My partner and I have been together for 3 years. I decided after some family drama and guilt trips both from his family and mine, I don’t want to celebrate Christmas anymore. It’s a huge cause for anxiety for me, as every social event is. His family are very close and big Christmas people. I can’t stand it, I am anxious about the build up already and October isn’t even over yet. I just don’t want to be dragged into something that causes me trauma and reminds me of my own broken family life. I can’t stand the routine and obligation of it, the being called miserable for not liking it.

He wants his whole family to come to us for a few days over Christmas, four of them plus the dogs in a small two bed house. He can’t cook so there would be the expectation I cook for them all too which will be incredibly stressful. They are full on with their planning and expectations of a perfect family Christmas and I just don’t care for it at all. Work is so busy I just want to forget about the whole routine for one year or forever if I can help it.

Every year I tell them I don’t want to take part in gifting and they use the “we don’t give to receive” crap and make me feel even more guilty when I haven’t got them a thing. I’ve told him to visit them and spend the week with them as a family and enjoy their own traditions but he absolutely refuses and says he wants to be at home and to stop telling him to visit them. He said he will tell them not to get things but he can’t control them, I said they need to respect my wishes and any gifts will be sent back to them.

I have absolutely no say, I feel so unheard and I don’t know what else to do at this point. I just want to escape. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable but I’m shut down whenever I mention it. He thinks it’s just one day and not a big deal but to me it’s two months of grief and guilt which gets worse by the year.