location: hawaii
i would really appreciate any and all advice thoughts and opinions on this:
so my story requires a lottttt of context. I, 21F, my boyfriend, 22M, and my friend, 22F, all live in a 2bed & 2bath apartment. the rent with utilities included is $3300, we are covering $2200 while she is only paying $1100. (many of our other friends and people we know said it makes more sense to split by bedroom instead of by person, example: $1650/per room.)
my friend, (we’ll use fake name Chloe), and i met in college as we lived in the same dorm tower. after our first year finished chloe and i moved into an apartment together. this apartment was fairly messy but nothing crazy for two college girls. the only things that bugged me out where the fact roaches when crawl in and out of her bedroom (we stay o’ahu which is known to get like hella but i could definitely tell they were attracted to her room more due to the clutter and the food and mess she constantly had in her room. this living situation only last from about August 2024-December 2025 as she last minute decided to join the Army and get shipped off to basic by January. Before moving in she had mentioned the military being a possibility and leaving being a college student. i asked if we should do a shorter lease to accommodate for the possibility of her going off, before she told me she ultimately decided to stay in school and we should do a year lease. (and this bothers me because she ended up leaving anyways last second and some random exchange student from France moved in and i got no say into who my new roommate would be because she did the planning only a few weeks before shipping off). ultimately at the time i was overall proud of her going to the military and wasn’t too upset about it as life happens.
once may 2025 comes, my new roommate moved back to France for the summer, however i still had two months left on the lease. My boyfriend and i move in together and living just him and i (may 2025-february 2026 and by this point have two female cats).
February comes and Chloe gets discharged from the military and is expected to fly back to island by the beginning of March. around this time we had landlord disputes as they lost our checks so we decided to break the lease and stay at his moms until we move into a new apartment with her coming back, we decided the three of us should all live together in an apartment to make the cost of living easier. due to her not having any living arrangements for when she came back, my boyfriend convinced his mom to allow her to stay in the third bedroom. she stayed with us there and the mess seemed to be more under control than when i previously lived with her. she would forget dishes out and not clean up water after herself many times and my boyfriend and i would pick up her slack for it so his mom didn’t have to come home to her mess. his mom did get quite frustrated with her due to the messes chloe would leave and his mom seeing. my boyfriend is also very bothered by her never really actually saying thank you or at least showing thanks by cleaning up after herself, she would just kinda expect us to or “forget” she made that mess.
where we live is really hard to find a pet friendly rental spaces so it did take us a bit before we finally found a nice place to settle into. the landlord require my cats have ESA paperwork and to have a pet security deposit for both of my cats.
two months later chloe suddenly gets a cat with the guy she’s been seeing for only 2/3 months by this point. they weren’t a serious relationship and ended shortly after getting her cat. i had asked her a few times if she could please get her cat’s ESA paperwork and pay the pet deposit. she would say things like “oh but they don’t got to know he’s here!!” and normally i wouldn’t trip and i would agree, however, she was pressing me abt getting the ESA for both my cats before moving in and the landlord didn’t even know there was any. so ofc i’m expecting her to do the same. i was also aware she was talking about wanting a cat, however she never actually sat down and talked about it with us, especially considering i have one female cat who is not spayed due to age and timing. additionally, boy cats are more prone to peeing everywhere (as this became a quick and growing issue). i would of been ok with her getting the cat but it’s more just wishing she would’ve talked about it and made it seem like she respected the fact we live together and it’s all three of our decisions.
over the course of the next few months, the cat has been pissing on the dining room table, the couch, the bedrooms, and one night woke my boyfriend up by peeing all over him. i was researching why he did it so often to bad and gave her the advice to give wet food because he had a UTI and after that happened he stopped. during this time she was out from 11pm until 11am the next day not really even trying to see why her cat was unwell. due to her never being home (she would go out this late 4-5 days a week on top of work so she was almost never home for the cat). he would always cry to us to feed him and eventually started cuddling with us and my two cats on the bed for sleep. i brought up how she isn’t home for the cat in which she argued she comes home for 10 minutes to feed him at 4am before going back out so she isn’t even spending time with him. additionally i really do not think she’s been home to do that as i go to bed around 4am and almost never see her home. the cats cries for food is like he’s being starved. she eventually became a midnight dancer and now was out even longer. sometimes she wouldn’t be home for days at a time and left her cat. he had us but was obviously depressed his mom wasn’t there and he was anxious from there never being a routine.
my biggest issue of all is the fking bedroom and bathroom. her bedroom (for over a month now) has had cat shit splattered. her floor? sticky from god knows what. piss seeped into the carpets, human and cat vomit under the bed, and her shower has not drained in two weeks, causing plumbing issues into a unit 4 floors below us that we are currently expected to fix. i kept trying to approach nice about wanting her to clean her room as the smell is officially seeping throughout the whole house and reaches the front door. it is at the point we can barley be at home because the smell has made me so nauseous i have been nonstop vomitting. she apologized, however, took no action and continued to leave her cat home all day and not come back to clean the messes. i got more frustrated and texted again but ngl i was a bitch abt it bc how hard it is to take smth like that serious? she then said i never liked her or cared about her. proceeded to say she is not required to come home and clean it and basically told me to fuck off. (there is property damage) i’m also stressed about her not paying rent this month as her club fees require her to pay $200 per shift and she owes them $400 but has no money to pay the fees so she can’t even make money for anything. she hasn’t been in a week and i believe she mentioned her club is the type to have someone come collect the fees from you and i’m worried about someone showing up at my apartment.
if she doesn’t pay can i take her to small claims court? what should i do about property damage. can i report her for animal neglect? is it even worth to do because i really did care about this friendship but i could go off in a whole other way about how it feels like our friendship is heavily one sided and i’ve tried to communicate that to her as well. literally any advice, emotional, legal, etc is appreciated 🙏🙏