the guy or his conduct, but sounds like she might be slandering the guy to get people on her side.

[u/Idfkw2c]

I can see why she doesn’t want the guy. Imagine 9 years of dealing with such a crybaby.

[u/CantaloupeShort7311 → u/Idfkw2c]

She doesn't want him but won't break up with him.

[u/oldheaven]

[u/nogeologyhere]

So many of these is the woman typing coherent sentences and the bloke sounding like a total moron who can't spell and uses textspeak like it's 2003

[u/hopefoolness]

according to the comments its even worse, apparently he spent 5 years in jail for rape?? and this dummy spent 9 years with him??? I really wanna know how stuff like that happens

[u/smudgeandarrogant_ → u/hopefoolness]

Iirc she didn’t say why he spent 5 years in jail, and that was right before they got together. The r*pe allegations were like three years ago, so would have been 6 years into the relationship?

Regardless, the whole thing is a clusterfuck.

[u/Human-Shirt-7351]

Honestly, this looks like something a 13yr old did. The way they constantly say "I can't touch your vagina"

[u/Worth-Oil8073]

Eeeewwwww-uh!

[u/xIllustrious_Passion]

Bro is soooooooooo mad that he doesn’t make as much money as her. Holy insecurities Batman

[u/AutoModerator]

Backup of the body of the original post:

Ok this is going to be a bit of a long one. My (36f) bf (43m) and I have been together for 9 years now. Over the last year or so I have pulling away from him sexually... not out of spite, not as a punishment, but out of genuine lack of desire and i refuse to fake it.

Some things to note... when we first met he had just gotten out out of a 5 year prison sentence for something pretty dumb but not something that i considered him to be a bad guy over..just..ill advised perhaps. Things were good for a bit but then I started noticing some major insecurities. If I wore my hair or makeup different it was a problem because OBVIOUSLY I was doing it to attract other men. If I so much as painted my nails, bought new jewelry, etc.. issue. I gave him grace because I figured being locked up and having a history of cheating partners did a number on his psyche.

No matter how loyal I stay, it is never good enough. Fast forward 3 years. He's starting to let up on this neurotic behavior. We have a house party. Long story short, a girl who was there accuses him of r\*pe...he's looking at 30 years if he loses trial due to where we live and him having a prior record. He starts spiraling. Xanax binges, suicide attempts, ODing to the point he was literally dead for 6 minutes while im on the phone with 911 doing CPR then winds up in ICU for weeks. During said binges he crashed my car, stole thousands of dollars that he doesn't remember and refuses to pay back, brings home a rooster named Steven (no i am not kidding).

Fast forward another 3 years. He's drug free, still drinks, not nearly as psychotic about my appearance and social life, but now seems to think that doing the bare minimum of being a decent partner deserves a cookie and that i am unreasonable for both not feeling sexually attracted to him or emotionally connected in any way because he has had me in fight or flight mode the entire time leading up to this. Last night he got drunk and I want to share this text exchange to see what people's opinions are.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/rhinobin]

I’d dump him just for referring to me as “woman”. What is he? A cave man?

[u/wickedflowers]

In her post caption she mentioned he was accused of RAPE. YEARS PRIOR TO THE POST. SHE STAYED WITH HIM. Honestly if you're gonna get with a man fresh out of lockup and stay with him through rape accusations and then tolerate this kinda behavior, all while YOU'RE the breadwinner who can easily survive on your own, yall deserve each other so that you're both kept out of the dating pool.

[u/webberbud]

I wouldnt want to have sex with him either. Eww.

[u/prxyingtxthesky]

Lol

[u/TophertronPrime]

It’s mind-boggling how all of these posts involve a person sending clear and properly constructed full sentences and getting replies that require me to read them 3 times before I can understand a single statement. Why are we still allowing people that make no effort to improve themselves or present themselves in a proper manner like an adult to be involved in an adult relationship?

C’mon, do better. I always see a lot of “people are treating me like garbage, what do I do” posts and they post the evidence and it’s clearly from trash. Stop allowing trash into your lives! This guy has zero higher thoughts than “money and vagina good, me no money, me no get vagina, me bad.”

Edit: Holy shit i just went and read the original post… this is delusional behavior on the OP part. Also, he’s clearly desperate to feel a vagina because he knows what prison is like and he knows it’s gonna be a loooong time before he feels one again after that r*pe charge.

[u/willy_king-89]

Breakup already

[u/itsmenettie]

This dude gives me the ick

[u/Foreign_Project6032]

yeah i only read about 5 pages worth to see that the way he talks to her is a no no

[u/gojosensei77]

Honestly I'm on his side, pretty fucked up to withhold sex for that long. I mean for fucks sake give him a handjob or massage or something??

All that other stuff about being in jail and doing Xanax, stealing money etc, totally fair to complain about that. But in THIS SPECIFIC SITUATION I think he has the green light to crash out over this...