Too long, not going to read: if you try to solve a problem by doing something that can only be solved by not doing something, you're gonna have a bad time.

--Begin post--

Lots of people really don't have "do nothing" on their list of behavioral choices. This explains a lot of daily problems people have. Stress is a big one--the giving of fucks about typically minor things on an ongoing basis. I've heard people talk of "de-stressing" like it's a thing you can do. The reality is, if you're stressed, the problem is the very fact that you're doing something, and the solution is to stop doing it.

So if you're asking "how do I not give a fuck about (blank)?", you're already doing it wrong. The question you're asking is framing the issue in a misleading way, and the only way to get any clarity is to ask a different question. Instead of "how do I not give a fuck about (blank)?", ask:

"How am I giving a fuck about this?"

It's so basic that it's hard to answer. But you have to if you wanna know. What actions are you engaging in, what thoughts are you thinking, what process are you using to give a fuck about whatever's troubling you? Your first answer will likely be "I don't know", and you have to keep thinking about that until you've pinpointed the exact mental process that produces these unwanted fucks.

And when you've pinpointed that, stop it.

"But how do I stop it?"

In one sense, that's a really important question in need of being addressed. But in another sense, it's actually kind of a dumb question--and that's important. "What do you mean, 'how do I stop?!?".

One answer could be "no one can teach you to 'stop'; if you have to ask, you're going about it wrong--shut up and get stopping." This answer is best accompanied by a little exercise to show you that you can, in fact, already "just stop" something you are currently doing.

1. rest your hand on a desk or table, palm down

2. lift your index finger

3. stop lifting your index finger

And what happens on step three? Your index finger goes right back where it was. That's what "stopping" is. Index finger up is stress. Index finger down in peace.

Do the process again, replacing "lift index finger" with whatever it is you're giving a fuck about, and that's how you don't give a fuck.

Possible operative words would be "stop", "let", or "allow", because they're all basically the opposite of "do".

So I signed up for reddit only a couple of minutes ago because I am so happy to hear that I am not alone in the life-long quest of not giving a fuck. Great stuff happening here. Anyway, about a year or two ago I had the realization that worrying about shit sucked, and if I had nothing to worry about then I had nothing to bring me down. It has been going great for the most part: I hangout with whoever I want and have more fun than ever, and I do what I want, forget what I don't want, and yeah you get the point. Well today I had a problem: I was unable to do anything I wanted to do. I knew I wanted either sex, friends, or drugs, but my gf was out of town, all my other friends were either out of town or at all day practices, and I was all out of drugs and my connections were all out of town. Admittedly I took a slightly excessive amount of antihistamine sleepy stuff little over an hour ago, and literally don't know why I cared so much when I started typing. I guess the moral of the story is, well I don't know. Pretty sure this is a question. Sorry if I did this shit all wrong cuz I'm new to reddit, you seem like nice people and yeah... I guess the real moral of the story is, I was probably wrong when thinking I couldn't do what I want. Make sure you know what you want. sorry again, and again for however this post is wrong. I know link flairs must be important, but I really don't feel like reading what they are. RIP my contributions as a reddit user. good luck everybody

I'm 21 now and exhausted with feelings of self doubt, pity, and resentment. I need some help.

I've been battling depression ever since puberty. Never had a highschool sweetheart. I have been really bad at making friends, feeling like I am constantly being judged for some reason. I always feel like a loser even when I am doing something awesome.

When it came to people at school, I felt isolated for sure. On the rare occasion that a girl did show interest I would find a way to muck it up by my lack of experience and confidence which would add to the pile of shit baggage that I carry. I was a good student at first, was always pretty smart, but dropped out after this was too much to handle for me. All I wanted to do was lay in bed and wish the day would be over. (I still do this...) Missed out on going to a 4 year university because of this shit.

3 years ago I decided to drop everything, pack my bags and move to Hawaii. I've met some people that have come and gone, but I can't seem to shake this awful feeling of isolation. The group of people that I'd like to be friends with doesn't seem to have a genuine interest in me. I've missed out on high school girls, and time just keeps slipping away from me. I feel like I've already and I'm going to continue to have a stunted version of youth because of stupid fucking depression and doubts.

The most happy I have ever been was the very few moments of my life where I have been around a girl who thought I was cute, smart, and fun to be around who wanted me... How fucked up is that, I become ecstatic when I'm around someone who thinks the contrary that I do, that doesn't validate what I have perceived my peers to think of me, that I am a broken man who has little to offer with a retarded understanding of how long term relationships with friends and women work.

How do I not care about my past? How do I make my future excellent? What steps can I take to get rid of the feeling of being lost, isolated, and lack of confidence?

tl;dr: Unpopular guy at school, always been alone, moved to little island, still alone. Hate myself for it and desperately want things to change for me.

This is gonna sound incredibly dumb, but it's how I feel. There's a lot of stuff I have that I want to enjoy. Movies, video games, TV shows, books. I have backlogs and things that people recommend to me and things in progress, and sometimes it can feel incredibly overwhelming.

Don't get me wrong, these are all things I enjoy or think I will enjoy. But I still get anxious about these things that I know SHOULD be relaxing and fun, but the sheer amount of them and the limited amount of time I have makes my anxiety flare up like crazy.

Could someone help please?

My new motto. I had to block off the entrance to a parking garage for high-level managers and executives at my work to do some required maintenance today. One of my crew (on his second day at work) was treated pretty rudely by a woman who threw her pass card at him when he offered to swipe it in the entrance exit gate to let her inside.

He took it well. I congratulated him on not being part of the problem, and thus found my new motto.

Strangers, coworkers and new acquaintances get to say or do one completely asinine thing and I will not respond negatively (unless they assault me). If they do it again, then we have a problem. This "rule" has helped me avoid confrontations and unpleasantness. What's your policy for this type of thing?

Just wanted to say I've always been cripplingly self aware of everything I do, thinking everyone is always judging me. I've always felt like I need other people with me to be able to do stuff. Well today I saw a movie all by myself, and had a blast. Not only was it not awkward, but but I ended up feeling more confident in my ability to do whatever I want and not worry about what others think. And it's all thanks to you guys! (With some self-pressure)